Hogwarts, Second year…

Sirius, James and Peter watched quietly as Remus folded the last of his underwear and stuffed it into his knapsack. Sirius looked from Peter to James, who finally nodded in reply to his silent question. This was becoming somewhat of a ritual. Every month, they'd take turns to ask Remus where he was going, and every month it would be the same lame excuses.

'Going somewhere, Rem?' James asked casually, lying back against the headboard.

Remus didn't look up, and instead, zipped his bag shut. 'Yeah, I'm going back home for a day. My aunt Angus died yesterday. She was very close to my mum,' he said, sounding more weary than depressed. He poured himself a glass of water from the bedside table, running the other hand through his disheveled hair.

Sirius raised his eyebrow. 'So, you're mother's okay then,' he said slowly, sarcasm dripping from every word.

Remus's shoulders tensed visibly and he looked up at Sirius questioningly. 'She's fine, thank you. Why do you ask?' He flung his bag over his shoulder, glass still in hand, and walked towards the door, his hand poised over the handle as he looked at them one last time.

Sirius shrugged. 'She was ill last month, so I assumed she'd be particularly distressed,' He looked into Remus's eyes spitefully. 'After all, aunt Angus was very close.'

The glass shattered to a million tiny shards in Remus's hands and fell soundlessly to the carpeted floor. 'Fuck!' exclaimed Remus, quickly muttering a spell to put the broken pieces together.

Sirius smiled satisfactorily. James and Peter, however, were looking at Remus's hand, horrified. The thick glass had cut through deep, deep enough to leave any normal twelve-year-old boy crying and whimpering in pain. And Remus hadn't even flinched. There was blood dripping, red and steady from his wound onto the carpet, and Remus didn't seem to have noticed at all.

'Rem,' said James slowly. 'Your hand.'

Remus looked at his hand distractedly and his cheeks paled. 'Oh. Oh yeah. It's nothing. I'll just stop by Madam Pomfrey's on the way.' He shifted nervously from one foot to another. 'So, yeah…well…I'll see you guys in a couple of days.' He smiled weakly. 'Goodbye.'

He was out before any of them could say anything further.

Peter frowned. 'He forgot to take his toothbrush.'

James rolled his eyes at Peter and chose to glare at Sirius instead. 'You didn't have to be so nasty to him, you know. He was clearly upset over something.'

'Something being the key word, since this is the third time Aunt Angus died since first year. I hate being lied to,' growled Sirius. 'My parents do it all the time and now Remus is doing the same. I bloody hate it!'

James got up from his bed suddenly and started pacing the floor, occasionally running a hand through his hair. 'He's following a pattern, I know it, but I just can't put my finger on it. He never goes on the same day, but every month…every month, there's like a preplanned tragedy waiting to happen.'

Sirius laughed bitterly. 'Yeah and ironically, judging by the state he comes back in, it seems the tragedy happens to him more than anyone else in his family. How stupid does he think we are? There's nothing to figure out. It's quite clear what a stupid, fucking, hypocrite –'

'Will you just shut up for a moment, Sirius,' snapped James. 'I know you're pissed at him, but you and I both know that Remus isn't the sort to lie. There's obviously something wrong, and he's trying very hard to hide it from us.'

'D-Do you think he's sick?' squeaked Peter. He bit his lip at Sirius and James's questioning glances. 'You know, like a muggle disease or something. There are a few that even magic can't cure, and he's half blood, so he's more vulnerable to them than the two of you.'

James looked at him skeptically 'What kind of disease would require treatment every month?'

Peter ran a nervous hand over his face, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath. 'There's Leukaemia. I heard my mum talk about it once…usually, a blood transfusion a month keeps you healthy…a little on the pale side…but still better than you would be.' He lifted his feet up the bed and smiled faintly. 'Still, there's nothing to worry about, right? I mean, Remus would tell us if things got that bad, right?'

Sirius and James looked at each other.

Later that night, the two of them sneaked into the library to learn more about Peter's explanations to Remus's absence. They didn't sleep for the rest of the night after they came back, sweating and shivering every time they thought of their friend. And all Sirius could think of while he tossed and turned in his bed was, what if Peter's assumption turned out to be right, and what if today had been Remus's last day, and what would he do without his kind, sweet friend, and oh God, he never really bothered to pray or go to church, but please, please, let Remus be okay.

XxxxX

It took two whole days after that fateful night, for Sirius to finally gather up enough courage to talk to Remus about his monthly disappearances. The knowledge that Peter may as well be right was killing him from the inside, and he found it hard to even look at his friend without having the detailed descriptions of each disease floating in front of his eyes. He could tell that James and Peter were having just as much trouble, but Peter was a coward, and while Sirius found more solace in confronting the situation, James chose to ignore it and pretend that it never happened.

Sirius had convinced Remus to accompany him to a walk to the lake that morning, paying no attention to James's pointed glare and Peter's occasional whimpers. What if Remus admitted to Peter's assumptions being right? What would they do then? James had even gotten to the point where he'd invited himself to the walk, but McGonagall had chosen that very moment to call them for Chaser tryouts. So James had left, albeit grudgingly, Peter tagging along behind him.

Before he'd left, he'd shot one desperate look towards Sirius. A look that had been caught between a warning and a silent plea for more time.

They'd hardly made it to the lake when Remus, exhausted from all the walking, sat down heavily and kicked off his shoes. He dipped his feet into the lake and sighed in contentment as the cool water ran over his toes and up to his shins. 'Go on, Sirius, the water's plenty cool,' he offered, closing his eyes.

Sirius stared at the water hesitantly. Dip his feet…in there? Why?

'If the Giant Squid decides to attack you, I promise to go down with you, hand in hand,' said Remus, chuckling quietly.

'That's hardly any consolation.' But Sirius took off his shoes and socks anyway and found that Remus was right, and that the water really was refreshingly cool. Winter was yet to start and judging by the weather, it was going to make it presence known subtly and slowly this year.

They sat like that for a long time, Sirius often watching his friend through the corner of his eyes. Remus had gotten his hair cut this summer. It was still long by normal standards but barely brushed his shoulders now. It was incredibly uneven and badly done, and made Remus look even more roughish than before. Still, concluded Sirius, he looked good, in a weird sort of way.

'Remus?' Sirius said finally, after drawing a nervous breath.

Remus opened his eyes slightly and turned towards him. 'Hm?'

Best get to the point. 'Are you dying?'

Remus stared at him for a while, blinking. Then, suddenly, he threw his head back and laughed loudly, his voice reverberating in his throat. Sirius waited patiently for an answer, despite feeling himself going red. When Remus had finally stopped, he looked at him with rich amber eyes that shone oddly in the sun, and Sirius couldn't help but stare at them admiringly.

Remus touched his cheek gently. 'Sometimes, Sirius…I wish I were,' he said, looking back towards the water.

Sirius hadn't missed that look in Remus's eyes. It was sincerity. No, Remus wasn't dying, but his answer wasn't any better because Sirius knew that his friend wasn't being sarcastic when he said it. He'd meant every word. Blinding rage washed over Sirius, fogging any sort of rational thinking he possessed and before he knew what he was doing, he'd grabbed hold of Remus's collar and bared his teeth in anger.

'Never,' he snarled through clenched teeth. 'Never say that again, Remus. Never.'

The amber-eyed boy stared at him for a while, as if searching and looking for something in Sirius that he couldn't quite find but knew was there anyway. By then, Sirius himself had stopped panting, but his anger lingered, and he glared back at Remus, making sure he got his message across.

That's when Remus hugged him. It was sudden, and Sirius's immediate reaction was to stiffen, arms locking tightly to his sides. The last he'd been hugged was…well…never. The Blacks never believed in too much physical contact, except for the essential pleasantries. Even in Hogwarts, he and James had always engaged in a friendly tussle, but never actually embraced. Once he'd actually gotten past the awkwardness, Sirius found he rather liked the feeling of Remus's arms tightly wound around him. It was warmth, and friendship, and something else entirely that he was content with not knowing. So after a while, Sirius returned Remus's embrace, wrapping his arms uncertainly around his friend's thin body and squeezing with equal pressure.

Things would be okay, he thought. As long as Remus held onto him like that, Sirius knew that come what may, he'd always be there for his friend.

XxxxX

'Sirius!'

Sirius buried his head underneath his pillow. 'Go away, James.'

The mattress shook violently. 'Get up, it's important!'

Sirius opened his eyes by a fraction, only to check the clock on his bedside table. He groaned loudly and shut his eyes again. 'James, it's three in the morning. What could possibly be this important that it couldn't wait till the morning?'

'Remus.'

Sirius's eyes shot open, and he sat up quickly. His eyes unconsciously drifted to the sleeping form on the bed opposite to his. 'Is something wrong?' he asked uncertainly. Remus seemed to be fine from this angle.

'I'm not sure, but I have a hunch. I just need you to clear a few things out for me,' said James glancing nervously at Remus as well.

Sirius shifted to the side to make room for James to sit and ran his fingers through his hair. He noticed that James was carrying a massive tome on his hands, his thumb bookmarking one of the pages. Sirius squinted in the dark to read the title: Magical beasts and Their Characteristics. 'You woke me up at three in the morning to study, Potter?'

James bit his lip. 'Sirius, I need you to tell me what we were doing on the night Remus disappeared.'

Sirius frowned. What sort of question was that? 'Which one?'

'Any one,' said James waving his hands exasperatedly. 'The first one you remember.'

The night with the two of them in the library, researching about muggle ailments, flashed before Sirius's eyes. 'The library,' whispered Sirius, shivering against the cold that had swept through him suddenly.

James nodded, eyes darkening. 'We'd both come back and we sat on the window sill for hours.' He watched Sirius nod, and suppressed another shiver. 'Do you remember what kind of night it was?'

Sirius closed his eyes, remembering. 'A little warm…starless I suppose…I remember looking at the full moon and wondering if it was going to be Remus's last.' He shrugged a little towards the end, trying to look casual about it.

'And last month, Sirius. Last month, do you remember Peter saying that muggle children believed the moon was made of cheese? And the month before that, we were assigned a six foot astronomy essay because the moon was full and in clear view. Do you remember that?'

Sirius remembered. In fact, he'd noticed long ago but chosen to disregard the facts. 'What are you getting at, James?' he asked, already knowing the answer but denying it at the same time.

'Don't you get it, Sirius? Remus is a werewolf!' he exclaimed quietly, letting the book he'd been carrying, fall open.

Sirius would have punched James right then, for even thinking of Remus in such a disgusting manner. For accusing him of something so vile and inhumane. Then, his eyes fell on the picture in the book, and he knew he couldn't ignore it any more. Everything fit – Remus's disappearances only on nights of the full moon, his sudden bursts of strength, his cravings for meat just before he took off, his eyes getting darker…Oh God.

Sirius's brain was in disarray, his vision foggy. He couldn't think straight, couldn't bring himself to accept the truth. No, no, no! His traitorous mind kept replaying distorted versions of all the times him and Remus had spent together, only this time, Remus sweet, low laughter sounded harsh and cruel to his ears. His large amber eyes now reduced to dark black slits. His friend was transforming into a bloodthirsty beast right in front of his eyes.

'Full moon's tomorrow. I'm going to tell Pete, and we're going to confront him.'

Sirius blinked, unable to comprehend what James was suggesting. 'What?'

'It's time Remus learned to trust us.'

XxxxX

'Hey, Remus!' chorused James and Peter, as they flopped down on his bed beside him. Sirius on the other hand chose to sit on the chair nearest to the bed.

Remus didn't look up but continued to write at a steady speed. 'Hey guys, what's up?'

'Oh, you know, the usual. Torturing Snivellus and the Slytherins. Nothing new,' said James offhandedly. He rested his chin on Remus's shoulder. 'You?'

Remus tickled James's nose with the end of his quill, making him sneeze. 'Potions homework. Explain how and why killing potions can prove fatal? I'm telling you, Slughorn's finally lost it in his old age.'

James and Peter laughed, while Sirius just smiled weakly. This little fact didn't go unnoticed by Remus, but he chose to ignore it. Sirius was a moody person by nature. No doubt, he was sulking because he'd stubbed his royal toe on some tasteless piece of furniture.

James lay back on the pillow. 'So, Rem, you going home today? '

Remus's stopped writing. 'Er…yeah.' It means nothing. It's just a question. 'How'd you know?'

'Oh, just a hunch.'

See, I told you. No reason to panic at all. Remus scribbled the last few lines of his essay and rolled up the parchments neatly.

James watched distractedly as his friend closed the inkbottle. 'Say, Remus, you do consider us your best friends, right?'

Remus got up from the bed, smiling. Should have known. 'Hm…If you wanted something James, you know all had to do is ask. There's no need to suck up to me.'

Peter looked at James, who looked at Sirius, who was still staring determinedly at his fingernails and biting his lip at a furious rate. James restrained himself from frowning at Sirius's behaviour. Sometimes, he just didn't understand the boy and damn it, he was supposed to be helping out here.

'Actually,' said James, looking back at Remus. 'Last time you left, we were playing this confessions game, and we found out lots of stuff about each other…you know, deep dark secrets kind.' James winked and waved his hands animatedly to stress on his point. 'But you missed it. So…do you have anything to confess, my son,' he said, adopting a serious expression.

Remus stuffed his books back into his bag and blushed as he muttered his reply. 'Er…my parents still like to kiss me goodnight?'

Even Sirius looked up at this and James fought an urge to laugh. Some bloodthirsty beast Remus turned out to be.

'And…' Peter continued, stifling a chuckle.

Remus scratched his head. 'My mum likes to show off my nude baby pictures to strangers in the street. She thinks I used to have a cute bum. Luckily, she a muggle, so they don't move.'

James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. God, Remus was really spoilt. 'And…'

'When I was three, I wanted to see if you could really flush people down the toilet like in cartoons, so I-'

'Remus, stop, okay!' James shot up from the bed, and advanced towards him. 'We know, all right! We know you're a werewolf!'

'Oh.' A whirl of emotions ran through Remus's mind, stripping him of all the defenses he'd built up for so long. 'Oh.' The façade was gone. They knew, and they were playing with him all along. Teasing him, taunting him. 'Oh God!' He collapsed to the floor, trying his hardest to fight back tears. His father had warned him, but he never listened. And now… Remus looked at them, pleadingly. 'Please…please…don't tell anyone. I…' He took a deep breath. He would not cry. They already thought him a monster, he wouldn't give them an impression that he pathetic, as well. 'I've never harmed anybody…but if anyone finds out…I'll...' He bowed his head down, his hair falling over his eyes. 'Dumbledore won't be able to do anything…they'll take me out…and I swear…' He was wheezing now, breath coming out in large shuddering gasps. 'I swear I won't bother you…I'll stay away as far as possible. Just please, please…'

James stared at Remus. This wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting. He'd intended on the surprise, maybe a mumbled apology…but this…this crippled puddle of mess of the floor…the broken look in Remus's large expressive eyes…the hurt…the desperation. Did he really think so little of them?

He looked around at his friends helplessly. Judging by Peter's gaping expression, he hadn't been expecting the sudden outburst either, and Sirius…well, Sirius had taken a sudden interest in a book he'd fished out of his trunk. Obviously, they weren't going to take any action.

In two quick strides, he'd knelt beside Remus and dislodged both hands that were buried deep within honey brown locks. 'Remus…Rem…look at me.' James regretted saying it as soon as his friend had lifted his head. In one small glance, Remus's eyes had conveyed a fraction of his pain to James, and God. 'We didn't mean it like that. We don't care, okay? We don't care if you're a werewolf, or a hag, or a drag queen.'

Remus chuckled at that, but James could still make out the fear and mistrust.

'We're not playing a cruel joke on you, Remus,' said Peter slowly, as if voicing James's thoughts.

James nodded and pulled Remus into a small embrace. 'You're Remus, you always have been and always will be. We just wanted you to trust us enough to tell us the truth. That's all.'

'That's all?' Remus echoed James's words, eyes wide with disbelief. It's a dream. It has to be.

He looked towards Peter. 'So, you're-'

'We don't care, Remus,' replied Peter, cutting him off.

Remus turned to stare at Sirius, who had taken to staring fixedly at the book on his lap. His right hand was clutching at something so tightly that it had begun shaking. Slowly, hesitantly, he looked up at Remus. Their eyes finally met, and Sirius suddenly threw the book down on the floor and ran out of the room, still clutching at something in the ball of his hand. Remus could hear the door to the bathroom shutting loudly, followed by the distinct noises of someone vomiting.

Remus felt his heart drop to his stomach. Sirius was disgusted by him. Sirius…

James stared open mouthed at the place where Sirius had been sitting only a while ago. He turned back towards his longhaired friend who was shivering in his arms. 'Remus…' he said slowly, staring into deep amber pools.

Remus closed his eyes, clutching at James's shoulders. 'It's okay, James. I'm used to it.'

XxxxX

Sirius rested his head against the toilet seat, breathing heavily. It was out then. Remus was a werewolf. There was no denying it now, no hoping that James had got it all wrong, and Remus would burst out laughing at the very idea.

A werewolf is a beast, transformed or human. The wolf cannot be considered as an alternate personality. It is the man, and the man is it.

Everything Harad had thought him. Everything he'd read. They were coming back to him, washing over him, drowning him.

They are known for their ruthless and uncivilised behaviour. They feel no human compassion, no pain, no mercy, no fear, only bloodlust. In short, they are inhumane.

'Oh, God.' Sirius muttered, before spewing out the rest of his breakfast into the toilet bowl.

Murderers from the day they are bitten, victims are preferably given euthanasia, as per Ministry rule 749.

Sirius unclenched his hand and a piece of paper fell out. It was newspaper cutting: the one that had finally made Sirius snap. He'd forgotten about the picture, until now…the little boy…he'd been Remus. Sirius knew it, even though the face was still hidden deep inside the sheets, he could tell. He remembered watching with sick fascination as the boy in the picture just lay there; he even remembered tracing the angry red scar on his shoulder, wondering if he'd ever meet this boy. He'd tempted fate from the very start.

A werewolf seeks humans in preference to any other kind of prey.

'How am I to trust you, Remus, when everything you are is against everything I believe?'

XxxxX

Sirius avoided Remus for the rest of the day like a disease. Whatever direction Remus would go, Sirius would go the opposite. He sat away from all of them during classes, skipped lunch entirely, and only breathed a sigh of relief after dinner, when Remus had presumably left for 'home'.

The next morning, he'd been walking back to the Great Hall with every intention to make up for his missed dinner, when out of nowhere, James had grabbed the front of his robes and smashed him to the wall.

'What's your problem?' snarled James into his face.

Sirius pushed James away roughly and straightened his robes. 'I don't know what you mean.'

James glared at him. 'You know, Sirius, I love you like a brother, but if you keep on hurting Remus the way you are right now, I swear on all that is sacred, I will never, ever, forgive you."

Remus…At that point, Sirius's knees almost gave away again, but he kept himself steady. 'For that matter, I was meaning to ask what your problem is, James? Remus is a werewolf. Have your parents never taught you the significance of that word? Do you know what he's capable of?' he finished, hoping his friend would give him an answer to all the questions hidden underneath his façade. He was distraught, and confused, and…

Sirius felt James grab his hand by the wrist. 'What the hell are you doing?' He stumbled, as his friend continued pulling him along empty corridors and winding staircases, not once letting go of his hand.

They finally stopped at the doors of the infirmary, and James pulled him to the small peek window so fast that Sirius bumped his nose against the glass. 'There,' he said viciously. 'He's in the bed beside the window; the curtains are open because he likes the sun to come in after spending so long in the dark. Do you see him?'

Sirius did see him, with Madame Pomfrey at his side, no less. He was probably unconscious or had his eyes closed at least, while the matron healed and nursed his wounds. They weren't any ordinary wounds either – deep and fiery red - just the sight of it could make one cringe.

'James,' said Sirius slowly, turning to his friend.

James leaned against the doors and sighed heavily. 'You know, they always tell us how dangerous and beastly werewolves are to us wizards but none of them, not one book has ever mentioned what a danger they are to themselves. Remus does that to himself, you know, every single month. He infuriates the wolf by locking himself up so that he won't harm anyone else. So he gets punished instead.' He looked at Sirius pleadingly. 'Tell me, Sirius, after all that Remus has done for you, after knowing about all this, can you really hate him?'

Sirius stared at James, taking in whatever he'd said. In those few words, his friend had erased all his doubts, classified everything he'd been taught since childhood a lie, and given him a new outlook to the world. No, he didn't have the heart to hate Remus Lupin. He never did.

XxxxX

That night, he skipped dinner to see Remus. He was still in the infirmary, and Sirius found him sitting precariously close to the edge of the windowsill, eyes closed, as if enjoying the gentle breeze playing with his hair.

'Hey, Sirius,' he said softly, without turning.

'Hey.' Sirius sat beside him carefully. Every bone in his body was screaming to move away, not because he was scared of Remus but because they were ridiculously high up. And even though, Sirius wasn't exactly scared of heights, he was damn terrified of dying. 'How did you know it was me?'

Remus opened his eyes and smiled. 'I sensed you.'

Sirius shivered in the cold, and Remus reached out to the bed and pulled a blanket over him. Sirius looked at his friend gratefully. 'Listen, I wanted to say sorry.' He hung his head low as he pulled the blanket closer to his body. 'For my behaviour…I shouldn't have-'

'I don't blame you, Sirius. You reacted just like anyone else would,' Remus's voice cracked a little. 'It's nothing I haven't seen before.'

Sirius bit his lip. He hated it when Remus berated himself, but he'd seen the haunted look in his friend's eyes, and he knew that Remus's low self-esteem was not a creation of his own.

'I thought you hated me,' said Remus, shifting his gaze back to the stars.

'Never!' exclaimed Sirius so suddenly that Remus jumped. 'I-' He bit his lip again. 'Remus?'

Amber eyes looked at him curiously, as their owner shifted himself a little farther from the edge. Another outburst like that and Sirius would send him tumbling down. 'Hm?'

'Can I…you know…hug you?' mumbled Sirius, blushing. What was wrong with him? A hug? Why? Why would he want a hug? Why was he being so stupid? And how was it that every time he was with Remus, he found himself going all soft and…ugh!

Remus laughed, and immediately pulled Sirius into a warm embrace, letting the blanket fall in between them. He ran nimble fingers through soft black hair, as he felt his friend dig in deeper. 'You didn't have to ask, Sirius.'

XxxxX

Serpent91: Thanks. This chapter is especially long (12 pages!), and my favourite so far, so enjoy and review! Obsessed-with-random-theories: Hm…yeah, I like the part where Remus jumps on his dad. I used to do that all the time, until I became a little too heavy for my fragile old man. iHEARTxDRAC0: You won't have to wait very long. Trust me when I say the action is VERY close, I'd say about two chapters away. MagicalWinry: Your review about water spewage inspired me to write Sirius's vomiting scene…okay, it might not sound like a compliment, but really, it is. It helped me make the chapter a little more dramatic. BlackMercifulFaerie: Yeah, I'm going to explain everything important in single chapters, so I can skip to the actual..erm…point of this story. No point in beating around the bush anyway. Oh, and you can tell me again how great my story is, even if you didn't like this chapter (which I hope is not the case). A little white lie never hurt anyone. Fire x Ice; Well, one thing for sure, you won't have to wait very long for an update. I've got a bloody broken damn in my head and I seem to be spewing out chapters. Zevazo: Ah…the line about the celibacy. Well, school is actually six months long, isn't it? Once you cancel out all the holidays and the main exams. Or atleast in my part of the world, that's how it is in my part of the world. You're right about describing the setting a little more actually. I guess I was just so focused in bringing out the first signs of rebellion in Sirius that I totally overlooked it. Thanks for the critique. I hope this one's upto par, it's my fav so far. Leafyaki: You know, when you take that dialogue out of the context, it sounds a lot more perverted than intended. Or it just might be me and my sick little mind. I'm glad you liked the contrast, it was an important part because it showed each of their upbringing, and Sirius's first signs of rebellion. As for the spelling, I do that sometimes too. It happens, especially since I've been writing since I was ten. But those stories are really not something anyone would want to read. Lol. Annieboo92: I'm glad you liked the set up. It was actually how I pictured their first meetings. It wouldn't make sense for Sirius to be all nice and wonderful from day one since he came from the Black family, or for Remus to be all friendly and great since he knows he's a werewolf. The Peter and the snot thing was just an addition cuz I really despise that guy. And of course, Sirius gets nicer. You see it in this chapter itself, don't you? Anyway, keep reviewing.