Meredith pushed through the halls of the hospital, searching frantically. As she moved forward without looking, she bumped right into Izzie. "Hey," Meredith said, coming to a halt.
"Hi," Izzie replied. "Have you seen her yet?"
Meredith shook her head. "Not yet. I just got here." She stared down at the tile floor, unsure of how to meet her friend's eyes.
"There," Izzie pointed down the hall.
Alex gave Addison's hand a slight squeeze, and she looked up through her fingers as her friends came down the hall.
"Hi," Meredith said, kneeling down in front of Addison. "How are you holding up?"
Addison shook her head. "What are you doing here?" she asked the both of them. "Don't you guys have your own stuff to worry about?"
Izzie hung back by the wall with her arms folded across her chest as Meredith answered, "Honestly, it's nice to have something else to think about…if that makes sense."
Addison nodded slightly, looking down the hall to check for the doctor.
"So what do you know?" Izzie asked quietly, still hugging the wall.
"They won't tell us anything," Alex said, laying a hand on Addison's knee. "They won't tell us anything, and they won't let us in."
Izzie looked down the hall and then back to Addison. "They'll let me in. Let me go down and check things out."
Addison nodded without answering, laying her head on Alex's shoulder.
"What happened?" Meredith asked quietly.
"I don't know," Addison moaned, burying her head in Alex's sweater briefly before looking back at Meredith. "I thought…I don't know. I thought we were doing well. And then tonight, I went to talk to her in her room and she…she was hacking off her hair with a scissors. So I started to help her," Addison rambled, "and then she wanted to talk about something…but she couldn't. She…she wanted to leave. I let her go out the door, but then before either one of us realized it, she was in the car and peeling out the driveway."
"She doesn't drive yet, does she?"
Addison shook her head. "The police say she took a curve too quickly and flipped over. They say she rolled several times before coming to a stop. She had to be pried out of the vehicle. She wasn't conscious when they arrived…" Addison started to cry again as she continued, "I don't even know if she's woken up yet."
Meredith sat down on the floor in front of Addison's chair, looking up into her eyes. "She'll be okay," she said. "She'll be okay. She has to be."
Izzie came back out into the waiting area and crossed over to the group. "She's not awake," she said. "She hasn't woken up yet, and they are still examining her."
"What else?" Addison pushed.
"Someone will be out in a minute to talk to you," Izzie answered evasively.
"Iz…what?"
She shook her head as Dr. Thade came through the swinging doors.
"Hello, Addison," she said. "Alex."
Izzie and Meredith stepped back slightly to give them a small amount of privacy.
"Your daughter sustained some pretty seriously injuries, but she's stable now. She has a broken leg, a few cracked ribs, and a concussion. If you'd like, I can take you down to see her, but there are some things that we should discuss first."
"Okay," Alex answered. "Let's go."
The three of them walked down the hall through the swinging doors. Dr. Thade led them to her doorway. Addison looked through the window at her sleeping daughter as Dr. Thade said, "There's no really easy way to say this."
"Just say it," Addison whispered.
"I'm not sure if you knew this, but your daughter…She was pregnant."
Addison didn't realize she was falling until Alex and Dr. Thade both reached out and gently lowered her to the floor. "Put your head down between your knees," Alex said.
"I'm fine," Addison hissed, angrily brushing his hand away. "I'm fine."
"Put your head down," Dr. Thade ordered. She squatted down in front of Addison. "You've had a lot of stress the last several days, and if I know you at all, you probably haven't taken time to rest. So put your head down already."
"She was pregnant?" Addison whispered. "Do you mean she's not now?"
"No, she's not anymore. She lost the baby."
"What happened?" Alex asked, joining them on the floor.
"She was wearing a seatbelt. We think that the pressure from that on her abdomen combined with the stress of the crash caused her to miscarry," Dr. Thade explained.
"Oh," Alex said. "Okay."
Addison lifted her head up from her knees slowly. "She hasn't woken up yet?" she questioned softly. "She doesn't know?"
Dr. Thade shook her head. "She hasn't regained consciousness yet. She's going up to the operating room shortly so we can put pins into her leg to mend the break."
"I want to see her," Addison said, putting her hand on the floor and struggling to swing herself upright.
"Let me help," Alex offered, holding out a hand. Addison took it and let him draw her to her feet. They walked into Lanie's room together.
"Hi, sweetheart," Addison whispered, sitting down on the edge of her bed. She took her hand, her head flooding with memories of doing the very same thing the day of the shooting.
Lanie stirred slightly, her head turning slowly towards Addison as her eyes cracked open. "Mom?" she whispered.
"Hi," Addison said, rubbing her hand gently on Lanie's forehead to push her bangs out of her eyes. "How are you feeling?"
"Hurts," she answered, her eyes drifting closed again. "Everything hurts."
"I'm sorry," Addison whispered.
"Hi, princess." Alex came up on the other side of the bed.
"Hi, Daddy," she answered.
They all sat silent for several minutes, unsure of what to say. Lanie finally broke the silence. "I'm really sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry."
"For what, honey?"
"Everything," she answered.
"It's okay," Addison said. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart."
Lanie looked at Alex. "Daddy, can I talk…just to Mom?"
"Okay," he agreed. "I'll be out in the hall if you need me."
"What is it?" Addison asked gently as Alex disappeared.
"I have to tell you something," she whispered.
"Lanie…"
"I…" After thinking for a second, she rephrased her thought. "Did…did they tell you?"
"Tell me?" Addison asked.
"About the baby?"
Addison nodded slightly. "It would have been…better to hear it from you though."
"I know," Lanie answered weakly. "I'm sorry, Mom."
"It's okay," Addison answered. "Sweetie, look…" Addison turned away so Lanie wouldn't see tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What is it, Mom?" she asked, her voice trembling as if she as afraid to hear the answer.
"I don't know how to tell you this." Addison wiped the tears off her cheeks before turning back to her daughter again.
"Just say it," Lanie said, her voice a little stronger. "Like you're ripping off a band-aid. Just say it."
"Lanie…you were hurt pretty badly in the accident."
"Just say it," she repeated, her eyes filling up with tears.
"You…you lost the baby," Addison stuttered.
She nodded. "Okay," she said quietly, a couple of tears trailing down her cheeks.
Addison folded Lanie's hand into her. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.
"It's okay," Lanie answered sadly. "I mean…maybe…I don't know."
"What?" Addison prodded gently.
"Maybe…maybe it's better…?" Lanie's voice trailed off and she stared off into space. "I mean…he's gone, you know? And…I just…It's sad, but…I'm sad…I…" She shook her head in frustration.
"Maybe this isn't the best time to ask this but…it…It was Rich's?"
She nodded silently.
"Did he know?"
"No," she replied, shaking her head again. "I never…got a chance to tell him."
"I'm sorry that you have to go through this," Addison said.
"Me too. You…you have no idea."
"You're right," Addison agreed. "I don't know what you're going through right now. But I do understand a little bit about pain."
Lanie tried to roll over slightly, wincing at the pressure that it put on her injuries. "What…?"
"You broke your leg in the accident," Addison supplied. "And a couple of ribs."
She closed her eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears. "This is…a lot." Opening her eyes again, she said, "I want to go home. Can I go home?" she asked hopefully.
"Not today," Addison answered. "You might have to stay here for a couple days."
Lanie began to sob openly. "No matter how hard I try, Mom, I can't run away from him…everything keeps coming back."
"It hasn't been that long, sweetheart," Addison tried to console her. "It's like anything else, it takes time."
"What if I…Mom, I…"
"What?" Addison asked.
"What if it never gets easier?"
"It does," she insisted.
"You don't know that," Lanie pointed out. "I loved him so much, Mom. I've tried so much…I've tried…to push it out, and I can't."
"You don't have to," Addison told her. "You just…some day…You will be able to accept it."
Her eyelids drooped with sleep. "Not today, though."
"Not today," Addison agreed as Lanie drifted off to sleep