DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE BOONDOCKS CHARACTERS. I DO OWN SAMMI WILLIAMS AND HER FAMILY.
"Memoirs"
:(Sammi):
Huey suggested I try this whole chi meditation thing out. I'd heard of it before, but I never actually got around to it. Which is pretty ironic, really, since I'm half Asian. But, whateva'. Anyways, here I go…
You never really take the time out to appreciate the things you've got in life. You just figure everything will always stay the same and that life will continue on happily and freely. Hate to burst your bubble, but it doesn't. And you don't realize it until you loose a bit, or even all, of that happiness. Well, for most people that's true at least. Some people are just naturally gifted to appreciate everything. Some are cursed to appreciate nothing at all until it's just too late. And you can't change the past. It's just impossible. So all you can do is think back with a smile wishing you'd appreciated the moment while it was happening. This kinda brings up something a friend of mine said. It went like this, "Everyone is always caught thinking of a different time in his or her life. Pondering all the "I would've," "I could've," and "I should've" as well as the "I hope," "I dream," "I wish," "I want" fantasies." I think you know which friend I'm speaking of, so I need not name him. But I do need to say that he's absolutely right. I wish I could've appreciated a lot in my past. But life is just cruel like that. Full of regrets and sorrow… but it all seems so worthwhile. Why? Because the regrets and sorrow make the happiness and fulfillments so much sweeter. After all, without the bad there would be no good. So we'll just have to deal with it, I guess. We are just human.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm going to tell you all a bit about my life. Normally, I lived in Bangkok, Thailand but every summer, I would stay with my dad and his current girlfriend in South Bronx, New York. I always figured it was because my mother got sick of me.
I had grown up learning Thai, Japanese, French, Swahili, and English. How I managed to cram all that into my head, I have no idea. I just did. As for Sunee, she just grew up learning Thai, Japanese, and English.
Sunee never called me by my nickname or even by my African name, Samanya. And, yes, I have a very long name. My full name is Samorn Samanya-Ai Babineaux-Williams aka Sammi. And as for my sister, her full name is Sunee Ayame Veerapol, at least it was last I knew of her. Williams is actually the surname my mom took, and made me take on, after she married Beau Williams. He's a decent guy, I guess, a little messed up in the head though. Sunee never liked him much though (but then again she never got along with our mother either). And I could see that, I mean… he kinda is a bit of a bitch to my mother. And I don't mean he's a bitch as in he's mean or anything. I mean bitch as in he cowers to my mother's every whim. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he's ten years younger than her? Which I think is completely disgusting. I mean, why the hell would a twenty-five year old man want a thirty-five year old woman? He was seven when Sunee was just a newborn! It was just… EW!
You would never be able to tell that Sunee was my big sister. We looked so much different than each other. I was so much darker than she was because she was full Asian while I'm half black. Out of anything, she looked like she was my Caretaker. And the age didn't help. When I was six, Sunee was already eighteen. But we were as close as ever and I loved her with all my tiny little heart.
Anyways, I'm going to tell you the tale of my sister and the last time I ever saw her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The sunlight shined through the window and fell upon the young Sammi's skin warmly. She flickered open her eyes to greet the forget-me-not blue skies of Bangkok. "Enjoy your sleep?" a potent voice asked. Sammi turned her head to smile at the young woman sitting in the corner of the room reading briskly. She had silky, straight raven hair that would normally hang down to her knees if it wasn't pinned up delicately, dazzling dark eyes that seemed to soak in your soul, and an untouched complexion comparable to paper. "Yes! Very much so!" the small child replied, "What are you reading, Sunee?" Sunee's blossom pink lips curved up gently into a smile, "Webster's English Dictionary." Sammi cocked her little head to the side and gazed at her sister, "But why? It's so boring!" Sunee laughed and it seemed that small bells erupted tinkling from her mouth, "Oh, quiet the contrary, Samorn. It is very much interesting." Sammi furrowed her eyebrows together and replied inquisitively, "But all it is is words and definitions!" Sunee smiled again, "Precisely." Sammi gazed at her and sighed exasperatingly; she would never understand fully the mind of her older sister.
Sammi sat up in the bed at looked out the window beside her to the busy city bellow. They were fifteen stories up from the ground and the people marched like tiny ants. Sammi pressed her cheek against the window to watch them and the warmth of the sunlight flooded into her face. "Sunee," she began softly. "Hmm?" her sister asked with her eyes still in her book. "Let's have an adventure," Sammi said as she turned to face her sister, "just like in my Baba's stories." Sunee gingerly closed her book at got up to set it on her cushioned stool. "Oh, an adventure, huh?" she crawled onto the bed and began to playfully tickle her baby sister. Sammi giggled and fell back on the bed, "Sunee!" Sunee laughed and gently poked Sammi's nose, "Well, lucky for you, I happen to have an adventure in mind." Sammi's eyes sparkled and widened, "Really? What is it?" Sunee pressed a delicate finger against her lips to silence her, "But we can't let anyone know about it. So shush!" Sammi nodded and lowered her voice to a whisper, "Not even mother?" Sunee's lips twitched slightly and she gave a weak smile, "Not even her."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Pee-Sao," little Sammi piped up as they were walking out the apartment complex. "Hmm?" Sunee asked as she held Sammi's hand tight. Shad forced Sammi to bring along her pink teddy bear backpack full of her favorite things and clothes and herself wore a large purse full of her most needed valuables. "Why do we need all these things?" Sammi asked as she looked back at the closing doors of the elevator. "In case we need anything on our adventure, of course. The always bring all their things in the stories, Samorn, remember?" she replied with a false smile. Sammi smiled back childishly, "Oh! I remember!" She giggled as Sunee led her out into the streets. In her head, Sunee counter over their possessions and the money she had saved up, as well as stole from their mother, for this "adventure."
They walked casually through the streets and Sammi looked through all the shop windows with glee. "Ooh! Pee-Sao, look, look!" she would point out frantically. Sunee would just smile but eventually she ignored her little sister and drug her along. They had been gone for hours just walking through the city. And it was finally getting dark. Was there mother home from work yet? Shouldn't they be getting back home by now? But they just kept walking in silence.
"Samorn," Sunee started with a serious tone, "we're going to go far away from here." Sammi blinked and stared up at her. She became frightened as Sunee quickened her pace as if trying to escape from an evil. "I-I don't like this game anymore," Sammi stifled out, "I wanna go home." But Sunee didn't pay her any mind. "S-Sunee?" tears welled up in Sammi's eyes, she wanted to stop, to go home, but her sister kept dragging her along. "I wanna go home!" Sammi cried out with fear, "Take me home!" Then, abruptly, her big sister stopped and stooped down to her eye level in a manner of seconds. "Samorn, listen to me very carefully," she rasped to a tear-stained Sammi, "We can NEVER go back." Sammi wiped her eyes with her sleeve but the tears kept flowing, "W-why?" Sunee gazed into her eyes sternly before standing up again, "Because of mother. She's the devil's spawn, Samorn. We're not going back. I won't allow it. She'll only try to hurt you. She's done it to me. I have scars to prove it." With that, Sunee began to drag along her little sister once again. "M-mother wouldn't h-hurt me! O-or you!" Sammi gasped out as she tried to put Sunee to a halt one again, "T-take me home!" But Sunee just got harsher and gripped Sammi's wrist tightly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
:(Sammi):
I was sitting alone on the curb with a brown blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I remember looking around at the men in black uniforms and the specks of red and blue dots that illuminated from the lights on the black and white cars. A woman in a uniform was standing next to writing something down in a sort of paperwork. It was all so confusing. Then I saw my mother rush out of her black Ferraris with a sad, worried look on her face. She pulled me into her arms and began to pray with tears rolling down her face and I just sat there, dazed. My sister was gone. I saw some people in white uniforms had come and taken her away in their big van. She was screaming and fighting, yelling out my name. And I just watched, frightened at her sudden change. I had never seen her so… aggressive. Not ever. And when I asked the lady in the black uniform where they took my sister and what was wrong, she just smiled at me and said it was alright. But when she turned away to talk to man in a black uniform like her's, I heard her mutter out something called "schizophrenia" and my sister's name. My mother kept a tight hold on me and she kept praying. I remember closing my eyes and listening intently to her prayers. "O Amida… I enjoin my hands and pray to you… who resides in every quarter… direction and within my heart… Let your Primal Vow kindle the Light of Dharma in all beings… for those who grope bewildered in the gloom of sorrow…. Namo Amida Buddha…" she breathed softly between sobs, "… Namo… Amida… Buddha…"
I knew at that moment that I'd never see Sunee again. And, soon enough, we moved out to Woodcrest.
Life is a very peculiar thing. Before that day, I never really realized how much I counted on my sister to always be there for me. And when she left, it was as if a piece of me died inside. And that changed my life. For better or for worse? I don't know yet. But I'll let you know when I find out.
Ok, so that turned out gloomier than I'd planned.
But I like it all the same.
R & R.
Fin