Jumping out of the truck from his long trip back to the base Ken knew he'd be spending part of the day writing reports back to on his findings in Chad.

He took the time to make sure Jafaru and his son had been reunited with his wife and daughter and through he helped them leave the country and become part of the ISO again.

The two unexpected visitors standing close to one of the hangers filled him with the first piece of happiness he had felt in the months since he had left Utoland for African continent.

"Aniki!" Jinpei called out in excitement and ran over to him with Ryu in tow. Jinpei looked behind him with a searching look on his young face, and then he smiled again at Ken.

"Hey Jinpei, good to see you and Ryu." He clasped Ryu's hand as he tried to catch his breath and smile at the same time, Jinpei just nudged him.

"Gonna tell Aniki about that pretty blond girl you met with a sweet smile…and you couldn't keep your eyes off her…" Jinpei teased. Ryu blushed, and then began to stammer something about Jinpei shutting his big mouth for once.

"Leave him alone Jinpei." Ken chuckled and he put his hand on the Swallows shoulder while giving the owl a reassuring look that he wasn't about to start pressuring him into telling him details.

"Why don't we go and get something to eat." Ken suggested feeling the rumbling in his stomach grow louder.

"I'm all for that." Ryu muttered in relief following along behind them to main cafeteria on the base.

Ken led the way…

A short while later they had trays of food in their hands and managed to find a table in the crowded cafeteria.

"So," Ken looked at the two of them curiously." What brings you both here?"

"I was my idea." Jinpei piped up with a mouth full of food.

"Jin, speak when you don't have a mouth full of food." Ken chided him.

"Now you're starting to sound like sis…" He moaned and rolled his eyes. "Speaking of sis, why isn't she here?"

Ken looked at him sharply. "You knew she didn't want to come here." He kept his tone guarded, not wanting to reveal the pain he had inside at his constant phone calls being ignored.

"Besides Jin, haven't you been at the Snack J for the past few months, you should know-"He stopped talking when he saw Jinpei's confused expression.

"I went with Ryu to visit his dad and Senji not long after you left. She told me she would come here to be with you…that's why we decided to come here and catch up the both of you." Jinpei said looking at Ryu. "She told me she was alright and not to worry, she would be leaving soon…"

Ken put down his fork and looked at his plate of food, losing his appetite." Well she didn't come here…"

Jinpei's eyes became sympathetic. "Awe Aniki, she was so cut up about you going away, she began eating all this junk food and getting fat-"He stopped talking when Ken looked up at abruptly him leaning in closer to Jinpei, Ryu shrugged and kept eating.

"She what?" He asked again with an edge of anger coming into his voice, knowing how well Jun looked after her figure and maintained her level of fitness, let alone say to Jinpei what was now an obvious lie.

Jinpei looked taken aback by Ken's reaction. "Aniki…"

"She's not here Jinpei, I called the Snack J and no one answered…" He began to go over in his mind. Something is glaringly wrong. He thought. Jun is acting so out of character, nothing seemed to add up.

He'd been down this road before with Joe- when he tried to get him tell him why he missed an obvious shot…that thought still caused him endless pain and frustration, knowing he could have prevented his death if he knew about his illness. Even if the doctor told him countless times Joe would have died anyway.

"Tell more about what happened after I left." He said evenly looking at the two team members sitting in front of him.

Jinpei shrugged his shoulders. "Most things were normal back home before I left, Jun looked really sad, and then she began eating all of this junk food…and began to get fatter. I told her she should stop…she just looked different for some reason…I…shouldn't have left sis…" Jinpei let out a small sob.

Ryu's eyes turned to sympathy for him. "Jin, I'm sure she's alright, you know maybe she decided to go on a short holiday or something…"

Ken felt the blood drain from him, a sudden cold crept in as Jinpei spoke. Jun couldn't be...He thought, the word hung in the air, like an elephant in the room. Questioning his own actions during the past few months- and she tried to tell him something that night at dinner…could it be the reason she changed, he mused.

"I have to go." Ken said abruptly standing up breaking out of his thoughts fast.

"Where are you going?" Ryu asked finishing his plate of food.

"Back to Utoland." He said over his shoulder as he ran for his plane. "Get my gear from the barracks and head for home." Ken ordered.

Ken had to know if his conclusions were true, and the sense of urgency grew as he jumped in started up the plane.

If what he thought was the truth, then she'd have a short time to go before... the thoughts sent his heart racing. He had to get home to confirm his fears. If the worst had happened what would they do? A child... no... she would have told him if she was pregnant, wouldn't she? He pondered. He fought to reason with the idea of ever being a father, it was alien. It would affect everything, including the teams operation. He couldn't shake it, the idea of it, churning inside like an reckless ocean threatening to capsize his boat, he tried to think of what to do.

She'd have to close the Snack J for a while…he'd know once he walked in the door.

Ryu and Jinpei looked bewildered as they ran into the hanger only to see Ken taxing the small white plane out. He waved briefly, and then headed out onto the runway for the journey home.

It had been a busy past few weeks for Jun, which came more as a relief to her to have something to take her mind of the aching loss she felt inside of her heart, she still hadn't totally come to terms with giving him up, she hadn't signed the papers to officially surrender him that still needed to be finalized at Val's office regarding his future. Jun still had the option of bringing him home, if things looked be settling down then she decided she could. Ken didn't have to support her financially- Jun didn't want to tie him down like that.

The past few weeks she had been doing the exercises that the nurses in the hospital had shown. Bringing her waist line back under control, and everyday she thought about Dyami, how he's doing, and if she should go and see him. All she had to was call Val to arrange a visit…

She bit her bottom lip as she thought about the things she had to do for him, was it to soon to visit him? She thought wiping off another table, she couldn't become too attached to him if chose to go through with her original plan.

A small crowd of ladies walked through the door…sighing softly she prepared for another rush.

Every fibre of her being wanted to take Dyami back home and find a way to raise him herself- after all she raised Jinpei didn't she. This was different. She thought, letting out a drawn breath.
The door bell sounded and another customer walked in, at first Jun didn't look up. Then from the corner of her eye she saw the patron take a seat at his usual warn seat at the bar.

Her heart began to race- slowly she looked up into a set of clear blue eyes watching her, studying her every move. Ken didn't say a word- he just stared at her like he expected to see something.

Jun walked behind the bar ignoring the other customers, watching him to whole time.

I had forgotten how handsome Ken really is, she thought. The desire to run her fingers through his thick dark hair took her by surprise, and how much she wanted to just hold him and explain why things were different now between them.

Would he understand why she didn't tell him before he left? She wondered.

"How have you been?" She asked trying to break down some the barrier of the months they had spent apart.

"Good… and you?" He asked quietly.

"Busy, the business picked up…"Jun said casually putting the wash cloth in sink and poured him a drink of cola, she placed it in front of him. Trying not to let her hands shake from the rush of butterflies to her stomach, after all these months Ken still had that affect on her.

He looked down into his glass- she could see a solemn expression on his face. "So I hear, some ladies outside commented on how the Snack J has been consistently open for months…a popular place to come to now."

"Ahhh, yes…I ahhh-" Jun didn't know what to say.

She heard him let out a long slow breath looking at his face she could feel his inner torment. "Jun, what's happening to us?"

She stared down at her hands- she just couldn't get the right words past her lips. "I…" She stammered- the words she needed to say stuck in her throat.

Ken's eyes became haunted from memories of the early days of their relationship. "When the war ended we could talk about anything…this isn't like you Jun…" He took a long sip of his soda and put the glass down firmly onto the counter, pursed his lips and waited.

"What do you mean Ken…you went away to Africa, so it's been a while since had the chance-"Jun tried to act normal, she began to wonder if he could see right through her. After all Ken knew her better than anyone else.

"You have been avoiding my phone calls." His eyes darkened.

She tried to still her wildly beating heart, she should have known it would come back to haunt her, Ken's not a fool she thought. His natural perception is what saved them on many missions.
"What do you want to talk about?" She said looking away from his penetrating blue gaze.

"Why I called here for months and you didn't bother to pick up the phone?" He said.

"It just could have been the times you called…I have been extremely busy…" Jun covered too quickly.

"Busy doing what? Running the Snack J, going out with your friends? Ignoring me…" His voice held restrained anger.

"Ken my whole world is-"She started to say, looking for the words to tell him about his son.

"…So we go back to that again? It all about you…all about what you want." Ken sounded hurt.

"No… Ken there's something I have to tell you." Jun pleaded.

Ken sat back in his seat- anger still apparent in his eyes.

An uneasy silence fell between them. A customer called out to her for some service impatiently. Jun hesitated, holding Ken's gaze but not speaking. Without another word she ran over to take the order, trying not to look back at his eyes boring into her back. This is not the right time, her inner voice screamed out.

Her customer brought her out of her unease for a moment. "Three lattes and two hot chocolates." Jun repeated the order while she jotted it down on her order pad.

"I'll have a piece of chocolate cake too." The little three year old boy piped up looking at his mother with pleading eyes. His mother smiled and indicated that he could have it.

Jun walked back with a briskly to the bar.

"So, what's the real reason then, that you didn't want to come with me?" His face softened a fraction.

"I just didn't want to leave Utoland. Is there something wrong with me having a life of my own choosing?" Jun biting her bottom lip, quickly picking up a cloth and she began to wipe the bench to for the twentieth time…busy keep busy, her inner voice repeated, you can handle it if you keep busy…

Ken gently took hold of her hands forcing her to stop and let go of the washcloth, she forced herself to look into his searching his eyes.

Jun's resolve to keep silent began to ebb away looking into the depths of his eyes.

"Ken, we do need to talk about a lot of things, this isn't the place…" She knew it was cryptic.

Deep inside of her she yearned for him to jump over the counter like he did the day after they first made love when he came back from a mail run and kiss her, he smile affectionately and playfully nuzzle her neck making her giggle hysterically, and then he would tell her how much he loves her.

His words brought her back to reality. "We drifted apart Jun… maybe it was a mistake that we got together." She saw deep pain enter his eyes.

If he stared into her eyes any longer she would pour out the truth. Pulling in the desire she felt to be in his arms, meant telling him the truth. Here and now.

She wanted to- she just had to time it right. In the past few months she had learned a lot about controlling her own emotions and words.

She gradually became conscious that she had been pulling away from his grasp on her hands- Ken must have felt it, he let go of her.

"If this what you want…" Ken's arms dropped to his side.

"Ken, a lot has changed since you left-" Jun felt desperate.

"Yes it has, we…just…" He agreed in a firm tone and he looked away for a minute shutting his eyes tight. Her customer at the table wanting the coffee's called out to her again- absently she began to heat up the coffee machine.

"I don't know how to say it." Jun fumbled with the milk as she measured it in the silver metal jug.

"Then just say it." Ken said tightening his grip on his glass. "If you don't I will…"

She felt her blood drain from her face, slowly she looked at him.

"I have something else you need to know too." Ken's face became neutral.

"What?" Jun asked in shock at his change in tone.

"We start training again in a few weeks…full combat, all the equipment." Ken answered.

She gasped almost spilling hot milk on her hands as frothy hot milk overflowed from the jug. She knew what he meant by that.

Ken's face looked haunted again, every action he made now had that controlled way he used to guard his emotions and maintain complete control over them. His face held the expression he often had when they were in the middle of a desperate part of a mission. Calm and controlled, the slight tense set of his lips told her he knew what he was doing. Ken had made a decision, about them. She knew him well enough to read his body language.

"There are serious threats out there in the world, we need to be ready and we haven't trained in months…" He said in a distantly, she felt like he was talking to her through water.
"I'll be in touch when you're required." He said coolly, bringing her back to pouring the Cappuccino's.

From the corner of her eye she watch him stand up to leave, he looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't.

Jun felt tears sting her eyes, his words cemented Dyami's future, and she couldn't raise him. She couldn't go and bring him back into her life or Ken's, their son would only be in danger she knew that now.

She had to accept it as she watched Ken walked towards the door, and he didn't look back. Jun felt an wall invisible brick wall rising up between them.

"I'll be there." She told his back.

He stopped with his hand firmly on the door. "I know…" His voice broke. Then he opened it and walked out without looking back.

Wordless she let her hands rest on the bar dropping her head and fighting the inner pain that threatened to take over, then she began the learned process of burying it again so she didn't have to deal with it.

She couldn't talk about Dyami, she'd only said his name once out loud and it clenched her heart so hard it hurt like a knife. Something stopped her from speaking to Ken, and another voice screamed at her that he should know about Dyami. Run after him, tell him…

The clanging of the door signalled the end of their relationship as it slammed shut behind him she tried to keep her composure while people stared at her, but she couldn't.

She'd made the choice months ago, to keep the baby when she could have aborted it. That's why she couldn't tell Ken at first, she didn't want anyone changing her mind. The truth of some of her actions stood out in front of her and now.

One day she hoped Dyami and Ken would forgive her.

Suddenly the events of the past weeks came crashing down as she walked over and turned the sign to closed on the door, she began to robotically serve the last customers, after what seemed like and eternity the last one walked out the door. She didn't even bother to clean up like she ritually did every night.

She ran upstairs unable to face anyone, throwing herself onto the bed unbearable pain searing through her as she punched her pillow to release it.

Eventually she stopped hitting it, soft white plumes of swans down feathers escaped from it in the half light of the room. Feeling emotionally exhausted from the heartache that filled her threatened to tear her apart inside. She fought her trickling tears until the river ran dry, and numbness filled the aching space in her heart, where Ken and Dyami occupied.

Alone- She had no one to turn too.

She vowed not to let it defeat her- Jun knew she had made her choice, now she had to learn to live with it…