"Maybe you're right," Derek said softly. "Maybe this isn't working."
Meredith sat down on the edge of their bed, folding her hands softly in her lap. "It hasn't been for a long time."
"So you're saying it's all my fault?"
"No," Meredith stuttered, "no, not at all, I just, I…"
"It's all my fault that you went and slept with somebody else?" Derek interrupted harshly.
"I said I was sorry," Meredith whispered, unable to meet his eyes.
"You don't get to be sorry. You don't get to say sorry. You don't get to say anything at all. I don't owe you anything."
"You were never home!" Meredith screamed. "You were never here! What did you expect me to do, sit around and wait every day for you to decide that you loved me? And it's not like you were totally innocent either! You and Rose…"
"How dare you blame this on me?" Derek shot back. "You were the one who went and slept with somebody else, not me! I didn't make that decision for you! You did! You should have known that I loved you, I shouldn't have had to say it every day!"
"You never said it!" she cried. "You never said it!"
Derek sat down on the bed suddenly. "You're right," he admitted. "I didn't. But you could have come to me, you could have talked to me. You never even tried."
"You didn't want to listen," Meredith replied.
Hooking his fingers through his belt loops, Derek studied the pattern on the carpeting.
"You're just so angry, all the time. I couldn't bring anything to you, you never would have listened."
Derek's face was drawn with acceptance. "We're finished, aren't we?"
"For now," Meredith answered. "I think we both made some pretty bad choices."
"We did," Derek stated. "I…I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too."
The knock on the door broke into Meredith's thoughts.
"Meredith?" Addison asked.
She shook her head, crying too hard to answer.
"Come here," Addison said, pulling her up off the floor and onto the bed. "Talk to me."
"Derek's…gone," she bawled. "I…I didn't know what to wear…to…"
Addison picked up one of the dresses off the bed and carefully helped Meredith slip it over her head. "This one's perfect," she whispered.
Meredith nodded obediently, seemingly resigned.
OooooooooooooooO
Addison kept a firm grip on Meredith's elbow, steering her up the steps and into the church. People tried to reach out and talk to them, but Addison kept them at bay with her prickly gaze. Nobody would actually meet her eye. She wished that she could do more to protect her friend, but she found herself at a total loss for action. Pressing forward, she kept Meredith moving ahead and into the church.
The funeral home had done a beautiful job with everything. There were wonderful flower arrangements lining the pews, and a book of condolences at the church entrance. Derek was sitting in the front pew with Rose, and Lanie was a pew behind him with Alex. Addison kept her eyes on my feet, trying to avoid looking at the coffin that lay ahead, and trying not to imagine what it would be like if it was Lanie inside instead of Rich. Picturing her daughter's body made Addison's head buzz unsettlingly.
Meredith and Addison sat down in the front pew, right next to Derek. She kept a grip on Addison's left hand. Alex leaned forward to give Addison's shoulder a quick squeeze. Addison glanced at Lanie, meeting her eyes to check and make sure she was okay, and it was then that she felt Meredith's hand leave her grasp.
When Addison turned back around, Meredith had moved to the front of the room and was standing at the coffin. Alex and Addison both got to their feet at the same time, and made it to the coffin just as Meredith laid her body across the top. Both of them looked to Derek to see if he would go up front with her, but he made no move towards her.
Addison stepped up behind her friend, laying her hand across Meredith's on top of the wooden lid. "Mer? Are you okay?"
She shook her head, her fingers clutching at the lid and her breath coming in short gasps.
Addison gripped her face lightly under the chin and turned her to face away from the coffin. "You have to breathe, okay?"
Meredith nodded, letting go of the coffin and standing up, swaying slightly. Alex was right behind her, and he put an arm around her waist so that he could support her weight. "You okay?" he asked her as she leaned into him.
Meredith nodded again, and let Alex steer her back to the pew.
Addison sat down beside her, rubbing her knees in a manic circular motion. "It's okay, Mer, it's okay."
She clawed at her throat, ripping off the tiny cross necklace that she was wearing and throwing it to the floor. "No," she said hoarsely, "not really. A parent isn't supposed to outlive their child, remember?" She gripped Addison's hand so tightly that Addison's fingers turned white, all circulation draining away.
Addison looked around the church, everywhere and anywhere but the front. When the funeral began, Derek was nowhere to be found.