As Lanie and Addison walked up the steps of the church, they had to make their way through large clutches of teenagers. Addison kept one hand lightly on Lanie's elbow and let her lead the way. Several people said hi to her, but she kept on moving forward without really acknowledging anybody. They walked into the church sanctuary, and Lanie gestured up front at the large picture and floral arrangements. "Look," she whispered quietly.
"Do you want to go up closer?" Addison asked.
"I'm not sure yet," she replied. "Maybe…in a little while. Let's just sit for now, okay?"
They made their way down the aisle, taking seats about halfway towards the back.
"Addison," she heard someone say quietly.
Turning around to look over her shoulder, Addison shot quickly to her feet. "Meredith," she said, moving forward to give her a quick embrace. "You came."
"You act surprised," she answered, giving Addison a shaky smile.
Derek came up behind Meredith and gave her a nod. "Hello, Addison."
"Hello," she answered, unable to keep the astonishment off of her face.
"Can we sit by you?" Meredith asked. "I can't handle being up front."
"Of course, of course," Addison answered hurriedly, nudging Lanie to move down so that Meredith and Derek could sit on the aisle.
As they took their seats, Meredith whispered to Addison, "I wanted to come, I really did, but now that I'm here, I just…"
Addison reached out and took Meredith's hand without saying anything.
On the other side of Addison, Lanie said, "I know what you mean." Addison hadn't even realized that she had been listening.
Addison put her free arm around her daughter's shoulders, letting Lanie rest her head against her. Meredith stared dead ahead, her eyes seeming to drift back and forth among the floral arrangements and pictures. Blood shot lines streaked across the whites of her eyes, filled with tears that she hadn't yet, or couldn't, shed.
The principal of the high school stepped up to the microphone, and people around them took their seats. Without saying anything, he pulled out a small lighter and walked out in front of the mike, lighting each of the wicks on seventeen white candles. Lanie silently cried beside Addison as the candles were lit, and Addison squeezed her shoulder a little tighter. Meredith continued to stare dead ahead and made no motions at all.
The principal picked up several index cards off the small stand by the microphone. Taking a deep breath, he clutched them tightly in his hands before letting them fall to the floor. "I had a speech prepared," he whispered in the direction of the microphone. "I had a speech prepared, but it wouldn't do them justice."
Lanie shifted slightly, pulling a folded up piece of paper out of her pocket. When Addison looked over at her, she just shook her head.
"We are in the wake of a terrible tragedy. This is nothing that any of us have ever faced before, and nothing that any of us know how to face. We are making our way blindly right now, and the only way that we can make it through is if we do it together. We need to talk about our feelings with each other so that we can realize how not alone we are, and so that we can be there for each other. If anyone has anything that they would like to say, the microphone is open for you."
Lanie slipped out from under Addison, moving rapidly up to the microphone. Holding the mike with one hand, she held her piece of paper in the other. "We were studying this poem in our literature class, Rich and I. I thought of it the other day, when I was lying in my hospital bed. I was in that bed because…Rich…"
Lanie began to cry freely, and Addison fought the urge to get up and go to her, letting her stand on her own.
"I was in the bed…" she continued, "because Rich…I was alive…because Rich saved my life. And…he…he's gone now."
Derek bit down on his lower lip, so hard that he drew visible blood. Meredith tensed up beside them at the mention of her son's name, staring into her lap as she fought back against her tears.
"This poem made me think of Rich, and how strong he was," Lanie stuttered, "and…I'm just going to read it now…"
Addison let Meredith fold into her, and Meredith buried her face in Addison's shoulder.
Lanie's voice grew in strength as she read the words out loud. "In Flander's Field, the poppies blow. Between the crosses row on row…"
Addison stared into the candles, letting the light from the flame burn into her eyes.
Meredith's shoulders began to shake silently as Lanie kept reading, and Addison rested the palm of her hand on the middle of Meredith's back, rubbing softly.
"Short days ago we lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow," Lanie continued.
So smoothly Addison almost missed it, Derek reached out and placed a gentle hand on Meredith's knee.
Lanie finished the poem without fanfare. She folded the piece of paper back up and crammed it into her pocket, slipping around the line to come back to her seat.
"That was beautiful," Addison whispered to her daughter as the next student stepped up to the microphone.
"It fit," she answered simply.
The girl after Lanie in line began to speak, so softly that the microphone could barely pick her up. "My name is Jodi," she whispered. "I don't know a lot of you, and you probably don't know me. That's okay."
Addison racked her brain, trying to figure out who the girl was. As her fingers grasped the microphone stand and her sweatshirt sleeves slid back towards her elbows, she noticed the bandages covering her wrists. As she said the words, Addison figured out who she had to be.
"I was Doug's girlfriend. Like Doug, I was pretty much invisible. But I was okay with that. All of a sudden, I'm not invisible anymore."
There was buzzing around the room as the saddened group digested this bit of information. Some angry words were shot in the direction of the podium, and Jodi winced slightly, closing her eyes.
"I know that people wonder if I knew. I didn't. I thought that he broke up with me because…I did something wrong."
Lanie's shoulder grew tense as she drew back in her seat. "What is this?" she whispered.
"I…did," Jodi said quietly. "I did something…wrong. I should have been better for him, stronger, I should have known what to say, how to fix him…how to make it better…I should have seen this coming. And I didn't."
The principal stood up from his chair in the front row, coming up to stand behind Jodi. He seemed prepared to usher her away from the podium.
"I just want to tell you all that I'm sorry," Jodi finished. "That's really all I wanted to say. I just want you all to know how truly sorry I am."
Stepping away from the principal's extended arm, Jodi moved away from the mike and fled out one of the side doors.
Meredith pulled away from Addison and grabbed her coat off the back of the seat, pushing past Derek into the aisle and out the door. Derek closed his eyes, frown creases forming across his features, but he made no move to go after her.
Gosh, Derek, Addison thought, you don't ever change, do you?
"Mom," Lanie said quietly, "you should make sure she's okay."
Addison shook her head. "I don't want to leave you alone."
She grabbed her coat. "I said what I wanted to. I can wait in the car. You should go."
They gathered their things and moved quietly out of the sanctuary.