I stood there, staring at Nick, unable to take my eyes from him though I knew I should look away. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. He hadn't answered when I had knocked at the door, so I have just let myself in…which now was proving to have been a bad idea…a very bad idea. I hadn't seen much…just the tail end of his endeavors, but I'd heard my name. It was me that he had been thinking about. I watched him try to hide in his pillows and I felt bad for him. This was awkward for me and it was at least 10 times worse for him. "I uh…I…" I was having a hard time finding the right words. "I uh…well you left and I followed you and I just wanted to uh…" I didn't remember what I'd wanted. Watching Nick, even for just a few seconds, on his bed with his eyes closed, moaning and beating off had actually turned me on. I felt awful and a little disgusting. "I just wanted to talk."

"You hate me, don't you..." Nick's words were muffled as he spoke through the pillow. Hate him? What?

"No!" I went to the bed and sat beside him, rubbing his back with my hand. "Nick I could never hate you! Just because I saw what you were doing doesn't mean that I hate you, it doesn't change anything." I scrabbled at the corners of my mind for the right thing to say but I was having trouble. "Nick, masturbation is perfectly normal! Everybody does it." I knew full well that this wasn't why he thought I hated him, but I had to take it one step at a time.

"Not to the tune of their brother they don't!" Nick sounded distressed, even though the pillow quieted him. I grabbed him around the middle and flipped him over so that I could look at him closely, studying the worried expression on his face.

"Well not everyone falls in love with their brother either," I said, pushing some of the curls from his face and using my most soothing tone to reassure him. "You usually think about who you love…or at least who you want to be with…when you…you know…and if the person that you love isn't a normal choice then so be it…I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's ok Nick, don't worry about it." I tried to tell him with my eyes that it was ok. This was easily one of the most awkward conversations that Nick and I had ever had.

"So you're not mad?" He looked up at him hopefully with those big brown eyes and my heart melted. How could anyone be mad at those eyes?

"Of course I'm not mad Nick." I forced my arm underneath his back and pulled him until he was sitting up, facing me.

"And you don't hate me?" he asked shakily.

"No Nick! Quite the opposite actually." I brushed my lips gently against his for a few seconds before continuing my explanation. "This doesn't change any of the things that I said to you earlier." Nick smiled at me.

"Thank you…for you-know…understanding." He still looked a little embarrassed, but the situation was slowly becoming less awkward.

"Don't thank me," I chuckled.

"Kevin…there's something that I'm a little confused about though…" I looked at Nick, his brow furrowed in contemplation as he looked at the quilt on the bed.

"Yeah Nick?"

"When we were goofing around in the chess room and you stopped tickling me…what made you stop?"

"You Nick." I shrugged. This was an easy question. "I mean…I've seen your body loads of times but it seemed different now…it was like before I didn't care about it and now my goal was to be as close to you, to see as much of you as possible." I sighed. "I'm sorry if that creeps you out, I don't mean to be scary, it's just that you have a beautiful body." I was just rambling now so I found my self-control and managed to make myself quite down.

"Thanks." Nick smiled up at me. The full truth was that I had been captivated by his figure…his toned abdomen, his perfect chest…Maybe he was a little on the skinny side but there was no denying it…he was fit and it was hard not to stare.