7 Seven sharks are swimming

Ianto was not sure exactly how they got here; it was all a bit …fuzzy. All he knew for sure was that the floatation device he was clinging to was really no help if they decided to attack. And if he knew one thing about sharks… they attack.

"IANTO!"

Ianto let himself slowly turn, careful to move as little as possible in the freezing water and he glared at Jack who was waving from another piece of debris "ARE YOU OK!"

Ianto let his glare be the answer as Jack scanned the water nervously, "I count six!"

"Seven!" Owen called back with an unnatural glee, "There's one behind you ya twat!"

Jack turned and swore softly as he saw the large dorsal fin cutting the water, Ianto now pissed, cold and fed up as he shouted "Where the fuck are the girls!"

"I called" Jack whined, "They are coming but the River Queen II is slower than the Sea Princess IV is … was. They will be here soon Tiger."

"Tiger" Ianto repeated "Look … get us out of this mess intact with as minimal damage as possible and maybe….maybe you get to call me that. For now … I think Mister Jones is better. Yeah?"

"Awwww, come on. You're not shitty … are you?" Jack asked as he let himself drift closer "It was an accident. Pure and simple. Could 'a happened to anyone!"

"Pure and simple" Ianto repeated, "OK. Let's review. You wanted to come out here today to check the beacon. Right?"

Jack nodded.

"Owen and I both asked if it could wait until the New Year but you said it would only take a sec. Right?"

Jack nodded.

"I asked if the boat had been restocked after Flam Holm's Christmas run the other day and you waved a hand at me and said it had, right?"

Jack's nod was a bit slower this time.

"Owen and I both asked if that was normal … the way the beacon was tilted in the water and you said you would just push it straight again, right?"

Jack smiled weakly and nodded.

"Good. Good. So … you rammed it with the boat and promptly scuttled the bloody thing with no reserve boat or rescue boat on board, because that was still back at the docks in the bowels of the fucking facility where you had put it WHEN YOU TOOK IT OFF TO FIT A NEW RDE-ON MOWER FOR HAMISH ON THE DECK AND THEN NEVER FUCKING REPLACED IT!"

Jack grimaced as Ianto's' shrill scream seemed to echo, then nodded meekly.

"Right" Ianto said in that droll, calm tone again, "So we are agreed that this is ….what. Do we call this a 'Oops' or a 'Bugger' or do we push the boat out … get it? Push the boat out and say it's a Harkness-Fuck-up!"

Jack looked over at Owen who was watching intently, not used to seeing Ianto in his natural state, no masks or polite banter to hide behind. Right here, in the cold and wet he was seeing the real Welshman and Jack wondered what he was thinking as Ianto tantrummed, hard to do without moving or thrashing about like he clearly wanted to , resorting to bellows or rage instead.

"I could have been at home with the fucking Christmas cake in the oven. A book to read and that comfy chair I love so much, me arse plastered in it with a nice cuppa. But no, nooooooooooooooooo, we are out here in fuckeradoody arsehollery Harknessville!"

Owen gaped as Jack apologised.

"I am so sorry Tiger, I didn't think. I've bunted it before and … at the angle I hit it I clearly fucked up. I am sorry, please stop shouting. Please. You hate stripping your voice." Jack begged, "And I do love that voice"

"My voice… this anger is the only thing staving them off and we both know it" Ianto finally spat "The vile negative vomit pouring from my very pores is scaring them away like shark repellent. They would not dare….DARE…fuck me off as you continually seem to do. Even a wild fishy thing knows when not to poke the dragon!"

Jack saw it.

It was a moment but he saw a flash of something before Ianto ranted some more and he finally saw that Ianto was playing a long game. "You …. You cheeky monkey!"

"What am I then? Do make your mind us sir. Am I a Tiger? A Dragon? A Monkey? Do choose one!" Ianto snarled, Jack now close enough to see the humour in the man's eyes as they danced.

Ianto was playing with him.

In the middle of a crisis, sharks circling and the girls fuck knows where … hopefully not with Gwen at the helm or they might get run over … Ianto was teasing?

"How about I take you out for a nice meal after, eh? Make it up to you" Jack asked.

Ianto snorted, then let himself drift so his back was to Jack, "Fucker!"

Jack watched as Ianto pretended to rant some more then he said softly, "Come on love. That nice restaurant by the docks you love so much. They do a lovely battered shark fillet."

As he thought.

Ianto's shoulders were shaking, obviously laughing silently as he saw that Jack was on to him but Owen was further away.

"Christ! Is he crying now? Tell me he's not crying" Owen whimpered, "It's all I can do to be strong, don't fucking start crying. You will start me off and Toshiko will not let me live it down if … what's that? You hear something?"

They watched with relief as the boat came careening towards them, then Jack cursed "Gwen."

"Ahhhhhhh…. Great" Ianto drolled, "At least we will be saved from shark attack. Propeller death is apparently quicker!"

Jack laughed as the girls waved merrily and Owen screamed at them to get him the fuck out of the water.

Ianto was going to make Jack pay for this.

Maybe the new high-end place in the square.

Three courses?