Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's all J. K. Rowling's.

A/N: Annie Talbot and Machshefa are the lovely ladies who beta-read this fic! : :hugs: :

Chapter 15: Amends

Hermione hadn't been able to enjoy the shopping that afternoon, and she hadn't been able to partake in the cheerful mood of the party at the Burrow that night, either. That was why she'd refused Harry's invitation for Christmas brunch. She'd told him she would spend the day with her parents, but the truth was that she didn't feel like celebrating after what Snape had said.

Frustrated suicidal whose life had no meaning at all….

If he hadn't been so serious about saying that, Hermione would have dismissed it as dark sarcasm. She still wanted to, but knew she would be fooling herself if she did so. He'd meant it, he'd really meant it.

Hermione curled further up on her couch. She held her mug of tea with both hands, wanting the warmth to spread and give her comfort.

He couldn't be manipulating her, could he? A flash of anger seeped through Hermione's sympathy. She wouldn't put it beyond him to use such low means to get what he wanted.

Then she forgot all about it when she remembered she still had the ring.

Could this ring mean so much to him that it alone gave his life meaning? That was heavy even for her. Snape couldn't have such strong feelings for something he once called a piece of cheap metal.

What if there was truth amidst all his sarcastic answers? Maybe this ring had belonged to a deceased wife or daughter…. It was a sad idea that left Hermione's heart full of guilt. There was no more reason to doubt Snape – this ring was his.

Hermione left the couch and walked to the desk that faced the big window. She placed her mug on the coaster and opened a drawer where she kept blank parchment and envelopes. She would write to Snape asking for another meeting.

o0oOo0o

It'd been two days already, and no sign of Snape. Hermione didn't want to force a meeting, but she couldn't let go, either. If the ring meant to him as much as she thought it did, he would regret what he'd said and would want to meet with her again eventually.

Her instincts were pushing her towards Hogsmeade, screaming that she should go after him. But Hermione didn't want to be invasive. The man was private. How long had they corresponded, and how much have he revealed? He treasured his privacy and she wouldn't invade it like that.

Hermione looked at the ring in her thumb, watching the play of the firelight on its stones. Not even the distractions of work were succeeding on taking her mind off of Snape.

She would write him another letter, this time reassuring him that she wouldn't be asking for proofs that the ring was his. She just wanted to make wrong right again; she needed to meet him.

She prepared a letter and would send it on her way to Harry's house next morning.

o0oOo0o

Lunch at Grimmauld Place on Sundays had always cheered Hermione's spirit, but this Sunday, the laughter of her friends wasn't taking her out of her blues. She could fake happiness like she'd done in the war years, but it felt awful to do so. She preferred to slip unnoticed from the kitchen and go to somewhere quieter.

She thought she'd been successful until Harry knocked on the door of the library, startling her.

"I'm sorry if I startled you," he apologized, entering the room and taking one of the leather chairs.

Hermione turned to the shelves again, trying to select something interesting enough to take her mind of the letter she'd sent earlier. She took her time reading the titles, enjoying the feel of the books under her fingers as she went.

"What's wrong, Hermione?"

Hermione finally selected a book and joined Harry on the leather chairs. "Why does it have to be something wrong?" she asked.

"You left the kitchen without saying where you were going. Also, Ron has been saying all sort of nonsense and you haven't admonished him once."

Harry smiled, but something in her answering smile made him sober. "Hermione…."

"I'm fine, Harry. You don't have to worry. You can tell the others in the kitchen prying into my life that I missed your library, that's all," she said, lifting the book she was holding. "I wonder how you conspirators choose who gets to come after your victims."

"Would you prefer Ron?"

Hermione snorted despite her gloomy mood. It was well known that Ron was not to be trusted to conduct a serious conversation with her without them getting into a fight. That was the universally known reason why they'd broken up a couple of years ago.

"You'll come to me if there's something bothering you, right?" Harry asked more seriously.

"Of course," she assured him.

He nodded, standing up to leave Hermione with the company of his inherited books.

Hermione actually tried to focus her attention on the book, but she ended up staring into space more often than not, lost in thoughts.

Even if the rest of the house had been thoroughly changed and highly improved, the library remained practically unchanged, bringing many memories of wartime. She could remember times when Snape had attended meetings there, mostly on call from Dumbledore. The old man had made him miserable then, and she was making him miserable now.

Hermione held her head in her hands. Should she go after him, consequences be damned? What if it made things even worse?

She had to wait for an answer to her letters, and this was torturing her.

Snape must be laughing about the agony he knows he's causing, Hermione thought and felt a bit better about her situation.

She decided she'd wallowed in guilt long enough and joined the others in the kitchen. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

o0oOo0o

Hermione could forget Snape while she worked, at least most of the time, but when she got home, there was nothing to distract her. It was Tuesday already and no sign of the man. She'd thought about writing to Minerva to see if she could mediate a meeting between them, but discarded the idea as desperate.

As the evening turned into night, not even Apparating to Hogwarts at such a late hour seemed desperate if that meant she would meet him. Of course she didn't do it, but she wrote another letter that read just as desperate as that.

Professor Snape,

Please answer my letters. I just want to meet you to return your ring. I thought I made that clear on the previous requests for a meeting. I can Apparate into Hogsmeade, go to Hogwarts, it's no problem. Just, please, answer this letter.

I promise I won't question you. Let's meet, please.

Hermione

Yes, it read like she was desperate, but she was getting worried and this might incite an answer. She folded it to send in the morning.

And if there was no answer by the end of day, the last of the year, she would go to Hogwarts. It was Hermione's first New Year's resolution for 2004.

o0oOo0o

January first, Thursday. Hermione held her cloak firmly around her neck to protect herself from the piecing wind. She knew it would be colder in Scotland and came prepared. The walk from the gates to the doors of the castle was not too long, but the snow slowed her.

When she went through the big doors and into the Entrance Hall, she let the welcoming warmth wrap up around her, helping the process by drying her clothes with a practiced charm.

She took a good look around. Unlike Harry, she hadn't been to Hogwarts often and it had been at least a couple of years since her last visit.

The castle remained unchanged after the many repairs that followed the aftermath of battle.

Warmer, Hermione headed for the dungeons. He could ignore her letters all he wanted, but he would have to listen to her in person.

Maybe not.

Hermione was tired of knocking on every single door to every single room he might have been hiding in. The infuriating man was ignoring her knocks!

But Hermione wasn't going to waste her trip. She decided that now was the time to ask Minerva to intercede on her behalf. Snape surely couldn't ignore a call from the Headmistress.

She met the gargoyles and asked for the Headmistress.

"The Headmistress is away. You can either come back on a better day or meet with the Deputy Headmaster."

Hermione sighed. "Who's the Deputy Headmaster?"

"Professor Filius Flitwick."

Hermione was starting to lose hope on a meeting with Snape. As she walked to Professor Flitwick's office, she wondered how the tiny wizard could make Snape meet her. She knocked anyway.

"Oh, hello, my dear!"

She had to smile at the professor's enthusiasm. "Hello, Professor. I'm sorry to bother you, but I need to speak with Professor Snape and couldn't find him in the dungeons. Minerva is away and the gargoyles sent me to you. Do you know where can I find Professor Snape, sir?"

"I'm afraid he's away as well. Did you try to reach him by owl?"

"He's away? Since when?"

Her questions seemed to confuse the tiny man.

"It's nothing serious, but I've been trying to reach him since Christmas," she said to clarify.

"He left last Friday. He said he'd be back by the start of the term." Her distress must have shown, because he added, "I got an owl from him yesterday about some school business. You should try to owl him."

So he was ignoring her. She felt relived and annoyed at the same time. She hadn't realized how much she had feared for him until she'd heard that news. But even if he was fine, the fact remained that he wasn't there and that he was still ignoring her letters.

She thanked Professor Flitwick and went back home. There was nothing she could do at Hogwarts if Snape wasn't there. Hermione wondered where he'd gone; she couldn't think of Snape living anywhere but Hogwarts, even though he obviously had a home elsewhere.

If Snape thought he could drive her insane with guilt, he was very wrong. She would be leaving for Bulgaria in a couple of days, but before she left, Hermione had a last letter to write and another visit to pay.

Coming next… Snape tries to find a meaning for his live and receives a visit.