Chapter Five

This "Love" You Speak Of

Michael TH: Props to Angela for not hiring the weird guy! …Not a bad guy, I'm sure. He's just not… exactly… "Ryan" material.

Angela TH: Of course I did not hire that man. I would not have been able to stand working with him. Not that I can stand any of my current coworkers, except for one.

Angela realizes what she just said, and tries to cover it up.

Angela TH: I meant Andy, of course. …Andy. My fiancé.

Clip of Angela sitting down in the break room. Dwight enters and looks at her for a moment. There is an awkward pause. Then Angela gets up and, without a word, walks past Dwight out of the break room.

Back to: more talking heads. They take place right after each other, and almost overlap to show that each person was asked the same questions.

Angela TH: (As if repeating a question that was just asked.) "What do I think love is?" Well, what do you mean?

Michael TH: Ahhh, what do I think love is? I think it's when the whole world is working against you, and yet you still want to make your relationship work for all the world.

Michael smiles, obviously thinking he is very wise.

Michael TH: The perfect example of love is right in this workplace, me and Holly.

Angela TH: Love is… hard to describe….

She looks at the camera, but is speechless.

Dwight TH: Love is very tricky. My grandfather swore he would never fall in love and get married, but then he met my grandmother. That's the thing about love, you can search the entire world and never find it, and yet sometimes it completely unexpectedly hits you, like a freight train, or a bear. That's why love is actually the Schrutes' only weakness. …Besides freight trains and bears.

Jim TH: Love isn't always like it is in all those romantic comedies or whatever. Sometimes, no matter how perfect two people are for each other, they don't end up together. I guess all you can do is try to make it work, and have faith that true love will come through.

Jim smiles, effectively breaking the serious mood.

Jim TH: Which reminds me, I have to call Pam soon. (Gets out cell phone.)

Dwight TH: My father's siblings were both killed by freight trains. My family cat was mauled by a bear. But he lived. We never actually saw the bear, which was strange….

Kelly TH: (Completely serious for once.) I don't really know what love is. Like, Ryan always used to tell me he loved me when we were alone together. But then when we were at work or anywhere else in front of the cameras or coworkers, he was all, "Oh, let's not do that now." I mean, we would make out when you guys were busy interviewing Toby or whatever, but it wasn't the same. It was like he was ashamed to admit he liked me. At least with Darryl, he doesn't have this childish need to impress Michael or Jim or whoever. And with Darryl, well, it might not exactly be true love, but it's something… right?

Angela TH: (Still is speechless.) Well….

Dwight TH: …And then, at the age of six, my other cousin was hit by a train….

Michael TH: Hey, by the way, has Holly mentioned me at all? You know…?

Holly TH: Michael? Uh, yeah, he's nice. He seems like a good boss and a sweet guy. (Smiles secretively.)

Michael TH: So, is that a "no"…?

Dwight TH: My mother's side of the family never really had that much of a problem with getting hit by trains. It's almost a tradition on my father's side. When you turn six, the family leaves you on a railroad track and if you're strong enough, you survive. When they did this to me, I ran away and lived in the woods for two weeks before they found me.

Andy TH: Man, when I think about love, I always think about this one girl I used to date. Amber Smith. She went to college with me, a little school called Cornell, you might know it. I won her over with my awesome musical talents. But then, uh, yeah, she cheated on me with this guy who was on the football team. Totally broke my heart, I never really got over it. She ended up marrying the jerk a few years ago. Why would she pick that guy over me? He didn't even have a good singing voice. (Sighs.) …Anyway, I'm just glad that I never have to worry about my heart being broken again, now that I'm engaged to this gorgeous woman.

Zoom out to reveal that Angela is sitting right next to Andy. She has a slightly guilty expression on her face.

Andy TH: Yep, it's great having a fiancée because it means you can never cheat on each other. Right, my Flower?

Angela: (To the camera.) Adultery is a sin.

Andy smiles and leaves the room, satisfied. Angela finally gets her moment to talk to the camera.

Angela TH: (Sighs.) I guess that love is finding someone who wants the same things in life as you, who's willing to get married to you before you get too old, and who will listen to what you say and never hurt you. And you can go move to a nice little community, and live, maybe not in happiness, but at least in… safety, and comfort for the rest of your life. …And if that's not what love is, then it's what it should be.

She raises an eyebrow as if challenging the camera.

Dwight TH: Yeah, so to answer your question, freight trains can be dangerous. (Looks at camera knowingly.)