Hogwarts, Fifth Year…

His mother's face looming in front of him, eyes wild and face red with fury. 'I've never been so ashamed of my own flesh and blood my entire life!'

Soft grey eyes of his brother peering through the library door. 'You're going to Durmstrang even if it's the last thing you do!'

Ringing silence from his father. 'Filthy little blood traitor! I wish you'd never been born!'

Crashing of furniture, an expensive vase flying through the air. 'I hope you die, Sirius Black!'

Sirius eyes snapped open, and he found himself sprawled on top of a bed definitely not his own. The sheets underneath him were drenched with sweat and the blankets that had been draped over him, now lay haphazardly on the ground. Sirius took a deep breath and reached up a hand to touch the bruise underneath his right eye, expecting it to hurt. The pain never came, and Sirius frowned, running his fingers over the area again. Nothing.

He rubbed the sand out of his eyes and sat up, immediately taking in his surroundings. He was at Hogwarts - in his dormitory - he must have made it back. He had never thought he would; he'd almost fainted halfway from the cold. Sirius remembered still feeling cold when he'd entered the dormitory, and then, Remus had helped him to his bed…

Remus…

Memories of last night flashed through his mind. Remus underneath him, helpless and moaning; needing more and taking it from Sirius unrelentingly. Remus against him, sweat and skin merged together as if they were never meant to be in two different bodies at all. Remus around him; surrounding him with warmth in the afterglow of what happened.

Remus…

Sirius sighed. He'd never felt this alone, yet this alive his entire life. Alone, because he'd been abandoned, thrown out by his own family; who he wasn't supposed to care about, but he did because it was hard not to. Alive because Remus had seen him through it, filled that empty void with affection and reassurance, courage and friendship, all in that one night.

The whole experience had been surreal, where for that one moment Sirius had forgotten the world had existed at all.

He shifted his gaze at the empty space beside him and shivered involuntarily from the absence of Remus's arms around him. He rested his hand on the mussed up sheets, running across the dent that his friend's body must have left. The space was still warm. Remus must have gotten up only minutes ago, which meant he was still in the showers.

Sirius smiled to himself and got up.

XxxxX

Remus stared at himself in the mirror, taking in every detail and committing it to his memory. He'd never truly looked this carefully at his reflection before, back when he was as perfect as he could get. Still, here he was today, debauched and covered in bluish purple bites from last night and he couldn't bring himself to move away. He watched as a drop of water fell from his long brown hair and trickled down the bruise on his shoulder, just below his scar. He remembered how Sirius had slid up to him, mercilessly licking and biting it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the mirror. He didn't want them to fade: any of them. They were the only reminders, the only proof he had that none of last night had been a dream; the only part of Sirius he knew he could keep.

'Sirius,' he whispered, his breath misting the glass.

Warm arms encircled his waist from the back and a head lay over his shoulder. 'I can never sneak up on you,' said Sirius, his voice petulant and husky from sleep.

Remus opened his eyes but didn't turn back. Instead, he chose to watch Sirius through the mirror. If he had thought Sirius looked beautiful last night then he was sorely mistaken. Because even with his hair sticking up at odd angles and his eyes red from sleep, Remus couldn't help but ogle at him. Perhaps it was just the knowledge that Sirius had been on top of him the night before, whispering his name as he came hard and fast. In any case, to Remus, he looked breathtaking.

Sirius gazed at Remus in the mirror, frowning slightly. 'I hurt you,' he said softly.

Remus refrained from leaning back against Sirius, and tried to dislodge the firm grip around him instead.

Sirius's arms only tightened further. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, running his fingers over the bruise on Remus's shoulder, smooth lips following its trail. 'I'm sorry.' Light, insistent kisses down the front of his neck. 'So sorry,' Hands moving from neck to shoulders to chest - no teeth this time, just soft pink lips.

Remus just stood there unmoving as Sirius carried on his ministrations, gaping at their reflection with awe and half riddled lust. His bruises - they were healing and slowly disappearing under Sirius's touch, turning from a deep purple, to blue, to just smooth pale skin – as if they'd never been there at all. Wandless and silent. Remus wondered if Sirius knew how advanced a magic he was performing at that very moment.

He dug his fingers into silky black hair. 'Sirius, stop…'

How could something so right be so wrong? How could their images in the mirror look so perfect and beautiful together when every cell in Remus's brain screamed that he should look away?

'Sirius…please,' he croaked out, as Sirius descended lower and lower. 'Sirius…'

Sirius stopped, his hands only inches away from the towel around Remus's waist. He moved up, eyes filled with unconcealed desire, as he brushed away Remus's damp hair out of his face.

Remus removed himself from Sirius's grip. 'I'm sorry Padfoot, but this can't go on.'

Sirius stepped closer, hand caressing his cheek. 'Hmm…last night-'

'Is over,' interrupted Remus, looking away and moving back even further.

'It's over, but it's not forgotten!' cried out Sirius, hands dropping exasperatedly to his sides.

Remus's eyes hardened with determination, as he reached for the doorknob. 'No, but I intend it to be.'

Sirius's shoulders slumped then, and his next words came out almost weak and pleading. 'Why did you let me touch you, Remus? Why did you kiss back when I kissed you? Why did you hold me after it all and let me sleep with you on your bed? If you were just going to deny it all in the morning, then why did you let me hope in the first place'

Remus bowed his head low. 'Because it was the only thing I could do to keep you from falling over the edge.'

Remus walked out then before Sirius could say anything further. He hadn't even dared to look back one last time in fear of losing his nerve at the very last minute and submitting himself to the warmth the black haired boy offered.

'Forgive me, Padfoot,' he whispered, as he slumped down against the bathroom door. His eyes closed as he heard Sirius let out a scream of rage and frustration. 'I'm so sorry.'

This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. They were supposed to remain the best of friends, that's all. He'd ruined everything, with just one stupid mistake that didn't feel like a mistake at all. And now, after all this, even their friendship was a lost cause. There was no way Remus could ever look Sirius in the eye again; not only because he was ashamed, but also because he couldn't bear to look up and see the hatred in his friend's eyes.

Suddenly, there was an earsplitting crash from inside and Remus's eyes shot open in fright. It sounded like something breaking.

'Sirius?'

Silence.

Remus's heart skipped a beat. 'Sirius? Are you okay?' When he didn't get a reply, he got up quickly and knocked on the door frantically. 'Sirius, answer me, damn it!'

Nothing.

Oh God, what if he's hurt himself or worse…NO! Sirius might be impulsive, but he was no fool. 'Sirius!' Remus scrabbled for the doorknob and turned it. The door wouldn't open; either it was jammed or Sirius had decided to lock it. 'Sirius, please, if you can hear me, open the door!'

Still no reply.

This is my fault, shit, Sirius…Remus moved back a few inches from the door and rammed his shoulder into it with all his power. He could feel the hinges rattle a little under the pressure and inwardly thanked his werewolf strength. Upon the fourth try – by which Remus was hysterical with desperation - the door finally burst open, and he scrambled inside, narrowly missing stepping on the shards of glass that littered the bathroom floor.

Remus looked around anxiously. 'Sirius!'

There was muffled whimper and Remus's head whipped towards the direction of the basin. And there was Sirius, right underneath it, sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head inclined against the wall. His right hand was bleeding profusely from where he must have punched the mirror, but he was definitely breathing.

Thank God…Remus heaved a sigh of relief and kneeled in front of his friend. 'Are you okay, Padfoot?' he asked, taking Sirius's wounded hand and inspecting it.

The black haired boy said nothing, just continued to stare at him with mournful grey eyes that broke Remus's heart. Sirius Black truly was one of his most favourite people in the world - someone Remus would die for without a question - and it was painful to see those eyes - which usually shone with so much mirth – fixed so seriously on him, desperate and lonely. Sirius was breathing, deep and forceful, as if he didn't want to be doing it at all, but kept on going because he had no other choice. Was he okay? The question did not even fit in the context.

Remus rested his forehead against the cool tiles beside Sirius's head. 'Fuck, this is all my fault. I just…' Sirius had turned to face him, cheek resting against the wall, eyes searching for an answer. Remus couldn't help but reach out and caress his hair, his face, his neck. 'I just…' he tried again but lost his voice in the end.

Suddenly, Sirius flung himself at Remus, burying his face into his shoulder and holding him in a death grip. It was a desperate embrace. 'Why don't you want me, Moony?' he choked out, clutching even tighter. 'Why? I don't understand.'

Remus rested his cheek against Sirius's hair, stroking it soothingly. 'God knows I want you, Sirius, but-'

'Then have me, Remus!' he said frantically, moving away and shaking the werewolf by the shoulders. 'Take what's so willingly given to you.'

Remus moved away, hand on his head. 'It's not that simple, Sirius. I'm-'

'A werewolf? I don't care, Remus.' Sirius rested his hand on his friend's shoulder. 'I thought I made that clear back in second year.'

Remus punched the wall angrily. 'But I do, damn it! Every single day of my life since I've been bitten, I've watched my parents suffer and cry over me. Do you know why, Sirius? Because I'm a werewolf! They've put aside so many dreams that now it's easier for them not to dream at all. Why? Because I'm a werewolf! They have to swallow abuse and rejection everywhere they go. Guess why? Because I'm a werewolf! You might not care, Sirius, but the rest of the world does!'

Sirius hadn't moved throughout Remus's outburst. When he spoke, his voice was calm, if not a little shaky. 'Tell me, Moony, why do your parents put up with all of this?'

Remus shook his dejectedly. 'They have no choice.'

'Everybody has a choice, but they care enough about you to bear everything else that comes along.' He grabbed Remus's chin. 'And I feel the same way.'

Remus turned away. 'It's bad enough that you're my friend, Padfoot. I'm not ready to subject you-'

'Stop trying to control my life, Remus!' burst out Sirius, his hands clutching painfully at Remus's hair in an attempt to get the brunette to face him.

'I'm not trying to control you. I'm trying to protect you!'

Sirius tugged harder, bringing their faces closer together. 'I don't want your protection.' Closer. 'I don't want your charity. All I want,' His hand moved to cup the base of Remus's neck. 'Is you.'

Remus shook his head. 'You don't know what you want…you don't know what you're getting yourself into…I could hurt you.'

Sirius looked at him, fire burning in his eyes. 'I'm prepared to risk that, Remus. Please…' His voice had gone low with exhaustion. He needed this, needed Remus…

Remus rubbed the skin below Sirius's earlobe with his thumb. 'Sirius…'

Sirius's forehead dropped against Remus's. 'I can't do this, Moony.' His throat constricted painfully and the first sign of tears appeared at the corner of his eyes. 'I just can't not have you.' Tears were flowing freely down his face now. 'Why…why does this always happen to me…why is it that I'm always the one to be rejected, Remus? It's not fair.'

Remus's heart clenched at the sight. Sirius was crying. Sirius was crying because of him. 'Sirius, don't,' he murmured, hand reaching up to wipe away the tears on his friend's cheeks. But the gesture was useless, because the dam had finally broken and now flooded his face, tears running down Remus's fingers. 'Don't cry. Please, don't cry…'

Sirius closed his eyes, shaking his head. 'I just…I've never fancied anyone so much before, and I-' he choked.

Nothing seemed to comfort Sirius right then, so Remus did the first thing his heart told him to do: he leaned in and pressed their lips together.

Sirius made a strange strangled noise before shifting his body quickly, so that he was pushing Remus hard against the wall, their bodies forced tightly together. It was in no means a gentle kiss, a lot like the ones Sirius and he had shared the night before but while last night had been about desperation and comfort, this was just pure, unadulterated want. Sirius's hands held him firmly in place by the shoulders, elbows digging painfully into Remus's chest while Remus's tounge slid between his lips. It was cataclysmic heat, and it was also when the werewolf realised that he couldn't continue with his charade anymore. Not when Sirius was sitting in front of him, kissing him, crying for him…

Finally, they both pulled away, and Remus watched as Sirius's whole body crumpled miserably against the wall. 'I don't know what to do, Remus…' he whispered, head leaning against the wall beside his friend's left ear. 'I'm lost…'

Remus brought Sirius's head down to his shoulder, stroking his hair. 'We…we could try this,' he said softly but surely. He felt Sirius's hands run up his sides, finally settling on his shoulder blades. 'We could-'

But he never got to complete his sentence because Sirius was now kissing down his throat, hands rubbing soothingly at the small of his back and shit, this had to be right. There was no other explanation for something that felt so good.

Remus reluctantly forced Sirius to stop. 'Sirius, what if this doesn't work? What then?' Somehow, Remus found that he couldn't even bear the idea of them falling apart, not just as friends but as lovers as well. The sentiment itself was ridiculous since eventually, in two years time, they would both have to go their separate ways anyway.

'Then we'll be friends,' replied Sirius, pushing a kiss to his bottom lip. 'Just like we've always been.'

And it was rather hard not to agree. Not when Sirius Black was kissing you like that, his hands touching you in just the right places and holding on to you like there was no one else he'd rather be with because the world only consisted of you and him. Years later, Remus would see that caring for Sirius had been his downfall but even then, he couldn't bring himself to be bothered.

XxxxX

Sirius watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Remus's chest, wondering how the werewolf could look so beautiful even in his sleep. They'd just been laying there on the bed, Remus reading a book and occasionally indulging in idle conversation while Sirius just lay there curled up beside him, head resting on the boy's stomach. Somewhere in the middle of Sirius talking and Remus flipping pages, the werewolf had fallen asleep, leaving Sirius free to stare.

It was odd. Sirius had never been the one for patience. He could never sit in one place for more than a few minutes without fidgeting. It was a known fact that Sirius Black was easily bored and needed constant entertainment from his friends. Yet, here he was, staring at his new –lover?- for God knows how many hours, and he had no intention to stop. It was a power Remus had over him and though Sirius didn't like being controlled by any one, he found that he didn't mind this little fact at all. In fact, he quite enjoyed it.

Two days. Two days since they'd gotten together and things couldn't get any better. Remus was still a little uncomfortable, a little hesitant, Sirius could tell, and though he knew he should talk to Remus about it, he didn't. What if he said something that made Remus change his mind? What if he convinced him to give up on Sirius even before their relationship had started? No, Sirius couldn't risk losing Remus, not when he had finally gotten him. He'd just wait, give Remus some time and space until he finally got used to it.

Sirius traced his fingers lightly over the skin under Remus's shirt and smiled as a small chuckle escaped the werewolf's mouth. He sighed softly, feeling himself drift off to the sweet smell of chocolate of his friend's skin.

The door creaked open noisily, and Sirius found himself too comfortable to move. Whoever it was, he didn't care. Let them see and think what they wanted to.

'Sirius?'

Sirius recognised that voice. 'James?' He opened his eyes blearily. Sure enough, James Potter was standing there, trunk in hand.

As soon as James realised he wasn't hallucinating and it was indeed his best friend, he fast walked up to Sirius and enveloped him in a one armed hug. 'I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. Are you alright?'

Sirius moved away shakily, mindful not to wake the slumbering boy beside him. 'I'm fine. What are you doing here? I thought you were staying at your uncle's place.'

James sat down on the bed, shooting a meaningful glance at Remus. 'I was. I just got Remus's letter today. He told me everything, Sirius, and I'm glad. That house was nothing but trouble for you.'

Sirius felt his throat constrict, and he sifted his fingers through honey brown locks to hide his grief. 'Yeah…Remus said the same thing. Thanks for coming, James.'

James smiled and clapped Sirius's back. 'Hey, what are best mates for? Mum and dad are here too, by the way. They're settling the matters of your custody in Dumbledore's office.'

Sirius looked up surprised. 'My custody?'

'Well, yeah,' replied James as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. 'You're not of age yet, which means you'll need parental guidance till then. And since you're no longer a part of the Black family, mum and dad have decided to take you in. That is, if you want to live with us…'

Sirius felt a smile tugging at his lips. 'Hell, yeah.' He looked at his best friend gratefully and for the first time, Sirius realised that family didn't necessarily involve blood ties. A family was just a group of people who were always there for you, caring for you through the worst of times. 'James, I- thanks. I don't know how to repay you or your parents…'

James smiled, ruffling Sirius's hair. 'Just don't let mum convince you into changing your name to Sirius Potter. She's been in love with you since your last visit to our place.'

XxxxX

Littlefreeze: Oh yeah, rub it in, why don't you? On the contrary, I speak four different foreign languages. The only problem is that the words I know aren't particularly useful in public…unless of course you're stuck in a horrid traffic jam or something. jean kitsune: Yes, I do need help…but I don't think you can give it to me. It usually involves a lot of doctors, a padded room and a strait jacket. Very complicated procedure you see…lol. Thanks for the review! (I know how you love ! signs) Lykaios Nyx: I finally get a week off from these bloody exams. Absolutely pointless. Some day, when I die, I'm going to ask God what the point was of education. I mean, does it help us get to heaven or something? Anyway, here's the update! Serpent91: You're only saying that because you haven't read any of my other stories. When I was ten, I wrote this absolutely ghastly story about bears and magic rocks and what not. My mum still keeps it as a treasured memory. Frankly, it seems anything but treasured to me. Leanna: Well, you predicted right. What was Remus actually thinking when he thought he was going to stay away from Sirius Black. That's absolutely impossible! And it gets better with the other chapters….I think. Harold Diggory: I don't think a dead man's going to be of much help to your problem. But hey, whatever helps you get off. No, kiddin'…I'm glad my writing can have that much affect on people. Honestly, when I was reading through it, it felt incredibly lame. It still does as a matter of fact. BlackMercifulFaerie: I'm be careful falling of a chair…they might seem harmless, and funny, but they're dangerous. No, seriously, my old man must be the only human being on earth to fall of a chair and get multiple fractures on his leg and a dislocated shoulder. I wasn't sure if I was to laugh or feel sorry for him at that time. KawaiiMegami86: Ah well, you know Remus. Always trying to sacrifice himself for others and all that shit. Poor sod, gets himself so riled up. Well, at least this chapter gives him a chance at things. P.S. I still hate that rat. Annieboo92: It was around two pm where I live. I'd just got back from school, felt like typing something and got to work. And no, they didn't exactly have sex…just kinda…you know. Lady Molko: I was watching this cartoon where this guy gets detention cleaning the most gross toilets on the planet, and the first thing that came to my head was: yuck, he's cleaning other people's shit. Ah, inspiration all around me. A Person: I hope I haven't made you wait too long. Only I just got a break from these ruddy exams today. WhiteWolfCub: Fat load of good Dumbledore's death did. Harry's too stupid to even figure out why he died. And I thought that Dumbledore's funeral was made a joke out of, with all the coupliness, and Harry's stupid thoughts about the Giant Squid. For god's sake, the man deserves some respect. I just wonder what's going to happen to the Order of the Phoenix…Remus should take over! Tyleet27: You're the first person I've met who thinks sex is cute, and cleaning other people's shit is awesome. And yes, he does break Sirius's heart, but he's going to repair it as well…so, no worries! GreenMeansGo: I think I did the strangling bit for you. Thanks for reviewing! MagicalWinry: Thnx…unfortunately for me…you're referring to the story. (sighs!) Ah well, here's the next chapter. Shadow of ZAFT: (blushes) Thanks…it's odd, how I can never seem to like it. Every time I read it, it just gets lamer. I honestly prefer the snivellus's shit bit to it. Hey, that rhymed! Remo: All of my chapters (except the last one) are actually quite readable by everyone…and I'm too lazy to do it all over again, to be quite honest. I prefer putting my efforts into a new chapter…and here's the result! Black's Crystal: Aww…Remus stops being silly in this chapter, somewhat. Besides, he's cute when he's silly. At least, Sirius thinks so. Luermide: It's okay. I had the hardest time trying to figure out why people called Remus and Sirius cigarettes (fag) when I first started out with fan fiction. And don't worry about being retarded…I am too…we could make this retard community club or something. sola-bola: It probably is…but I wouldn't know. Still, I think Sirius is quite convincing, don't you? snape'smistress-in-law: Well, I can't tell if I'm older than you since I don't really know your age, but yeah, I'm British. Ironically, even though Hp is a British book, there are more Americans writing fan fiction. And the London board of examinations will go to hell for inflicting torture on poor…umm…innocent…souls. Warriorbride: Well, you know what they say…if you hope hard enough…it comes true, and I think in your case, it did. They're officially together…whew! But, hey! It's not over yet! Eleriel: Lol…thnx. Unfortunately for me, Bill Gates is American and Microsoft gives me a rough time when I have to type out my assignments. Even though the damn spell check is set to Brit English, the damn thing takes it upon itself to change half my words like apologise, or metre or something like that. Yurikitsune: I like your rambling, don't stop. It's like a pain killer after a hellish week…and I actually don't blame people for making them a fluff couple…they are sort of…um…fluffy? Okay, so I don't have the best vocabulary today, but you get me. P.S. I hate Peter. Jaimilee: Odd, my dictionary actually gives a different meaning, but you're the second person who pointed it out, so I guess I must be wrong somehow. Blitzattack: Wow. No one's ever told me I write good love stories. In fact, I'm one of the most insensitive people I know…I even remember falling asleep in this romance movie my I went to with my friends. I didn't miss a thing…except my popcorn, which got eaten while I was asleep. But, I'm not completely emotional…I remember crying in Tarzan when I was around ten…because his parents died or something like that. Yes, lame, I know. It was the last selfless act I did. Shrink: Well, since you're being so sweet about it, I did make this chapter longer…not by much, but I'm a little busy. You actually read it in school…I would never ever do that. You never know when your friends or teachers decide to jump up on you, and they'll go like…what are you reading, and oh! Obsessed-with-random-theories: Well, we're even then…cuz I haven't written in a while either. Hope you like this chapter! Dodo-chan: Aw…I was hoping my writing was convincing enough for you to picture that too…lol…dirty thoughts intended, but you can ignore it if you're underage. Or just ignore it, period. I don't know how the story's going to go yet. I'm just going with the flow and writing whatever pops into my head. It's much more fun that way. Queen of the Paperclips: Don't remind me of paperclips. I had my practicals today, and I must be the first person on the planet to cut her hand with a paperclip! I still have no idea how I achieved it. Wyndemina: lol, no, they haven't done it, per say. It's a little hard to when both parties are clothed from waist down. But don't worry about it, they'll get to it eventually. I was actually trying to be a bit vague about it…looks like I over shot.