September, 1979

'Remus?'

Remus shifted his overstuffed rucksack to the other shoulder. 'Hello, mum.'

'What brings you here?' she asked, smiling as he kissed her on the cheek.

'Didn't you get my letter? I'm going to stay over for the weekend.'

For a minute, it seemed as if his mother's smile faltered, her expression changing from disappointment to confusion. 'I guess I must have neglected it; it's been so busy at the hospital lately, I just never have the time.'

Remus frowned disapprovingly, following her inside. 'You stress yourself too much.'

As he passed by the living room, Remus noticed the centre table was littered with books and papers, pens still uncapped; she must have been working before he came. Remus vaguely wondered if his mother was getting any sleep at all, she certainly didn't look it. Her pretty petite face now looked more worn and tired; there were deep lines etched at the corner of her eyes and around her mouth, and hints of grey hair peeking through her dark blond hair. She was already dressed in her work clothes – a short grey skirt and a matching coat over a neatly pressed Oxford shirt. However, despite her immaculate hair and dress sense, she looked…shabby…worn out.

'Why don't you go freshen up, Remus, and I'll make tea.'

'Hm, you aren't going to work, are you, mum? I mean, it's a weekend, and I was really hoping we could do something together.'

Del smiled kindly and stroked his cheek. 'I'll have to leave in an hour, baby, but I'll see if I can make it a short day, okay?'

Remus nodded unwillingly, climbing up the stairs two at a time and only stopping to dump his bag in his room before he went into the bathroom. He didn't know why, but the very idea of being home after so long excited him. He loved it here; the Lupin cottage was where he grew up after all. It held all his memories – good and bad.

Nostalgia overcame him as he walked to the sink; he remembered the hard time he would give his parents before every bath, fighting and kicking to avoid getting in to the tub, and then refusing to get out once he was in. He had broken his leg for the first time here, too: he'd been doing some kind of silly happy dance and slipped on a puddle of water and fell hard. He remembered faking pain after that just to get extra attention from his family.

Remus chuckled to himself and began washing his face. It wasn't until he had reached out for the soap that he'd actually noticed the two sets of toothbrushes – a red one and a green one – and if memory served him right, then the green one was his father's. It sat there beside the red, bristles tilting haphazardly from frequent use. Remus frowned and opened the cabinet, only to find everything the way it had been in the summer before everything had gone wrong. His father's razor; his shaving cream (partly empty); a thin comb and some hair gel; potions and medicines for various magical injuries and illnesses – everything was perfectly placed alongside his mother's things and ready to use. He looked at the towel rack and sure enough, there were two sets neatly folded beside one another.

Remus blinked, confused and a little shocked.

'Baby, are you done? Tea's ready!'

'C-Coming, mum!' Remus yelled back, exiting the bathroom. However, instead of heading back downstairs, he hurried into his parent's bedroom, quickly closing the door behind him before his mother noticed his little switch.

The bedroom was exactly as it had been before Remus had left to live in his own apartment: large bed, twin bedside tables upon which rested twin lamps, a cupboard, a dresser, and a side of the wall decorated with neatly arranged pictures frames.

He walked towards the dresser, heart filling with dread and finally dropping when he saw exactly what he'd been afraid of: nothing had been removed – his father's possessions remained exactly as he had left them. His comb and cologne remained strewn across the wood haphazardly, the cologne bottle still uncapped and half empty probably from evaporation. It was as if his father had been in a hurry and just forgotten to put them back in their proper place.

Remus hurried to the cupboard now, pulling it open with more force than necessary. He couldn't help but let out a choked gasp at what he saw: robes, neatly hung beside his mother's clothes; there was a sleek black muggle suit towards the end, reserved for parties arranged by Del's side of the family; jeans and casual shirts lay on the right, freshly laundered and folded in neat little squares.

'Remus!!'

Remus jumped so suddenly that he hit his head hard against the cupboard door. He closed the door hastily, practically running across the room. 'I'm done!' He gave the room one last doleful look before hurrying back downstairs, all the while ignoring the little voice of reason forming at the back of his mind.

'There you go,' Del Lupin said, smiling as she placed his tea and a plate of chocolate biscuits before him. 'Mrs. Smith baked those for you.'

Remus tried to keep his hands from shaking as he drank his tea. 'For me?'

'Mm, she's losing her memory in her old age. She thinks you're still eight and I haven't the heart to correct her.' Del sat down on the seat opposite to him; Remus noticed she hadn't prepared any tea for herself. 'She drops by sometimes asking for you or giving away fresh homemade biscuits. I just tell her you're in school.'

Remus nibbled at the corner of one of the biscuits, suddenly not feeling very hungry despite having skipped breakfast.

'Remus, is that a bump?'

Remus startled as his mother stood to inspect his forehead. 'It's nothing.' Everything made so much sense now; her haggard appearance, her transformation to a complete workaholic, her avoidance of social gatherings. Why hadn't he noticed any of it before?

'Baby, it's rather large; why don't you let me put something on it to bring the swelling down.'

'I'm fine, mum. I just hit my head on the door, that's all.'

'You should watch where you're going, Remus. It's a bump on the head today, tomorrow it'll be a concussion.' She inspected his head one last time and sat back down on her chair. 'Why didn't you bring Sirius along? He could have kept you company while I went out.'

'He's at work.' Remus replied, swirling the last of his tea and watching the ripples that formed.

'On a weekend?' Del asked, looking shocked and appalled.

Remus shrugged, still not taking his eyes of his tea. 'Weekends don't count anymore, not with Voldemort spreading his forces. Moody's struggling to finish the training program as quickly as he can, so that they can be full fledged Aurors.'

Del tutted. 'Sounds tough.'

Remus nodded. 'It is. Padfoot loves his job, but he hardly ever gets any sleep nowadays.' He looked at his mother pointedly. 'Quite a bit like you, really.'

'Psh,' Del waved off his comment, 'I sleep like a sloth.'

'You don't look it. You look like you've been run over by a bus, actually.'

'Don't be rude, Remus,' Del replied sternly, getting up from her chair and taking the dirty cup and plate to the sink.

Remus sighed, running a nervous hand through his hair. He couldn't shake the images of his father's belongings out of his head. 'Look, mum, I've been thinking…wondering really…if you'd fancy moving in with Padfoot and me. I mean, we've got an entirely spare room to ourselves and-'

'Wouldn't that raise questions?' Del turned on the tap and began washing the plate.

Remus shook his head. 'Nothing we can't explain. I mean, I can say I'm sleeping on the sofa or something. Honestly, mum, it's not a problem-'

'I really don't think Sirius-'

'Sirius loves you, mum, and he adores your cooking. He can't stand mine. It would be really great. You'd have someone to talk to when you-'

'No, Remus,' Del finished firmly, putting the cup and dish back into the cupboard. 'Thank you, but I'm fine here. I love this house, you know that. I can't even imagine leaving it.'

Remus was witness to exactly how much she loved this house today and it would not do. He was not going to sit and watch his mother delusion herself into thinking things were the same. 'Then let the two of us move in here. I mean, there are plenty of rooms here and it would save re-'

'I said no, Remus.' His mother looked at him, eyes suddenly cold and lacking any of the affection she usually reserved for him.

'Why not?' Remus pursued stubbornly.

Del sighed, her hands going up in exasperation. 'It'll be difficult for you to get to work, and I'll always be in the way. What about when the two of you want some privacy?'

'Mum, we're wizards, we can-'

'Just because you're wizards doesn't mean you can conquer the world!' Del cried out angrily.

'I'm just trying to be there for you!' Remus retorted heatedly.

'I didn't ask for anyone to be there for me! I don't need someone babysitting me, especially not my own son.'

Remus's knuckles turned white as he gripped the edges of the table hard. 'You're a wreck, mum! You look like you're about to drop any moment, and I can't see that! I don't want anything happening to you!'

'I'M FINE!' she roared, knocking over the tea pot and sending it smashing to the ground.

Remus repaired the pot with a quick swish of his wand. 'You're not fine, mum! I know you're not because I've seen it! And that's alright, but you've got to understand that he's not coming back! Dad's dead!' He swallowed the rising lump in his throat. 'I hate that he is but it's true, and you need to get over him.'

Del collapsed into the chair next to him. 'I'm trying, Remus. Trust me, I'm trying, but it's difficult with you always coming around here trying to make things better. It's not helping at all. I can't forget him that easily, especially not with you here.'

Remus blinked. 'I-'

'You're always there, Remus, always! Nagging me, taunting me; what do you want from me?'

'I didn't kill him,' Remus said quickly, a sudden fear that his mother might be blaming him for his father's death rising inside him. 'I didn't kill him,' he repeated again, unsure of whom he was trying to convince.

'No, you didn't, he called it upon himself. Always running around to save the world, I don't know what he thought he could do.' Del buried her face in her hands. 'He never bothered listening to me, never even tried to keep himself safe. He was so absorbed with helping Dumbledore and the Order that he never cared to think about what would happen to his own family if he ever got hurt.'

'The Order-'

'The Order!' Del cried out, wiping the tears from her face. 'Ha! What a joke! They matter as much as-'

'They're making a difference!' Remus protested defensively, his hand grabbing hers tightly. 'We're saving dozens of lives every day!'

'None of which are relevant. Your little escapades are only making Voldemort more determined to kill! This is all just a game for him, and you're just fueling his passion for it!'

'That's not true! We're slowing Voldemort down considerably! The resistance is getting stronger! It's only a matter of time before the war is over and we can go back to-'

'Oh shut the fuck up, John! The war's never going to be over, and you know it!'

Remus let go of his mother's hand as if burned. 'I'm not John,' he whispered, staring at her with wide eyes.

Del frowned in confusion. 'What?'

'John,' Remus said softly, trying his hardest to keep his voice from breaking. 'You called me John. I'm not John, I'm Remus.'

His mother's eyes flickered with recognition and guilt. 'Of course you're Remus, that's what I meant to say…'

Remus's hands clenched and unclenched; revelations were being made in his head, things were starting to explain themselves better now that his mother had finally made her little declaration. Del hadn't been avoiding social contact; she'd been avoiding him. She wasn't turning into a workaholic; she was turning into a liar because of him. Hadn't she said that his constant presence was making things harder for her? Hadn't she mentioned that he was always taunting her by being there?

Remus felt his vision blur. 'Mum, is that why you're always avoiding me? Is this why you-'

Del placed a soft hand over his cheek. 'No, Remus, baby, I-'

Remus moved away abruptly so that her hand was left suspended in the air. 'It's because of my face, isn't it? Everyone's always saying how I look exactly like dad. I remind you of him all the time, don't I? Fuck, is that how I'm torturing you? Fuck, fuck, fuck!' He banged the table with his fist, suddenly feeling very angry and sorry for himself. He hated himself for the way his voice cracked with every word and how the corner of his eyes stung. 'I'm sorry, mum…you know, I thought my visits were helping, I really did. I thought maybe you'd actually want to see me before I went to the werewolf mission. Fuck, I don't know, maybe even want to talk to me once in a while.'

'Remus, you're jump-'

Remus stood up from his seat so quickly, he knocked his chair over. 'I should just go. You obviously don't want me here.' He picked up the chair and put in its rightful place. 'I'm sorry, mum, I really am.'

'Remus, listen to me-'

Remus was practically running to the front door now, desperate to just get out of the house. The distance seemed endless. 'I won't come anymore, if that's what you want.' He felt the faint pull of the protection wards he himself had set up sometime ago. 'You won't be seeing me anymore, I promise. I'll get out of your way.'

'Remus, wait!'

He disapparated.

XxxxX

Sirius moaned in pain as he fell hard to the ground. He could feel something warm and wet spreading down the calf of his right leg and knew instinctively that he had hurt himself bad. Shit.

'SIRIUS BLACK!!' Moody's voice echoed ominously in the Battle Hall.

'I'm sorry, mate' whispered Fabian Prewett, one of the fighters on the other side and the current reason to Sirius's decrepit state. 'Didn't mean to hit that hard. I wasn't even aiming, you know.'

'IN ALL MY YEARS, I HAVE NEVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING A TRAINEE AS INCOMPETENT AND FOOLISH AS YOU!!'

Fabian scurried away to the other side, far away from Moody's wrath.

Sirius groaned, picking himself up and dreading the clunking of Moody's false leg. He swayed a little on his position, trying to balance most of his weight on his uninjured leg. He straightened his back, crossed his hands behind him, and tried his best to look like a healthy, capable Auror instead of a crippled and incredibly idiotic one.

'IF YOU WERE IN AN ACTUAL BATTLEFIELD, BLACK, THE ENEMY WOULD HAVE AVADA KEDAVRA-ED YOU AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES BEFORE YOU EVEN FELL TO THE GROUND!'

Sirius tried not to wince at the shower of spit Moody bestowed upon him with every third syllable. He wasn't going to get angry; he wasn't going to get angry; anger was bad; anger was irrational; anger was going to earn him another torturous year in the academy under Moody's wing.

'DO YOU THINK, BLACK? DO YOU, EVEN FOR A SINGLE MOMENT, USE THAT HEAD OF YOURS TO COMPREHEND WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU?'

Sirius tried to concentrate on Moody's crazy blue eye. How many jokes would he and James be able to make upon it? There had to be one at least. One that would keep his mind off the illogical anger that was now bubbling inside of him, and aching to get out so that he could punch Moody's lights out.

'YOU'RE AN AUROR, NOT A STUNTMAN! THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF CHEAP THRILL OR HOGWARTS ADVENTURE WHERE YOU CAN GO OFF RUSHING TO WHEREVER DANGER IS, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! YOU HIDE BEFORE YOU FIGHT!'

Everyone had stopped practice to stare at Moody's new victim. The Head Auror's rants were nothing out of the ordinary; Moody had a misfortunate target almost every single day that he picked apart, humiliated, and practically slaughtered in front of the entire staff. However, this was the first time Sirius had been subjected to it. Despite his unprecedented methods, Sirius was, undoubtedly, one of the best auror trainees in the academy. He was brash and instinctive, but he was also a quick learner and a skilled dueler, with a large vocabulary of curses and hexes to bring down his opponent. He had a reputation to keep and that reputation was quickly burning to ashes.

It was embarrassing and aggravating and annoying, and Sirius could feel his face heating up from suppressed emotions. Nonetheless, he would not react; he would not give Moody the satisfaction of having gotten to him.

'SO FOR THE SAKE OF MERLIN, BLACK, NEXT TIME, USE YOUR HEAD! OR GOD FORBID, YOU'LL END UP DEAD WITH PUS BOILS ALL ACROSS YOUR FACE! AM I CLEAR?'

'Crystal,' Sirius replied through gritted teeth and excused himself for the day.

Sirius stopped at the W.C. on the way home, making sure the door was firmly locked and all the cubicles were empty before he let out a scream of rage and frustration and punched the walls with all his strength, ending up not only with a bloody leg, but a good few broken knuckles as well.

'Fuck!'

By the time he'd reached the flat, Sirius's bad mood had escalated to an alarming degree. He banged and kicked almost everything in sight – the door, his motorbike (which was a miracle by itself), a couple of streetlamps – the list was endless. He'd healed his leg and hand but was unfortunately left with a myriad of cuts, bruises and a painfully stubbed toe. None of which helped improve Sirius's mood.

Which was why he was looking forward to having Remus home; Remus always knew how to make Sirius feel better. Remus would say silly, nice things and touch him in just the right way, in all the right places, and watch television with him and make funny comments on Sirius's favourite characters.

So it should have come as no surprise that the only person who could make him feel better right then had left a note saying he was staying over at his mother's for the weekend. It should also have come as no surprise that James and Lily were also conveniently enjoying their honeymoon in Malaysia and wouldn't be coming back for another week and a half. The Gods were against him after all; why should anything go according to him?

So Sirius changed into his muggle clothing, shucked on a leather jacket, and left for the only other place he could think of where he could drown his anger in a sufficient amount of booze. Yes, he went to Queen's; for the first time without Remus.

'Hey, can I buy you a drink?'

Sirius felt someone slide into the seat next to him but didn't bother looking up. Through the corner of his eyes, he could make out mud brown hair and a grotesquely large silver bracelet sitting tightly on a slender arm.

'Knock yourself out,' Sirius muttered under his breath, chugging down the last of his beer.

'What'll you have?' the man asked, sliding closer to Sirius and lowering his voice like he was sharing some phenomenal secret.

'Shot of whisky and some rat poison, thank you.'

'Hey, what could have possibly happened to a gorgeous thing like you to swallow poison, eh?' the man asked, fingering the ends of Sirius's hair and twirling it between his thumb and forefinger.

Sirius swatted him away irritably. 'The poison's for you, you stupid motherfucker.' Only then did he turn towards the man, glaring at him dangerously.

The man was good looking, no doubt about it, but he had that sleazy, aggravating smile on his face that only served to fuel Sirius's bad mood. 'Sharp,' the man replied, unhindered. 'I like that. I'm Adam Harrison, by the way. Who are you then?'

Harrison's dark eyes roamed across Sirius's body as if trying to see through his clothes, and Sirius noticed that the hand that he'd stuck out for a handshake was inching closer to his chest. Sirius scowled, grabbed Harrison's hand and squeezed it tight enough to hurt.

'I'm not interested,' Sirius replied angrily, twisting Harrison's hand until he pulled away from Sirius forcefully.

'Temperamental little fellow, aren't you?' Harrison chuckled. 'Admirable quality; makes the pursuit a lot more exciting.'

Sirius grabbed his drink directly off the barman's tray. 'What part of "fuck off" did you not understand?' This man…Harrison…he was really testing Sirius's patience…even more than Moody. It was only a matter of time before he got beaten into a bloody pulp, and Sirius hoped Harrison came to his senses before that. He didn't really fancy being thrown out of the bar, nor was he in the mood to clean off copious amounts of blood from his hands.

'Okay, so you're a bit grouchy. Look, I know a perfect place we can go to; it's only a few blocks from here.' Harrison leant invasively close and put a hand on Sirius's thigh, rubbing lightly with his thumb. 'I could do something about that mood of yours, what do you say?'

Sirius was going to punch the bloke, blood be damned, when he felt a restraining hand on his shoulder.

'I'd say I don't appreciate you trying to molest my lover.'

Sirius knew that voice anywhere and turned around so quick that he hit his elbow against the table. 'Moony!!' he cried in surprise. He rubbed his elbow, suddenly feeling ridiculously happy.

Remus smiled, shifting his hand from Sirius's shoulder to the small of his back. 'Hello, Padfoot.' He looked at Harrison, who was gaping at Remus with an expression of shock and jealousy. 'I hope you don't mind but there aren't any empty seats near by,' Remus said, his tone sounding oddly protective as he gestured to the occupied stools around them.

'You?' Harrison exclaimed, laughing incredulously as he eyed Remus's ordinary and tired form. 'With him? You must be joking!'

Sirius glowered at him, grabbing Remus by his shirt collar defiantly and crashing their lips together in a passionate kiss. He kept his eyes open, making sure Harrison saw as Sirius invaded Remus's mouth with his tounge and nibbled on his bottom lip. Sirius smirked triumphantly when Harrison made a vaguely disgusted face and walked away with a muttered 'whatever'.

'What are you doing here?' Sirius asked, breathless after they'd finally parted. He knew Harrison was still looking, could feel those penetrating eyes on him, and gave Remus's lower lip an extra lick.

Remus drank from Sirius's unfinished glass, completely oblivious to Harrison's stares across the room. 'Same as you, I guess. Just fancied a drink.' He reached out to run a hand through Sirius's hair, combing it back neatly with his fingers. 'Bad day?' he asked affectionately.

'Hm…' Sirius nodded, moving in closer to Remus to wrap his arms around him and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. 'Moody was just ghastly.' This was what he had wanted the whole day: just some Moony Comfort.

'You nearly killed the bloke, you know.'

'He deserved it,' replied Sirius, annoyed that Remus had brought up that horrible person during an intimate moment. 'He tried to grope me, did you see?'

Remus chuckled, kissing the crown of Sirius's head. 'I saw. He chose the wrong day to hit on you, poor sod.'

'Don't be sympathetic with that perverted piece of shit, Moony. You should be insanely jealous and furious. He would have done unspeakable things to me if you hadn't come along to my rescue.'

Remus laughed loudly, his chest shaking beneath Sirius's ear. 'You seemed to be handling the situation pretty well on your own, really.'

Sirius sniffed disapprovingly. 'I thought you were staying at your mother's. Did you miss me, Moony? You could no longer bear staying away from me and had a change of heart, didn't you?'

Sirius felt Remus's entire body tighten at the mention of his mother and immediately knew something was wrong. He looked up and saw the werewolf's usually bright amber eyes darken slightly. 'Moony? What's wrong?'

Remus shook his head. 'Nothing,' he replied unconvincingly. 'Come on, let's dance.'

Sirius let Remus drag him to the dance floor without protest. He thought he should ask what the matter was, or if everything was perhaps all right, but figured Remus would tell him anyway if the matter was anything serious.

XxxxX

'I'm coming, I'm coming! Don't wet yourself!' Sirius grouched as the bell rang for the fourth time. The lock clicked, and he swung the door open to reveal the last person he thought of seeing at nine PM. 'Mrs. Lupin?'

Delilah Lupin smiled weakly. 'Hello, Sirius. Is Remus home?'

Sirius shook his head, frowning slightly in confusion. 'No, he doesn't come home till ten. That's when the shop closes.'

Mrs. Lupin looked strangely distraught. 'Oh, I-ah-came to give him his bag back. He forgot it yesterday at the cottage.'

Sirius noticed the familiar red duffle bag clutched tightly in her hands. 'Well, if you can wait for an hour or so, you can give it to him yourself. I think he'd like that better; Remus is always complaining about how you never come to visit anymore.'

Mrs. Lupin smiled kindly, walking in as Sirius held out the door for her. 'Thank you, love. I didn't expect to find you here; Remus told me you worked overtime as well…'

Sirius nodded, moving away scattered paper and clothes from the sofa to make space for Remus's mother to sit; he switched off the telly. 'I do…I have an exam tomorrow, so they gave me half a day off to study for it. I'm sorry we don't have any tea, Mrs. Lupin. Is beer okay?'

'I don't want anything to drink, Sirius, but I was hoping I could talk to you.' Del grasped his hand tightly, effectively stopping him from going into the kitchen. 'It's about my son.'

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. 'About Remus?'

'I know you're busy, so I won't take up much of your time. Please sit down.'

Sirius obliged, sitting on the arm of the sofa beside her. 'Is it anything important? Is something wrong?'

'Depends on how you see it,' Del replied, 'You see, Remus and I, we had a bit of a disagreement yesterday.'

'Ah.' That would explain the werewolf's behaviour last night. Remus had been a little distant at the bar and positively needy when they were making love back home. 'He did seem a bit off, but he didn't say anything, so I assumed it wasn't anything too important…'

Del pinched the bridge of her nose in agitation. 'I-I really upset him yesterday. I didn't mean to, but I wasn't thinking…I just got so carried away with the argument, and I completely lost control. I don't even know when…but I called him John.'

Sirius's eyes widened. 'John?'

'It just slipped out, and he didn't even give me a chance to apologise or explain. He just stormed off saying he'd move out of my life forever.'

Sirius frowned, brows furrowing. 'That doesn't sound like Moony.'

Del sighed. 'No, it's exactly like him because he's just like his father. His father used to become just as melodramatic when it came to family. I won't lie to you, Sirius, Remus reminds me of John a lot. He thinks it's just the way he looks, but everything he says and does is a mirror image of his father. He makes the same mistakes, has the same delusional ideals; it's like watching history repeat itself.'

'I'm not sure I understand.'

Del leaned back against the couch, her legs crossing in front of her. 'The fight we had yesterday…it was the exact same one I had with John on a regular basis. God, you should have heard him; it was like the two of them had rehearsed the speech together for moments like this. I completely lost my mind half way through; the name just slipped out, you understand.'

Sirius didn't understand, not much anyway, but he couldn't deny that Remus was heavily influenced by his father. Perhaps it was easy to get confused between the two of them in a fit of anger? It was plausible. 'I'll talk to him if you like, Mrs. Lupin, explain things to him. Remus always listens to me.'

'Yes, he does,' Del replied a little sadly, 'more than anyone else. He loves you a lot, Sirius,' she finished, squeezing his hand between hers.

Sirius felt heat rising in his cheeks.

'And that's why I need you to talk to him about quitting the Order.'

Sirius sprang off the sofa so quick, he startled Remus's mother. 'Quitting the Order? No! Absolutely not! I'm sorry, Mrs. Lupin, but I can't do that! The Order needs as many members as it can get and-'

'Please understand, Sirius, Remus is my only child, my baby, and the only family I have left. I cannot see him hurt.'

'You should be proud of him, Mrs. Lupin! He's a valuable asset to the war-'

'The war be damned! Let me be clear on this, Sirius, I will not bury my son; my son will bury me! Do you understand that?'

Sirius felt anger rising at her ignorance. He understood her concern; hell, he didn't want anyone to get hurt fighting either, but didn't she understand that Remus was fighting for her? That she was a muggle and the primary target for Voldemort?

'Remus isn't going to die, Mrs. Lupin,' Sirius replied through gritted teeth. 'The Order always works in pairs to ensure maximum safety of its members.'

Del snorted derisively. 'Really? Then tell me, is the Order sending anyone to go with him to the werewolf mission? Do you have anyone else like him to ensure his maximum safety?'

'What?' What was she talking about? What werewolf mission?

Remus mother laughed bitterly, sounding slightly maniacal. 'I mean, John had told me about it before of course, but I never thought that Dumbledore would actually send a child to do something this dangerous. I mean, he's only just graduated out of Hogwarts and-'

Sirius grabbed her by the shoulders, stopping her rant temporarily. 'Wait, Mrs. Lupin, you're not making any sense. Exactly what the hell are you talking about? What did Dumbledore ask Remus to do?'

'Don't try to make a fool of me, Sirius Black!' Del replied scathingly. 'I know Dumbledore's planning to send my son to recruit werewolves!'

XxxxX

When Remus finally arrived home, Sirius was sitting on the sofa surrounded by newspapers dating back to the first of April. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it coming; the papers were filled with articles about werewolves claiming their allegiance to Lord Voldemort; werewolf attacks increasing in various areas; werewolf regulations getting tighter to protect common citizens. Had Remus read all of this and kept quiet anyway? Had he even thought of Sirius when he'd agreed on mission?

'Well, well, never thought I'd see the great Sirius Black studying,' Remus said, wrapping his arms around Sirius's neck from behind and kissing him chastely on the cheek.

'Food's on the counter,' Sirius said gruffly, putting the latest edition of the Daily Prophet down on the coffee table.

Remus smiled serenely. 'Not hungry…ate at the shop… I think I might actually last with this one, Padfoot; the animals have taken a preference to me. Hey, where are you going?' he cried out in surprise, as Sirius pushed Remus's hands off him and got off the sofa.

'Out,' Sirius replied shortly, summoning his jacket and keys.

'But I just came home!'

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'So what?'

'Hey, hey, come here.' Remus grabbed Sirius by the wrists and pulled him closer. 'What's got you in such a rotten mood, eh?' His hold tightened when Sirius struggled to move out of his grip. 'Hey, come on, tell me. Is Moody still being harsh with you?'

Sirius stilled but jerked his hands away. 'Your mother came today to drop your bag off.'

'Oh.'

Sirius snorted at the stupefied expression of Remus's face. 'Yeah, oh. Did you ever plan on telling me?'

Remus shrugged. 'I didn't know how to. I mean, you were really down last night, so I didn't have the heart to tell you; then morning came, and I just forgot.'

Sirius felt hot burning rage filling his mind, and he clenched his fists tightly, barely suppressing the urge to hit Remus. 'Oh, so you just conveniently forgot that your mother doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. You just forgot that she no longer wants to see you; that she never actually wanted to see you in the first place; that your presence itself was like torture to her; that-'

'Shut up! Just shut the fuck up, okay!' Remus cried out, hands over his ears as if he could actually block out Sirius's words.

Sirius laughed harshly. 'Remember much?'

Remus kicked the coffee table. 'Fuck you!'

Sirius noticed the unnatural shine in Remus's eyes and took sadistic pleasure in it. He knew he was being cruel, and he reveled in it. Remus deserved this. Remus deserved this for lying to Sirius; for betraying Sirius's trust; for thinking he could get away with this.

'Guess what else she told me?' Sirius continued, paying no heed to the look of utter pain in Remus's face. 'No, guess, just guess; she told me you were going to go cavorting off to some werewolf colony and play peacemaker. Fan-bloody-tastic, isn't it?'

Remus's mouth dropped open. 'H-How did she-? No one's supposed to-'

'Know? Not even your sodding best friends?' Sirius asked angrily, fisting Remus's shirt and shaking him vigorously. 'Not even the guy you fuck on a daily basis?'

'I just thought-'

'What, Remus?' Sirius seethed, shaking the werewolf with every word. 'What could you have possibly thought? What could have possibly gone through that bloody brain of yours for you not to trust me with something like this!'

'It's not that I don't trust you,' Remus protested, placing his hands over Sirius's. 'I-I just….I don't know why…I just didn't think it was important.'

Sirius could barely speak through his anger. 'You just-'

'Look, Sirius…Padfoot…what good would it have done to know about it?' Remus slowly pried Sirius's fingers off his shirt. 'You're just going to have to sit at home helpless and worried about me until I come back…if I come back. I have to go alone in this, you know. If something happens, then that's it.' He looked directly at Sirius, looking more determined than confident. 'It's not like you can come to my rescue or anything. If I die-'

This time, Sirius did punch Remus, hard in the face. 'I hate you, Remus,' he spat out, breathing heavily. 'Sometimes, I hate you so much.' He glared at Remus who was now holding a cupped hand to his bleeding lip. 'Fuck this, I'm out of here.'

'NO!' Remus cried out, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders. 'No, Sirius, please!'

'You don't have anything I want to hear, Remus' Sirius replied coldly, shrugging Remus's hands off.

Sirius was angry, he was angry and he wanted to hurt Remus bad. He wanted to make Remus beg, cry, grovel, anything to make him feel the pain and the hurt Sirius was feeling. It was a common knowledge to the Marauders that even though Remus's material fear was the full moon, his greatest fear was being left alone. Remus feared not having any friends or family to lean back on; Remus would do anything and be anything to keep the little love he received from people. Sirius knew this, and he used it maliciously.

'You can do whatever you feel like, Remus. I can't bring myself to care anymore. Not like its important, right?'

'No, listen, I'm sorry, okay! I'm really sorry! I'm a complete and utter arse. I've been fucking things up with everyone, lately, and I'm sorry. I'm stupid, I know.' Remus reached out for Sirius's hand again and this time, Sirius didn't push him off. 'I've been a git to you and everyone else. I'm a horrid person, an absolute bastard, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you. Look, be as angry as you want, but stay home, please?'

Sirius sighed, surrendering to the desperate plea in Remus's voice. He could never be truly mean to Remus for very long; it just made him feel like a heel. 'You aren't that bad.'

Remus smiled weakly. 'I feel it. I know I should have told you, I'm sorry. I don't know-'

Sirius cut him off with a hand and flopped down on the couch heavily. Remus remained standing. 'Save it. Just don't do it again, okay? I hate being lied to, you know that; my parents constantly lied to me about everything, so that they could manipulate and use me. I hate that feeling.'

'I would never-'

'When are you going?' Sirius asked, not letting Remus finish. He didn't mean to sound so unsympathetic, but his voice seemed to just come out that way.

'Christmas,' Remus replied, looking helplessly at the floor.

Sirius lay on his back, propping his head against a cushion. 'Great, just great! That Dumbledore can be a real-'

'He was very kind about it,' Remus protested, looking at Sirius a little guiltily. 'He offered me a choice; he informed me of the risks, I volunteered.'

Sirius grunted, looking up at the ceiling. 'I wouldn't have expected anything less of you.'

'Are you still angry?' Remus asked in a small voice.

'A little, yes.'

'Sorry,' Remus finished, not quite looking up.

Sirius shifted his gaze back to Remus and found his anger quickly melting at the forlorn and distraught expression on his lover's face. He sighed heavily; it was impossible to stay angry at Remus when he looked like that. Perhaps Sirius had been a bit too harsh on him; after all, Remus hadn't meant any harm, he was just doing what he thought was best for everyone. Sirius shouldn't have said all those things to Remus, especially not after the ordeal with his mother.

'Hey, come here,' Sirius called, giving his hand for Remus to take as the werewolf walked closer and sat down beside his head. 'Does it hurt?' Sirius asked, reaching out to wipe away the blood from the small cut on Remus's lip.

Remus smiled weakly and shook his head. 'I deserved it.'

'No, you didn't.' Sirius pulled Remus down, so that they lay next to each other, face to face, heads resting on a too small cushion. 'I care about you, Moony, a lot.'

One of Remus's arms wrapped around Sirius's waist, while the other circled around his neck. 'I know,' Remus whispered, burying his face in Sirius's shoulder and snuggling deep, seeking comfort.

'Look, I don't know why I feel this way about you, okay? I don't know why, but it is important to me where you go, even if I can't help. I just-I can't explain it, but-' Sirius stopped when he noticed Remus hands fisting in his t-shirt and his breathing come out in heavy gasps against Sirius's skin. 'Hey.' Sirius hated it when his lover was distressed, especially if he was the reason for it. 'Hey,' Sirius repeated, putting a hand at the small of Remus's back to catch his attention. 'I love you.' He kissed the brunette's forehead, his eyes, his cheeks and finally, his lips, lingering only for a little while before separating.

'Padfoot?'

'Hm?'

Remus bit his lip uncertainly. 'Is mum alright? I mean, did she ask of me at all?'

Sirius breathed deeply. 'Look, about that…'

XxxxX

Remus's mouth, as Sirius understood it, needed a shrine to be worshipped in, because Remus's mouth was a thing of epic proportions. His lips…Oh,God…his lips, so soft and pliant, thin but talented, as it kissed every inch of his body slowly, tantalisingly, giving special attention to the insides of Sirius's thighs and belly. His teeth were small and sharp as they bit into Sirius's neck, his nipples, his stomach, his thighs, not breaking the skin but applying the pressure just right, so that with every feel of teeth, Sirius panted and gasped and moaned loudly. Then there was his tounge…oh, how Sirius loved Remus's tounge...that left slick glistening trails across his body, dipping and sucking in just the right places and then, finally making Sirius's head explode as it traveled lower and stayed there.

Sirius tangled his hands in Remus's hair, arching his back wantonly. He was barely restraining himself from pushing in deeper. 'Fuck, Moony…' He was close, so damn close.

BANG!

Both Remus and Sirius startled to a stop, Remus's mouth still attached to Sirius erection in a comical 'o', and Sirius's hand already scrabbling in search of his wand.

'PADFOOT!'

Sirius groaned, letting his head fall back against the headboard and his hands travel across Remus's shoulders and back. 'Prongs,' he growled out, 'I'll kill him, I swear to Merlin, I'll-' He moaned in frustration at the loss of Remus's mouth.

'MOONY!!'

'I thought he wasn't supposed to be coming back till tomorrow,' Remus said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he sat up.

Sirius watched Remus hungrily, admiring the way collected sweat shone across his chest and neck; the way his hair remained deliciously tousled from Sirius's fingers constantly tugging at them; the way his cheeks were tinged slightly pink from exertion and arousal. Sirius wanted to eat him whole.

'GUYS, HELP!!'

'We should go see what's wrong,' Remus sighed dejectedly, getting up.

Sirius grabbed Remus by the wrist and pulled him back into the bed. 'Let him suffer for a while. We've got a problem of our own to solve,' he finished huskily, brushing his hips against Remus's, making it clear exactly what sort of problem needed to be solved. 'If we're quiet enough, he'll think we're not home and go away.'

'SIRIUS!!'

'He sounds really upset,' protested Remus against the attack of Sirius's lips and teeth on his neck. 'We should –ah- at least go see what's wrong.'

'Fine,' Sirius huffed. 'Fine. But if it's something stupid, I'm throttling him, and you can't stop me.'

Remus chuckled, already picking up a pair of trousers he'd discarded in frenzy. Sirius would have rather just gone naked but reluctantly pulled on his boxers for the sake of decency.

'OI, COME ON YOU GUYS, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!'

Just before Remus reached for the door handle, Sirius pulled him into a fervent kiss, delving his tounge deep into his mouth and rubbing against his body, making sure Remus got his message loud and clear. Remus laughed into the kiss and broke away.

'I'll make it worth your while,' Remus whispered into Sirius's ears, giving his crotch a generous squeeze before walking out.

'Tease,' Sirius muttered affectionately.

'WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?' James cried out the minute he saw them, whirling on the balls of his feet and knocking over their table lamp in the process.

Remus caught it just before it smashed to the ground. 'Sleeping, Prongs. In case you haven't noticed, it's seven in the morning. So unless you want the neighbours to report you for sexual assault, I'd advise you to keep your voice down.'

James's mouth snapped shut abruptly.

Sirius winked at Remus, clapping him encouragingly on the back.

'So, how come you're back early, Prongs?' Remus asked, sitting down calmly on the sofa.

James sat beside him, hands clutching at his dark hair. 'I'm in deep shit, you guys. I mean, really, really deep.'

'Care to elaborate?' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest. James truly looked miserable, but Sirius's own predicament was making him a tad unsympathetic.

'Lily's been really sick for the past few days,' James said wretchedly, 'so I took her to the Healer after she threw up for the fourth time. I got the examination results back today.'

Sirius and Remus looked at each other fearfully, and Sirius put a sympathetic hand on James's shoulder, squeezing perhaps a little too hard in worry. 'Is she all right? What's wrong?'

'She's pregnant.'

There was a small pause where both Remus and Sirius stared at each other in shock, taking in the unexpected information while James buried his face in his hands. Suddenly, Sirius let out a loud 'whoop', and Remus's face broke into a large, infectious grin.

'Congratulations!!'

'This isn't good news, you two,' James cried out.

'How can it not be good news, Prongs, my wonderful mate?' Sirius exclaimed, pulling Remus up by the hands and doing an uncoordinated jig before tipping him gracefully. 'We're going to be uncles, Moony!! Uncles!! To a darling little sprog!! And I have dibs over the godfather position!'

'NO!' James shot up angrily. 'This wasn't supposed to happen!'

Sirius and Remus frowned.

'You sound regretful James,' Sirius said, his tone low and dangerous, brows furrowed.

'Fuck!' James banged his fist on the arm of the sofa. 'Don't you guys see the problem here? We're only nineteen, we've barely been married for a month and already, we're having kids! We're too young!'

'My mother had me when she was sixteen, you know, and dad was only a few years older,' Remus said encouragingly. 'And things turned out fine for me.'

James pulled at his hair in frustration. 'This is a mistake, Moony, there's a war going on. Lily and I are constantly busy with work or the Order; how are we supposed to raise a child in this hell hole? I can't be responsible for another life!'

'Oh shut up, Prongs!' Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 'Moony and I are here to help whenever you want it, you know that. You just watch, you guys will make great parents!'

'The war-'

'There'll always be a war. You don't see Molly Weasley putting a halt to it, do you? What, she's on her seventh kid now?'

'Sixth one, still coming,' Remus corrected. 'You'll be a great dad, Prongs, if that's what you're worried about.'

James groaned, sprawling on the couch dejectedly. 'I won't. I'll break it, and corrupt it, and teach it all the wrong things. My kid's going to end up drunk and unemployed, and it'll curse me for the rest of its miserable life.'

Sirius roared with laughter, causing James to wail even louder. Remus kicked Sirius in the shins to make him shut up and put a sympathetic arm around his bespectacled friend. 'You'll be fine, Prongs,' he said reassuringly.

'Yeah, you've got Lily Flower to make up for your idiocy,' Sirius replied, rubbing his shin and sticking tounge out at Remus.

Remus kicked him again for good measure.

'Ow! You bastard! That hurt!'

Remus showed Sirius the finger. 'So are you keeping it, the kid, I mean?'

James chuckled at Remus and Sirius's antics. 'I want to, but-' He looked at the pair of them uncertainly. 'It can't be that bad, right? I mean, I lived with Padfoot half my life, and well…the rest is self explanatory.'

'Oh yes, gang up on me now,' Sirius replied grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest on a mock huff. 'Everyone molest poor ol', helplessly adorable Padfoot. Like he doesn't have enough problems to deal with already. What with his insane family, slave driving boss, and traitorous lover.'

'Don't use the sympathy card, Padfoot,' said James, his usual cheeky smile back on his face again. 'It doesn't suit you.'

'Yeah,' Remus mock glowered. 'That's my specialty.'

Sirius hmph-ed. 'Where's Lily anyway? Need to congratulate her on her pathway to motherhood, or is she going through the same complex as you?'

James smiled. 'I haven't told her yet. She was at the spa when I went to the hospital, and then I just did the first thing that came to mind: I apparated here.'

Remus shook his head, smiling. 'You are insane, Prongs, you know that?'

James grinned unabashedly. 'Thanks by the way, both of you,' he said gratefully, wrapping his arms around Remus and Sirius and pulling them into a hug so tight that their heads knocked together. 'I guess I just panicked a little.'

'A little?' Remus snorted, rubbing his head.

James cuffed him. 'Look, do me a favour, don't tell Lily about this conversation, okay? I want to tell her the good news myself. This little anxiety attack of mine never happened, you get that?'

Sirius smirked. 'What anxiety attack?'

XxxxX

'James, honey, can you get the wine, please?' Lily called out as she cleared away the dishes with a wave of her wand.

Lily had invited Peter, Sirius, and Remus over to the flat for dinner. God knows those boys needed it, most of all Remus and Sirius, who seemed to look thinner with every visit. She didn't blame them really; she'd tasted Remus's cooking and it wasn't exactly the most delectable thing in the world. The boy could go as far as tea and a couple of ham sandwiches but beyond that, he was quite hopeless. Sirius? She didn't even want to get into the culinary skills of the Great Sirius Black.

'What's the occasion, Lily?' Peter asked, holding out his glass as James generously poured the wine.

'Well,' Lily paused, looking at James with undying affection. 'James and I have some good news to share.'

James nodded, sitting down and taking her hand under the table. She suddenly felt inexplicably happy; in fact, she'd been feeling this way ever since the two of them had found out. Lily had known what had happened even before James had taken her to the hospital; she wasn't as clueless as she acted out to be. But she had been incredibly afraid of her husband's reaction; she was almost sure James would freak out; protest against it; maybe even get melodramatic enough to cry. She'd been quite surprised, to say the least, when James had come back to their hotel room, tests results in hand, beaming brighter than a neon bulb.

'Well, are you going to tell us, or what?' Peter asked, shifting to the edge of his seat in eagerness.

Remus and Sirius simply looked at each other, then at her and James, and smiled. Lily hoped to God they weren't up to something. Could Sirius have put something in their drinks?

Lily looked at the clear water in her glass, wishing she could have some wine herself as she cleared her throat nervously. 'Well, James and I are having a baby.'

Peter's mouth fell open in shock.

'Congratulations!!' Sirius and Remus chorused together.

'How wonderful!' Remus exclaimed, clapping his hands uncharacteristically.

'Indeed, I'm so pleasantly surprised! I'd have never expected it!' Sirius continued, his eyes wide and hand over his mouth.

'A baby, can you believe it, Padfoot?' Remus asked, wrapping an arm around Sirius's shoulders and resting his head there.

'Of course not, Moony!' Sirius looked appalled. 'I mean, I never even thought about it before today! How could I have? We just got the fantastic news!'

Lily frowned, sniffing the bottle of wine suspiciously. Beside her, she thought she heard her husband mutter 'overkill', but it was probably just her imagination. Maybe the pregnancy was taking a toll on her?

XxxxX

Author's note: Phew, nice long chapter that took me ages to complete. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it, even though there seemed to be quite a bit of yelling in this one. Also, you might notice a few similarities between Rowling's description of Remus and my descriptions of Delilah Lupin. Let me tell you, they're purposeful; I put them there to show you the impact of losing the people you love the most and how it recurs in every other person. And look, Lily's pregnant!! I don't actually know if James really freaked, but I thought about it and really, I very much doubt that James was actually planning on a full fledged family at the age of nineteen. It must have been a mistake that sort of turned into a blessing, at least in my head. Anyway, don't forget to review and leave constructive criticism, or even any ideas you'd like to add into the next chapter. Bubbye

Oh, and thanks to everyone who favourited me, and even bigger thanks to all those who reviewed. I like to send a little reply to every single one of you, so here's to those of you who haven't left a reply address:

Liveforthemoment-13: No, I'll definitely be writing for a while. If I finish it, I want to make sure I do it with a nice finale. So keep reading and reviewing!! silverfoxL: Well, there isn't as much sap in this as the last chapter, but there's fluff and there's silliness and there's lots and lots of love. I'm trying to tie Remus's behaviour in canon as much as I can with my story to make it seem as real as possible, so I hope its working and that you're enjoying my work so far. Cheers! A person: Lol, as I said, I'm going to completely deny the existence of the last four pages. They're simply a figment of my imagination. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter just as much!! Kyshal: I completely agree with you. Remus chose the time he was happiest in the afterlife, and that was back when he was younger and with Sirius. Same thing with Sirius; he chose the same time sequence, and thus, their love is canon. Lol. Thanks for reading!! vous-toujours: You're a bit behind, but I think you've caught up to all the chapters by now. Doesn't mean the pups still aren't incredibly adorable! Holly B: Thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much! Aclytie: Lol, Love that line! Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing. The sappy quotient has been pulled down a little, but the puppy love is still there, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter.