AN: A year since the last chapter?? That's crazy. Anyway, been busy with the stupid job and all, oh and the whole addition of a boyfriend kinda takes up time too. So, there is my half-assed apology for the long delayed update. Second anyway, the lack of Heroes (CURSE THE WRITER'S STRIKE!!) has sort of messed with my inspiration so I have no idea if this one will be any good, but I will certainly try. (I'm writing it as I go, cross your fingers)
SEASON TWO OPTIONS!
As stated before, Sylar is not the monogamous sort. (what badguy is?) So Season Two rolls around and Sylar feels the need for some 'variety'. After all, it wouldn't be seemly for an omnipotent villain to exclusively date a minor (dead) character. So once more Sylar ventures out into the wonderful world of dating. This time without the aid of fanfiction...
OPTION 1-MAYA (MAZHA) HERRERA
Actually, at first Sylar thought her name was Mazha, since that's the way her fruity brother said it, but he did a quick little check on Wikipedia and it was definitely Maya.
It was easy to track her down since she had the black oil and the FBI...oops. I meant since there was a trail of weird massacres in her wake. If she kept killing at that rate, Sylar wouldn't need a partner...ewww! Massacres get him all HOT!
So he followed her into the Mexican version of Dairy Queen. Leche Queeno. (check out my Spanish)
"You want some fries to go with that shake?" He asked, using his best pick-up line.
She stared blankly at him.
"I said, you want some fries to go with that shake?"
She stared some more.
"Uh, did it hurt?"
She stared.
"You know, when you fell from Heaven?"
More staring, and she has some creepy eyes.
"You should be arrested-"
At that line her eyes went all black and everyone started dying.
"Crap! She has the Black Oil!" Sylar said, dying.
Unfortunately, no one in Leceh Queeno spoke English, so they just thought she was a demon, not an alien-possessed weirdo.
Suddenly Alejandro comes out of the bathroom and does his whammy and everyone lives.
"Anti-kill power? That's stupid. But it could come in handy if I forget out anniversary." Sylar said as he cut open Alejandro's skull to get to the juicy brains on the inside. Once he was done eating, he turned to Maya.
"Wanna go out? You're teh hawtness and I can totally help you with your power!" He said in Spanish, because he learned Spanish from Rosetta Stone while he was eating her brother's brain in front of her.
"OK!" She said, since she was ridiculously stupid.
And they skipped off into the sunset. Until four hours later when she got on his nerves and he ate her brain.
OPTION 2: MONICA DAWSON
Sylar considered this option for a few seconds before ruling her out as too boring.
OPTION 3: ELLE BISHOP
She was crazy, she was sadistic, and yet...he didn't feel the chemistry, no he did not. On paper they were perfect: both outcasts with loony parents, both psychotic, both TEH SEZZY1!, but still he felt there would be more chemistry with a doorknob. So he simply ate her brain and went onto Option 4.
OPTION 4: TAKEZO KENSEI aka ADAM MONROE
Perfect! A SLASH alliance of the two greatest Heroes Villains!
So Sylar went to the graveyard and started to dig him up.
"Excuse me?" Eden's tombstone bled.
"What now? You're always nagging me!" He threw a shovelful of dirt at the stone.
"You're gonna cheat on me right here? While I'm watching?"
"Technically your eyes have rotted out so you can't see anything." She really did get on his nerves.
"I'm a ghost, idiot. Dead!Eden, not Zombie!Eden."
"Look it's not you-"
"Oh shut up. I'm already cheating on you with Papa Suresh. Go have your Slash affair."
Sylar cried a single tear. Eden just rolled over in her grave and ignored him.
At last Sylar got to the bottom and opened the coffin. It was empty.
Sylar howled at the moon in his sorrow.
"You're a little late. My latest bride has already dug me up." Adam Kensei Takezo Monroe said.
"But I LOVE you!" Sylar whined.
"Sorry, taken."
"But she's like five!" Sylar cried, glaring at Dakota Fanning.
"I live forever, I need one with some shelf life."
Sylar burst into tears and sissy ran out of the cemetery.
"What? This show is MEANT for Pedophilia! Come on, the little high school cheerleader sex symbol? That hawt little Micah and Molly? Yeah." AKTM walked away holding hands with his newest bride.
Now, at his point Sylar was beginning to think that it wasn't him. He was beautiful with powerful eyebrows and a perfectly rodential quality. It was the season two characters. They were all really just filler characters. They couldn't even contend with the likes of Simone and Isaac. Sylarmance is too good for filler characters. But he was running out of Options. He would have to boldly go where everyone has been before...the geriatric characters...
AN2: Sorry this one wasn't funny, just filler like the characters in it. But the next one will hopefully be disturbing enough to make up for it.