Hotel Lez
Chapter 9
Supergirl: Hotel Lez has been written and filmed in front of a live studio audience
*theme music*
Livewire:
Roses are red
And violets are blue
One day we'll cruise
Down Blood Gulch Avenue
It's red versus red
And blue versus blue
It's I against I
And me against you…
Supergirl:
Violets are blue
Roses are red
Livin' like this
We are already dead
Hop in my car
It don't have any doors
It's built like a cat
It lands on all fours
My car's like a puma
It drives on all fours
"and Print!" Helga announced, the bell ringing in the recording studio
"wow, Kara, that was really shiny and chrome! You might wanna work a bit more on the vocals" Leslie said warmly
"ok. Thanks Leslie" Supergirl said, giving Livewire a hug as they exited the studio
"OMG! Guys, guys, guys!" Jean hollered, dashing in
"slow down Jean, what's the matter? Did Kelly get her head stuck in the fridge again?" Zatanna asked worriedly
"no guys, I've learned my lesson now" Kelly said, giggling
"Donald Trump is coming to town for his GOP debate" Jean announced
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Supergirl screamed in horror
"Kara, Kara, KARA! It's ok! It's OHHH MY GODDD. YAAAAAAHHHH" Helga shrieked in horror
One screaming session later…
"Phew… oh my, phew… that… felt really good…" Kelly said in exhaustion, holding an icepack to her head
"tell me about it" Helga moaned, rubbing her sore forehead
"mmm… where's the pot of gold, Mr. Leprechaun?" Supergirl mumbled in her sleep, turning on her side
"she's dreaming about that Lucky Charms guy again" Alex explained to the others
"ah…" everyone said
"Kara hit her head when she came to Earth as a baby" Alex continued
"hey! Just like Goku in Dragon Ball Z" Kelly gasped
"very good Kelly. So yeah Kara has slight brain damage and is very, very, very, VERY gullible so that's why I gotta be around her at all times and keep her out of trouble" Alex finished
"well I think that's being a very good big sister" Helga commented
"mmm…" Supergirl moaned, waking up
"hey buttercup. Did you have a good nap?" Alex asked, giving Kara a Reese's peanut butter cup
"mm-hmm" Kara answered, eating her candy
"So… I heard a rumor going around that Donald Trump is coming to Calitoonia for his GOP debate" Crysta said
"Yup, that's what we heard" Alex said as Kara drank her milk bottle
"Urp. Excuse me" Kara said innocently
"You're excused sweetie" Alex cooed, kissing her sister's forehead
"Can we go to the arcade now Alex? Please?" Supergirl asked sweetly
"Ok, sure we can. After that we gotta come home and do your homework, ok?" Alex said
"KK" Supergirl said cheerfully
"Have fun you guys. Say hi to Betty and Veronica for me" Helga called
"Isn't it so sweet how Alex and Kara get along so well? Kinda reminds me of me and my sis Ariana" Miranda commented
"Yup, it sure is" Jack said, taking a sip of her coffee
"Ok so what now?" Jean asked, putting away her iPad
"Um… wanna go play water polo?" Helga offered
"oh you're on" Jean grinned, everyone changing into their swimsuits
One fun for all game of water polo later…
"hey, we're back" Alex announced, carrying a sleeping Kara in her arms
"hey you two! Sounds like you had fun" Helga said
"yeah. Kara fell asleep after dinner" Alex said, patting Kara on the back as she snored softly
"ugh… why is she stuck to your shirt?" Helga grunted
"Cotton candy and fruit punch" Alex explained
"ok, say no more" Helga deadpanned as Alex walked up the stairs to her room with Kara
"ohhh my… what a bright sun-shiny day" Blond Pinner remarked, tanning in the beach room
"Isn't that the truth, honey" Ms. Submission commented, taking a sip of her Pina colada
"what up, ladies?" Livewire said, sitting next to them in her beach chair
"hey Leslie" Blonde Pinner said happily
"how's it goin?" Livewire asked
"eh, same old, same old" Alex replied, lounging in her Jacuzzi
"Zzzzzz…" Kara snoozed softly in the Jacuzzi
"oy vey, not again…" Alex moaned, scooping Kara up and walking out
"wow, guess she's supersleepy then, huh?" Kelly joked, everyone cracking up
"that is pretty funny Kelly" Alex commented, giggling a bit
One brief bout of zippy one-liners later…
"ahoy there! This must be the Hotel Lez, yeah?" asked a red-haired young woman dressed in a pirate outfit
"um… yes, ma'am it is. Can I help you?" Helga asked nervously
"oh come now, love, I'm not here to pillage and plunder. Oh goodness me, where are my manners? I'm Captain Scarlett, at your service" Scarlett said, doing a polite curtsy
"well it's nice to meet you. I'm Helga Sinclair, I'm the manager and owner of this hotel. Have you come to move in with us?" Helga asked
"that is correct. Would your bellgirls be kind enough to help bring in me luggage?" Scarlett asked, signing her name into the logbook
"of course" Helga answered, summoning Westmoreland and Campbell to bring in Scarlett's luggage
"wow! A pirate ship!" Supergirl gasped excitedly
"ah, you must be Supergirl, yeah? I've heard many a few things about you" Scarlett said warmly
"my big sis says I'm not allowed to talk to strangers" Kara said, Alex patting her head
"it's ok Kara, she's a new resident here. Don't be shy, say hello" Alex said, giving Kara a comforting nudge
"I'm Scarlett, former pirate now entrepreneur" Scarlett said, her and Supergirl shaking hands
"And I'm Alex, Kara's big sister and legal guardian" Alex said, hugging Kara close
"Awww, so you're like Kara's mum, yeah? Whatever happened to Mr. and Mrs. Danvers?" Scarlett asked
"Drowned" Kara said
"oh dear me, I'm so very sorry to hear that…" Scarlett said pleasantly
"you wouldn't believe how many social home workers came in here and how many I had to shoo out" Helga piped up
"so… after a lengthy courtroom case, I got my baby sis added to my custody" Alex finished, Kara sleeping in her arms
"that is so wonderful" Scarlett exclaimed, taking a sip of her tea
"come on girls, it's time for Family Feud" Livewire announced
Later that night…
"whatcha reading, sis?" Kara asked Alex in bed
"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" Alex answered
"ok, I'm going to bed" Kara yawned, closing her eyes
"ohhh Lauren, that was the best you know what I ever had" Bo exhaled happily next to her wife
"yeah, me too" Lauren purred, both lovers kissing until they fell asleep
"hey sweetie, you're lookin' lovely tonight" Idrial purred to her lover Arwen
"why thank you honey bear, so do you" Arwen said sexily, both nodding off
"ok, I'm goin' to bed. Wake me up when it's over" Helga yawned, laying down
"k, night-night babe, I love you" Maggie cooed, kissing Renee
"nighty-night sweetie, love you too" Renee cooed, going to sleep
The next day…
Supergirl:
Why waste your breath, moaning at the crowds?
Nothing can be done to stop the shouting
If every tongue was still, the noise would still continue
The rocks and stones themselves
Would rise and sing…
"Kara, are you singing JCS songs in the shower again?" Alex asked through the bathroom
"Gee, how'd you guess?" Kara asked
"I heard you across the hall" Alex replied, Kara giggling
Poison Ivy:
Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street
A trick or two with lepers
And the whole town's on its feet
Cheyenne, Ren, Ariel, Jean:
He is dangerous
Chorus:
Jesus Christ Superstar
Cheyenne and others:
He is dangerous
Chorus:
Tell us that you're who they say you are
Crysta:
That man is in town right now to whip up some support
Poison Ivy:
A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort
All:
He is dangerous
Chorus:
Jesus Christ Superstar
All:
He is dangerous
Elsa:
Look Caiaphas, they're right outside our yard
Chelsea:
Quick Caiaphas, go call the Roman Guard
Helga:
No wait! We need a more permanent solution to our problem
Poison Ivy:
What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth?
Miracle, wonder man, hero of fools?
Livewire:
No riots, no armies, no fighting, no slogans?
Helga:
One thing I'll say for him, Jesus is good
Supergirl:
We dare not leave him to his own devices
His half-witted fans will get outta control
Crysta:
But how can we stop him?
His glamour increases
Dana:
By leaps every minute
Kimberly:
He's top of the poll
Helga:
I see bad things arising
The crowd crown him king which the Romans would ban
I see blood and destruction
Our elimination because of one man
Blood and destruction because of one man
All:
Because
Because
Because of one man
Helga:
Our elimination because of one man
All:
Because
Because
Because of one
Cause of one
Cause of one man
Crysta:
What then to do about this Jesus mania?
Batwoman:
Now how do we deal with this carpenter king?
Huntress:
Where do we start with someone who is bigger?
Aela:
Like John was when John did his baptism thing?
Helga:
FOOLS! You have no perception
The stakes we are gambling
Are frighteningly high
We must crush him completely
So like John before him
This Jesus Must Die!
For the sake of the nation
This Jesus Must Die
All:
Must die, must die
This Jesus Must Die
Helga:
So like John before him
This Jesus Must Die
Helga and all:
Must die, must die
This Jesus must,
Jesus must,
Jesus must,
Jesus must…
Die