Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter world. It all belongs to the genius creator, J.K. Rowling.
Severus was in his lab, brewing potions for the upcoming semester. In the years since the end of the war, and his ultimate marriage to Hermione, he had mellowed out. He no longer prowled about the school glaring at anyone and everything. Occasionally, people would notice an actual smile on his face.
As he was adding the final ingredients to the Pepper-up potion, Severus' mind began to wonder and reflect of what he had become. He realized that a few years ago, he was an intricate part of the motions to bring about the Dark Lord, therefore, had given up on ever obtaining friends or a family. The more he thought about it, the memories of kindness bestowed upon him by his mentor, Albus Dumbledore, colleagues, and even a few students came flooding back. And all he had done was push them away. Opportunities long lost…or were they? A face with bushy brown hair and intelligent eyes came to mind. He missed her. How can you miss someone when you live with her? He did not understand.
Setting the potion to simmer for a few hours, Severus sat at his desk and stared at a blank wall. He thought back, trying to place the eerie feeling that something was incredibly wrong yet could not get his mind completely off her eyes. Then he realized what was different. When she was a mere student, her emotions, thoughts, her soul could be seen through those amber colored windows. After the final battle, her eyes were not as full of life as they had been. Indeed, these past few months, the light had seemed to die altogether. However, for a while, the light had returned. Granted, he could still see pain, but her soul had been accessible again.
These facts were disturbing him greatly. He realized that his marriage was not all it could be. They were two intelligent, loyal people, but there was something missing. He did not consider himself as a person to be loved, therefore, did not show affection toward anyone, no matter his feelings. Could this be a problem for her? Surely, she knew him well enough by now. She had to know that his life was incomplete without her. He didn't need to express such foolishness did he? He knew his wife loved him. He saw it in her eyes and the little things she did. She knew his favorite food, colors, books, time of day… things he thought to be irrelevant about himself. She knew when he needed time alone, a cup of tea, or was not feeling well. All without him having to say a word. But he did not understand it. He was the snarky, greasy, git of the dungeons. So he passed it off as lust, seeing as she had needs to be satisfied as much as he did. And, truthfully, he was her only option.
Wasn't he? That thought made him review the timeline once again. Oh God. How could he have been so stupid? He sees it now. He sees her depression. Oh shit… the feeling that will not away. Something is so incredibly wrong.
He quickly turned off the fire under the cauldron and literally ran to their quarters. She is not there. He goes around frantically calling her name, but she is nowhere to be found. He glances at the piles of parchment on the desk, and an open book catches his eye. It's her handwriting. A journal entry. Knowing it is an invasion of her privacy, but weighed down with worry, he reads the last entry.
If you ever read this journal, my love, please know I wish you happiness in your freedom. You will no longer endure my presence, or my touch. I am sorry I was not enough for you to love, and I pray to whatever deity that is listening, that you will find that person one day. You do deserve happiness, Severus. You are a fiercely intelligent, loyal, and fascinating person, whose attributes far outweigh your crimes. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, so you will see the forgiveness others gave you a long time ago. I do love you. My final gift to you…freedom. Merry Christmas.
Final gift? No longer endure..? No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening. He prays he can find her. But mostly, he prays for her safety, for someone to find her before she goes through with what he thinks she's doing.