Delicate

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Disclaimer: Some parts of this chapter feature actual scenes/lines/concepts created by the Life with Derek writers. I do not own them. This is simply fan fiction, I do not profit from them, and I own nothing in this story.

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A/N: Thanks everyone for the great reviews! They're really appreciated. Please keep them coming because they mean so much to me. Any feedback is awesome. If you're enjoying this story, check out my other shorter Dasey fic, 'Second Time's the Charm' and also reply if you're able to! Thanks again!

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Note: I forgot to mention in the last chapter but the title, To be Alone with you is by Sufjan Stevens. This chapter's title Secret Heart is by Feist.

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Chapter Three: Secret Heart

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We slept then for a few hours until, at around 5 am, he gently woke me by nudging my shoulder. Opening my eyes groggily I realized in a sudden state of panic where I was! Derek's room?! In his bed?! I glanced at the alarm clock. 5:10? I had to go.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed as I sprung up in bed, whipping the blankets from me.

"Whoa Casey, what's the rush," Derek murmured as he encircled my waist with his arms drawing me closely so that he could burry his face in my hair.

"What's the rush Derek? It's five am! We are so going to get busted!"

"Mmph," he mumbled against my hair. Why was he so infuriatingly calm all the time? And why had he let us fall asleep like that?

"Why are you so infuriatingly calm all the time? And why did you let us fall asleep like that?!" I asked.

He sighed and let his hands slide from my waist as he fell back on his bed, bouncing slightly against the mattress. "Casey," he said calmly, almost as if my freak-out was boring him. "Relax. It's only 5 am, you know no one's awake yet, and no one noticed you were gone. I woke you up so that you could make your way back to your room in time to get another hour or two of sleep, and then get ready. No one will know. So calm down. Do you think I'm so stupid that I'd ask you to come in here, without a plan? Of course I have a plan," he sat up suddenly, annoyance flashing across his face. "I always have a plan."

"Sorry," I said, feeling a little guilty that I didn't completely trust him. After every night together, I felt so many things for him. I felt friendship and even romance, but I still couldn't trust him. Not completely. I still worried that in the end, he'd hurt me more than he ever could have if we had just remained enemies.

"Don't worry about it," he said nonchalantly, with a shrug. A shrug to say I don't care. He didn't care, really. Not in that way about me. And I suddenly realized, as a knot formed in my stomach that I wanted him to. I wanted him to think of me in that way. I was falling hard for Derek Venturi, and I had no clue how he felt.

Take it slow, I told myself. Be his friend, get closer to him. Then maybe he'll realize that he cares for me in that way too.

I looked up at him, willing him to hold me, to take my hand, to do anything. But he never did. "Goodnight," is all he said, his eyes probing through me like an x-ray.

So I stood up slowly, and was careful to be quiet as I tip-toed towards the door. As I left, my hand lingering on the door, cracked open enough for me to see him, I noticed he was still sitting there, watching me, his face serious. And I wondered, as I closed the door with a soft click if maybe, just maybe, that meant he felt the same way.

Or perhaps I was becoming one of many. Another one of those poor girls who felt like they were getting close to Derek, only to be pushed away and replaced with someone else.

Only time would tell.

…………………………………

Of course Derek was right. He was always right. No one even noticed I had left my room the night before. No one noticed that I left it every night to sleep in Derek's bed, only to return every morning at around five. Nothing happened but cuddling, even though I wanted it to.

It remained this way for a while, until one night. A night when things changed. Not for the better, no. Not for me. For the worse.

I was lying in Derek's arms as we stared up at the ceiling, lost in our own thoughts. I turned on my side then, snuggling up against him, as I reached for his left hand, holding it in mine.

"You've changed," Derek said suddenly, his voice serious, almost thoughtful.

"What do you mean?" I asked lightly, as I played with his hand, stroking up and down his fingers, tickling his palm.

"You've started treating me… differently," he explained. I sat up a bit, to gage his reaction but his face was expressionless, upturned as he continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Yeah… I guess," I admitted. "But I mean, we've changed. We're different now. We're… friends," I offered shyly.

"Yeah, I know that," he said, his voice a little impatient. "But I mean you've changed during the day, too."

"So?"

"So, I thought that this was our idea… our plan. Be normal during the day; pretend like we don't give a shit about each other, and then at night, be… this."

I sat up in bed then, my hand still holding his. "Our plan? More like your plan. I don't care if people know we're friends now. But you wouldn't know that, because we can never talk about it… and as for this, what is 'this' anyways? What's going on with us?"

He turned his face from the ceiling to look up at me now, a devious grin stretching smugly across his face. "You have a crush on me, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked defensively. "First of all, no. Second, what does that have to do with anything I just said?"

"Casey McDonald likes me," Derek sang softly.

"Do not. Stop it," I said childishly. I removed my hand from his and pushed against his arm.

"Sorry, sorry, I'll stop," he said quickly, grabbing my hand back so that he could hold it in his.

Silence.

"Well, aren't you going to say anything else?" I prodded. "Like explain yourself maybe?"

Derek sighed.

"For one thing, I teased you because you asked about 'this' and what's going on with 'us' because, as I suspect, you have a little crush on yours truly," I started to protest, but Derek talked over me. "Nothing to be ashamed of, of course. I am quite the charmer," he grinned. "Second, this is our plan because this is for both of our sakes. I don't like talking about this, it's true, because we have a good thing going and I don't want to talk about it and over-analyze it, cause if we do, we'll ruin it. Don't let our friendship become a rerun of Dawson's Creek, Casey."

"You watch Dawson's Creek?" I asked with a laugh.

He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "Occasionally, when there's nothing else on. Don't laugh, it's a good show. And don't tell anyone either. Anyways, to continue… now where was I? Oh yes, our plan. It's our plan because it's to the benefit of both of us to stay as normal as we can during the day. Why? Because if we start acting all friendly all of a sudden people are going to suspect things. Then they're going to bug and question us forever. They won't trust us. We'll be under constant supervision. We're teenagers Casey. I'm a guy and you're a girl. It's only natural that they'll suspect we're sleeping together. Then under all of the pressure of their suspicions and questions our delicate friendship will crumble. Do you want that to happen Casey?" I shook my head. "Neither do I. So that's why we have to pretend to hate each other—and before you ask, no, we can't act normal when alone because you know this house. Any moment someone could barge in and see us hugging or talking all friendly and start suspecting things. That's why we have a strict day to night policy. During the day, we're enemies, at all times. During the night, when everyone is sleeping, we're friends. It just uncomplicates things. Got it?"

I nodded. "Wow, Derek. Are you sure you're not smarter than you let on? That was pretty perceptive."

"Let's just say I might not be a Casey McDonald, but I'm not a complete moron either. Especially when it comes to noticing how things go. There's a delicate balance in the universe, Case. And I know what'll disturb it."

"Um, okay," I responded, not knowing what else to say.

"Any questions or comments before we move on and never discuss this again?" he asked calmly.

"Yes, actually," I smiled. "I have a comment. Just because you have a huge ego that allows you to misconstrue situations, influencing you into believing that everyone in the planet has a massive crush on you, does not mean that it's true. I just happen to like you. As a friend," I lied.

"Oh yeah?" Derek raised his eyebrows, an amused smile gracing his face. "I don't believe you."

"Then I'll prove it to you," I stated, attempting to smile confidently. I couldn't let Derek see right through me.

"Prove it to me? Now that's interesting. How so?"

I thought fast. "I'll… I'll help you with a girl," I said quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If I ever have an opportunity to help you with a girl you like, I will," I explained. "Why would I do that if I liked you?"

"Hmm, alright," Derek muttered thoughtfully as he scratched his chin.

I smiled at him.

"But maybe not," he said. "We'll see. You still have the face."

"What face?!" I asked defensively.

"The crushing-on-Derek-Venturi-face. I know it well," he smirked matter-of-factly.

"Whatever," I said with a roll of my eyes. "Well, I'll be going then," I stood up, already knowing how he'd react.

"I don't think so," he called softly, encircling my waist with his arms and dragging me down onto the bed. He was embracing me from behind then, his legs entangled with mine, his breath on my neck. "You're mine," he whispered triumphantly in my ear. He didn't know how right he was.

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It was actually the very next day when I figured out a way to prove it to him. I don't know why it was so important for me to show him that I didn't like him, but it was. I think my main issue was that I didn't want him to treat me differently; if our relationship was going to progress to more than friends, I wanted it to be mutual.

So as much as it hurt me, I knew what I had to do. I had to help Derek with Sally. As soon as she came up to me in Smelly Nelly's complaining about how she blew it with him, begging me to help, my non-meddling policy was out the window. This would prove to him once and for all that I was safe to be around; no feelings, no problems, right?

Once I got home I headed straight for his room. Derek was bossing around Edwin, as usual so I figured it was a good time.

"Uh, can I talk to you about something private, and kind of important?" I asked him as soon as I entered his room.

Edwin got up to leave, but Derek stopped him, his panic made obvious by the speed of his response. "Nothing you could say could ever be private, or important," he said quickly. "Edwin stays." I knew immediately what he was thinking; Casey's going to try to ruin our day-night system again. But he was wrong. I was out to prove I could play along; no real emotions involved.

"It's about Sally," I replied directly.

"Edwin goes," he said, just as quick.

After Edwin left he turned to me. "Okay, spill. What do you got?"

The door was open so I made sure to be normal. As normal as possible, at least. "Smart, pretty, and for some reason still interested if you still are, so it's a no-brainer."

Derek proceeded to explain why it wouldn't be possible—something about Sally playing mind games. I tried to explain to him that girls needed time after breaking up with guys; basically being as impartial and uncaring as I could be. Once he told me that time was up, and got up to usher me out of his room, I guess I panicked and it slipped out.

"It's just that Sally said that you said…" I started.

"Whoa, whoa," Derek exclaimed, wide-eyed with panic. "You and Sally talked? About me?" I'm guessing that he probably wasn't too happy that his 'cuddle-buddy' was chatting with his potential love-interest. So I racked my brain with a response so that he wouldn't be completely pissed off at me. Note to self; don't go so far to prove yourself that you end up making him resent you.

"No…no! It's just… something I picked up," I smiled weakly.

He then blasted me about staying out of his private life.

"I was just trying to help," I said sadly, utterly defeated. With that, I left his room reluctantly, sighing. How else could I prove that I didn't like him?

When my mom mentioned how much she liked Sally the next day, I knew I had a perfect in. I encouraged a joining-of-forces, so that I could prove to Derek without getting too involved that I was cool; no crush present.

I tried so hard to make it happen, inviting Sally over, encouraging her about Derek. When he messed everything up, I figured, screw it. I tried my best to help him; there wasn't anything else I could do anymore, so I told Sally about Derek's plan and washed my hands of the situation.

When he came into my room asking for my advice, of course I had to milk the situation, but in the end I gave it to him. I told him exactly what to do, because I wanted him to win over Sally. In the end, he'd thank me and never doubt my feelings again. At least until he felt them himself.

The bad news is, it worked. And now I had to live with it.

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"Derek?" I whispered. We'd said our goodnights at least twenty minutes before, but I just couldn't sleep.

"Mm," he said groggily, his voice coming from behind me. "What is it Case?" He was spooning me, his arms snug around my sides, his mouth against my hair.

I decided to just bite the bullet and ask him. "Do you really like Sally?"

I felt him shift a bit behind me. "Yeah, I like her. She's a cool girl. Why? You jealous or something? I thought you'd proven pretty nicely by helping us along that my crush suspicions were unfounded."

"I know," I said softly. "And I'm not jealous," Liar. "I just wanted to know… I… I want you to be happy, that's all. It's important to me." At least that part was true.

"That's sweet of you, Case," he murmured against my ear, as he held me closer, sighing quietly. "Go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay," I breathed. "Sweet dreams."

"I always do when you're here," he mumbled, half-coherent as he gave my waist a squeeze.

I was suddenly especially glad that he couldn't see me as the silent tears escaped, running down my face. When would he look at me the way he looked at Sally?

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Next Chapter: Derek goes a bit too far trying to act "normal" in front of the family that he ends up hurting Casey's feeling in the process.

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A/N: Sorry, kind of an emo end to the chapter, but it all ties in. Just remember that we have no clue what Derek is thinking or feeling. We're in Casey's head so don't judge him too harshly! The next chapter will be cuter and will show the softer side to Derek, I'm thinking. Reviews are always appreciated and adored!

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