Hotel Lez
Chapter 12
Alex: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Also whoever owns a V8 Interceptor, your parking light's on. Please shut it off as soon as possible
"so… lemme get this straight… Amazing Grace used to be your bookie until she was arrested for insurance claims and negligence" Diana said as she, Livewire and the Hotel Lez gang were gathered in the pool hall
"yup. Also she was sued $30,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling for blackmail" Livewire added
"hold on… how the hell can someone be sued $30,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling for blackmail?" Crysta asked
"it's a long story sweetie" Livewire explained
"now Leslie, considering the fact that we were ALMOST arrested for that little "incident" in Italy; do we really, really, REALLY wanna get thrown back into the line of fire so you can spring your gambling friend out of the slammer?" Helga asked
"Yes. Plus she called earlier saying she claimed dibs on Lucy's room" Livewire added
"When was this?" Nyssa asked
"Eh, about an hour ago" Miranda said
"Oh boy…" Helga moaned, putting her head in her hands
"Now, now, don't worry boss. You got us! We won't let anything go wrong" Supergirl said assuringly
"that's what worries me the most" Helga said sarcastically
"Ok we go in… tonight" Livewire declared
"WHAT?" everyone gasped
"What? What's happening? Did Lucy come back from the dead?" Dorothy Ann asked
"Oh bad! Oh bad, bad, bad, bad!" Keesha ranted
"Hey, hey, HEY! ZIP IT" Livewire hollered, Dorothy Ann and Keesha instantly shutting up
"My friend Amazing Grace got arrested for false charges so I'm planning an idea to spring her out" Livewire explained
…
"I want in" Keesha said excitedly
"Why?" Helga asked, astounded that a 15-year-old would willingly participate in such a dangerous and law-breaking act
"I'm one hell of a getaway driver. When I was back in New Orleans, I'd participate in all kinds of jobs" Keesha bragged
"…that obviously explains the numerous amounts of bills we received from the correctional institute…" Helga says
"Eh, I gave them a false name. By the way, Marcy's gonna notice a change in her bills" Keesha added
"What did you do?" Helga asked
"Uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison
"…you got her arrested, didn't you?" Helga moaned as uniformed cops hauled a kicking and screaming Marcy out of the hotel
"…yup" Keesha answered
"hoo boy…" Helga groaned
"Leslie, cant we do this some other day?" Thumbelina whined
"nope" Livewire said
"uh… why's that?" Lydia asked
"I don't like where this is going…" Helga said
"because Amazing Grace is number one on death row and her execution is tomorrow" Livewire explained
…
"…oh my" Helga gasped
"ok, let's go" Kara ordered
…
"so once again, we're breaking the law and I'm cooperating with a crazed bisexual metahuman and a bunch of other crazies plus I have one drooling on my purse" Helga growled as Supergirl awoke from a short nap
"sorry about that boss" Kara said, wiping off the saliva
"ok Grace is in… that one! Right there" Livewire said, Keesha parking the car
"….is this REALLY necessary? Apart from the fact that I do wanna KEEP my job and OUR hotel?" Helga asked, getting exasperated and worried over this rescue plan
"don't you worry about a thing, boss lady. I know just the two for the job" Livewire declared, everyone staring at a perplexed Kara and Alex
"uh-oh" Kara and Alex both said in unison
…
…
"I cant believe we got ourselves tricked into doin' this" Alex grumbled
"she said she'd give us cake if we listened. Chocolate chip cookie cake. My favorite" Kara said innocently
"Oy…" Alex moaned, concerned about her younger sister's naïve personality
"who the hey are you two?" Grace asked
"oh, we're friends of Livewire. We're here to bust you out" Kara said
"wait, Livewire? Oh it's about darn time she got her ass down here" Grace snapped excitedly
"hmm, I see that Grace and Leslie know each other…" Alex deadpanned
"ok ladies, just lemme handle this and…" Grace said, making a wave of her hands and in a flash, the prison door bars melted away
"wow! Do that again" Kara cheered
"let's get outta here before the fuzz knows I'm loose" Grace whispered as they dashed off
…
…
"see, boss? Absolutely nothing went wrong, like I said it would" Kara said confidently
"Well… you're right" Helga admitted
"And?" Kara asked, hungrily licking her lips
"I know I'm gonna regret this…" Helga said to the camera before facing a wide-eyed Kara staring at her with a beaming smile, licking her chops, her mouth salivating
"you may have the cake" Helga said flatly
"WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Supergirl cheered, flying off to the kitchen in a mad dash
"give her a few minutes…" Rikke said, watching her watch count down before
"URRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP" Kara belched loudly, patting her satisfied belly
"how… how in…how did…you…" Helga stammered in shock
"I'm faster than a speeding buffet" Kara boasted, Helga just watching in awe as Kara wiped her lips with a napkin
"…wow. She really IS the girl of steel" Crysta said
"um, I think she meant speeding bullet" Thumbelina said
"no, no, honey, I mean speeding buffet. I fight for truth, justice and all-American food" Kara exclaimed
"what the hey happened in there?" Alex asked, worried
"I decided to fight against food haters" Kara said goofily
"WHAT?" everyone gasped
"oh no, this had better NOT have anything to do with that pink fat…" Alex started, before she gasped in horror as Jigglypuff had just finished her song, Kara and the others were deeply asleep and Alex's eyes were starting to get rather heavy
"aw, son of a…" Alex groaned before dropping to the floor, snoring away
…
"Morning sleepyhead" Moxxi said warmly
"uhn… where am I?" Helga moaned, waking up from her Jigglypuff-induced nap
"you're in your room, silly. I also got all your friends in here too" Moxxi added
"oh" Helga said as a snoring and drooling Supergirl was sleeping on her chest
"mmm… huh?" Supergirl gasped, waking up
"ooh… I had the oddest dream we got some girl out of prison…" Helga moaned, rubbing her forehead
"what was that?" Grace asked, a bit offended
"Aah! What the hey are YOU doing here?" Helga gasped
"your friends sprang me out of jail, remember?" Grace reminded
"…oh good lord. This must be a dream within a dream" Helga realized in astonishment
…
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" Helga shouted, waking up in bed with a major scream
"what the hey's the matter with YOU?" Kelly asked
"nothing. Where are we?" Helga asked
"the Hotel Lez" Kelly answered
"what year is it?" Helga asked
"2016" Kelly said
"…oh. Oh thank goodness, it was all just a silly dream" Helga scoffed until she noticed the prison guards in the hallway
…
…
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Helga screamed, waking up
"geez-a-loo! We heard you screaming all the way down the street!" Livewire snapped
"is…is this the hotel?" Helga asked, feeling her sanity starting to fade
"uh-oh…" Kara and Alex said in unison
"boss, I think you're going cuckoo. I think we need to take you to see Dr. Lara" Livewire said, motioning for Crysta and Thumbelina to bound a babbling Helga in a straitjacket and haul her off to Dr. Lara's clinic
"Boom gone. Boom all gone. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA" Helga laughed maniacally
…
…
"ah, finally it's good to be back" Helga sighed in relief as she relaxed in her hot tub
"hey honey. Nice to see you're sane again" Rikke said warmly, joining her lover in the tub
"yeah. Dr. Lara said it was a side effect from Jigglypuff's sleeping power" Helga explained
"so boss lady's back from the crazy house, eh?" Aveline asked
"oh boss and here's the bill from all our things in Italy" Kelly piped up, Helga reading the bill
"so, Whaddya think boss?" Supergirl asked as Helga fainted
…
…
"uh-oh" Kara and Alex uttered
…
…
…
"we need an accountant, ladies. Someone who's smart, someone who can get things done, someone who doesn't get easily distracted, someone who's determined and brave, someone who…" Helga ranted before Livewire appeared, dressed in an accounting uniform
"ask and you shall receive" Livewire grinned, Helga plunking her head on her desk
"we're screwed, aren't we?" Alex asked Kara
"uh-huh" Kara answered