Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's all J. K. Rowling's.
A/N: Annie Talbot and Machshefa are the lovely ladies who beta-read this fic! : :hugs: :
Chapter 16: Delivery
Severus, upon receiving the first of Granger's letters that had followed that disastrous meeting, had no other option but leave Hogwarts for the holidays. She would eventually try to reach him there. She had exuded pity all over, and Severus was tired of pity. He didn't need it, didn't want it – never would.
The bright side of this decision to leave was, of course, being away from Granger's pity, the not-so-bright side of this, though, was that he didn't have anywhere to go except his childhood home in Spinner's End. He had no choice. There was nowhere else to go.
So, to Spinner's End he went, convinced that it was preferable to the alternative. He could hide there like he'd often done during the war, and he would ignore her as long as possible. This would give him time to recover from the conversation they'd had, from the humiliation he'd undergone, and more importantly, to grow some immunity to this woman, who had been only an annoying girl not so very long ago.
What happened to that girl? She had obviously become a dangerous woman. She knew how to get to him and she wasn't afraid to use that power, unlike most people. She defied him, doubted him, and made him make a fool of himself.
The worst part of this was Granger's ability to expose him, most notably, to himself. He'd gone there with the specific objective of getting his ring back, and he'd left pushing it back at her and admitting his misery and that he was living a life without a meaning.
I'm a pathetic failure of a human being.
He knew it, and he didn't need to be reminded. For three days he wasn't, for three days he'd been left in what passed for peace in his life, thinking Granger had gone on with her perfect life and had left him to his miserable one.
On the third of those days, the oppression he felt and blamed on being stuck in that deplorable house, haunted by painful memories, became unbearable even for him. If he had to be haunted by memories of his childhood, he preferred the ones outside, and donning a cloak, he went for a long walk.
He trailed the sure steps of a well-known path, not actually looking around, simply feeling the cold air of the breeze coming from the unsheltered icy river. The white background, stained with tinges of gray, blended with his mood and appearance, making him seem even more a part of the landscape. But his mind's eye didn't see the world in the monochromatic colors in front of him, but in all the greens and blues, bright reds and comforting browns of summers spent in the company of his happiness – for Lily had been the only happiness in his life.
For years, he hadn't gone looking for his happy memories. They had always been there, attached to his biggest mistakes, keeping him strong and alive.
Whole.
Now there was something missing, something he'd lost. It was maddening, and it had taken him to the old playground. It wasn't the same, neither in appearance nor in sentiment. She wasn't there; he wasn't there. Determined not to go back to his misery without finding this piece of himself, Severus walked down the street, letting his soul guide him to a house, but when he got there, brick and cold glass met him; no warmth, no joy, no guilt, only indifference and nothing else at all.
Severus observed the house Lily had lived in during their childhood with black eyes that reflected the state of his spirit. He gave time enough for the old feelings to manifest, but they remained inert, his heart untouched. He replayed in his mind important moments lived there, but they were nothing but the past – a very distant past.
Turning his back to this futile exercise, defeated, he went back to his shabby house, knowing he wouldn't be whole ever again, not even with Lily's memory. He entered his book-filled living room expecting to be greeted with a deepening loneliness, but instead found an owl perched on the arm of the old couch.
For a moment, his heart expanded at the sight of it. Then he remembered that it was most probably from Flitwick – nothing to get excited about. But the moment he felt the parchment with his fingers, he knew it was from her and paused – his heart had just expanded again, and this time Severus couldn't do anything to contain it.
Her message wasn't long, and if he looked at the essence of it, it was rather simple: meet me again, I believe you.
He frowned; she pitied him. Even though he was certain of that, Severus didn't dispose of her letter. He refolded it and let it fall over the book he'd been reading. He left for the kitchen, suddenly noticing he was hungry.
o0oOo0o
It was the last day of the year, but for Severus it was a day like every other. He hadn't planned anything special for the evening and wouldn't. He'd been organizing all the books he kept there – a task most overdue. It's had been three days since Granger had written him last. If she was methodical, he might get a visit from another owl before the day was over.
It was little past noon when his predictions were confirmed. He smirked, satisfied, taking the missive from the bird and reading it as he walked towards the kitchen. He stopped short of getting there, arching his eyebrows at the content of the letter.
Granger was pleading him to answer her letters, to meet her. Pleading.
Severus didn't know what to make of a pleading Hermione Granger. Again, where was the proud Gryffindor girl, the annoying girl who made sure she was the one helping the inept students with her superior intellect just to show she didn't need any help? The showoff was gone?
Severus made his way to the small kitchen of his house, trying to come to grips with who he was dealing with. When he came back to the living room bringing a cup of tea, he was lost in thought, the books all around forgotten.
He tried to forget the girl and focus on the woman he'd met at the Leaky Cauldron. He attempted to replay in his mind all her expressions, her gestures. She had expressive eyes, big brown eyes that betrayed her thoughts without the need for Legilimency. Her hands were delicate, small and looked soft.
Only then had Severus remembered the ring. It caught him by surprise, not because he hadn't seen her wearing it that day, but because he hadn't thought about it in a while. He frowned at the realization. This was all about his ring after all.
Be that as it may, Severus folded the letter and left it on the couch when he stood. He didn't intend to answer, so it didn't matter what had brought this behavior on. Hell could freeze over and Severus wouldn't care less.
He worked all day at his books, but at night, close to midnight, he chose a nice bottle of Muggle wine and poured some in a simple glass goblet. He rolled the liquid on his tongue, savoring it as the old clock chimed the end of that year.
He went upstairs not much later, preparing for a good night of sleep. Before Morpheus dragged him into unconsciousness, the vision of brown eyes looking intently at him, together with the memory of the letters, made a smile grow from the corners of his mouth.
Severus dreamed that night, but he didn't remember any of it in the morning.
o0oOo0o
Hogwarts was safe again, or so the letter Flitwick had sent suggested. Granger had visited the castle yesterday, looking for him, and had gone home frustrated, or so he hoped.
This situation was starting to entertain him. Granger was being driven insane by his disregard of her pity. She'd pleaded, she'd gone after him. It was good for her to drink some of her own venom, being tortured herself just like she'd tortured him every time she'd denied him the ring.
What would she do next? This new Hermione Granger was much more interesting than her younger version. He didn't have to hide anymore; he had the upper hand now. So he decided he could leave Spinner's End. It was Friday, and he could enjoy a castle free of students for one last weekend before the new term started. He would devote some time to his neglected research, and would wait for Granger's next step.
Because he had no doubt that being the Gryffindor the she was, she wouldn't give up until she got what she wanted, whatever it was.
o0oOo0o
A knock on his office door disturbed Severus. The term had started today and he was already being exposed to the annoying students.
"Come in," he called irritated.
He regretted it the moment the door opened to admit his nemesis, Harry bloody Potter.
"We need to talk," Potter informed him.
Severus arched an eyebrow at his audacity. "I certainly don't need to talk to you, Potter. In fact, I don't need or want to do so." Severus dismissed Potter with that and went back to his marking.
"I'm here on behalf of someone else," Potter continued, taking a seat in front of his desk without being asked, as always. "I came to deliver a letter and I need you to read it before I go."
Severus snorted in spite of his pretence of ignoring the man. "You really should ask about owls, Potter. They're very capable birds, very efficient in delivering mail."
A letter fell over the essay he was marking. Severus looked up with a sneer. He opened his mouth to talk, but Potter was faster.
"You want me out, read the letter." Severus' nemesis crossed his arms over his chest and reclined on his chair.
Severus glared, taking the parchment Potter had just thrown at him to throw it back when he felt the quality of the paper. He looked at the envelope and narrowed his eyes.
"What is this?" he asked, suspicious. It was obviously a letter from Granger, but Severus had to ask. What had Potter to do with this?
"It's a letter, sir, and one you should read before I'm free to go."
Severus' eyes remained narrowed while he glared at Potter. "I can see it's a letter, you moron. What do you have to do with it?"
"Why don't you read it and find out?" Potter smirked.
"Who sent you here?" Severus wanted to know how much Potter knew.
"Sir, just open the letter," Potter said, seeming annoyed.
Too curious by now, Severus opened Granger's letter.
Professor Snape,
I know you don't want to meet me, I'm not stupid, but don't think you can ignore and avoid me forever. You left before we finished our conversation. It wasn't my intention to scare or insult you.
The ring is yours, I have no doubt now. I was simply trying to understand the importance it had for you, but I think I got carried away. I didn't want you to leave that way, and I've been looking for you ever since to apologize.
So, I'm sorry.
Severus sighed.
I know how important the Claddagh Ring is for you – much more than it is for me. Even though I don't know your reasons, I want you to have it back. I'm spending a month in Bulgaria, but ask Harry for the box; he has it.
She gave the ring to Potter! She told him about this! Severus didn't even know what made him read further.
By the way, he doesn't know what this is all about. I wouldn't violate your privacy like that, I couldn't. If he acts like he knows something, it is because he wants you to betray some information, it's an Auror technique. But I'm sure you know all that.
Before I leave you, I have one last thing to ask: answer my letters, please.
Yours,
Hermione
Severus didn't know if it was the request or how she'd signed the letter, but he felt like smiling. He didn't, of course, but the feeling was there.
Potter was staring at him, he was aware of that. He folded the letter and met his gaze.
"I think you have something else for me."
Potter took a small bag from inside his robes and offered it to Severus. He took it, but didn't open, placing it on a drawer of his desk.
"You can leave now, Potter," he dismissed the messenger.
"I think Hermione will be expecting an answer," Potter said.
"That's none of your business. You made the delivery, now go play owl somewhere else." Severus stood up, placed his hands on the desk, and arched an eyebrow at Potter.
Potter sighed and stood to leave. When he stopped on the way out and looked back, ready to say something, Severus barked, "Out."
This time he went, cursing under his breath, and Severus was free to turn his smirk into a smile when the door banged shut.
Coming next… Hermione tries to live without the ring and its owner.