Hogwarts, Fifth Year…

Sirius slid the heavy bag off his shoulders and collapsed on to his bed, clutching his chest tightly. He was dying, he was sure of it. Nothing else could explain this excruciating pain he was feeling right in the centre of his chest. He was practically gasping for air and every short breath he took was like a hot iron rod piercing through his chest. His heart was pumping wildly, beating a painful tattoo against his chest. The rest of his body felt non- existent, every nerve cell being concentrated in one place alone.

What was happening to him? He'd even gone to the Infirmary to get himself checked, but Madame Pomfrey had dismissed him, saying that he was as healthy as a peach. Yet, he felt weak…and God…why wasn't it stopping? Sirius tried to clear his head and think back to when this pain had started:

'Morning, Remus,' said James, stifling a yawn.

Remus seemed deeply immersed in his homework. 'Hey, James,' he replied, without looking up.

'Homework?' asked James, peering over the table.

'Yeah. I didn't feel like completing it last night.'

James shrugged and sat beside Peter. 'Mind if I copy it when you're done?'

Sirius wasn't much of a morning person, so he didn't bother greeting anyone as he walked to the opposite side from James. If that wasn't bad enough, he'd just noticed Remus writing furiously on his second roll of parchment and remembered that he was yet to complete that very assignment, and it was due today. Ah well, he'd just copy it along with James.

Sirius had hardly gotten to his seat when he saw Remus's shoulders tense. He ignored it but as soon as he sat down, Remus shot up from his chair.

'Here,' said Remus, shoving his homework towards James. 'Just don't spill anything on it.'

And with that, he'd walked off without sparing a single glance at Sirius.

That was a month ago but had definitely been the first time Sirius felt it. At that time, however, it had just been a sharp twang. Nothing serious and it had hardly lasted a few seconds. As the days passed by, the pain seemed to get worse and so did Remus's behaviour towards him.

Sirius found no logic in the conclusion he'd reached. It was irrational and absolutely ridiculous, but the facts were against him. This ache - it seemed to be connected to Remus and every time the amber eyed boy ignored him, the pain got louder and more pronounced. Moreover, it seemed to be happening a lot lately, and he didn't understand why. Had he done something wrong?

Remus avoided him like plague everywhere he went. If Sirius turned right, then Remus would turn left. If Sirius touched him, he'd flinch away like he'd been burnt. If Sirius asked him a question, his replies would be short and sharp. If Remus could help it, he would avoid talking to him entirely but didn't hesitate to freely converse with James or Peter.

Then, there was that Evans girl. She was talking to Remus again, and they were spending more time together than ever. Sirius hated it. Hated her. He didn't understand how Remus could be friends with her again, especially after what she'd said to him. That's what had brought Sirius storming to the dorm right now. The sight of the two of them was sickening, and he was jealous because Remus was telling her things he never bothered to tell Sirius anymore.

Sirius shrugged off his robes and lay back on his bed. The pain was still there but in time, it would soothe out to a dull throb just like it always did. Till then, he would just have to clench his teeth and bear it.

Sirius ran a frustrated hand through his hair. There had to be some sort of cure for this nonsense. He didn't like feeling this weak or dependant on Remus. Remus, who was taking pleasure in disregarding him completely, while Sirius writhed in agony. Well, fuck Remus. Who needed him anyway?

'Sirius?' James Potter's head peeked out of the door. He grinned when he saw Sirius and walked over to his bed. 'Good, you're here. I was thinking that - you alright, mate?' James asked, frowning at the sight of his best friend lying on the sheets, clutching at his shirt.

'I'm fine,' replied Sirius through gritted teeth. 'What do you want James?'

James rested a concerned hand on Sirius's shoulder. 'You sure?'

Sirius sat up, swatting James's hand away. 'Yeah, yeah, no need to mother me. You're here for something. Spit it out.' He figured he should smile to reassure James, but he really couldn't bring himself to do so.

James shrugged. 'Full moon's tomorrow. Just wanted to remind you.'

Sirius felt the sharp pang in his chest again. 'I haven't forgotten,' he said, loosening his tie to distract himself. 'The question is, are you still up for it?'

James bit his lip. 'Do you think it's going to work? I mean, no one's ever done this before and even so, this idea…it's just a theory, you know.'

'Are you scared?' Sirius's tone was challenging, as his bright grey eyes bore into James's hazel ones.

'Would you hate me if I said, yes?' asked James, ruffling the back of his hair. When Sirius didn't reply, he looked nervously around the room, obviously regretting having said anything. It was a known fact that Sirius hated cowards, which was probably why he often scorned Peter, unlike James or Remus.

'No,' said Sirius after a long time, surprising James. 'I don't, but that doesn't give you the excuse to back out,' he concluded fiercely.

James broke into a relieved smile. 'I wasn't intending to. It'll be fun though, and Pete's been working really hard. It could be like a late birthday present for Remus, you know. And if things go well, Sirius, can you imagine his face?'

Somehow, Sirius could imagine Remus's face and it was very similar to the one he'd been wearing around Sirius for an entire month. He lay back down again, unable to tolerate the pressure in his chest anymore. 'Just hope your invisibility cloak can cover Peter's fat arse.'

XxxxX

It was Thursday evening, and Sirius had been sitting on his bed copying James's homework when Remus had entered the dormitory. The brunette had glanced at Sirius once and then quickly looked away, hurrying over to his bed and changing his clothes in record time.

By then, Sirius had gotten up from his own bed and walked quietly towards Remus. He knew the amber-eyed boy had sensed his presence but since he didn't bother acknowledging it, Sirius decided to take matters into his own hands. He'd wanted to have this conversation for a long time now.

'Remus,' said Sirius, his voice was low and harsh.

Remus didn't answer. He just pulled on a nearby t-shit and turned the other way in a desperate attempt to get out of the dormitory. He didn't even notice that he was wearing James's shirt and that it was a size too small for him. Sirius grabbed him by the wrist even before he could move an inch.

'Why are you ignoring me?' asked Sirius, pulling Remus roughly towards him.

Remus caught himself from stumbling right into his friend's chest. 'I don't know what you're talking about,' he replied, his eyes darting back and forth, searching for an escape.

Sirius pulled him back as he tried to move away again. 'Don't play dumb with me, Remus. You never talk to me anymore, never look at me anymore…you're always trying to pretend that I don't exist. What's wrong with you?'

Remus struggled against Sirius's hold. 'I-'

Sirius reached out for the other hand but this time, his touch was gentle, almost hesitant. 'Is it something I did?' he asked with complete sincerity.

Remus stilled and bowed his head low. Sirius could see the beginnings of a tremor run down the back of Remus's neck, as his fists curled tight enough to bruise. It looked like he was trying to restrain himself from hitting Sirius but that couldn't have possibly been the case. If so, then Remus could have easily dislodged Sirius's grip from his wrist before, but he didn't because he knew he'd hurt Sirius in the process.

'Remus?' asked Sirius uncertainly, stepping closer. He could feel an unbearable heat radiating from his friend's body. Concern washed over his frustration. Was Remus all right?

'Let me go, Sirius.' Remus choked on his words.

Sirius's grip tightened painfully. 'No.'

Remus' looked at him pleadingly. 'Sirius, please, you're hurting me.'

Sirius let go of the now bruised hands but roughly grabbed Remus's chin, so that amber eyes had no choice but to look up at him. 'And you're hurting me.'

Sirius watched angrily as his friend's fists opened, then closed, again and again, his fingers shaking violently every time. Remus's eyes had taken an odd shine to them, and he quickly pushed away Sirius's hand, moving a few steps back towards the bed. He kept shaking his head as if berating himself over something, but Sirius couldn't fathom what.

Sirius watched his friend in confusion. Remus's current state was freaking him out more than anything. What was wrong with him? Was he sick? Had he been hexed? Had Sirius said or done something wrong?

Sirius stepped closer, reaching out for both of Remus's hands and twining their fingers together. 'Remus, stop it,' he whispered slowly. He ignored Remus's frantic steps backwards and walked even closer until Remus was pushed against the hard wooden frames. There was just enough distance between them to let air through.

'I-' Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was still making halfhearted attempts to wrench Sirius's hands away. 'No, no, no,' he whispered more to himself than anyone else.

'Stop it, Remus,' said Sirius more firmly this time, his hands sliding upwards to grip Remus's shoulders. 'Just stop it.'

Remus bit his lip, gripping the wood behind him to keep himself steady. 'The moon, Sirius,' he rasped out. 'I need to go. Please…'

Sirius stared at Remus, entranced by the display of fluctuating emotions dancing across deep amber eyes. He didn't have to look outside to know that the sun was setting. Part of the Remus's face was hidden in the shadows of the red curtains beside him, while the rest lay exposed to the sun's rays seeping through the window. Sirius could see the rainbow of colours washing over Remus's pale skin, teasing it, caressing it, bathing him in an ethereal glow.

Having caught his breath, Sirius grudgingly let go of Remus's shoulders. 'Fine…I'll leave you…for now.' Instinctively, he wound an arm around Remus's thin waist, short shirt automatically riding up at the sheer force of Sirius pulling him again his chest. 'But I'm warning you, Remus,' he said, moving his face so close to Remus's that Sirius's breath fanned his long brown hair. 'I don't like being avoided.'

Sirius looked fiercely into Remus's eyes. He could feel the boy shaking against him, as he let the palm of his hand brush across the bare skin of his back. Remus's eyes fluttered close as the same hand traveled upwards to his clothed chest. Sirius let his hand rest upon his friend's heartbeat for a while, before pushing him away and breaking the connection between them.

He walked to his bed, grabbed his homework and quill, and strode out of the dormitory without a second glance at his friend. Had he looked, then he would have noticed Remus crumpling to the ground, very near a breakdown.

XxxxX

Remus didn't want to move. Every bone in his body felt like it had been pulled mercilessly apart; as though every muscle he had, had been stretched beyond its limit. He already knew of the bruises and scratches and bites that littered his body, but moving would only mean punishing himself even further. He mind was groggy and he felt a dull pounding pain behind his eyelids that just refused to go away.

He groaned as he felt the sun's rays mercilessly invading his sleep. It took all the effort he had to finally open his eyes and look around. The Shack looked like a right mess, and Remus knew that if the wolf kept this up, it was only a matter of time before the ceiling came crashing down on him.

Still, last night's transformation had gone better than he'd predicted. To be quite honest, Remus expected the wolf to tear himself apart more than usual, especially after that conversation with Sirius…

Remus sighed. God, Sirius. There was no avoiding his feelings anymore. Things had just gone downhill after that kiss. And, after months of contemplating and analysing, Remus had finally come to the conclusion last month, that he was indeed attracted to his best friend. Whether that made him gay or not, Remus didn't know or particularly care. What had scared him the most had been the fact that he knew Sirius reciprocated his feelings. Now, for any normal human being, that would have been a good thing, but Remus was neither normal, nor human. Being a werewolf came with great responsibility, and he had no intention whatsoever of dragging Sirius into this hell hole with him. Sirius had enough problems of his own with his family.

But, it was hard to deny that this month had been particularly hard on Remus. He had tried so hard to avoid Sirius as much as possible, sometimes going on the verge of being outright rude. And it hurt, shit it hurt. It was pure torture to have Sirius right there but not even be able to touch him. He knew he was hurting Sirius as well, but he'd get over it eventually, they both would.

Last night had almost sent him over the edge; with Sirius fingers digging into his skin and his hot breath playing across his face. Remus had been reduced to a quivering mess back then, shaking with the sheer effort of restraining himself from jumping Sirius. But he'd done it; he hadn't even touched the boy, despite his heart's pleas. And though this was supposed to make Remus feel proud of himself, it did not. Instead, Remus felt like he was falling into a deep chasm – helpless and lost, with no hope of ever reaching the bottom.

Suddenly there was a creak of the stairs, and Remus quickly pulled the sheets from the bed over himself. He hadn't even gotten himself dressed yet. What was Madam Pomfrey doing here so early?

Then, Remus felt that prickling feeling in the centre of his chest – the same he felt every time Sirius was close by. But that was impossible. Sirius had no business here, except for Remus that is…

'Sirius?' Remus's voice echoed in the room, and he shivered involuntarily. He pushed himself up on his arms, ignoring the pain in his muscles.

He was about to stand up when the door was pushed open to reveal a big black ball of fuzz? Remus squinted. Was blindness a post transformation syndrome? No, it was a big ball of buzz, with legs and eyes and even a snout. Remus let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the bedpost as he realised what it was: a dog, just a big black and incredibly hairy dog.

Remus couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face. 'Hello, lad,' he said, trying to beckon the dog over and wincing at the pain in his joints. 'Come on. Good boy, come on…'

The dog huffed…indignantly? Or maybe Remus was just imagining things. It stood there for a while, staring at Remus with large proud eyes. Remus had never seen an animal with eyes that grey or beautiful and while most dogs usually hesitated to come near humans the first time, this one seemed almost radiating with cocky confidence. Finally, it…er…sighed and walked over to Remus.

'You must be a very smart dog to be able to get in here,' said Remus, scratching the dog behind his ears. He smiled when it grinned at him, tounge lolling out. 'I hardly heard you coming…little pad feet you got there, eh?' As if in reply, the dog placed both his front paws against Remus's chest and growled proudly. 'You're not going to bite me, are you? I heard they give you shots up your bum if you get bitten by a dog.' The dog whined in reassurance and licked one of the smaller wounds on Remus's neck. Remus combed his fingers through thick black fur. 'I wonder if the school will let me keep you. McGonagall's got a soft spot for me, you know, but don't tell that to any of my friends.'

Remus frowned as the dog growled, stepping out of his hold. It looked back towards the door it had come through as if waiting for something. He was about to pull it back towards him, when suddenly, it started howling loudly.

'Quiet! Are you-' Remus stopped mid sentence as a larger animal walked through the door, head bowed down to fit inside. It was a stag - a very large one at that, with antlers that could bludgeon you to death with the smallest touch. The dog nudged Remus in the ribs, looking pointedly towards the stag which was now coming closer to him.

Remus looked at it incredulously. 'Don't tell me you two are friends?' He ran a wearied hand across his face. 'A dog and a stag. Mum was right…these transformations are really taking a toll on my mental stability.'

The stag looked at the dog curiously, cocking its head to one side questioningly. It inched closer and nibbled lightly on Remus's hand to get his attention. Remus smiled and ran a hesitant hand over the animal's snout. 'A carnivorous stag. Now I've seen everything.' He moved his hand upwards, carefully avoiding the sharp antlers. 'I guess-' He stopped, feeling something crawl up his arms and – 'Aaahhhh!' Remus let out a very unmanly scream, waving his arm around like a lunatic in a weak attempt to get off the grey piece of fur clinging on to his hand. 'Rat, rat, rat!'

He was about to bang it against the floor when the dog stopped him and gently removed the rat by its tail. When Remus heaved a sigh of relief, the stag and the dog looked at each other in amusement. The dog still had the rat in between its teeth, and Remus watched with awe as it glared at the stag playfully and threatened to eat the rodent. The stag nudged him in the mouth as if reprimanding him, and the dog put the squealing animal down.

Remus closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. 'Oh Lord, help me. I'm turning into one of mum's crazy patients.'

'Or maybe, you were just always this crazy,' said a familiar voice from above him. James?

'Didn't think you were scared of rats, Remus. I'm a little offended to tell you the truth.' Peter?

'I never knew Remus's voice could even go that high. I thought he'd surpassed puberty a year ago.' Sirius?

Remus stared at his three best friends, standing exactly where those animals had been standing before. He hadn't even realised that his mouth was hanging open until James helpfully shut it.

'So what do you think, Moony,' asked James mussing Remus's hair. 'Pretty impressive, eh?'

Remus seemed to finally find his voice. 'Moony?'

James flopped down beside Remus and slung an arm around his shoulders. 'Yep, it's your new name from now on. What do you think? Sirius suggested it. We haven't got a name for him though.'

Moony. Remus sort of liked it.

'Remus already gave me a name,' said Sirius, sitting down on the other side of Remus. He shifted even closer when Remus tried to move away, so that their sides were now practically fused into each other.

Remus felt the heat rush to his ears. 'I did?'

'Yeah: Padfoot,' said Sirius smugly.

James snorted and Peter giggled. 'Padfoot!' exclaimed James before bursting out laughing. 'Oh, that's rich.'

'It's better than Prongs or Wormtail,' huffed Sirius.

'Hey!' exclaimed James, cuffing the back of Sirius's head. 'I wanted to be called Your Highness, but you're the one who insisted on Prongs.'

Remus blinked in disbelief. 'Are you all-'

'Animagus?' asked James. 'Yes, but unregistered, mind you. So don't go blabbing it to anyone, yeah? It'll be a little hard to run around with you during full moons if we're in Azkaban.'

'Run around with me during full moons?' asked Remus slowly, making sure every word registered into his mind.

All three of his friends' faces fell, and Sirius looked at him with a pained expression. 'You don't remember?'

'We were there with you last night,' said Peter with a little less enthusiasm than before. 'All three of us, in our Animagus forms. We even let you out for a bit. You didn't hurt anyone,' he finished quickly when he saw Remus's horrified expression.

When he thought about it, Remus did remember the full moon. He remembered flashes of black fur and trees, lots of trees. 'I remember, but not much.' He looked at his friends, hundreds of emotions swirling inside his head. 'But I don't understand. Why-'

'We wanted to help you, Moony,' said Sirius, his grey eyes looking deep into Remus's amber ones.

'We did help, didn't we?' asked James uncertainly. 'I mean, you hurt less, don't you?'

Remus felt his throat constrict. 'Yeah.' He felt a sudden sting in the corner of his eyes. 'Yeah.' He couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'God, I don't know what to say…'

'Thank you would be nice,' said Peter smiling.

'I-' Remus couldn't bring the words out, so he embraced Peter instead. Peter patted his back awkwardly.

'Things will get better, Remus, I promise,' whispered James, for only the both of them to hear when Remus had moved to hug him. He smiled and ruffled Remus's hair playfully. 'We'd better get going. Madame Pomfrey's going to come in any minute.'

Remus nodded and let James go. He looked at Sirius, whose eyes were boring into him, expectant and challenging and slightly remorseful at the same time. Remus broke his resolution then, just for that one moment, and pulled Sirius into a tight embrace. There was just something in Sirius's eyes that made him smile, despite the discomfort between them.

'Thank you…Padfoot.' He could feel Sirius's warm arms wind around his shoulders and pulled him closer. He knew Sirius was digging in deeper, inhaling his scent, burying his face into Remus's neck, and Remus let him. Just for today because it felt so damn good, and his friends were just so great, and…

'Only for you, Moony,' whispered Sirius, lips brushing against Remus's ear. 'Only for you.'

XxxxX

Lady Molko: Who doesn't love Sirius when he's in his jealous mode. It's much more fun to write him that way, anyway. He's funnier that way. Serpent91: Thanks for reviewing so regularly. It really keeps my muse up. Mysid: The pups are adorable, aren't they? Even when they're trying to kill each other…lol. Thanks for reviewing! ShaMak: Well, when something as evil as voldemort touches you, you're obviously going to remember it for the rest of your life. It's just got an impact like that. It's like remembering your most embarrassing moment every time someone mentions anything related to it. Leafyaki: There wouldn't be much of a story if they got together that easily, would there? A little torture could do the plot some good. moonshine and mustard seed: I post as often as I can, which is usually during my weekends, when I can actually get a moment to breathe. I'm glad you like the way things are going, and yeah, I know they're Remus's friends, but the poor boy's insecure, and worried about being pranked on. And who wouldn't, if they were on the receiving end of the Marauders pranks. Luermide: Thanks, I love that scene too. They're just trying so hard not to be attracted, but keep forgetting. Poor sods. Sighs. Love can really ruin you. jean kitsune: Um…okay. I never really thought you'd love me in a non platonic sort of way…but if you insist on making it clear. I think this chapter sort of covered your question about the avoiding. And it's a little hard to avoid someone you're insanely attracted to, isn't it? Anyway, thanks for reviewing. Annieboo92: Thanks. I can't believe I'll be giving my Cambridge exams in a week, and I'm writing fan fiction instead of studying. I must be insane. mad.hot.love.: Lol. Thanks. Keep reviewing and I'll update as soon as I can. Black's Crystal: it sort of made sense to me for Sirius to be a right prick. (Don't bother with the language, I use a lot worse.) Anyway, as I was saying, I mean, Sirius couldn't be great from the start, could he? He's a Black after all. He had some good in him, but he needed James and Remus to bring that bit out. Lol…I'm glad you didn't give up on my story though…keep reading and reviewing. Tyleet27 : I love James too. He's just so…I don't even have the words to describe him. And the pups can be oblivious, yes…for heaven's sakes, they can't even admit to themselves they're attracted to each other, forget the others. And as far as I remember, I haven't exactly mentioned love as of yet, have I? miss-mags-ak: I'm updating as fast as I can. Not so proud of this chapter, but I felt it was an important part of their lives, so I added it in. littlefreezeyou have a cute screen name. Sorry, about the paper. But if it makes you feel better, I have my AS exams in a week and I'm writing fan fiction. So that makes us equally bad, doesn't it? Okay, maybe I'm worse…I don't know. A Person: Your brother kissed his friend's boyfriend to get him jealous? Lol, kidding. It's a very common tactic. I do it all the time too…not the kissing a lot bit, just the teasing bit. Oh man, now I'm just digging myself a hole. Obsessed-with-random-theories: the rating was the previous chapter, where Remus's dream was…er…a little less than innocent. And it'll probably be there for a later chapter as well, I don't know. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. snape'smistress-in-law: Angst makes sad one shots, that leave you miserable, and just hanging…according to me atleast. In chaptered stories, atleast you know that there's probably going o be a happy ending. But that's just a matter of opinion. I'm guessing you won't like this chapter much then. Don't worry about the rating. There will be a warning before that chapter…and I don't think I write very descriptive slash, especially compared to a few that I've read. I'm not very mature myself. I'm lucky the cinemas over here don't care about movie ratings, or I'd probably be mistaken for 13 every single time. Leanna: You know, the most perverted lines come out when you take out sentences out of the context. I don't think this chapter will make you very happy…but hey, review anyway, and tell me what you think. sola-bola: I sort of hate it when everyone makes out Remus to be this short, girly little thing. I mean, gay or not, he's a guy, and a strong one at that because of the werewolf thing. He isn't extremely tall, just that he's had his growth spurt faster than the rest. BlackMercifulFaerie: No sap in this chapter, I'm afraid. Lots of angst, confusion, and mixed feelings. Lol…I love torturing my characters…it's makes fluffy endings so much more happier. Remo: Wow…you really did lose me. Well, glad you caught up. I sort of love writing Voldemort, bastard that he is. He was so purely evil…debauched…but still so cool. I write these chapters during weekends…so I don't know…maybe I do put a lot into my work….can't say. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. Catch you later! Don't lose me again now… WhiteWolfCub: lol…yeah, I think Harry overdoes a bit with Draco in the 6th book as well. I mean, we all know he's the good guy and wants to banish evil, but that is just manic obsession. I'm not a shipper of d/h, but I think Ginny's a slut….so, maybe Harry should lead a monastic life. Shave his head, become a monk or something. (I kind of hate Harry too. I can't believe how stupid he is in the sixth book, plus it's his fault Sirius is dead). As for R/T, so not happening. Come on, I can believe Tonks falling in love with Remus…I mean, who wouldn't? But it's quite obvious that she was so bloody annoying, that Remus finally gave in to make her shut up.