Delicate

.

A/N: Thank you all so much for all of the amazing reviews! It definitely made me super happy the past few days to see so much positive feedback! And as a reward, I'm updating faster… what can I say, the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write, and therefore the quicker I'm able to update! Keep that in mind for the future! If you like this story, check out my other one, Second Time's the Charm. The chapter title, Make a Plan to Love Me, is a song by Bright Eyes. Thank you all again! Hopefully you'll really enjoy this chapter.

.

.

Chapter Five: Make a Plan to Love Me

.

.

I had decided. I was never coming out. Nope, no way. They'd just have to build some sort of trap door so they could send food to me; and while they were at it they should build another bathroom for themselves, 'cause like I said; I was never coming out.

"Casey, come out," Lizzie's voice called from the other side of the door. "Derek was just being stupid. He's a horrible guy! Come on out and we'll ignore him or find things to throw at him. Please?"

"I'm sorry Lizzie," I replied tearfully. "But I can't come out. I'm staying in here."

"But for how long?" she whined.

"Forever." I was being a bit dramatic, true; but hey… look at it from my perspective. Horrible day, and the guy I was risking everything for decided to rub salt in my metaphorical wound. Assisted by his overly happy, overly kind and perfectly perfect Miss. Perfect-face girlfriend. Blah, I could stay in there forever.

"Let me try," I heard my mom's voice cut in. "Casey? Honey? Can you hear me?" she asked, her voice raised quite a bit louder than usual.

"Yeah, mom. I can hear you. I'm not deaf."

"Oh. Okay well, Casey, I think it's about time you came out now. You've been in there for an hour. We let you cool down and have a minute to yourself, but it's getting a little bit… much, don't you think? I know Derek is… insensitive, and rude, but don't let him win by running away. Besides, running away from a problem is never the way to fix it. You know that by now."

"Thanks mom, for the heart-to-heart. But I've made my decision. I'm staying in here, period."

She sighed.

"Casey!" George called. "I understand that you're upset, but like your mom said, this isn't the right way to deal with it… I'm sure you two can work it out if you just talk. Derek is very sorry for what he said, and I promise he'll be punished. Just come out, please."

"Sorry George. You've been very nice to me in the past, and I really appreciate it, but I just can't. Not while that jackass is there, excuse my language. I hope you understand."

"Well I tried," George mumbled, defeated.

"Hey Casey!" Marti's voice squeaked.

"Hey Marti," I smiled, despite my horrible mood. "Have you come to give me some support too?"

"No, but I do want you to come out!" Marti exclaimed. "I gotta go pee!"

"I'm sorry for that, Marti," I replied edgily. "But you'll have to blame your brother for that one. I'm not coming out."

"Casey! Casey, it's Edwin. Come on out! This isn't easy for me to say, cause he'll probably hurt me for it, but Derek's a jerk. I understand that better than anyone! Just come out, please? We're all… worried about you."

"Thank you for your concern, Edwin," I sniffed calmly. "It means a lot. But unfortunately I just can't come out until that… that creature leaves this house for good."

"Should we just send Derek to a boarding school so that Casey will come out?" George asked quietly.

"Hey! I heard that!" Derek's voice exclaimed. "You can't send me to boarding school! That's not fair!"

"Is that Derek?" I gasped. "DEREK, GO AWAY! Your presence is NOT desired here!"

There was a shuffling of feet and his voice became clearer, and much louder. Suddenly there was a rapid banging on the door. "Casey! Open the door, please!" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry. You know it's not easy for me to say that, but I am. I'm really sorry for what I said and I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings and I'm sorry I'm so annoying, and I'm sorry for everything else that I'm supposed to be sorry for! Just come out, so we can talk."

"Did Derek just say that?" Mom mumbled, probably to George. "Did you pay or threaten him to apologize and talk to Casey?"

"No, honestly," George replied, his voice heightened in surprise. "Maybe he's just being nice for a change? Don't question it, otherwise he might stop."

"No, you're right. This is good. I'll just be quiet and appreciate it." Her voice rose a bit. "Did you hear that Casey? Derek apologized and wants to talk! That's great, isn't it? Now just open the door, please!"

"Yeah, you know, it would be great, except I don't care about his stupid apology and I don't want to talk to him!" I snapped bitterly.

"Casey, please? Please?" Derek called. He sounded kind of desperate and sad, I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

"Sorry. You said what you had to say, now I'm doing what I have to do. Besides, why should you care? You hate me, remember?"

"Casey, you know that's not true," he whispered.

"I don't know if I know what I know anymore!"

"What?"

"Never mind. Just go away, please."

"Guys," Mom said soothingly. "Let's give her some more time. Marti, I'll take you next door to use the bathroom there. She'll come out when she's ready."

Talking amongst themselves their voices became quieter and quieter, until they all left. I was alone. A tear trickled down my face. I had never felt more alone in my life.

I played out the conversation that I was anticipating in my head.

"Derek, I love you."

"Ha, Casey… you must be joking right?"

"No, no I'm serious. I've never felt this way about anyone. Don't you feel the same way?"

"Sorry, Case. That's kind of pathetic. But the truth is, I don't believe in love, remember? But just to let you know, if I did believe in love…"

"Yeah?"

"I'd love Sally. Not you."

Ouch. Now that would hurt. I clutched my stomach with my hands, feeling actual physical pain at that thought. Could a person die from a broken heart? I knew I was being melodramatic, but at the time I almost thought it possible. Tears continued to trickle down my already sticky and warm face, and I wiped them away with the back of my hand, sniffing loudly.

"Case?" I heard Derek's quiet voice from the other side of the door. "Are you crying?"

"No," I said quickly, sniffing again. "What are you doing Derek? Go away. I told you to go away!"

"I… I don't want to leave you alone," Derek said quietly, sweetly. It was too much. It was just too much. I wanted to yell at him so badly; how dare he make me fall more in love with him with every word he said, when all I wanted was to hate him.

The tears just kept on falling and I was worried that a sob would escape, so I stuffed a fist inside my mouth, biting down hard to keep from vocalizing my pain.

"Casey?" he called, but I didn't respond, too busy trying to keep from making a fool of myself. "Okay, well I'm staying here. I'm not moving, until you do. I'm just letting you know that," he said.

It was almost more than I could bare. I cried my silent tears, as I slowly lowered myself to the floor, the guy I loved on the other side of the door, quietly waiting. For me.

……………………………

A couple more hours went by and Derek was still waiting outside. I could tell by the shadows underneath the door that he was sitting, pressed against the wood of the door. He would hum to himself sometimes, songs I didn't recognize. He always listened to the most obscure music… I didn't really mind it, I just had no idea where to start with it all, but Derek knew every band. And from what I heard from some of the stuff he listened to, they had some pretty meaningful lyrics. Derek Venturi was deeper than people gave him credit for. It's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.

I sighed. I was honestly tired of this; tired of sitting in the bathroom, wallowing in my own pain. I wanted to get in my bed and crawl under the covers, but I was stubborn. I wouldn't let Derek win.

Soon the family went to bed, saying their goodnights to Derek on the way. He remarked that he was on guard duty, and that he'd try to convince me to go to bed as best he could. He said that it was his responsibility since he was the one that upset me so much. Actually, he was being surprisingly mature. Stupid Derek and his newfound maturity. He wasn't making this easier on me.

About a half an hour after the others went to sleep, I heard Derek shift uncomfortably outside the door. "Casey," he whined. "Please come out, so we can talk and go to sleep. You don't have to sleep in my bed if you don't want to. You just really need to get some rest; you have school tomorrow. We have school tomorrow."

"Like you even want to go to school," I snorted. "This is a perfect excuse to skip, Derek. Why not take it?"

"This isn't about me," Derek replied. "This is about you… you need to go to school."

"Stop acting like you care, cause obviously you don't."

"What do you mean I don't care?" Derek asked. "Of course I care. Casey," he lowered his voice. "You know how I feel about you. You're my best friend."

I ignored the heartfelt comment. "Besides," I said. "I'm never going to school again."

"You're not serious," Derek scoffed. "Casey McDonald? Wanting to miss school? I don't believe it."

"Why? Because I'm such a keener that I want to get my B+ average up so that I can go to a school that only accepts straight A's? Why don't you go get Sally so you two can tag-team me," I snapped.

Derek sighed. "I'm sorry that I said that to you. I mean it, I am. I didn't mean any of that stuff… I never mean what I say to you, during the day. You know that. I always say rude things to you, I thought you were used to it."

"You're never that mean," I insisted. I lowered my voice to a whisper. "You really crossed a line."

"I know. I know I did. I was just… I was trying to throw Dad and Nora off. After they caught us hugging this afternoon I figured they'd be all suspicious, so I wanted to really go at it with you to invert their suspicions…"

"You mean divert."

"Yeah. But honestly, that's all it was. And I'm sorry I hurt you in the process. You have no idea how sorry I am. I shouldn't have been so mean. I just… I wasn't thinking. I tend to do that a lot, you know," he said quietly. "I talk without thinking. If you haven't noticed."

"Oh believe me, I've noticed."

"Casey, please. Can we just talk?" Four fingers slid under the door and wiggled at me. I couldn't help it. I reached out to touch them in return. I just needed that reassurance, I guess.

I quickly yanked my hand away, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. I didn't forgive him. But I would talk to him. "I'll talk to you," I said. "But through the door."

"Okay," his voice replied. "I guess that's better than nothing."

There was a moment of silence.

"So…" he said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Honestly," I replied. "I really have nothing to say to you, so you decide. You're the one that wants to talk so bad."

"Okay well… I guess we should start with what's made you so upset. I'm no expert on girls or feelings… or girls with feelings, but I have a suspicion that the incident at dinner isn't the only reason why you're pissed at me."

"Hmmm," I considered. "Could be."

"So what is it then?" he asked quickly. "Please, I really want to get all of this out in the open, I want to make things better."

"Well, since you seem to think you know me so well," I began. "Why don't you try and guess what else is wrong."

"Okay," his voice responded thoughtfully. "I… I'll try. So maybe you're mad at me because… you feel like I kicked you when you were down today."

"Maybe," I replied.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said. "Alright, well maybe you're angry cause what I said to you last night about love bugged you in some way?"

"Maybe," I said reluctantly.

"Okay. Maybe… maybe you're a little jealous of my relationship with Sally… not because you like me or anything," he said quickly, almost as if he was afraid of making me angry. "But because you feel like she's more important to me than you are?"

"You're surprisingly perceptive," I muttered, amazed.

"Okay, another yes then," he said. He paused for several seconds and then finally continued. "I might be totally off base with this one," he said. "But I'll just ask… so don't get pissed at me for asking, okay? Please?"

I laughed a bit, unable to help it. "Okay, agreed," I said. Despite my laughter, a knot was forming in my stomach. I was worried about where this question and answer period was leading to. More than anything though, I was worried that when the time came, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from telling the truth.

"Good…" he paused again, this time almost for a solid minute. I was panicking on the inside, and my palms were getting sweaty. I wiped them on my pants as I swallowed quickly. I wished he would just get on with it. "Maybe…" he said suddenly. "Maybe you're a little bit… a little bit confused…about your feelings for me?" he suggested. "Maybe you're worried that you feel more than you should or that I don't feel the same way, or I couldn't because I have a girlfriend… or… or something," he finished lamely.

I sat in silence, fear and excitement all at once filling me. What should I do, what should I do, what should I do?

"Casey?"

"…maybe," I finally responded, quietly. The tears started welling up in my eyes. Oh my God, what did I do? I ruined my friendship with Derek. I ruined the best thing in my life… it was all my fault. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry, and this time it was not quiet.

"Case," Derek's voice said quietly. "You should open this door. Casey?" he called, more urgently. "Are you crying? Casey, please, open it. Please, can we talk, face to face? I need to… I need to see you."

"I…told…you," I said, in between sobs. "I'm not coming out."

"Can I come in then?" he pleaded. "Please?"

I reached forward from my seat on the closed toilet and pressed the lock on the door. The sobs were starting to subside. "It's… it's open," I said.

The door creaked open, and there was Derek. His hair was unruly, his clothes crumpled, his mouth was turned down in a frown, and his eyes were filled with concern. It wasn't exactly a reassuring sight.

He knelt down, closing the door behind him, so that he was almost my height. I was shaking as he pushed the hair from my face, and for the second time that day, cleared the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I gazed into his eyes. It was all I could say.

He pushed me against him, hugging him tight. "Don't be sorry," he finally said. "I'm the one who should be sorry for being an ass."

"But I don't want to lose you as a friend," I insisted. "You're…you're my favourite person," I offered shyly.

"You're never going to lose me as a friend," he scoffed. "And believe it or not, you're my favourite person too. I don't… I don't care about anyone the way I care about you."

"Why?" I whispered, withdrawing myself from the hug, and looking into his eyes.

"Why… what?" he asked.

"Why do you even care about me?" I asked.

"Because Casey," Derek sighed and stood up, brushing a hand through his hair. "Because you're beautiful… in a way that girls aren't beautiful anymore because they try so hard. You just are. And you're smart, and witty and challenging… you're the only person who I feel is my equal, or almost my equal," he cracked a smile. "And you're sweet, and surprisingly kind of funny sometimes. You're an amazing person!" he exclaimed. "Any person would be lucky to be with you."

"Except you," I said quietly, unable to restrain myself from saying it.

"What? What do you mean?" he asked, as he paced around the bathroom.

"Well you obviously don't…" I trailed off.

"Don't? Don't what?"

"Feel… that way… about me," I whispered.

And then he responded in a way I didn't expect.

"Who says I don't?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"But I thought…" I started.

"Casey, just because I'm not professing my undying love for you or kissing you does not mean that this…confusion is one-sided," Derek replied quickly. "I'm just as confused as you are, believe me."

My heart rate quickened. "But…" I prodded, biting my lip.

"But… okay, can I be honest?" Derek asked, as he stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bathtub, reaching out for my hand.

"I don't know if I'll like this, but okay…" I said slowly.

"You remember my theory about love? The one that bothered you so much?"

"Yeah, the reason why I failed my Chem test?" I mentioned. "Go on."

He held my hand tighter, his face crumpling in concern. "That's why you failed your test?"

"Busy mind," I said quietly, looking away. I didn't want him to think I was in love with him, even though I was.

"Wow… sorry," he said quietly. "I guess this really is all my fault then."

"Anyways, you were saying?" I cut in briskly.

"Ah right, where was I?"

"You were about to break my heart."

"Casey," Derek scoffed as he leaned closer, stroking my hand with his thumb. "Don't be so dramatic, I'm not going to break your heart, or anything."

"So, go on," I sighed.

"Fine, well… my love theory. I still believe that, you know? And to be honest… to be brutally honest, and this is how much I care about you, telling you this, cause I'm never this honest with a girl I'm… interested in. But you're not like all the other girls."

"Oh thanks," I replied sarcastically.

"No!" he said, an amused smile stretching across his face. "In a good way! You're… you're special, Casey McDonald. You're beautiful, you're smart… okay, I've gone over your good points already. Basically you're the perfect woman."

"Um, thanks," I said blushingly. "And the problem is…"

"No guy wants to have a fling with the perfect woman!" Derek exclaimed. "You're not the kind of girl a guy dates just for fun. You're the kind of girl a guy gets really serious about, because you're that amazing, and you deserve it. And as much as I'd like to be that guy for you, I'm not… I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"It would be a different story if I believed in love," he continued quickly. "Then I'd probably just end up falling in love with you and it wouldn't matter if I was ready or not. I'd have to be with you. But…" he trailed off, as he leaned over, trying to catch my eye so that we could make eye contact. "I don't. So… we can't. Plus, with the whole step-sibling thing it would have to be really serious to be worth the freak-out we'd get from our parents, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I said, standing up.

"So… you understand?" he asked.

"Yeah, I understand," I replied, trying to seem uncaring by shrugging.

"Great," he smiled a bit awkwardly, and stood as well, pulling me into his arms so that he could hug me close. As he stroked my back, I considered whether I should ask the question that was on my mind. Oh what the hell. I might as well ask now, I figured. "Derek? Can I ask you something?"

"Uh huh."

"You know what you said earlier? About me being worried that Sally is more important to you than me?"

"Yeah?"

"So… is she?"

"No," he snorted a laugh. "Of course not. I told you, Case. I don't care about anyone the way I care about you."

"Okay…" I said slowly as we withdrew from the hug. "So… if you had to choose who to be with on a deserted island, you'd pick…"

"You every time, Case," Derek grinned.

"Good answer," I said with a slight laugh. He opened the door and we wandered slowly down the hall. "So," I stopped at my door. "This is me."

He turned to me, an eyebrow raised. "You don't honestly think I'm letting you sleep anywhere but my bed right?"

"But Derek…"

"Don't Derek me," he grinned, as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along towards his room. We stopped as we reached his door and he let go of my hand, instead reaching up and with both of his hands, tucked my hair behind my ears. His face moved closer to mine then, his voice low and slightly raspy as he tried to whisper. "You don't honestly think I'm losing my cuddle-buddy right?" His face lit up in a smile to match mine, and without moving away, he pushed open the door to his room.

…

Next chapter: Derek doesn't believe in love, but Casey is determined to prove to him that it exists. With her. A kiss is the perfect solution right? He'll fall in love with her after a kiss. But getting Derek to kiss her is surprisingly harder than Casey thought.

…

A/N: Yes it was a long one. But hopefully you guys enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing it. I'm hoping the next chapter will be pretty interesting too… so please review, and motivate me to write it quickly! Reviews are treasured dearly.