A/N: Sometimes things happen that just make you think. There is a discussion thread on NWP about Logan and how he is very often portrayed as this selfish git. And it made me think. I do that. Mea culpa. my name is Fee and I am a Logan-basher. The thing is though I don't mean to be. I really don't. It is just really easy. I am a firm M/A shipper, and once I had started on that it was very easy to slide into describing Logan as this selfish one-dimensional charicature of himself. Yes he is at one removed from reality, living in his ivory tower, but he is not a bad man.
And I figured a very cerebral man. There can be no other explanation for why it takes him SO long to make a move on Max, when it is patently too late. Anyway, I digress, so a cerebral man. Given that thought I decided that given the right argument, Logan could pretty much convince himself of anything. Not because he is mean, but because he is obviously the most educated person on the show, schooling wise. So he might believe that his logical thought processes are more valid than say an emotional response.
Much Madness is Divinest Sense
Curtains and window were wide open letting the air circulate freely, though unnoticed by the person lying on her side in the middle of the big double bed. One arm stretched out to the side of the bed, fingers loosely curled, the other limply covering her eyes. The only sign of movement was the gentle rise and fall of her chest, indicating that she was indeed alive.
The noises from outside filtered into the room with the hazy cotton wool quality late summer brings. She ignored them all.
Suddenly she tensed and minutes later a listener would be able to discern the quick tread of footsteps outside the flat, coming closer and closer. Languidly she moved her arm, blinking dazedly into the sunlight, back arching like a content cat waking from a nap.
The footsteps came ever closer, until the door to the flat opened silently. A young man strolled in, a helmet held loosely in one hand, the other holding a carrier bag in which one could just see a carton of milk. Dropping helmet and groceries on the kitchen cabinet, he dragged a hand through his already unruly hair, eyes taking in the room, cataloguing positions.
"Maxie, you here?" He called into the silence of the flat. When no answer was immediately forthcoming, a sad expression entered his eyes. Alec leaned back against the counter, memories threatening to swamp him. So much had happened in the last few months. He and Max had found out they had lost more in the inferno of Manticore than they had anticipated and they had finally found each other again. It had made for some tension riddled weeks. Weeks in which they had struggled with themselves and their memories.
"What'cha thinking about so hard?" A soft voice said.
Looking up, Alec smiled when he saw Max leaning against the door to their bedroom. A graceful shrug of her shoulders straightened her and she sauntered over to where he stood. With a sigh of contentment she slipped into his ready arms, moulding against the hard planes of his body, head resting against his chest, tucked under his chin. Her voice was quiet.
"I missed you."
Alec exhaled a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding until then. Now that they had finally found each other again, it always stressed him more than before when they were forced to separate for some reason. Their friends, with the marked exception of sourpuss Logan, understood and made allowances for their behaviour, knowing that some things simply needed time. Cindy had been their most vocal supporter, helping them move their things into the flat they occupied now, closer to TC than before. The increased presence of transgenics just like themselves did wonders for their peace of mind, although they were still happiest when together in the privacy of their flat.
"I know, Maxie. I missed you, too."
They stood together basking in each others arms, revelling in each others nearness.
It was a non-descript door to an apartment close to Terminal City. Not too close, though, seeing as the building it was in was mostly inhabited by ordinaries and it would not do to be too close to the chemical spills contaminating the transgenic part of town. The door was painted brown and there were no exterior signs that it bore several deadbolts and extra locks on the inside.
Dix had been staring at said door for the better part of twenty minutes as if it were an odd mixture of the gates to heaven and hell. From his position sitting against the opposite wall he stared, as if, with patience, his gaze could penetrate the wood and see inside. A manila envelope was being turned end over end in his hands - a nervous habit he could not seem to stop. It gave him something to do while he tried to marshal his courage and knock on the door to face what awaited him inside. The news he carried would not be well received.
"But there's nothing for it." He finished his thought aloud. Rising to his feet he straightened his clothes as much as he could and then, after taking a deep breath, raised his fist and knocked on the door. It opened almost instantly and he found himself pinned by an intense glare that did nothing to ensure him of the sanctity of his continued health.
Clearing his throat he managed to say: "We need to talk."
An eyebrow was raised in question. "Well, can't be good, seein' as you've been sittin' outside my door for foreva'. Come on in."
And with that Cindy stepped aside and waved Dix into the flat, wondering to herself what had him so apprehensive.
Twenty minutes later two shell-shocked people stared at each other across the breadth of the room.
"You're sure?" Cindy asked, only to wave Dix off before he could answer. "Of course you are, otherwise you wouldn't be here."
Dix sighed unhappily. "I checked and triple checked. Couldn't show it to anyone else, after all couldn't really believe it my self at first. I mean it is so manipulative, so callous. So.."
"Manticore?" Cindy finished for him.
Dix looked surprised at her insight then nodded reluctantly. "What are we going to do? They've just settled down. It took them months to get this far, get over what happened at Manticore and now this. What are we going to do?" He was rapidly talking himself into a panic attack.
"Dix, chill. Don' make me smack you." Cindy's sympathetic glance belied her strict words.
"So, when?" Dix sounded very apprehensive.
"Sooner the better." After another look at the pale and shaking transgenic before her, she added: "I'll do the talking." Dix's profuse thanks lasted until long after they had left the flat.
Alec and Max basked in the afternoon sunlight streaming into their flat. They lay stretched out on the couch, legs entangled arms clasping each other close. Max rested her head on her lover's shoulder, fingers idly playing with the collar of his shirt, revelling in his nearness and the sheer normalcy of their situation. Being able to be together like a normal couple without scientists and handlers storming in to tear them apart. The peace had been hardwon, both struggling past the horrors in their past. It wasn't always easy.
"You had another nightmare last night." Alec stated quietly, gently stroking his hand up and down her back.
Max lost herself in thoughts for a moment only to feel him tense. While they were slowly rebuilding the trust inherent to the relationship while in the bowels of Manticore, it was still occasionally hard to overcome the habits ingrained in the intervening months. Times when she snapped at him, reverting back to her inner bitch, although she managed to always stop herself from slapping him. Other times Alec fell back into his snarky, closed off behaviour.
Responding to the tension thrumming through his body, Max lightly dragged her fingernails through the curls at the nape of his neck, the simple caress relaxing him almost immediately, contentment humming through his body. "You noticed that did you?" she asked facetiously, tilting her head back so she could take in his amused expression.
"Hard not to when I'm the one at the receiving end of your kicks." He chuckled, the sound travelling through his body to tickle through hers.
"Sorry, about that." She snuggled in closer, bracing herself before continuing. "It's just hard. In the back of my head, it's like I have this countdown running down in my head and sometimes it just hits me that this would be the month when I could feel them move, or right about now I would probably be threatening you with dismemberment because I was running to the toilet every five minutes." A deep sigh tore from her body as she curled more securely into his body, aided by the arm securely around her waist. "It's stupid I know."
"No, it's not, Maxie. Nobody expects you to just jump up as if nothing has happened." He turned them so they faced each other, noses almost touching. His eyes trailed across her face marvelling once more that from all the pain they had gone through the previous months something so precious had been brought back into his life. It took some courage but he was able to continue. "I think the same sometimes. Wondering what it would be like."
Tears stood in Max's eyes as she took in what he had said. Her head fell forward against his chest as she swallowed hard, fighting the tears. "I miss them, Alec. I never met them and I feel as if my heart is just gone. My babies. I miss them so much."
"I now, sweetie. I know." Alec held back his own tears, focussing instead on calming his girlfriend.
In the twenty minutes it took them to get to Max and Alec's flat, Cindy and Dix had not been able to come up with a tactful way of introducing their subject. In the end they had decided that despite Cindy's reassurances Dix would have to broach the topic, before she took over to bring out the bad news, depending on how you looked at it.
After a final glance, they braced themselves for the storm and knocked.
A muffled: "It's open." Was the only response they received, so Cindy led the way into the flat.
Max's head popped up over the edge of the sofa and lit up with a smile when she saw her best friend had come to visit. The faint shadow of guilt that had haunted her features for months when she saw Cindy seemed to be gone.
"Hey, boo. Me and Dix here came to run something by you. Are we interrupting?"
Alec's disembodied voice answered for his lover: "Nah, we're just relaxing. Make yourself comfortable." The two guests obligingly made their way over to the armchairs facing the couch, smiling at the sight laid out in front of them. Max and Alec looked way beyond relaxed, curled up as they were. In reference to the fact that they had guests however, both sat up, Max tucked against Alec's side and gave them their full attention.
"What's up?"
Dix glanced up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts and then decided to hedge his bets first. "One thing first, you have to listen until the very end before you say anything." Cindy sniggered, but held her tongue. Given the situation she would have probably done the same thing. Alec and Max nodded, although Dix's opening line had done nothing to dispel their worries.
With another glance to the heavens, Dix jumped in at the beginning.
"As you know, before you blew up Manticore and got rid of that hellbeast Renfro, she managed to do one last data dump to an unknown location in order to preserve some of what she had worked on for years. Eye's Only managed to intercept that transmission and download the files to his computer instead."
Max nodded, this was old news.
"What you don't know, because we all figured it would annoy you too much is that it did not sit well with most of the transgenics in the know to have an ordinary in charge of all that is left of their history, good or bad. They let it be, however, cause we were all too busy getting on with life, being on the run or simply finding somewhere good to hide. One of the transgenics - and I am not going to tell you who Max - being really uncomfortable about Eyes Only, hacked one of his data streams and piggy-backed it to the source network. Once there he left a Trojan Horse virus, programmed to download a history of everything Eyes Only did with the Manticore files."
Max bristled at this last bit of information, shocked at how little trust Logan had with the transgenics. A soothing hand on her back, brought her head round to Alec, who smiled at her telling her without words to wait until the end before exploding. With a little mental shake, Max turned her attention back to Dix, who had waited in trepidation for her reaction. When none was forthcoming, he continued.
"For the last couple of months it was all pretty normal. Surfing through the files, pretty much standard when you have no idea what you have. Anybody would be doing the same. Then about a month ago Logan stopped searching and worked exclusively with a single file, name Project Talitha. Checking every subfile, printing a couple of things, then a lot of phone calls. Finally a notation was added. Checks out. And then nothing, went back to surfing the files."
Max and Alec shared a confused look, not sure where this was going. "Why are you telling us this?" Max asked, deciding for the moment to table the problem with the transgenics lack of trust in Logan.
Dix looked at Cindy helplessly.
"I'll carry on. So said dude talked it over with our Dix here and decided to doublecheck. Turns out that a week before Manticore blew, Project Talitha and all the scientists and handlers associated with it were transferred to another facility under Renfro's direct supervision. She was due to follow a month later, but then the two of you happened." Cindy paused, trying to gather her thoughts before she continued to the real meat of the matter. The part that would shake the foundations Max and Alec had managed to rebuild after their ordeal.
"What's a Talitha?" Max asked.
"It is old Aramaic. Talitha cumi. Little girl, arise. Jesus said it to bring the little daughter of a Jewish bureaucrat back to life." Cindy provided, only to flush with anger when the others stared at her.
"What? I'm not just a pretty face you know." Cindy grumbled.
Dix smiled, taking over once more. "The file refers to a child with the exceptional properties Manticore had been searching for. Or that's the theory anyway." He stopped once more, to let Cindy take over, after all she had promised to drop the bombshell.
"This child was conceived the natural way." She sighed. "Max, the file says that the parents are X5-494 and X5-452." With a heavy heart she watched Max's face pale, while Alec simply froze in mid-motion, hand halfway down Max's arm in mid-caress. Almost in slow motion the two of them moved even closer together until Alec held Max securely on his lap, wrapped in his arms. Braced together for what they knew was coming next.
"It's your baby. They took it. The notations on the file state that Renfro ordered only one fetus removed. The medic responsible for the extraction lodged a formal protest and was removed. Mackintosh replaced him. People called him the butcher. While efforts were made to ensure there would be no external scarring on Max's body to tip anybody off, no such efforts were made when it came to the fraternal twin. Fetus A was moved to a braindead X5 host and the damaged fetus B left behind. The whole project was moved off site as soon as they were sure the carrier would stand up to transport and no spontaneous miscarriage would occur. The fetus they left in Max was too damaged to survive full-term. And as far as the files go, when you went atomic on Manticore, the project was still up and running. And seeing as we haven't heard anything about secret military installations since then, we're assuming it is still on the go."
She received no response from the couple across from her, both still absorbed in the sheer shock that just when they had resigned themselves to their situation, had started moving forward in their lives, it turned out that their baby was still out there somewhere. Max was deathly afraid to hope, since it had hit her in the ass so often, but still an incredible warmth suffused her body at the thought that somewhere out there, her baby, their precious child was still alive and well. So lost was she in her thoughts that Alec's words came like a blast of cold water in the face, bringing her back to the one thing she had forgotten in the sheer joy of hope.
"Logan knew?" His voice was like ice, carefully hiding what he was feeling, although Max had a really good idea what that was seeing as she felt the first stirrings of rage rising in herself.
Dix nodded unhappily. "Yeah. After all we only know because we traced his computer. He definitely knows."
Max and Alec shared a helpless look. One of their own had betrayed their trust. Somebody they relied on with their lives had failed them. It was time to talk to Logan. She only hoped she could stop Alec from beating the tar out of him before they could get the answer to their questions.
"I did it for YOU!" Logan yelled, hands thrown into the air as he stalked back and forth in his flat. Cindy, Max and Alec simply sat and watched him, slightly surprised at the situation. When did Logan become the injured party?
"You did it for me?" Max asked incredulously. "You didn't tell me that the one thing I thought I had lost, was still out there. My baby is out there and you didn't tell me for my sake? How does that work?"
Logan looked at her, a pitying expression marring his otherwise intelligent face. "See, Maxie. I knew you would react like this. You're letting contrived emotions cloud your judgement. It is a well-documented fact that ephemeral emotional ties form easily in situations of heightened duress. A version of the Stockholm syndrome if you like in which victims identify with their captors or fellow inmates. The relationships very rarely survive in the real world."
He waved a derisive hand that's somehow managed to encompass Alec and the whole transgenic issue in one go.
"This wont last and encouraging said emotional ties in any way, shape or form would only hinder the healing process. That wouldn't be in your best interests. And maybe if Alec knew that, we wouldn't be in this situation." Logan would never know that the only thing preventing him from being turned into a smear on the wall was a combination of Alec's iron will and the solid grip Max had on her lover's arm. That didn't stop Cindy from jumping up and giving him a solid smack across the face, which whipped his head around and left a satisfactorily red mark blooming on his cheek.
"You idiot!" She hissed. "It's not for you to decide. Count yerself lucky I stopped there cause the only thing stopping me from going medieval on yer ass is that my girl there still doesn't have all the answers she needs."
For a second it looked as if Logan might retaliate, but Max's quiet and composed voice stopped him. "Logan, you are going to tell me everything. Where the facility is, what they did to our baby. Everything. And don't even think about lying to me, cause I can tell."
"Max, you don't know what you're doing, you're still not recovered from your miscarriage. The hormones are clouding your judgement." The patronising tone of voice was really getting on Alec's nerves and he wanted nothing more than to get out of the flat and never have to see the sanctimonious prat again.
"Shut up Logan. No hormones apparently clouding my judgement, so answer the frigging question and we can get on with things."
"You're being stupid. The facility is twice as guarded as Manticore was, there are sentries everywhere. Going there is going to get you killed. Don't you see that? I didn't tell you because I knew you would react in this stupid manner."
Alec made it halfway out of his seat this time, before Max managed to slam him back down beside her. In an attempt to calm him further, she slipped into his lap, hand stroking soothingly up and down his back. Their eyes spoke volumes as she convinced him to let her handle this. There would be a reckoning, but right then and there they had other fish to fry.
The soothing manner with which she treated Alec was in direct contradiction to the glacier like glare she sent in Logan's direction. "Logan. I want to know everything. I know that somewhere on that little computer network of yours you have everything I want to know. You are going to give it to me and then you are going to copy all the Manticore files onto our system at TC, including the files on my family. When that is done, you will delete all your notes, and I will know if you don't and take over the matter in a way you will not enjoy. And then, Mr. Cale I never want to see you again. You will stay away from me and mine. Our quid pro quo agreement is over."
Leaving a speechless Logan behind, Max, Alec and Cindy left his flat for the last time, phoning in for somebody to come and watch the transfer. And just like that Logan's involvement in the transgenic cause was over.
Another room, another place. The sunlight battled in vain against the tightly closed curtains, striving futilely to find the slightest crack it could exploit to lighten the gloom within. However, this was not a place for sunlight or fresh air it seemed. Indeed the people who worked in this place insisted that all that would be wasted on the occupant of the room in any case.
Others argued that basic human rights should force them to make the occupant more comfortable. They never lasted long, always disappeared as fast as they had shown up. After all why bother making an animal, indeed an animal that was only valuable for what was inside, why bother making it comfortable. It was not like it would be able to tell in any case. The bulky machine that charted brainwaves had been reassuringly silent for months, showing nary a wiggle to prove that the body in the bed indeed lived, or at least did anything bar breathing and fulfilling its purpose. At least the purpose those in power had dedicated it to. The purpose it had been chosen for due to its unique genetic makeup.
The air was musty, the window having been closed for the long months of summer, as the heat beat against the glass and warmed up the room within. The only sound to be heard was the bright ping of two heart monitors, one fast and frenetic, the other an odd counterpoint, much slower, mechanical in its rhythm.
Footsteps could be heard coming closer down the hall outside the room. They stopped in front of the door, the walker maybe uncomfortable about entering this prison of a different sort. After another few seconds the door opened and a young woman entered the room. With quick practiced hands she checked the machines, making sure each worked within the given parameters. Notes were jotted on the clipboard she carried with her, the yellow colour almost obscenely bright in the gloom of the room. The young woman hummed to herself under her breath, as you do when walking through a forest at night, a background sound to distract you from the scary world just beyond your perception.
"Well, everything seems to be fine." She made herself jump with the sound of her own voice, then shrugged her shoulders and the feeling off. In any case, she continued talking to herself, knowing full well that there was no way the occupant was able to hear her. Almost complete brain damage will do that to a person after all.
"Vital signs are strong, well apart from the wasteland that is your brain. Machines are working at full potential. No worries there."
With a practiced move she flipped back the blanket covering her patient, for lack of a better word. Sliding her hands beneath the body in the bed she checked for the sores so common in those laid up in bed for a long time, but once again the superior healing qualities of her patient stumped her, showing only clean unmarked skin. Unmarked except for the needles penetrating her arms feeding her life-giving fluids and the catheter inserted into her body to remove the wastes it produced.
"And once again the amazing vegetable defies established medical knowledge." A faint frown marked the young woman's face, as her conscience reared its head for a second. In the beginning she had been shocked at the state this patient was being kept in. However, seeing colleagues disappear from one second to the next had quickly taught her that asking questions was strongly discouraged. As time passed she had become immune to what she saw in this room, as prolonged exposure to the wrongs committed by humanity often does. As day after day passed with no response from her patient, no indication that she was even alive, apart from what was growing in her body, the young woman had become indifferent, now solely focussed on the baby growing inside this living incubator.
Point by point she worked her way down the list on her clipboard, until she finally came to her favourite. The ultrasound was already in place by the bed and a quick dollop of gel later, she received the first images on the screen. Ten fingers, ten toes, head curled in to her belly, the baby was beautiful. Amniotic testing had shown a perfect genetic makeup, with none of the faults generally expected considering their years of genetic testing and manipulating.
"Seems that the old-fashioned method does work best after all." The young woman mused, as she printed out a picture to go into the rapidly thickening file upstairs. A quick mental calculation showed that there were only a couple of weeks left before the baby was finally ready to be brought into the world. Rumour had it that the caesarean was already booked. Not that she would have anything to do with that. As soon as the baby was due to be born her job here would be over. "And then maybe I can finally move on to something interesting." One final glance around the room and the young woman left as quickly and efficiently as she had come, the door closing firmly behind her.
Inside the room the machines pinged on in their unending rhythm, counting down the minutes, hours and days until the end finally came. One way or another.