Manuela remembered more of her friend's "bad days." She tried to simply be there, but there'd been times when she wished she'd been able to shake a little sense into Francine. Without scaring her friend away, of course.

Chapter 18: Boneheads

Dark, darker, yet darker… Time and space lost all meaning as the abyss did its best to tear him to shreds. There was nothing here. There never had been, and there would never be. Nothing but a sigh like the wind. And yet light still shone…

Confusion. Weren't the photon readings negative? What were they doing here? Curiosity compelled investigation.

Closer, and closer. Warmth grew, strong and yet weak at the same time, making it all the more precious. It flickered like a golden star. For some reason it made him think of Frisk… The shadows grew, snaking around the light, choking it.

Desperation. He wanted to help, for once in his life he tried to help, but the light was being pulled away from him. An empty face watched on, ringed in a golden mane before it smiled, a cruel expression tinged with red. A familiar scarf covered in dust tripped him, then wrapped around him. He was bound, trapped, helpless.

Laughter echoed, demented and triumphant before his soul was torn apart. It happened again, and again, and again, and AGAIN! He screamed… but nobody came.

Sans' soul felt like it was being stuffed back into his ribcage as he was jarred from sleep. The nightmare's details were already fading, leaving behind only a vague sense of nausea and sorrow. His soul pounded, and his body was tense as it prepared to Fight… something. His teeth were clenched around a scream so tightly they ached. His breaths were fast, bordering on hyperventilation and only practiced control kept them from going that far. His left eye glowed brilliant yellow, hardly any trace of cyan to be seen as it darted left and right, adding its light to the room. He couldn't remember where he was!

Memories returned in jumbled fragments. Frisk! Sans bolted upright, turning his head to his left. He found the princess curled up on the park bench, right where he left her. She wasn't hurt or in distress, just sleeping. His soul pounded against his sternum as he stared at her, trying to convince himself of that. He finally closed his eyes when Frisk murmured, covering her eyes to block the light shining from his.

Sans admonished himself as he struggled to control his magic. *calm down, you bonehead. she's fine. frisk is perfectly fine. it was just a bad dream. you've had 'em before. calm down before you wake her up, like you do to paps!

It took longer than he felt it should have, though in reality it didn't take long at all. As he looked toward her with white pupils Sans couldn't quite believe Frisk was really there. He'd done the dream-in-a-dream-in-a-dream thing before. Those were not fun.

He half-expected her to crumble into dust before his eyes, until he remembered humans didn't do that when they died. How was he supposed to know she was really alive, then? He had the knowledge in his mind, somewhere, but for some reason it wasn't coming to the forefront like it was supposed to. He needed it. He had to know.

His eye glowed again as he Checked Frisk, this time being careful not to shine the faint beam into her eyes. The numbers were fine. He didn't look any deeper because his soul was too agitated (it'd bleed over to her, and he didn't want her to know what a mess he actually was). But just a cursory glance her soul told him she was alright.

The memories of his human research finally returned. She was breathing normally. The color of her face looked normal. Her brow wasn't pinched in pain or any other emotion besides that sleepy look everyone got on their face as they snoozed…

All these things told him she was fine, but it still wasn't enough. The feeling squeezing his soul was the same one he got whenever his nightmares were centered around Papyrus. The grief, the anger, the soul-crushing sorrow… they would only go away once he touched his brother and felt the magic in his bones. That or Papyrus would be the one to wake and hold him until he was calm, surrounding him with the warmth of a brave soul.

Sans had gone from being the big brother who comforted his baby bro to being the one who needed comforting. It was one of the biggest jokes of his life. It made him curse the existence of the anomalies, and his weakness in the face of them.

Sans moved closer to the bench, careful not to make too much noise. He knew his actions could be construed as being creepy… but he had to know! Frisk's hands were tucked under her head, so he placed his left hand on her forearm. Her stuff was in the way, again… but he could still feel it. He felt the magic running through her radius and ulna, the vibrations soft and calm in sleep but there, making his phalanges tingle just enough. It was final bit of proof he needed.

Relief flooded him. Sans let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. His right hand covered his eye sockets, just so they didn't catch anything as he pulled himself together. He told himself, over and over, that it'd been just a dream. It wasn't a prophecy, and it wasn't a premonition. It was just his psyche kicking him in the pants, like always. Nothing new. Nothing new at all.

The way Frisk was breathing changed, indicating that she was waking up. Sans moved his hand from her forearm to her shoulder, shaking gently as though that was what he'd intended all along. He plastered his usual smile on his face as he brightly said, "up and at 'em, kiddo! naptime's over."

Frisk grumbled, just a little, before pushing herself up and off the bench and rubbing her eyes. Sans settled back on his calcanei, retrieving Rockwell from the bench and waiting patiently. Once Frisk was a bit more coherent she slipped her arms out of his coat and handed it to him. She didn't say a word, but it was clear the kid was taking her time to wake up completely. As he put his coat back on Frisk was combing her hair with her fingers, trying to tame the mess on her head.

After some digging in his pockets Sans produced a real comb for her to borrow. She mumbled a soft "thank you" and put it to use. He checked his c-phone while she did. He found that its power crystal died at some point during their excursion.

"uh oh…" His soft utterance drew Frisk's attention, making her tilt her head. "uh… don't suppose you've got your c-phone on you, do ya?" She nodded, returning his comb before digging around in the beat-up old hip pack she still carried around with her.

"I had to turn it off before you came to see me," said Frisk. "The notifications from Undernet were becoming a nuisance." She had the device in her hands before her calm expression gelled into something a bit more incredulous. She looked at him and asked, "Why do you have a comb on your person?"

He grinned and winked, running a hand over his skull as though he had hair. "what, you mean it's not obvious?" The truth was he had the comb just to be obnoxious around other skeletons and to confuse everyone else, but he wasn't about to tell Frisk that. The princess' stonily neutral expression was in full force. To Sans it looked like she was either going to say he was full of crap, or she'd start laughing.

In the end she just shook her head, making him chuckle. The young royal's c-phone was finally done booting, only to be flooded with messages. Most were from Undernet, but many were personal messages from her friends and family. Toriel, Alphys, Papyrus… even Asgore and Undyne expressed some degree of worry. In Papyrus' case he was asking for an update on Sans, as well.

The two of them stared at the c-phone before looking at each other. Frisk was the one to break the silence.

"Who do you think I should call, first?"

The head of the Royal Guard's lips were stuck in a half-snarl as she glared at the unfortunate monster before her. Undyne knew patience wasn't something she'd been gifted with very much of, but she tried. Even when times were trying, she tried. But her well of patience had just run dry, and the skeleton before her was why.

Papyrus stood at attention in front of her desk in her makeshift office on the surface. She left her helmet off so he could see her face, but wore the rest of her suit. He wasn't in armor because he'd been off-duty for the last few hours, but she'd summoned him anyway. She wanted him to answer for his brother's actions. She didn't like the answers she'd gotten.

Undyne's jaw ached with the temptation to grind her teeth together. Her eye gleamed as she spoke through her teeth. "What. D'you mean. By you don't know?"

Papyrus was sweating a little, but his answer was steady. "CAPTAIN! I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF MY BROTHER'S CURRENT WHEREABOUTS! ALL I AM SURE OF IS THAT THE PRINCESS IS WITH HIM! SO LONG AS SHE IS, SHE WILL BE JUST AS SAFE AS SHE WOULD BE SURROUNDED BY GUARDS!"

Undyne rose from her desk, hands gripping the sides as she shouted, "I DON'T CARE!" She tossed the tiny piece of furniture out of her way, stalking toward Papyrus to shove a finger in his face. "I don'tcare that he's the High Judge! I don'tcare how strong he is! I don't give a single, solitary damn that he could wipe the floor with any of us! HE KIDNAPPED THE PRINCESS!" Greater Dog reported the sudden disappearance as soon as he could. Having witnessed one of the judge's infamous "shortcuts," it didn't take an alchemical genius to figure out what Sans had done.

Undyne drew in a deep breath, trying to take a mental step back from her temper. She only managed a half-step, but it was better than nothing. She looked Papyrus in the eye sockets and tersely asked, "Why?"

Papyrus' expression fell, and his tone was subdued. "ALL THE TALK OF A ROYAL BIRTHDAY PARTY UPSET FRISK. SHE TOLD ME THE HUMANS MADE HER FEEL UNWANTED, AND HER BIRTHDAY ONLY UNDERSCORED THAT FACT. SANS AND I WERE TRYING TO SHOW HER THAT SHE IS VALUED AND LOVED."

Undyne managed to keep her tone level. "So the box thing was your idea."

Papyrus beamed. "YES, MA'AM!"

Tone still level, Undyne continued. "And you two thought the best way to show her everyone cared was to be mysterious, scare the punk half to death, then kidnap her. And now, for whatever reason, nobody can reach her OR Sans. Right now they're goodness-only-knows where, possibly in trouble, with nobody to help them."

Papyrus started sweating again. "I'M SURE THEY'RE NOT IN ANY DANGER…"

Undyne shook her head. "Papyrus, it's our job to assume the worst! It's our job to be ready for anything! The punk shouldn't have gotten pranked in the face, but it happened anyway! That could've been something dangerous!" She'd spoken with Sorrel and Rochester about it already, but they got the message with far less yelling. This entire incident was only demonstrating how innocent Papyrus was, deep inside, and how he still had trouble anticipating the worst. And that was after Frisk's bastard of an uncle nearly killed him!

She loved Papyrus, she really did. She loved him as much as anyone could platonically love anybody else. He was a sweet guy, and a good friend. Outside of work he was fun to be around. But right this minute SHE was the captain and HE was her subordinate, and she was Not Happy With Him. Or his brother. She drew in a deep breath, held it for a second, then released it in a roar.

"WHAT WERE YOU BONEHEADS THINKING?!" She lunged, ready to give Papyrus the biggest armored noogie of his life when a jaunty little tune jangled away. Undyne froze, recognizing it as some kind of ringtone.

"THAT'S THE PRINCESS!" Papyrus exclaimed.

Growling, Undyne crossed her arms across her breastplate. She said, "Well, what're you waiting for?! Don't be rude. And put it on speaker." If Sans really was nearby she had some choice words for him…

Papyrus obeyed. Once the line was open he said, "GREETINGS, FRISK! DID YOU ENJOY OUR SURPRISE?"

"Hello, Papyrus," said the princess. "I wanted you to know Sans is fine. We just took a nap after he showed me where the wishing box was."

Papyrus' jaw dropped. "YOU BOTH TOOK A NAP?! WHERE?! LET ME SPEAK WITH SANS! WE NEED TO HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT INFECTING YOU WITH HIS BAD HABITS!"

Undyne leaned closer to the phone. "Later. You okay, punk?"

"Oh! Hello, Undyne. Yes, I'm fine." She sounded fine, too, making Undyne huff in relief before she spoke again.

"Where are you two, now?"

"We're in Waterfall, but we'll be returning to camp shortly."

Papyrus was incensed. "YOU WERE NAPPING IN WATERFALL?! BROTHER! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! WE MUST DISCUSS YOUR BAD HABIT OF NAPPING IN STRANGE PLACES!"

"okay."

Undyne and Papyrus almost jumped. Sans' response had come from the back of the tent, clear as day. They turned in unison to find him standing behind Undyne's desk (or where it was supposed to be.) Frisk was beside him, still holding her c-phone to her head and looking a bit shocked despite her neutral expression. Undyne was kind of glad she wasn't the only one still processing the sudden shortcut. Frisk slowly lowered her device and ended the call. Papyrus did the same. Sans was grinning, and it only got wider as all eyes turned on him.

"what?" he asked with a wink. "never had people just pop in and say hi?"

Undyne almost said something extremely inappropriate to say in front of a kid. Her hands flexed as though she wanted to just grab that smug little jerk by the neck and shake him! But she couldn't! There were lots of reasons why, but Undyne didn't bother listing them. There was nothing she could do, unless she felt like losing her job or facing a human determined to protect the bone bag. She was being ignored, anyway, as Sans turned to look at Frisk.

"by the way, kid," he said. "i heard paps ask you a question. don't think i didn't notice how you ignored him. that's just plain rude."

"I NOTICED, TOO!" said Papyrus. "I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE THE SUBJECT OF THE CONVERSATION WAS DIVERTED TO YOUR NAPPING HABITS! WHICH WE STILL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT, BROTHER!"

"in a minute, bro." Sans turned his attention back to Frisk. "well, kiddo? what did you think of our little surprise?"

Undyne watched the princess as she thought about her response. She always knew that Frisk was a weird kid, but this hesitance to talk about a box? It was beyond weird.

"It was certainly… something else," Frisk finally said. The smile she gave them looked a little forced. It reminded Undyne of whenever Alphys tried to cover up how nervous she felt with a smile. Frisk's smile wasn't as toothy, however, and not nearly as sweaty. It was just a slight upward tilt at the corners of her mouth as her squint crinkled almost imperceptibly.

"'somethin' else'" Sans deadpanned. "that's all you've got to say."

Frisk nodded. "I've never seen it's like before. To see such kindness from so many complete strangers, all focused on that little box… It's indescribable."

The princess' behavior was starting to get on Undyne's nerves. "What d'you mean 'indescribable'?" she asked forcefully. "What's so weird about people doing something nice?"

Frisk turned toward her, shrugging slightly. "I've never seen so many people express sincere good will toward anyone else. It's not something I'm used to."

Agitation made Undyne clench her fists. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"

The human's shoulders hunched defensively. She didn't respond quickly enough to satisfy Undyne's lack of patience. She stalked toward Frisk with a low growl, only for the human to disappear. Confusion made the warrior blink until a familiar voice spoke up from behind her.

"easy there, spearfish," said Sans. "no need tuna get all puffer-ed up. to tell ya the tooth, you're gettin' a little too fang-ry here."

Undyne turned around again to find him and the princess standing near Papyrus. The human was behind the brothers, partially blocked but still in sight. Papyrus was looking rather uncomfortable, caught between his duty, his friendships and his family. Sans was grinning but there was an edge to it that Undyne wasn't used to seeing, making it look more like a grimace. Though he was winking, his left eye was open. His white pupil shone out of it, but the sight still gave Undyne a mild chill on the back of her neck.

She'd heard stories about that eye. She was already head of the Royal Guard by the time Sans was elevated to his position, so she never delivered condemned prisoners to him or watched him Fight. But the guards who'd done so liked to talk. The way that eye glowed left an impression on all of them. The general consensus was that they never wanted it focused on them, because that would only mean one thing…

Was he seriously pumping himself up to Fight her?! Part of Undyne was ready to shout "bring it!" The more sensible part prevailed, for now, but she was still annoyed. She rolled her eye in exasperation and said, "NGAAH! I wasn't going to hurt the little twerp! I just want her to look me in the eye and tell me what's so weird about that stupid box!"

Sans frowned, slightly. "it's not stupid. we got that wishing box from our granddad."

Papyrus straightened his spine and said, "CAPTAIN, I'M AFRAID I MUST AGREE WITH MY BROTHER! PLEASE DO NOT DENEGRATE OUR FAMILY TRADITION!"

Undyne huffed. "Fine! I'm sorry I called your box stupid. But I still want to know why Frisk is being so weird about it." Looking behind the brothers she shouted, "Spit it out, already, punk!" All eyes turned upon the princess.

"she's got a point, kiddo. you're bein' kinda weird about this."

"YES! I AM CONCERNED, AS WELL! HAVE WE DONE SOMETHING WRONG?"

Frisk shook her head. "No! Papyrus, Sans, you've done nothing wrong. It's just… I don't… I didn't do enough to deserve this."

After a moment of collective staring, Undyne broke the silence. "So you don't think breaking the barrier is 'enough'? You don't think helping out that snooty baron with his new farm so it grows things we can eat is 'enough'?! You don't think helping your mom patch people up with bandages and potions after they hurt themselves is 'enough'? Not to mention getting Sorrel and Rochester together…

"That you don't think all that is 'enough' is the biggest load of CRAP I've ever heard!" Undyne shook her head, jabbing a finger in Frisk's direction in lieu of tossing spears to get her point across. "You listen to me, punk! Even before the barrier was broken you were doing plenty to get along with us! You were doing so much I thought it was all an act, because I didn't think humans could be that nice! Well, I was WRONG, okay?! I don't like being wrong, but I was. I thought I was wrong about you being a coward, too… but you're being one, again! How the heck can you face me in a Fight, and a killer like your uncle, but not a little bit of kindness?! I don't get you, at all!"

Frisk's mouth twisted. She looked like she was about to cry, but sucked it up before speaking softly. "I want you to imagine something," she said. "I want you all to imagine something.

"Imagine that you're in the smallest, darkest, coldest hole you've ever been shoved into. You're completely alone. There is no light. There is no sound. There is no hope. You're only allowed to leave your hole once every year. For one, brief, glorious moment you can move, and you're warm. You're even allowed to embrace the warmth, and you're held as though you're dear to it. For a short time you can see how things could be. You get a faint idea of what hope is. Then it's all torn from your grasp and you're forced into your little hole, again."

Frisk's eyes opened fully. The sunset-colored gaze met Undyne's in something that fell just short of a challenge. "Imagine that happening year, after year, after year. It takes you far too long, but you finally accept that the warmth is fake. It stops being so warm, but you're forced to smile and take it, anyway. Whenever your thoughts dwell on the 'why' of everything your chest aches, stabbed by your own emotions. Nobody cares that you're in pain. You're never going to meet people who give a damn, so it becomes a habit to keep it all inside. It makes you feel colder, but who cares? Certainly nobody you know. You stop hoping someone will.

"Did you imagine it all? Well, that was my life, before I came to Mount Ebott."

Frisk shook her head. "If I'm 'being nice', I'm just behaving in a manner opposite of what I've always known. That someone may want to do something nice for me is a foreign concept I have trouble comprehending. I accept their kindness with a smile, anyway, because I know how to do that much. But knowing a significant number of people want to be genuinely nice is completely alien to everything I've known before, and beyond comprehension. I just…" Frisk shook her head, again, her eyes falling to the ground as she tried to find the words.

"I've never known anything like it!" she finally exclaimed. "I have no comparison. I don't know how to respond! I…" Her eyes closed, and she clutched her locket. "I don't deserve this much kindness when I can't return it. I never learned how. It scares me that I can't. I'm scared of what will happen if I never figure it out. I don't want to be alone, again. Just the thought…" She shivered as she trailed off.

Papyrus was shocked into stillness, jaw hanging open. Sans was equally still, with eye sockets dark. Undyne pinched the space between her eyes, finally getting an idea of what was really going on here.

"So, you think we're going to treat you the same way the humans did?" she asked, eye closed. "Or, what? That we'd abandon you over some stupid thing?" She snapped her eye open and lunged forward with another growl, grabbing Frisk by the front of her sweater before Sans or Papyrus could react. Frisk grabbed her wrist as she got in the human's face and shouted, "AS IF! You're one of us now, whether you like it or not! If you EVER get shoved in a hole again, I'll personally drag you out of it! You can kick and scream all you want, but you're not staying in that pit any more than we would! You hear me!?" Looking into Frisk's stunned eyes, she said, "You're not alone, anymore, so stop acting like you are!"

Frisk and Alphys were so alike, sometimes! Always trying to tackle things on their own when then had friends right there! Friends like her that wanted to help! It was enough to make her want to smash something with her bare hands! Preferably a certain human male's face!

As those pleasant little thoughts crossed her mind Undyne watched Frisk. She could see the change in Frisk's expression as her words started sinking in. Hands that gripped her wrist out of a survival reflex relaxed. Even when the princess started squinting again, she couldn't quite rid herself of the dumbfounded look. It made Undyne sigh as she released Frisk from her grip. She said, "Do me a favor, would you, punk? Stop comparing us to humans. We're not them, and they aren't us."

"I…" Frisk's voice was a little husky, and she cleared her throat softly before trying to speak again. "I'm sorry, Undyne. I'll try."

A yellow eye rolled skyward. "Don't try, just DO it! Get it through your thick little skull that people are gonna be nice to you because they wanna be!" She used both hands to rough up the princess's hair in a double-fisted noogie as she said, "That's what! Friends! Are for! You little! Nerd!" Each sentence was punctuated with a twist of her wrists, making Frisk squeak a little each time. Good! Maybe a headache would help everything else sink in a little better.

Once the noogie session ended, Frisk turned to Papyrus. Her hair was a funny mess, but her expression was serious. "I owe you an apology as well," she said. "You and my mother told me I wasn't alone, but I guess it didn't take…"

"FRISK…" Papyrus knelt down, putting himself closer to Frisk's level as he put his hands on her shoulders. His voice was soft and gentle as he continued. "I think I understand. You've been alone for a very long time. You've only recently gained friends. It can be somewhat hard to believe your good fortune at finding great people like myself suddenly giving you so much attention! And many more people that may not be quite so great, as well." He raised a brow ridge at his brother. Sans shrugged when Frisk followed the gaze, unable to argue. "Anyway, my point is that it's only natural to be overwhelmed by it all. That makes it easy to forget things you've learned recently. I won't deny that makes me a little sad… but I know you didn't mean to do it! It's hardly your fault that you were treated so poorly for so long your expectations are completely askew!"

"look at it this way, kid." Both Frisk and Papyrus looked at Sans as he interjected himself into the conversation. "you've learned to deal with things on your own over the course of thirteen years. that's a long time to get into the habit of keepin' to yourself. you've been living among us for a little over a month. all things considered, you've already come a long way. you've still got a lot to learn about us, and we've got a lot to learn about you. that's what friends are, kiddo; learning experiences." He winked. "you like learning stuff, don'tcha?"

Frisk thought about it, for a second, then nodded firmly. Undyne recognized the look on the princess' face. It was the same one she had when she stepped forward for their Fight. She was filled with determination. Seeing that made the warrior grin.

"Okay, okay!" said Undyne, still smiling. "If this little mush-fest is over, it's time for the princess to go home." She put two fingers to her mouth and whistled. The sound pierced the air, and even once it ended it still somehow echoed.

Clanking footsteps approached in a haste-driven pace, stopping right outside the captain's tent. A yip announced the arrival of Greater Dog, who was granted permission to enter. Upon setting his eyes on the princess he picked her up and hugged her, whining as he licked and sniffed her face. If he'd bothered to crawl out of his armor Undyne knew the little guy's tail would've been wagging a mile a minute. As the princess assured him she was fine with laughs and pets, Undyne looked at Sans and spoke.

"Listen here, Your Honor," she said, knowing he didn't like formality, "next time you want to borrow the princess, at least tell us where you're going. I know you're strong, and all, but you're still just one guy. It wouldn't hurt to keep us in the loop, where she's concerned. It's kind of our job to make sure she's okay, and that she stays that way."

He waved a hand dismissively at her. "fine, fine, don't get your undies in a knot." Undyne's face twitched, wondering if he just made a pun using her name, but wasn't given a chance to call him out on it. He was already walking to the tent's flap as he said, "i'm goin' to grillby's. you comin' with, kid?"

Still wrapped in Greater Dog's armored arms, Frisk shook her head. "I should go straight home," she said. "I think I've worried Mother enough."

"fair enough. see ya back home, bro."

"BROTHER! DON'T FORGET ABOUT OUR DISCUSSION!" Sans waved at Papyrus over his shoulder, but Frisk got Greater Dog to cease his affections long enough to stop him.

"Wait! Before you go…" All eyes turned to her, and she asked her guard to put her on the ground. Once on her own two feet, she said to Undyne, "My birthday is three months from now, on the fifteenth." She smiled, though it was a bit off-kilter. "I think that's a bit long for the wishing box to sit in the middle of New Home. If someone could collect it and… all the other things, I would appreciate it. The box should be returned to its rightful owners, as well."

Undyne nodded, saying she'd arrange for someone to go get it all. After that the meeting broke up. Sans left, and Greater Dog shadowed Frisk as she returned to Toriel. Papyrus left to go recalibrate some puzzles he'd made to help with the camp's security, leaving Undyne alone.

With a sigh she righted her desk. Paperwork was hellishly boring, but it was an important part of being head of the Royal Guard. At least yelling at a bunch of boneheads had been a nice break. Undyne sat in her chair, ready to buckle down… only for a whoopee cushion to announce itself beneath her. Her eye twitched violently and her teeth ground together.

The cushion never stood a chance.