Author's note: So, anyway, a lot of you have been asking me how far I'm going to go with this story and if it's going to go all the way to Sirius's death. So let me put your heart to rest: no, I won't be writing Sirius's death or any of the other heartfelt tragedies that are better left ignored. So far, I've stuck to canon, but when the time's right, things are going to go very AU, and a happy ending is guaranteed. Whether I'm going to do the whole 12 years in Azkaban thing is debatable, but you're always welcome to put in suggestions that might help me decide. Now on with the reading!! This chapter is the longest I've written yet, so I hope you like it. Oh, and don't forget to review with constructive criticisms and over exaggerated praise. You know I love them. :)

1979, The Kennel…

It's hard now. When the time's finally come, I'm having a hard time leaving. I don't know what I'm doing yet, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't want to go or leave any of you, but James, you understand, right? You saw what happened to my dad because of me. I don't think I can see that happening again. I can't think of any other way to stop him from coming. He'll come, I know he'll come, and if it's my mother or any of you, I don't know what I'll do. I'm not sure where I'm going yet, but I'll find some place. It's a big world, yeah?

Tell Wormtail I said goodbye, and Lily that it's not very nice to throw away a man's cigarettes in his time of need. And Prongs, thanks. I don't know what else to say. This isn't the first time you've saved my life and by magical law, I'm indebted to you. Consider my going a way of repaying you for everything. And tell mother I tried and not to be upset and that I love her. I love you too, Padfoot, a lot. Don't be angry. I know you are but don't be, okay? I'll keep my promise, I swear, but I can't do that without putting all of you in danger. You were right, Greyback has a clean slate in the Ministry, and he can get away with anything, even murder. Shit, I love you and you take care, okay? Remember to wear your coat. You're always forgetting and it's starting to get really cold outside.

-Remus (Moony)

Sirius stared at the letter in his hands. Lily had only ever seen him look this distraught once in her life and that was back in fifth year when Remus had gone home from some fault of Sirius's. She was surprised really, at Sirius's lack of violent outburst, just as she had been then. She didn't know if it was a result of the Black family breeding or Sirius's troubled childhood, but he seemed to always have trouble channeling particularly distressing emotions. Everything came out as anger in Sirius's case. So to look at the normally aggressive Sirius sit quietly in a chair, looking about ready to cry was perhaps one of the most disconcerting things she'd ever seen.

'This is all my fault,' Sirius whispered, not taking his eyes off the letter. 'Prongs, this is my fault.'

James rolled his eyes. 'Don't be ridi-'

'No, it is! He told me he loved me yesterday, and I never said it back!' Sirius cried out, collapsing on the couch behind him and burying his face in his hands. 'Shit, I said I didn't love him, and he's upset with me, and he left! That's why he left!'

'Padfoot, no, it's nothing li- wait,' James stopped suddenly, as if only now realising what Sirius had said. 'You don't love Moony?'

The way James looked at Sirius, it was if he'd said the most ridiculous thing on the planet. As if he'd declared the sun was blue. Lily thought she was looking at Sirius in the same way because really, the very idea of Sirius not loving Remus was ludicrous. She had seen the proof herself, hadn't she?

Sirius looked at James hesitantly. 'I-No…'

James suddenly began to pace, his hands automatically going to his hair and pulling at it – a habit Lily absolutely hated, but knew came out when her boyfriend was feeling particularly anxious. 'You don't love him? But I thought-'

'Well, you thought wrong, okay?' Sirius replied miserably. 'I told you I cared for him, didn't I? But how are my feelings any different from that of second or third year? I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel! I like living with him; is that love? Or is love the fact that we sleep together and share a room? I mean; what? What the fuck is it?'

Lily sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. She sat down beside Sirius, putting an arm around him and resisting the urge to thwack him on the head as hard as she could. 'Congratulations, Sirius. You have broken the barrier of idiocy and gone to just plain stupidity. I can't believe you're even saying these things. I mean-' Lily breathed deeply and resolved to complete her tirade later. 'But don't stress yourself; Remus didn't leave because you presumably don't love him. You know he isn't like that.'

'What would you know?'

'For one thing, I actually read the letter.' She made an exasperated noise when James snatched the letter out of Sirius's shaking hands. 'He was afraid Greyback might come after him again and hurt one of us like he did Mr. Lupin.'

Both Sirius and James looked at her with wide eyed expressions. In all their worry over Remus's absence, they'd obviously not been paying attention to all the rambling that their friend had done in their letter. For a while, it seemed neither of them could comprehend the news (which by itself was ridiculous, really. They should have expected and been prepared for something like this); and Lily allowed them some quiet for the information to sink in.

That quiet was only broken by Sirius shooting out of the couch and knocking a vase to the ground in the process. 'WHAT KIND OF STUPID, FUCKED UP REASON IS THAT?' screamed Sirius, fiercely punching the nearest lamp he could find. 'I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW ABSOLUTELY STUPID HE IS! HOW COULD HE, FOR ONE SINGLE MINUTE, THINK, THIS WAS GOING TO BE BETTER FOR EITHER OF US, FOR ME? THAT STUPID, MOTHERFUCKING ARSEHOLE!'

'Sirius.' James said, grabbing his friend's shoulders tightly. 'Calm down, okay? Just calm down. We'll find him, I promise.'

Lily placed a comforting hand on the back of Sirius's neck. 'James is right. Remus couldn't have gone far without magic. He doesn't even have a wand, and we all have ours, so we know he hasn't taken any. The farthest he can go with a Muggle bus is his parent's house.'

Sirius nodded, albeit a bit worryingly. 'What if he got hurt, Lily? He's not strong enough to defend himself. What if someone mugged him or something?'

'He'll be fine, Padfoot. This is Remus we're talking about, yeah? Head of Defense class, and the guy with enough werewolf strength to take down an army.' Lily had a feeling James didn't believe a word of what he was saying to Sirius, but it seemed to comfort Sirius a little, and that was what mattered right now. 'I'll just apparate to the Lupin cottage right now, okay? We'll find him there, I'm sure.'

James didn't wait for Sirius's nod of affirmation, closing his eyes tightly instead as he focused on the memories he had of the Lupin cottage. He was starting to fade around the edges a bit, simultaneously narrowing down into a vertical line. Lily was just beginning to wonder why it was taking so long for her boyfriend to apparate, when James popped back to normal with a pained howl.

'Argh!' he cried, clutching his head. 'I can't get in! It's blocked!'

'What?' Sirius exclaimed disbelievingly. 'That's impossible! I just apparated yesterday! You must be doing something wrong!' No sooner did Sirius close his eyes to apparate that he popped them open with a howl similar to James. 'What the fuck?' He rubbed the back of his head fiercely.

'It's okay,' Lily said, before Sirius could go into another one his rants. 'We have a telephone at our place. I'll just give Mrs. Lupin a call.'

'And if you don't find him there, give Wormtail a call. The two of you contact everyone we know, even the distant ones. Ask them if they've seen Remus, okay? Sirius and I'll go down to the Ministry and file a missing report.'

Lily nodded, kissing James briefly on the cheek before apparating back to their house.

The last she heard of their conversation was Sirius cursing vehemently: 'Fucking idiot! Bloody, stupid, self-sacrificing werewolf! I'll kill him, when I find him, I'll kill him! I'll-'

XxxxX

'Hello, Mrs. Lupin?'

The phone crackled on the other side, and Lily could hear Mrs. Lupin telling someone to turn the volume of the telly down. Lily's hopes soared; perhaps Remus had gone there after all, even if for one night? 'Yes?'

Lily clutched the phone tightly in her hands. 'It's me; Lily.'

'Lily! I'm sorry I didn't recognise your voice. It's been ages since I've heard from you! How are you?'

Lily smiled out of habit. 'I'm fine. Mrs. Lupin, is Remus there?'

There was silence on the other side, and Lily wondered if Remus had asked his mother to keep quiet about his presence. 'No, dear,' her voice was full of puzzlement and any qualms Lily had about her lying was soon banished. 'I-

'What about Natasha's place?' Lily asked urgently.

'No, Nash is staying over at my place.' There was movement behind the phone and Lily could hear Mrs. Lupin ask about Remus to what could only be Natasha Lupin. She heard a small no and a bit of shuffling, before Mrs. Lupin spoke again. 'Lily, has something happened? Is something wrong with Remus?'

Lily's laughter came out more high pitched that usual. 'No, no, he's fine! He and Sirius said they'd drop off at your place before coming over to ours for lunch. I was just wondering if they'd be late and all.' She hoped she didn't sound too fake.

'Are you sure, Lily?' Mrs. Lupin asked again and her voice, like Lily's, had raised a few octaves. 'Are you sure he's alright? Lily, please, if something happened, you need to tell me. Did something happen to my son?'

'NO!' Lily replied a bit too quickly. 'No, everything's alright, I promise you.' Mrs. Lupin didn't sound like she could take more bad news so soon after her husband's death. 'I'm so sorry I made you worry like that, Mrs. Lupin. You see, I was making lamb and it got burnt like charcoal. The boys were really looking forward to it, and it takes ever so long to make.' Lily knew it was a lame excuse, but she hoped Mrs. Lupin would buy it. 'I just wanted to know if I had enough time to make another one. Otherwise, I'm just going to have to order out.'

'Oh, well, they never dropped off here, but I think you have plenty of time on your hands.' Mrs. Lupin chuckled lightly. 'If I know those two well enough, I expect they got caught up somewhere; most probably in a department store. Sirius gets quite fascinated with muggle things.'

Lily laughed a little too hard. 'Yes, of course, how could I forget?'

'Yes, well, I don't think they'll drop off here at all. They'll probably just realise the time when one of their stomachs go off and hurry over to your place.'

'Yes, yes, you're right. I'm so sorry for the hassle, Mrs. Lupin. I didn't mean to frighten you like that.'

'None at all, love. You call in anytime and give the boys my love, won't you?'

Lily nodded involuntarily. 'Will do! Thank you for everything!' She put the phone back on the holder and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. That conversation had been hard. She had half expected herself to blurt the truth out to Mrs. Lupin or be caught lying. 'Fuck. Remus, where the hell are you?' She picked up the phone again and this time dialed the number to Peter's mother's house.

XxxxX

Doris Bird sighed in frustration. This was turning out to be the worst day on the job ever and that was a really big statement, considering she'd been working here for over ten years. It was truly hard to believe that only half an hour ago, she had actually thought that the gentleman with the leather jacket – Mr. Black- was actually handsome and someone she wouldn't mind having as more than a client. It only took the first five minutes for her to discern that the man was entirely crazy and had an incredibly unattractive and irrational temper.

'Look, Mr. Black, for the fourth time, I cannot do anything for you.' Doris ignored the scowl that seemed to have taken permanent residence on the man's face. 'Mr. Lupin is eighteen; well of age and completely capable of making his own decisions. He left London willingly. We are not liable to stop him from something he chose to do and nor are you, especially since you are neither a guardian, nor a parent. For all I know, you could be a murderer set out on blood revenge. Do you understand me?'

Black's face loomed inches within her and even in his unattractive state, Doris felt something pleasant stir inside of her. 'Do I look like a fucking murderer to you?'

'Right now? Yes, you do, Mr. Black.' Doris didn't break eye contact as she spoke to him, despite feeling incredibly intimidated. This man was frightening, no doubt, but she wasn't going to let him scare her off her job. 'What I'm trying to say to both of you is that we can't drag Mr. Lupin back forcefully unless he is either insane or criminal, or Gods forbid, both.'

Black banged his fist on the table angrily. 'I told you, he's not entirely in his right mind! He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing!'

This man was really starting to grate her nerves, and the other man – the one with hair that looked like it had never seen a comb in its whole life – was just watching and doing nothing. Chivalry truly was dead. 'Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Black, but when you first came here you told me he was recovering from trauma, yes? If I remember correctly, trauma patients only have irrational fear of certain objects or people; not sudden urges to get up and leave one day. Not to mention, that he is recovering – which means, he is almost as sane as you or I. So unless you have actual medical reports to prove that Mr. Lupin cannot take decisions for himself, and is prone to violent behaviour, I'm sorry, I can't help you.'

'I can get them! Healer Greene can write me one!'

'Then for the love of Merlin, Mr. Black, stop wasting my time and get me one!' Doris knew she shouldn't have snapped. She was usually very good with clients, even the temperamental ones, but Black was crossing the border far too many times. She regretted it though, because now the man's face was taking an expression that didn't even have a name for it. All she knew was that it made her want to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible.

'Excuse me? I'm wasting your time? I'm wasting your time? He could be anywhere right now! Anywhere! He might not have any fucking money, he doesn't have a fucking home to go to, he doesn't have a bloody motherfucking clue what he's doing!' Black knocked over all the stationary on Doris's desk with one graceful sweep of his arm. 'You could be sending search parties right now; instead of wasting my time to get a fucking medical report, which I'm sure isn't going to matter the slightest!'

A crowd was starting to gather around her desk now, quite a few people coming from other departments to see what the commotion was all about. Doris felt herself colour slightly when a few of her friends looked at her questioningly.

'I know why you're doing this! I should have known the minute I told you he was a werewolf! You don't give a flying fuck, do you?' Black was screaming on top of his lungs now, making violent motions in the air and looking right ready to kill. 'You can't be bothered to waste your time on finding an animal that is of no value to you, can you?'

In truth, it had nothing to do with Lupin being a werewolf at all. Doris wasn't prejudiced towards anyone, and she prided herself over that fact. She was simply following the rules. It was her job to do so. In some ways, she understood Black's irrational anger and was even impressed by the amount of care he showed for his friends. Unfortunately, she was too petrified and perhaps, even a little offended by Black's behaviour towards her. She looked at the other man pleadingly. She'd forgotten his name (had he mentioned it at all?).

'He can just go ahead and kill himself if he's disoriented enough, am I right? Another werewolf gone, job made easy!'

The man with the wild hair finally seemed to think that Black had said enough and done sufficient damage to her part of the office and her pride. He put a firm hand on Black's shoulder and squeezed tightly. 'Sirius, that's enough. Stop it.'

Black quieted for a second, looking very hesitant. Perhaps it was Doris's imagination, but his grey eyes seemed brighter than when he'd come in. 'James. I-Remus…'

'We'll get those reports. They can't stop us then, yeah?' The man Black called James spoke like he would to a child, but he also spoke with the confidence of a man who knew he was going to be listened to.

Doris had a feeling that had it been anyone else in James's place, Black would have brushed them off and continued with his outburst. There was a certain respect and companionship that she saw between them that she could perhaps never explain. They were like brothers; James perhaps being the more responsible and thoughtful one.

Black finally nodded, and Doris heaved a sigh of relief. She saw Fallon (the security guard for their floor) look at her questioningly, and she shook her head to tell him that the matter was solved.

'I'm sorry for all the trouble, Ms. Bird. Remus matters a lot to the both of us and things just got out of control.'

Doris smiled weakly, bending down to pick up the paperweight from the ground. She'd already forgiven them deep down, even though she didn't understand the need for such crude behaviour. James's expression and calm tone only asked for forgiveness, but something about his character demanded it be given anyway.

'We'll meet again soon. Thank you.'

XxxxX

'Eighteen, yes?'

Peter nodded, and Lily was glad he'd decided to take over for her. The two of them, together, had called everyone they'd known from both school and the Order – even the ones they'd barely ever talked to. Each floo call had been more disappointing than the other. There came a time when both Lily and Peter had completely given up hope and took to robotically cutting off names on their list while making the last few calls. The situation had depressed Lily tremendously, and she now found herself barely able to talk through the tightness in her throat as the muggle officer interrogated them about Remus.

'What was his name again?' Officer Shyam (as written on his name tag) asked as he wrote down everything in black ink. His Indian accent was soothing in some ways; soft spoken and well mannered.

'Remus John Lupin.' Lily squeezed Peter's hand tightly as he said it. She knew she wasn't to give up hope. That if anyone could find Remus, it would be the police, especially since without a wand, Remus would be using all muggle forms of transport.

'He's around six-three, slim – almost scrawny, brown eyes, brown hair, very pale. We've got a picture of him.' Peter looked at Lily pointedly, and she fumbled in her purse hastily to take out the picture she'd grabbed from Sirius's photo album. It wasn't hard to find; Sirius had a lot of pictures of Remus and vice versa.

Shyam inspected the picture carefully. 'He is a cute kid. He looks a lot younger than eighteen.'

Peter nodded. 'His father died recently in an accident, and Remus took it really hard. He blames himself mostly, and he hasn't been right for a while now.'

Officer Shyam hummed sympathetically, pushing his black hair out of the way as he wrote down something else on the report. 'Understandable. Does he have any distinctive features? Perhaps a mole or a scar?'

Lily hesitated for a second, unsure whether to say anything or not. She looked at Peter, who was looking at her with the same uncertainty. Finally, Lily nodded, and Peter disclosed the information Remus had always taken great lengths to hide. 'He's got a-a tattoo. Like a bar code at the back of his neck,' said Peter, rubbing the back of his own neck nervously. 'You don't see it much, 'cause of his long hair but its there.'

Officer Shyam raised an eyebrow. 'A bar code?' He shook his head exasperatedly. 'You kids today do the craziest of things.' He closed the pen with a small click and looked at them reassuringly. 'We'll copy these details and send them to all the nearby police stations, bus stations, train stations, restaurants; any place he could have gotten to. I'm sure they'll find him. After all, how far could he have gotten in one night?'

'When can we expect feedback?' Peter asked anxiously.

'We will call you as soon as we get any information about his whereabouts. You have left a number, yes?'

Lily nodded. She had written down her own phone number, which meant she and James would be moving back home soon. Peter couldn't give his own since he lived with his mother.

'We will do our best to find him, but I'm afraid I cannot guarantee anything.'

'You said he couldn't have gotten far. So it'll be a cinch finding him, won't it? I mean…as you said…how far could he have gotten in one night?' Peter was stuttering badly now, and Lily felt guilty for making him do all the talking. After all, he had to be concerned and scared about Remus too.

Officer Shyam sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'It will be easy for us considering that he hasn't fallen into the wrong hands, sir. Streets are no longer safe nowadays. I'm sure you have seen it in the news; unknown attackers murdering people in their houses and in the streets; muggers, rapists, drug addicts. I do not want to be a bringer of bad news, but cases like this have increased tremendously over the past few months, especially in London. If you are right about your friend being depressed, he's more vulnerable to these disgusting people than anyone else.'

Lily let out a choked sob, trying and failing to stop the tears falling from her eyes. She knew what he was talking about of course; Voldemort and his Death Eaters. No one else fit the bill this well.

Officer Shyam put a comforting hand on top of hers, looking genuinely sorry for breaking the news to her. 'I am really sorry, ma'am. I should not have put it down so harshly.'

Lily sniffled, squeezing the officer's brown hand tightly before letting it go. 'It's okay. I don't think Remus will do anything foolish. He's really very smart and responsible.'

Peter nodded in agreement, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Officer Shyam smiled gently. 'I am sure he is, ma'am. I promise we will try our best to find your friend.'

XxxxX

When the Marauders and Lily had filed missing reports, none of them had ever fathomed that it would take this long to find Remus. In fact, all of them were more than confident that Remus would be found by one party or another. They'd contacted everyone they knew of course and both the Muggles and the Ministry (though Sirius doubted it severely) were still looking for him. Unfortunately, options were running out and so were the paces they could look for the werewolf. Chances of Remus being found slowly slipped away as the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into well over two months. Most people had already lost faith over Remus ever being found at all.

They should have expected it really. Even through trauma and depression, Remus was smart and calculative. He would have carefully planned out everything so as not to ever be found. While this trait of Remus had helped them pull pranks in their school years, it was something James had taken to despising now. He missed Remus terribly and worried about him all the time. Lily often burst into tears when they talked about him at all, and Peter would always try to deviate from the topic if he ever came up. Mrs. Lupin and Aunt Nash were still in the dark about Remus's disappearance. They'd been constantly lying to them about Remus being away on Order missions. Mrs. Lupin was particularly hard to fool because she was used to Remus coming over to visit her every other week and suspected that something was wrong. She didn't approve of all these Order missions either, not after what happened to Mr. Lupin, but it was better than telling her that they'd lost her son to some unknown place.

Unsurprisingly, the person who took Remus's departure the hardest was Sirius. James, Lily and Peter were starting to worry about him too. After the first month, Sirius had completely lost faith on the Ministry and Muggle police and had taken it upon himself to find Remus. His apartment was now littered with newspaper cuttings, documents he'd filched or copied illegally from the Ministry, werewolf codes and regulations, and God knew what else. Sirius would come back home from work and spend late nights on them; reading, highlighting, trying to get some sort of clue where Remus might have gotten to. It had become somewhat of an obsession for him. As the days wore on, Sirius looked more and more like a corpse; with the dark rings around his eyes from the lack of sleep and a sallow, pale look on his face from the lack of proper food. If it hadn't been for Lily and sometimes, even Peter popping in with a bit of dinner now and then, James doubted Sirius would eat anything at all.

James pushed open the door to Sirius's apartment, sighing when he found Sirius asleep with his head resting on the kitchen table. James debated waking him up. Sirius looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep for a good century. In the end, reason won over sympathy, and he shook his friend's shoulder gently.

'Padfoot? Come on, mate, wake up. Lily packed you some lunch…'

Sirius jerked awake the second time James shoved him at the shoulders and blinked up at him owlishly. 'Oh, hey, Prongs! How are you this fine day?'

James moved away the papers and dirty clothing from one of the chairs and sat down. 'I'm fine, but you look worse for wear. When's the last time you got any sleep, Padfoot?'

Sirius waved away the comment, yawning widely. 'I've just been a bit busy, is all. Moody's been really piling in on us. What did Lily send me?'

James unpacked the large box of mash potatoes and chicken Lily had made especially for Sirius. Sirius grinned as he opened the box and reached out towards the counter for two clean forks.

'Sorry about the mess. I've just been so busy; I never get time to clean up anymore. There are still a couple of papers I have to go through. I think there's one place in Sheffield, I think, well, these muggles had a couple of werewolf sightings. Need to check that out…'

James swallowed a bit of chicken. 'Find anything worthwhile?'

Sirius faltered for a bit, but his smile was back just as quickly. 'Not yet, but one of these days, I'll nail that bastard.'

'Mm-hm. Sirius, it's been a really long time since…since Remus disappeared. You've been working your arse off on this, and no-' James interrupted before Sirius could say anything. 'I don't mean this as a bad way, but this is really consuming your life, Padfoot. I mean, you look like you're about to topple over any moment! Maybe you should-'

'Maybe I shouldn't.' Sirius replied, putting his fork down firmly. 'Fuck, he's out there somewhere, Prongs, I know it! I just…'

James sighed, resting his head in his hands. 'Sirius, have you ever considered that maybe Remus is-'

Sirius stood up so quick, he knocked his chair over. 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!' he cried, his hands over his ears as if trying to block non-existent accusations. 'How dare you, James? How dare you even suggest something like that? How can you just give up like-'

'I haven't given up anything!' James exclaimed, standing up as well. 'Look, listen to me!' He pulled down Sirius's hands from his ears. 'Listen, I didn't want to tell you this, but me and Pete…we did some research a couple of weeks back. I talked to McKinnon - she works at Gringotts, and she told me that Moony stopped by the night he went and withdrew a bit of gold from his account. He closed it down and then transferred the rest into Mr. Lupin's savings account, leaving everything to his mother. He even went to Ollivanders after that and bought a new wand.'

'That doesn't mean anything…' Sirius said, sitting back down on his seat. 'That doesn't mean anything…'

'The wards are up again at Lupin cottage. That's why neither of us could apparate there that day. I checked them out, and they're darn strong to give us headaches like that.

'So, anyone could have-'

James grabbed Sirius by both shoulders and shook him harder than he'd intended to. 'Listen to me, Padfoot, Remus wasn't supposed to do magic, we both know that. Deny it all you like, but you know he wouldn't buy a wand unless he needed it. It's all too much coincidence. No one knows the exact wards to the Lupin cottage except Remus and Mr. Lupin, and it requires a good bit of magic to set up.'

'He won't-'

'And we've both seen what happens when a wizard is drained of his magic…'

Sirius stayed silent for a while, his head dropping to his chest. James hadn't let go off his shoulders yet, and he could feel Sirius's body shudder underneath his palms with every breath he took. 'It's not true,' Sirius said quietly. 'Moony wouldn't do something to get himself killed like that, Prongs. He promised me on my life. He promised me.'

'Sirius…'

'HE FUCKING PROMISED!' Sirius screamed out so loud and sudden, that James let go of him in surprise.

Sirius looked like he was going to burst into tears, and James hastened to make things better. He hated to see his best friend cry. Nothing could make him feel more helpless than Sirius's tears. 'No, look, Padfoot, maybe I'm wrong, okay. You know me, I'm always over assuming things. Moony is alive, of course he is. He loves you a lot. It's just-' He pulled his chair closer to face Sirius's and sat back down. 'I'm just saying that maybe you should get some rest yourself too, okay? You need to stop stressing yourself so much if you want to be alive for when he finally decides to come back, alright?'

Sirius nodded, albeit reluctantly. 'Yeah, okay.'

'Because if you don't Lily says she's going to move in here and terrorise your apartment.'

Sirius chuckled, sniffing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. 'That woman's a real piece of work. She's got you whipped, you know that? You might as well just ask her to marry you.'

James fumbled with the chicken that had remained forgotten for so long. It had gotten a bit cold but was still edible. 'I did.'

'Eh?'

'I asked Lily to marry me.'

Sirius's jaw dropped open 'You're joking!' When James shook his head, Sirius broke into a wide and genuine grin. 'When were you planning to tell me, you bastard?'

James shrugged, his own face breaking into a smile at the thought of Lily. 'I just asked her a couple of days ago. No big deal. You're the best man, by the way.'

'Psh. Was there really any doubt about that?' Sirius forked a mouthful of peas and potatoes happily. 'You do realise that you're only nineteen, right?'

James nodded. 'I know, but…but I've seen you, Padfoot. It's just…you're miserable without Moony…and you don't even love him.' He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, his stomach sinking all over again as he watched Sirius's expression fall. 'I just kept thinking, what if I lost Lily, Padfoot? I mean…I don't think I could…I…you know…'

Sirius looked at an old tea stain on the table. 'Yeah, I know…'

'I'm sorry. I'm just making things worse for you. I never should have brought it up.'

'No!' Sirius looked up with a fake cheery expression plastered on his face. 'No, this is great! I mean, I'm really happy for you, Prongs. This is one of the best things that have happened to me in a very long time. When's the big day?'

'August…'

'My God, that's just half a month away!' Sirius rubbed his hands together. 'So many things to plan – a bachelor's party, my bloody fantastic speech, my luscious locks…'

James laughed, punching his best friend on the shoulder. 'Thanks, mate. This means a lot to me.'

Sirius brushed off the sentiments with a careless wave of his hands. 'Ah-don't sweat it. It's my pleasure.'

James noticed that in the following few hours of his stay, Sirius hardly touched his food.

XxxxX

'…and I'm afraid this last one is yours, Shacklebolt. Your partner's Arthur Weasley. Simple procedure. All you have to do is…

Sirius was watching Mind Your Language on television when Remus finally came home, looking downtrodden and depressed. He pretended not to notice the brunette as he slowly hung his coat on one of the door hooks, fixing his eyes firmly on the television. Sirius said nothing as Remus heaved an exhausted sigh and sat on the couch beside him, pulling up his legs and resting his head on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius knowingly wrapped an arm around Remus and pulled him closer. This was what happened every time Remus was upset; he sought physical contact and comforting touches. Sirius had been to the Lupin household enough times to know that this habit was entirely Mrs. Lupin's fault, who insisted on hugs and kisses being therapeutic. Sirius had a hankering that it was just another one of her excuses to spoil Remus.

'Another rejection?' Sirius asked quietly, running his fingers through Remus's soft brown hair. It had gotten incredibly long, but Remus refused to have it cut.

Remus buried his face into Sirius's neck, making an odd noise in the back of his throat. 'Four more to add to the list. I must be aiming for a record. Don't know why I bother really. They don't even bother reading my resume.'

'Ah, they don't know what they're missing.'

'Nothing much,' Remus replied bitterly. 'Maybe I should apply for the zoo instead. They might have an empty cage to put me in. Nice roomy accommodation, free food, someone to bathe you, lots of visitors; what more could one ask for, eh?'

'Oh hush,' Sirius admonished. 'It's their loss and you know it. You're intelligent, funny, and hardworking. Hell, I'd give you a job any day. '

Remus pouted. 'Yeah? What kind of job? Cleaning the kitchens? Because let me tell you, I'm not doing it.'

'Hm, I was thinking more in the lines of a blow job,' replied Sirius, grinning and waggling his eyebrows.

Remus burst out laughing.

Sirius smiled proudly, feeling very accomplished for having lifted Remus's spirits. He pulled his friend into a brief but heartfelt kiss. 'But before that…how about we go for a walk, eh? Clear up the mood a bit; it's a lovely day…'

Remus nodded, still smiling. 'Sure. And as a little treat, we can take Padfoot into that fountain he likes so much; the one with that barmy angel and frogs on the side.'

Sirius's eyes lit up with enthusiasm and disbelief. 'Really?' he asked. He must have really done a good job cheering Remus up. 'And Padfoot gets to splash around and drag you in as well?'

Remus smirked, that mischievous twinkle Sirius loved so much, back in his eyes. 'We'll think about it.'

Sirius broke into a delirious grin, jumping out of the sofa and pulling Remus by the wrist. 'Come on then…before it gets dark.'

Remus laughed, allowing himself to be dragged by Sirius and his manic energy. 'Okay, okay…don't forget to put your coat on. You'll need it when you catch a cold from all that splashing.'

'Yeah, yeah. Come on!!'

Remus smiled as he put on his own coat and scarf. He was looking at Sirius in a way that sent pleasant tingles down his spine and made him want to ravish the werewolf on the spot. 'Padfoot?'

Sirius, who was trying his best to find the right key to unlock the door, didn't bother looking up. 'Hm?'

'I-Nothing…'

How many times had Remus tried to tell him? How many times had Remus picked up the courage and then lost it on the way? How many times had Sirius completely misunderstood or completely ignored that adoring way Remus looked at him, or held him after they'd had sex, or even just cared for him when he'd needed it the most. Now he was gone, and Sirius felt like his entire existence had been trampled over and crushed inside. God, he missed his friend. He missed everything about Remus – the way he walked, the way he talked, even the annoying bits like how he'd always eat curry with his hands.

'You ready, Sirius?'

Sirius startled out of his musings and looked up to see Dorcas Meadows standing in front him, a hand on her hip and the other brushing back long strands of dirty blonde hair. 'Eh?'

Meadows rolled her eyes. 'We're supposed to go to Sorcha, remember? Have you been listening to anything Dumbledore's been saying for the past few hours?'

Sirius felt himself blush slightly. 'I'm sorry. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.'

Meadows grinned and winked flirtatiously. 'Moody driving you guys crazy, eh? I don't blame you. I quit after the first year; decided being a Curse Breaker's a lot easier.'

'Ahan.' Sirius smiled obligingly. 'Why don't you brief me up on our mission then, Meadows?'

'Call me Dorcas,' she replied, putting a hand on his shoulder which Sirius shrugged off. 'Well, there's this little magical community in Ireland; Sorcha as I mentioned earlier. Dumbledore says it has been a little too active lately. Apparently, the Ministry is suddenly getting dozens of letters asking permission to magically protect their houses, restaurants and what not. Couple of them have even volunteered to join the DMLE, fancy that.'

'So? Nothing unusual about it. Voldemort's at large; the people have a right to protect themselves. Even I've registered for protection wards; big deal.'

Meadows sat down beside him, looking exasperated by his ignorance. 'You're a fool for someone so smart. It's a community, not a town or city. They weren't exactly oblivious to You Know Who's attacks. Now, all of a sudden, they're concerned by him? Dumbledore suspects You Know Who might be recruiting members there, or even directing himself to many of the muggle communities' close-by. We need to check things out before it gets out of hand; bring as many people on our side as we can.'

'I still think it's gobshit,' replied Sirius, shifting his chair a little when Meadows came too close for comfort. 'The people are going through a phase. It's like a pair of new jeans. When they come out, everyone wants one; the shops are a rage, people go crazy. I don't see us checking out H&M's for potential Death Eaters.'

Meadows shrugged, smiling slightly. 'Doesn't harm us to check it out. I heard it's a beautiful place, lots of scenery and strong liquor. Could be like a holiday, and you look like you could use one.'

Sirius wasn't so sure about it, but hadn't James told him not to overstress himself? This was an Order mission after all, and Moody wasn't going to pummel him for it. In fact, it would be considered training for his auror badge, so what was the problem? He could use a little holiday, away from Moody and his overbearing techniques of self defense. Only thing was, Sirius doubted he was going to have much fun without his best friends, especially Remus. 'Yeah, sure, I'll get packing tonight. Not like I can say no to an Order mission.'

XxxxX

Sirius clutched his hair tightly to ward off the pain that had settled permanently in the back of his head. He felt horribly tired and weak; just walking across the road right now felt like a task. He tried to sleep it away, but things had just gotten worse after he'd woken up. He felt even more unrested than when he'd started out, and he supposed he owed it to the fact that he hadn't had much to eat or drink for the past two days. Dorcas Meadows was only making matters worse.

When he'd taken on this project, Sirius hadn't thought Meadows was going to be such a pain in the neck. Unfortunately for him, she turned out to be the most irritating woman on the planet and made Sirius's blood boil almost as much as his mother used to back when he still lived in Grimmauld Place. She talked constantly, her mouth moving at the speed of sound; and none of what she said was of any relevance. It wasn't that she wasn't intelligent, but Merlin knew that after a while one must run out of topics. Sirius tuned out most of what she said anyway; he'd had plenty of practice from his childhood, so that wasn't too much of a problem.

What really ticked Sirius off was how much she insisted on touching him. She'd touch him on the shoulder, squeeze his knee when she was particularly excited, try to hold his hand when she wanted to go some place Sirius didn't, try to hug him goodnight; it was a right annoyance. Sirius had never liked being touched too much; it was a sacred Black rule. A rule Remus had broken sometime in their second year, followed only by James, Peter, and Lily. They were the only ones allowed to get that close to him, not Meadows.

Three days with Dorcas Meadows was enough to make Sirius want to jump off a cliff, or at least tear his hair out in frustration. So by noon, he'd finally had it. He ditched her with an excuse of needing some alone time (which wasn't far from the truth), and walked all the way to the muggle side of town just in case Meadows decided to look for him.

Now, he was exhausted beyond cognition and thirsty as hell. Which was why, it should have been of no surprise that he'd ended up in a small and crowded muggle restaurant (if you could call it that), sitting on a chair that felt ready to collapse under his weight. The service was terrible, there were too many people and way too much noise, which really didn't help the headache; but Sirius felt that if he didn't get something to drink soon, he'd pass out for sure.

The oversized bell at the door clanged noisily every time someone came in. Sirius wrinkled his nose in disgust when he heard someone belch loudly and pass a crude comment to one of the waitresses in his thick Irish accent. The 'No Smoking' signs remained ignored on the walls beside every booth, and Sirius's eyes watered from the strong smell of nicotine and carbon monoxide. Sirius wasn't that sensitive to cigarette smoke; all the Marauders indulged in an occasional fag once in a while, Remus more than the rest of them. However, Remus made sure to clean out the smoke after he was done, and he always freshened up his clothes and breath so that they didn't smell too bad. Sirius supposed it was a habit borne from years of trying to hide his smoking habit from Mrs. Lupin, but he was never as grateful of it as he was now.

He just wanted to get out of here. Get out and into a more civilised environment, where something called fresh air existed. Sirius wished the waitress would quit flirting with that fat arse and just get him his drink.

The bell rang again, and Sirius gritted his teeth in annoyance. How many people came to this stupid place anyway? He looked across the tables to see if any of the waitresses were available to scream at and froze instantly when he saw who had just come in through the door.

'Remus?'

It was impossible. His dehydrated mind was playing tricks on him; but no. No, Remus was there. Sirius could tell by the way Remus's eyes inspected him and the way the cigarette dangled at the edge of his mouth, almost ready to fall, that Remus had sensed Sirius there long before he'd come in. Remus must have dismissed it though, because what would Sirius be doing in Ireland after all? That too in a small town like this?

Sirius got up slowly, taking care not to break eye contact with Remus, just in case this really did turn out to be a hallucination. His heart was beating holes through his rib cage, his stomach twisting in knots, and his brain threatening to explode from the onslaught of information. Remus hadn't changed much at all. He was thinner perhaps, but just as breathtakingly beautiful as Sirius remembered him. Oh, how beautiful he was. Sirius had never noticed it as much before, had never noticed how those dimples on either side of Remus's cheek hollowed slightly even when Remus wasn't smiling. Or how incredibly long and agile his fingers were. He was…

Sirius's chair scraping against the hard wood floor seemed to have broken Remus out of a trance. Sirius had only managed to get up when Remus pushed past one of the customers and ran out of the door in a hurry.

'No! Remus!'

All the people in the restaurant turned to look at him, but Sirius couldn't care less. He ran. He ran, forcefully pushing anyone who tried to come in his way. He ran, fighting his exhaustion and using the adrenaline rush in his body to his advantage. This was the first time he'd seen Remus in over two months. The first time, and Sirius wasn't going to let him go. He was never going to let him go again. Sirius needed Remus. Sirius needed him!

'Remus! Wait!'

Sirius could see the werewolf just ahead of him, dodging the people on the sidewalk, muttering apologies as he did. He was running so fast that to Sirius, he looked mostly like a colourful blur. Or perhaps, it was because Sirius's head was spinning or maybe because he was running just as fast as Remus was.

'Remus! Moony! Please!'

People were watching them with their mouths agape, and Sirius knew that he looked like an utter fool running and screaming behind Remus like this. He wished he could use magic, put Remus in a full body bind or stun him to oblivion, but it was a muggle area. Using magic would only bring him more trouble that he needed at the moment.

'Remus, will you just fucking stop!'

Remus was running across one of the streets, and Sirius hurried to catch up with him. He was slowing down, and he knew it. His muscles protested painfully against the force he was trying to put into them, but he needed Remus. His head pounded relentlessly, his headache pummeling on with full force. He wished he had drunk some water earlier, he wished he'd gotten some rest, anything to keep him from getting this far behind Remus.

'Remus!'

Desperation was sinking in now. He knew he was falling back. Remus was getting too far ahead of him to catch up, but he ran anyway. He could hardly see Remus now and the fact that his vision kept blurring and darkening didn't help matters. Sirius blinked rapidly to clear away the dark spots; trying and failing to focus on the figure ahead of him.

The traffic signal turned green halfway through Sirius's dash across the street and he heard cars screeching to a stop beside him as he ran. Horns honked loudly, people screamed atrocities, but Sirius could barely hear them. He could barely hear anything at all. His ears seemed to have blocked out all kinds of sound or maybe it was because his brain felt too muddled up to understand any of it. The world was starting to darken around him, and Sirius cried out in surprise when he found that his eyes were wide open. He was losing sight of Remus! Oh God, no, he was losing Remus again!!

Sirius's knees finally gave away in defeat halfway through his run, and he felt himself falling almost involuntarily towards the ground. As his back hit the pavement, even through his darkening vision, he saw enormous yellow flashlights and heard a car honking loud enough to make his head burst. His final thoughts before the world closed around him was how he'd failed to get Remus back again...

'SIRIUS!!'

XxxxX

Yes, I know. Another cliffhanger, but this thing is like 20 pages long!! I can only write so much, you know. Now, go ahead and review. Go on….you know you want to.

Aylathebookworm: Well, this reply to your review obviously means I haven't stopped. Lol. So yeah, another cliffhanger, but it's long!! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Jono: Lol. I'm still trying to figure out whether your review was hate mail or not. I have a feeling I'm going to get a very similar review from you for this chapter as well? No worries, your rambling amused me to no end and had me grinning like a fool. Sorry about the cliffhanger though…chapter's long enough without me continuing it any further. Meggie: Well, I hope you've gotten as far as this chapter and . Keep reading andenjoyed it just as much as all the others, if not more. reviewing! Aclytie: Well, don't let this intimate bosom friend go…it treasures you very much. Lol. I'm glad you liked this story. Things are starting to get complicated…but happier…I think. Jasu; All questions shall be answered in due time, love. But yeah, isn't Sirius the cutest, most clueless and over protective thing you've ever seen. I wanted to give him a big hug throughout the chapter. Meggie: Er…yeah. I'm quite crap at summaries. Any suggestions? Tara: Lol. Well, you finally know where Remus is, don't you? Hope you liked this chapter.