Hotel Lez
Chapter 13
Neyla: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Also there will be free beverages and food during intermission
"so… Livewire's our new accountant, eh?" Neyla said as she and the Hotel Lez gang were in their hangout spot, namely the lounge room
"yeah. That was the plot twist in yesterday's episode" Supergirl added, taking a bite of her donut
"OMG! Guys! He's coming" Maya shouted excitedly
"Whoa whoa whoa there missy! Who's coming?" Kelly asked
"Darkseid" Maya said ominously
"Uh-oh" Kara and Alex uttered in unison
"That doesn't sound good…" Nyssa uttered
"yeah. Bonus points if Michael Ironside is voicing him again" Alex added
"Wait… how come Metallo didn't get involved?" Ashley complained
"Oh gimme a break, that knockoff of the Terminator?" Hayley scoffed
"he was way cooler in the animated series" Supergirl argued
"that was because Malcolm McDowell voiced him" Miranda said
"That dude from Clockwork Orange?" Shaundi asked
"Uh-huh" Kelly answered
"hmmm… do you think Betty White would be a good choice for Granny Goodness?" Idrial asked
"hell yeah, girl! She's *censored* perfect for that role" Maya added
"um… she's gonna need to get fattened up if you know what I mean" Gaige remarked
"ooh, right" Idrial realized
"whatcha doin?" Aurora asked
"eh, just chatting as usual" Idrial answered
"cool. What's new?" Cinderella asked
"well we also got tickets for Wizard World Comic-Con" Kelly added
"WOOHOOOOO" Supergirl cheered excitedly
"I'm going there to see William Shatner" Kelly gushed
"who?" Alex asked, everyone's jaws dropping in shock
"William Shatner. THE original Captain James Kirk" Kelly exclaimed
"oh…" Alex said in realization
"Plus Matt Smith, the Eleventh Doctor" Supergirl added
"Doctor Who?" Sara asked
"Aah! She said it! She said the title of the show" Supergirl cheered
"all I'm saying is, why can't it be as good as it gets?" Giganta purred
"yeah! There it is, there it is" Supergirl added
"I'm telling you, these terrorists represent a clear and present danger to the United States" Helga barked
"Yeah! She said it!" Supergirl cheered
"the only way for me to solve this crisis is to be Superman IV: the Quest for Peace" Power Girl said
"oh… so THAT's what they call it" Supergirl realized
…
"that was a Family Guy allusion in case you forgot" Lilith remarked
"hello, welcome to Hotel Lez. How can I help you?" Evy said, answering the phone
"yeah! She said it!" Supergirl squealed
…
…
"I feel the need! The need for speed" Megara hollered
"WILLLLLLLMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA" Giganta bellowed
"I coulda been a contender…" Cass mumbled drunkenly
"rule number three: I don't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty job AND I DON'T LIKE DOING IT" Desiree screamed
"You maniacs, you blew it all up. Damn you. Damn you all to Hell" Shepard said apathetically
"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" Supergirl said lustily
"I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too" Wanda cackled
"They call me Mister Tibbs" Tiana shouted
"We're gonna need a bigger boat" Alex uttered
"I got no place else to go" Supergirl bawled dramatically
"Number Five alive" Livewire announced
…
…
"D'oh" Kelly grunted
"ay caramba" Livewire ranted
"Missed it by that much" Supergirl said nasally
"Lucy! You've got some 'splainin to do" Diana said in a Cuban accent
"Raymond" Alex bellowed in a deep baritone voice
"I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing" Jean ranted
…
…
"What the hey is going on? There's been nothing but title references to movies, famous movie and TV show quotes and all sorts of shenanigans" Helga grumbled
"that's the whole plot of the show boss. We're SUPPOSED to have shenanigans" Kelly explained
"oh…" Helga said in realization
"hey-hey, it's the Monkees" Anya cheered, entering the hotel
"ok Anya, we get it, can we PLEASE get beyond Thunderdome?" Helga moaned
"hey guys! I got us that new shipment of shampoo" Supergirl cheered
"oh goodie! How much did it cost?" Helga asked
"$50,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling" Kelly answered
"gee, that's a lotta money for such a big order" Jean commented
"Pfft, you think?" Helga remarked
"so… why the hey do we need all this shampoo?" Lorna asked
"well to be fair, we kinda ran outta shampoo during winter season" Helga explained
"ah…" everyone said, understanding
"and March Madness is officially over" Livewire moaned
"oh good. So I assume this means you'll clean up the large mess you made in the kitchen" Helga assumed
"yup" Livewire said
"oh my, it is absolutely delightful out there" Evadora exclaimed, gazing at the bright sunny day
"mm-hmm, it really is startin to look like spring has sprung" Helga joked
"Hehehe good one, boss" Kelly snickered
"Even I have a sense of humor" Helga said proudly
…
…
"ok I finished up all of my crossword puzzles" Kara said
"that's good. Now you can help me take out the garbage" Alex said, handing Kara a massive trash bag
"alrighty" Supergirl said cheerfully, flying off to the trash bin
"give her a minute…" Livewire said
"ok, done" Supergirl said, coming back in 5 to 12 seconds
"congrats, little sis. That's an all new record" Alex declared
"awesome" Supergirl cheered
"hey guys" Sam said, coming out of the gym
"hey. How was your workout?" Daphne asked
"oh it was radical. I feel so pumped" Sam grunted, Daphne feeling Sam's muscular abs
"ok guys, pizza's here" Morrigan announced, bringing in five hot boxes of Domino's Pizza
"oh boy!" Kara cheered, washing her hands as she and Alex dashed to the kitchen
"…and by our deeds, we honour him. V8" Alex said, finishing the prayer
"V8" everyone repeated as they dug into their meal
…
….
"you know, I do believe I can get used to this" Helga said as she and the others were once more sleeping in Kara's and Alex's bed
"oh good, you decided to NOT wear your glass slippers to bed" Aurora said happily as she felt Cinderella's warm bunny slippers
"can someone please tell Arwen to quit drooling over my new nightgown? It cost me $300 grand plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling" Renee griped
"I have the feeling I'm going to have to go clothes shopping again in the morning" Helga groaned
"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Kara and Alex snored loudly
"…did anyone hear that?" Kelly finally asked
"mm-hmm" Helga answered
"Hehehehehe" EVA giggled in her sleep, showing a goofy smile
"oh no, she's having that stupid Jungle Book dream again…" Helga groaned
"oh for God's sake EVA quit it" Olga snapped, EVA snoring more normally
"ah…THAT is how you do it" Olga said as she laid back down
"Pfft. Show-off" Helga scoffed
"I heard that" Olga piped up
"here dears, how about a song to lull all you off to dreamland?" Regina cooed
"oh geez, here we go" Livewire moaned
"It's a small world after all…" Regina sang
"oh hell to the no! I'm outta here" Livewire snapped, before gasping as Jigglypuff appeared before her
"uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison
"please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing…" Helga pleaded
Jigglypuff sings
"MOTHERF…." Helga shouted before passing out, snoring loudly
…
…
"oh my, what a good sleep last night" Helga said, feeling more cheerful and delighted
"that was because that darn marshmallow snuck back into the hotel" Maya huffed, holding an icepack to her head
"what the hey happened to YOU?" Nisha asked
"Apparently after the marshmallow put us all to sleep, she conked me on the head with a pot" Maya answered
"Huh" Helga said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her coffee before seeing Jigglypuff on the table
"Mmm… good thing the table has pillows…" Maya yawned, laying her sleepy head down as Helga slowly closed her eyes
"Mmm… wake me when the puffball's done…" Helga groaned before snoring loudly, Maya falling asleep as well
…
…
"Helga? Helga? Helga, wake up" Kara shouted, Helga waking up from her Jigglypuff-induced nap
"Mmm…what? What time is it?" Helga asked dazedly, still drowsy
"It's five after ten. Breakfast is over" Alex said
"oh. Hey do me a favor, get me an A&W. that usually wakes me up" Helga uttered, Kara and Alex nodding
"Hey good news, I got the puffball" Kelly cheered, a Pokeball in her hand
"Little redhead cutie say WHHHAAAAATTTT?" Livewire asked overdramatically
"wow! Kelly, I didn't know you could catch Pokémon. That's awesome" Tabitha cheered excitedly
…
"oh seriously Kara, you're watching Tales from the Crypt before bed?" Alex asked
"come on sis, he's funny" Kara said
"Kara, he's a creepy corpse puppet and trust me when I say what he does is no laughing matter" Alex insisted
"you mean like that creepy clown in the purple suit?" Kara asked
"yup" Alex answered
…
"RIP Garry Shandling old buddy. I liked you in Over the Hedge" Stella said, laying a bouquet at Garry Shandling's grave
"he died?" Piper gasped in shock
"yup. Cause of death: cocaine overdose" Lowery replied
"just like Phillip Seymour Hoffman…" Helga said mournfully
"hey remember that actress Patty Duke?" Kelly asked
"oh no! her too?" Alex gasped
"yup" Kelly answered
"first Craven, then Lee, then Bowie, now this" Kara said sadly
"I think the Reaper needs to take a holiday" Miranda snarked
"Pfft. That'll be the day" Livewire smirked
"you know they were gonna do a sequel to Labyrinth but now…" Supergirl started
"yeah. I think his best role was Jareth" Kelly said
"I remember his role as Pontius Pilate from Last Temptation of Christ" Black Cat said
"seriously? The Martin Scorsese version of the Bible?" Batgirl gasped
"well…yeah" Black Cat said, defending herself
"ok, no offense" Batgirl said
"you know I've been thinking…" Black Canary said, everyone groaning
"oh no, here we go…." Helga moaned
"what if CBS went off the air?" Black Canary asked
"come again?" Rikke asked
"what if CBS was no longer on the air and replaced by an older channel from the 80s like the Movie Channel" Black Canary continued
"huh. That's a pretty thoughtful question" Helga remarked
"yeah. What if the new Cartoon Network was reverted back to the old version? You know; the Cartoon Theatre, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, all that stuff" Supergirl said
"you know what? I can possibly see that happening" Helga admitted
"yeah, but… think of how weird it would be if CBS no longer existed. There'd be no more Everybody Loves Raymond, no more I Love Lucy, no more Hogan's Heroes, no more football or basketball…" Livewire added
"well the future can be a very terrifying thought" Helga said
"but it can also be fun" Supergirl chimed in
…
"uh guys? Is it odd that Channel 4 is no longer available on both cable and regular TV?" Kelly asked the next morning
"oh…my…God, Supergirl was RIGHT" Helga gasped
"it…it came true. My vision came true" Kara gasped in disbelief
"well, what now?" Helga asked worriedly
"hey look! The old Disney Channel is back" Livewire announced
"ooh! The old Cartoon Network is back too" Nyssa chimed in
"so… this is what happens now, huh?" Helga asked
"yup" Kelly sighed, everyone sitting down in the lounge chair
…
"ok, who wants to watch G4TV?" Helga finally asked
"count me in" Neyla said, getting some drinks and junk food