Chapter Eight – Words and Water
It was finished a little before sundown. The last plank of wood laid, the last bolt tightened. And it was magnificent. The head rose taller than three men; the belly could fit inside many more. And it would.
A great feast was being held in Odysseus' honour, to congratulate him on his great idea. Naturally, Agamemnon sat at the head of the table, and naturally he was drawing most of the attention to himself, but the intention was there, supposedly.
Yet there was still a falseness, as we drank the toasts and broke the bread. We all knew who this meal was for. Tonight, leader or Greece, tomorrow, ruler of the Aegean.
She lay face up, one arm splayed out to one side and the other on top of the blanket that half covered her. Her eyes flitted about underneath her lids; lost in dreams, completely oblivious to me.
I wasn't quite sure what to do now. Last night, it had been only too simple. Caught in the moment, I had forgotten that I could not just leave in the morning, like I had done so many times. Of course, I could send her away, but watching her asleep there I knew I never could. And trying to leave myself would mean taking the Myrmidons with me, practically signing a death warrant for every other man in the camp.
I had never been left to deal with the consequences of my actions before, to have to solve the problem of a woman who wanted to see me again, because by the time they woke I was long gone. Not today.
So while I sat there I thought it over, carefully contemplating every angle of every path I could take, and I found myself with only one option: I had to leave. I had to sail back home.
There were three reasons. First, because I wanted to see Agamemnon's humiliation. Another few days of slaughter without the Myrmidons and surely he would return to Greece. I wanted him to see him admit that even he, King of Kings, could not breach Troy's walls.
The second reason was Briseis herself. If she felt anything, any kind of affection, towards me, then I did not want to encourage it or form any sort of bond. She was strong and independent and intelligent, but I did not want her to become embroiled in the bitterness of war.
Lastly, I was scared. Achilles, the great warrior, who fears nothing but his emotions. I hadn't quite deciphered what I felt towards Briseis yet: more than lust, not quite love, but if I returned to Larissa and never saw her again, surely it would disappear, not be such a daunting prospect. That is what I hoped, at least.
I was jerked from my deep state of thought by the sound of the slats at the door, and turned to see Eudorus framed in the threshold. He started to speak before he realised Briseis was there, and I raised my head a little to silence him. I didn't want her waking up now. Taking one last look at her, sleeping innocently, peacefully, I stepped out into the sunlight.
"Tell the men to start loading the ship. We're going home."
My second looked at me, puzzled, for a moment but soon saw that I would not change my mind. He left me to notice Odysseus on my own.
The details of that conversation are hazy now, blurred like the morning mist over the ocean. I remember the King of Ithaca talking about Agamemnon, and how he served him because the King of Greece was too powerful to count as an enemy. Over this long year, the words have faded, but a few stand out. Odysseus said, "We need you back. Greece needs you."
I retorted in my normal matter-of-fact manner. "Greece got along fine before I was born, and Greece will be Greece long after I'm dead."
"I'm not talking about the land. The men need you." my companion paused. "Stay, Achilles. You were born for this war."
I suddenly thought of my mother back in Greece, wading in the shallows. You will find glory, her voice echoed. But your glory lies hand in hand with your doom. Then my mind flitted to the fragile Trojan priestess, lying vulnerable just metres away, her hair fanned out underneath her head like a halo.
"Things are less simple today."
Odysseus smiled knowingly. "Women have a way of… complicating things." He said, and his words rang so true they hurt.
Even as I drank and eat the best our supplies had to offer, I couldn't stop my mind from returning to Briseis. I knew that, inside those walls, she and Theo and their loved ones would be sleeping, completely oblivious that tomorrow night the city would be far from dreams. I had half a mind to slip through and at least warn her of what was coming, but she wouldn't listen. She always was a stubborn thing, and Theo did nothing to ease it. Even if I did manage to enter Troy, and I highly doubted I would, I didn't think it would be able to leave her side again, and that would put us all in danger.
Two months had passed since that morning on the beach, and I had not yet stepped foot on a battlefield. But over the months Odysseus' words had worn me down. I suppose they did mean something to me at the time, too, because we never did leave – although mostly because I couldn't bear to leave Briseis, or tear her away from Troy – but now I had made my decision. If Greece needed me, then for Greece I would fight, and end the madness.
Briseis, however, had other plans.
"You mean to say you will forsake your reputation and bow down to Agamemnon, just because he asked you to?" she fumed. "What about what you said?"
She was argumentative this morning, her usual stubbornness amplified tenfold. Just a week earlier she had been fighting with me for not going to battle, but she had changed her mindset now, and I couldn't work out the cause.
"If you're worried about me being hurt, you needn't. You know I'll return unscathed." I replied, trying to remain calm.
"How do you know? And how do you know you're not leading your men to their deaths?" she raised her voice more.
"I promise you, Briseis, the Myrmidons will not be in danger."
Briseis ignored my words and swept to the door.
"Since when did killers keep their promises?" she spat, and almost ran across the threshold.
I left a few minutes before following her. Even if I could not still see faint footprints in the sand, I knew where she would be.
She didn't know that I knew that she came down here, but near the end of the beach there was a hiding place between two rocks where I could see everything without being seen myself. Briseis often retreated here when we had argued, or she just wanted some time alone. Usually she sat by the water's edge, letting it lap over her feet, but today she paced up and down. After a few minutes she slowed, then after a few more she keeled over and emptied the contents of her stomach on the sand, again and again. I assumed she's eaten some bad meat, or had caught an illness.
I did not know enough about woman's bodies to know that it was just Theo telling us that he was on his way.
I let a secret smile pass my face as I made my way back to the tent. The pre-battle festivities were still going strong, but I knew that if I wanted to be alert tomorrow I would have to sleep now. I welcomed it, for I knew I'd dream of Briseis and Theo, asleep inside the walls. And if I had been told the truth, that the war of Troy would bring about my doom and that the war of Troy would end tomorrow, then I knew that dream may well be my last.