It is said that when a butterfly flutters its wings in one part of the world, it can eventually cause a hurricane in another. We never truly appreciate the weight of our actions and how the tiniest details can create a hurricane of change. The smallest changes in our present can have a drastic and phenomenal change on our future; can create worlds and destroy them; can bring down great forces and elevate the rest; can recover loves lost and make heroes out of convicted criminals. That is where we start; at the very eye of the hurricane:

December 1980…

Everyone had seen the end coming – the final falling out of Remus and Sirius. The process had been gradual; it had simply started with the loss of casual touches. Sirius and Remus eventually stopped brushing hands when they walked together; stopped entwining their legs under the dinner table; stopped using every joyous occasion as an excuse to hug each other a little longer, a little closer.

Back then, the change hadn't been too noticeable, not even to Remus and Sirius, but then started the arguments. The time apart from each other and Remus's long absences were starting to put pressure on their already strained relationship. They still loved each other, but could no longer find the time to share their thoughts and feelings as they did back then. The disagreements only grew worse with time to a point where they no longer needed a reason to be shouting at each other.

No one could tell you how it had actually happened, not really. Very few knew about Remus and Sirius's relationship to start with, and those few had always considered their bond as solid as rock. Of course, there was one person who could always give you a small percentage of the reason: Peter Pettigrew.

Perhaps, things wouldn't have been so bad between Remus and Sirius if it hadn't been for Peter's constant tales to Sirius. Seven years of living with Sirius had taught Peter Sirius's utmost weaknesses: his utter faith in everything his closest friends said, his need to know everything that involved his loved ones, and his hatred for the Dark Arts.

Peter had never had to think as hard as he did during that one year. Sirius could easily confront Remus about any lies Peter told him, so he had to twist the truth; hint at Remus's faults without pushing too hard; but mostly, he had to use Remus's condition as a tool.

It had started with only one simple suggestion, but as the suspicion within the Order began to grow, so did Peter's desperation to save his own precious skin. What had started out as a simple diversion tactic had turned into an enormous rift between Remus and Sirius.

Peter had never wanted them to break up. He hadn't. He had never dreamt that his words could have that strong an effect on their relationship. If he had known, perhaps, he would have limited himself a bit more. Perhaps, he would have blamed all the Order mishaps on someone else other than Remus. Sometimes, Peter lay awake at night, wondering what it was that he'd said that had finally broken the straw. What had been the end of the line for Remus and Sirius?

Sirius was kneeling behind the hedge, his fists clenched tight enough to bleed and his body shaking so hard that he looked about to break. He would have screamed and shouted and fought with his fists instead of his wand had it not been for Caradoc Dearborn restraining and holding him back by both shoulders.

'Look, Yates, just take it all in, right? Don't think about it, especially not in front of the Dark Lord,' whispered the Death Eater (whom none of them recognised). 'It's not worth it. It's not worth losing your life over, and you've got a family to take care of now.'

The Death Eater called Yates rubbed his face beneath his mask. 'You don't know if that's what really happened to Regulus, Manson. We have nothing to prove that he's really dead.'

Sirius could feel his face getting hot, his teeth clenching and unclenching. He needed to get out, he needed to hit something, to scream and scream and scream.

'Look, Yates, Black was getting truly out of control. It wasn't the first time he'd slipped up, you know, but the Dark Lord gave him chances to prove himself. The boy's always been reluctant and he deliberately went and defied the Lord. None of us know what he did, but the Lord's word is enough conviction, I think.'

Sirius's head was going to burst any moment. Dearborn's hand was over his mouth and Sirius's bit into it angrily. The hand didn't even flinch, and Sirius, had he been in his right mind, would have been eternally grateful to Dearborn for keeping him in control.

His brother. His baby brother: dead; murdered for wanting a way out. Why hadn't he come to Sirius? If he had wanted out, why hadn't he just come to him?

'Snape's confirmed it, too, and we all know that there's no one the Lord trusts more than him. He uses the Lestranges' obsession as a tool, but we all know that Snape is the only one the Lord truly confides to.'

Snape. Sirius should have known that Snape would somehow be behind this. Had there been other Death Eaters as well? Had there been people other than Yates and Manson watching his brother as he died? Killing him, murdering him for wanting to be free?

Dearborn squeezed Sirius's shoulder painfully. 'Sirius, I'm going to apparate you somewhere close to home. I need you to get some rest. I'll explain the rest to Moody, do you understand?'

A sudden thought came onto him. Had Remus been a part of it? What if Peter had been right?

'I don't think he's going into any more missions, Padfoot. Dumbledore's always mentioning how dangerous it is for him, but he comes out unscathed every time.'

Sirius hadn't cared if Remus was a Death Eater. He had punched Peter the first time he had come close to suggesting it and then accepted it as the evidence got more obvious and the absences more clear. He still hadn't cared. Remus could have been Lord Voldemort himself, and Sirius wouldn't have stopped loving him. Sirius would have let him get away with anything, except this…

'Black, I brought you as close to the cottage as I could. Can you make it there by yourself?'

Remus wouldn't do something like that to him, he wouldn't. Remus knew how Sirius felt about his family, about his baby brother. Remus knew exactly where it would hit hardest…

'He keeps too many secrets, Sirius, and talks about none. Why doesn't he trust us? What's he trying to hide?'

When had all this happened? When had his brother died? Last year? This year? This month? Had it been the day Remus had made love to him silently, not wanting to talk but just to feel skin against skin? Had Remus touching him so hesitantly been a sign of apology; of regret?

'How easy is it to lose your mind, Padfoot? To prejudice; to desperation; to need?'

Sirius took out the letter he'd received from James from his pocket. He'd received it back in the office, but had been called to the mission and unable to read it. It seemed to be written in haste, James's already untidy handwriting looking almost unintelligible:

Padfoot,

Harry's ill, so we're a little busy today. I heard you might be working a late shift tonight from Arthur. If you are, send me a reply, and me and Wormtail will somehow manage to accompany Moony on tonight's full moon. Otherwise, I need to stay home and take care of Harry.

If you make it, tell Moony I'm really sorry and hope he isn't hurt too badly. Let me know as soon as you can.

Prongs

Sirius reread the letter, not having caught most of it at first glance. He later figured it was because his hands had been shaking violently the whole time. He looked around for the first time since they'd apparated and realised that Dearborn had apparated Sirius directly to Remus's transforming grounds rather than their flat. They'd lived in the small abandoned cottage temporarily while searching for a flat. It was where Remus transformed now, and Sirius could already see the padlocks on the door sealed secure.

He looked up then, watching the moon come out from in between the clouds and hearing familiar howls of pain that came along with it.

Sirius tore the letter to pieces and disapparated.

XxxxX

Sirius got up early next morning when the need for food had gotten too strong to ignore or sleep off. He padded bare feet into the kitchen, still sleepy eyed and exhausted, so much so that he'd nearly tripped over the fallen figure of his lover on the floor. As Sirius's eyes burst open in shock and took in the sight of Remus, last night's ordeal came rushing back to him. He backed away slightly, holding on to the kitchen counter to steady himself.

Regulus was dead.

Remus was bleeding a steady stream of red all over the clean kitchen tiles, blood pooling underneath his stomach and legs. There were scratches and bites all over his body, some that looked fatal and others that revealed the flesh and bones underneath. Remus must have apparated into the apartment and fainted from exertion.

Sirius felt bile rise at the back of his throat, guilt and pressure threatening to overwhelm him. He quickly summoned his wand, kneeling beside Remus on the floor where the blood as yet to reach. He tried to wipe the blood off Remus's face with his hand, but only managed to smear it more so that the face beneath was completely unrecognisable. Sirius had only seen Remus this cut up once after a transformation and that had been a long time ago.

'I would have done anything for you, Remus,' Sirius whispered, fingering Remus's blood crusted hair. 'I would have given you my life, my body, my soul; anything that you asked for would have been yours.'

Sirius closed his eyes, clutching his wand so tight that it was in danger of breaking. It would be easy now, with Remus laid prone and defenceless before him. It would be so easy to kill him, to take the revenge Sirius deserved to have. He didn't even need to whisper a spell; he could just leave Remus here to bleed to death. The Ministry would never question him, not for killing a werewolf.

Sirius's wand hand shook, still aimed at Remus's heart, poised and ready to be fired. 'Fuck you, Remus,' Sirius cried softly, feeling his resolve faltering and his voice cracking. 'Fuck you!' He flicked his wand violently, sending sparks of red flying to Remus's chest and making his whole body jerk violently upwards.

XxxxX

Remus woke up with a groan to the soft cling and clatter of cutlery and plates being rearranged at his bedside table. He could hardly open his eyes from the pain that was shooting through him, but knew it was Sirius there at the bedside table; Sirius making a fuss over potions and food like he did every month; Sirius sounding very upset.

Remus wondered what he did this time. Sirius's bad moods seemed to always be Remus's fault one way or another. It could be trivial things, as small as Remus leaving dirty dishes in the sink to Remus coming home late again. Remus didn't mind taking in the brunt, not really, because sometimes, he took his anger and frustration out on his lover as well. It seemed like the only way to deal with the war now.

Still, Remus must have done something really horrible this time for Sirius to miss the transformation. Sirius never missed a transformation, not even on the days he had to work late. It was the one thing that had brought and kept them and the Marauders together. The wolf last night had been angered (hurt) by the absence of its companions, to a point where it blamed Remus because it didn't have the intelligence to blame itself.

'Here, drink this,' a hand lifted him by the neck gently and poured liquid down his throat; Blood Replenishing potion and a touch of whisky to dull the pain. It worked.

Remus opened his eyes slowly after he was lowered back to the bed, only to see Sirius's turned back to him. 'How are you feeling?' Sirius asked roughly; his voice sounded forced, pained, broken.

Remus replied, his own throat feeling raw and disused, 'Hurts.' He wasn't talking about the physical aspect of the pain.

'I know,' Sirius said, still not turning back to face Remus. He was rummaging around with the tray of potions, pouring, and decanting, and doing things that were mostly unnecessary but kept his hands busy.

Remus sat up gingerly, trying not to put too much weight on his bandaged arm. For a second, he considered reaching out and touching Sirius but decided not to. The days when he could touch Sirius whenever he wanted to without his lover freezing up were long gone. Sirius seemed a lot more…guarded…around him now.

'Why didn't you come?' Remus braved to ask. He quelled down the part of him that was wolf; that demanded an explanation for being abandoned. 'I knew you were there; I felt you. Why did you walk away?' His tone came out accusing towards the end and Remus wished it hadn't when he saw Sirius's back stiffening.

'Why should I have come?' Sirius asked, his hand pausing over an unlabeled bottle. 'Is it a rule? Is it necessary that I be there to hold your hand for you every, single transformation?'

Remus frowned, not knowing what to say.

'Maybe I didn't want to come,' Sirius continued, his voice lowering to a dangerous pitch. 'Maybe I didn't want to spend my time slaving over a werewolf.'

Remus knew Sirius was being hurtful on purpose; knew that he didn't really mean anything he said but just needed a channel for his anger. Yet, despite knowing all that, he couldn't control his own defensiveness and fury when he bit back, 'You never had any problems fucking one!'

Sirius whirled around to look him in the face for the first time. 'It was cheap,' he spat venomously, 'and convenient.'

For some reason, the blow really hurt. Remus was supposed to throw it off like anything else Sirius ever said in a fit of anger, but he couldn't. Sirius had hit too hard and too deep, and Sirius himself seemed to realise it when he saw Remus's wounded expression.

'Remus, I didn't mean that,' Sirius explained, looking truly apologetic. 'I just…I was so angry and I-'

'I'm sorry,' Remus interrupted. It was the first time he had apologised during any of their arguments. 'I'm sorry.'

Sirius looked at him, a glint of something in his eyes that Remus wished he could read. 'What for?' he asked suspiciously. It was as if he was expecting Remus to admit to some dastardly deed.

Remus shrugged, looking down when the pain at looking at Sirius became too much and too tight. 'I don't know.'

'Then don't be,' Sirius replied tightly, the anger coming back into his voice. 'Don't mock me with your empty apologies, Remus. It just makes things worse.'

Remus didn't know what he was talking about. It made him furious, of course it did; the way Sirius always blamed him for everything; the way they'd somehow always end up fighting whenever they were together. It made him angry that he was always the one who had to control himself and watch his words while Sirius didn't, simply because it was accepted as part of his nature.

Remus had never felt as tired as he did right then. 'What do you want from me, Sirius?'

Sirius got off the bed, walking to their window and keeping a steady gaze outside. What he was looking at, Remus would never know, because the lack of noise told him that the streets were probably empty at this time of morning.

Sirius sighed heavily. 'I think, Remus, that this should end. Whatever we have between us; it's not working anymore.'

The statement had hit harder than a ton of bricks. So hard that Remus, for a while, could do nothing but stare at his hands, speechless and horrified. It was like his worst fears coming true; like his whole world crashing down at his feet: everything he'd built and depended upon was suddenly being taken away from him. Remus didn't move, couldn't; it hurt too much. It hurt in his chest, his head, his arms, his feet; it closed his throat and choked him of all his oxygen; it killed that one strand of hope and soul he'd been hanging on to throughout this war.

Remus had expected it, but still had never seen it coming.

'I think,' Sirius continued, now fingering the drapes and twisting them around his fingers. 'I think, I would like to remember you as someone I loved rather than someone I'd grown to hate.'

Silence reigned between them for what felt like years, and Remus used that time to control himself, to kill any emotions he had and become the steady rock that people had come to know him to being. 'I understand,' Remus whispered after a long time, amazed at how stable his voice sounded despite his insides withering. 'I'll leave today…now if you want me to.'

'You don't have to leave,' Sirius said softly, his hands slipping from the drapes. 'There's another room.' He leaned his head against the glass, and Remus could tell by the way he breathed heavily upon it that Sirius didn't really want him to stay. The offer was just a formality, something to balance Remus during his crippled state of unemployment and poverty. 'You can stay there.'

'I don't think I can,' Remus replied, twisting in the bed to find the best way to get up without hurting himself too much. His body ached all over but when his feet finally hit the floor, Remus felt compelled to look at Sirius one last time. 'Will you help me pack?' he asked, wishing Sirius would turn towards him, could at least bring himself to look Remus in the eye. 'That is, if you don't hate me too much.'

Sirius nodded once, his fingers now skating over the ridges of the window frame, but his eyes still fixed firmly outside. 'Drink your tea first.'

Remus stared at the tea cup on the bedside table. It was starting to coagulate on the surface from staying out too long and cooling too quickly. He didn't really want any, but years of tradition had registered tea and cigarettes in his brain as something to calm his nerves. It only took a small sip before Remus started feeling dizzy again and fell into the bed backwards. Vaguely, he reprimanded himself for not having smelled the Dreamless Sleep potion Sirius had poured in his tea before drinking it…

XxxxX

James stepped over the debris of various broken furniture and plates that littered the floor, suddenly feeling worried and anxious. 'Padfoot!' It didn't look like a Death Eater pattern of attack, but you never knew nowadays. 'Moony!'

He sped up now, kicking most of the things that came in his path. Sirius and Remus's flat was a wreck, looking as if it had been hit by the hurricane or very explosive magic. He hoped neither of his friends had been hurt in anyway; he didn't know what he would do if they were.

Suddenly, James heard laughter from inside one of the rooms and quickened his pace, nearly tripping over the shattered television set on the way. He found Sirius sitting there, wrapped haphazardly in bed sheets that had been pulled off the bed itself. Their bedside table had been overturned, the drawers pulled out and everything else thrown in different corners of the room. The picture didn't seem to disturb James as much as Sirius himself did.

Sirius was laughing.

He was laughing maniacally as if he'd been poisoned by laughing gas or subjected to a tickling charm that had gone horribly wrong. He was laughing with his head tilted to the side and resting on his shoulder in an angle that seemed painfully impossible; his eyes had rolled to the back of his head and his hair had fallen mostly to the right side of his face in a tilt making him look insane.

'Sirius?' James approached him tentatively, not sure what to do or say. 'Sirius, what happened here?' God, where was Remus? James hoped he was safe; that the transformation hadn't been too bad for him.

Sirius seemed to notice James's presence only after James had kneeled close to him. He stopped laughing for a while, blinking and looking at James as if he'd never seen him before. His jaw twitched momentarily before he broke into a crazy grin. 'He's gone!' Sirius cried, voice breaking towards the end. 'He went while I was asleep, and he didn't even care! He didn't even fight for me!' Sirius started laughing again, but this time there were tears streaming down his cheeks.

James placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder, a sudden dread filling him. He didn't need to know who he was; Remus of course. Something had happened to Remus; the transformation had gone wrong and it was all because of James. All because James and Peter had been too busy to come and help. Merlin, please let him be alright, please let him be alive…

'Sirius, please, tell me what happened! Remus, where's Remus? Sirius, tell me!'

Sirius shook his head, side to side, muttering more to himself than James. 'I hate him. I hate him for doing this to me. I hate him for making me love him. I should have never-'

James wished Sirius would tell him something, anything, to calm his own beating heart. Remus couldn't be dead, could he? Transformations were never usually that bad for him, and Sirius always knew what to do for the rough ones, didn't he?

'Sirius, please!'

'FUCK HIM!' Sirius suddenly burst out, startling James back. 'FUCK HIM AND HIS STUPID VOLDEMORT! HE KILLED MY BROTHER! HE KILLED MY BROTHER AND I COULDN'T KILL HIM! FUCK THAT BLOODY TRAITOR!' Sirius panted, his chest heaving and eyes wild. His face was twisted in a pained expression, his skin turning from pale to a very sickly, unhealthy colour.

James looked at him, shocked speechless and cautiously crawling towards him. 'Sirius?'

Sirius looked at James, smiled and shrugged. 'He's gone,' he said casually, before retching all over the floor and James's shoes.

XxxxX

The bell rang for a second time and Nash quickened her steps, grumbling about how Del always made guests do all the work around the house. 'Hold on, I'm coming, you bastard!'

She didn't understand why she had to answer the door; it wasn't as if it was her house though Delilah Lupin would say so otherwise. She spent so much time in the Lupin cottage that she was one short step away from actually living there. It wasn't really her fault; she was lonely half the time and got through more boyfriends than she probably did underwear. It was only logical to spend time watching movies and chatting away into the night with another desolate soul. Besides, Delilah seemed to be deteriorating through loneliness and Natasha tried to make it a point to take care of her as often as possible.

'Nash, who is it?' Del called out from the living room, where she was busy surfing all two hundred of her useless channels.

Nash opened the door cheerfully only to find her face fall at the sight of her only nephew standing in front of her with a rather large trunk supported behind him. His presence was disconcerting to her for many reasons; to start with, neither of them had seen him for nearly a year after Del and his quarrel.

Remus looked terrible: his pupils rimmed red, dark shadows under his eyes, and cheeks sunken in even though he looked otherwise well fed and healthy. He was trembling violently underneath his heavy coat and jumper, his knees looking weak enough to give away. A second later, she realised that he was leaning heavily against the doorframe for support.

'I didn't know where else to go,' Remus whispered, his voice sounding hoarse and scratchy as if he'd been screaming for too long.

Nash, still gobsmacked by his sudden appearance, could only move aside to let him in.

Remus looked at her for a moment as if hesitating and unsure of himself. He only stepped in when Nash nodded and muttered a soft 'come in, love'. The trunk handle slipped out of his grasp and fell to the floor with a loud 'thud' as Remus dragged it in inside; yet, her nephew seemed not to have noticed. He continued to walk as if in a trance, hand still clutching the air which his trunk had occupied only moments ago. He didn't seem to be in the right state of mind, and Nash worried over what could have happened.

She quickly locked the door, reactivating any security spells that Remus may have disabled, before she levitated Remus's trunk into the living room. She found Remus standing by the couch Del was sitting upon, both staring at each other with expressions of shock (in case of Del) and sheer misery.

'I'll go first thing tomorrow morning, I promise,' Remus said with a weak voice, and Nash assumed that he and his mother had been talking before she'd come in. 'You'll never know I was here.'

Nash felt her heart break into a million pieces and she looked at Del to find her mirroring the sentiment. Del beckoned Remus with her hand, grasping his wrist and pulling him to her when he didn't respond. Delilah swallowed for a moment as if trying to gather her words.

'Baby, what happened?' Del asked shakily, smoothing his hair out of his face, 'Remus, what's wrong?'

Remus shook his head, his entire body now trembling within his mother's arms. 'I'm fine,' he said, the crack in his voice betraying his statement.

Del looked at Nash pleadingly and almost out of instinct, Nash summoned a blanket from upstairs. She sat down on the other side of Remus, helping Del unbutton his grime covered coat and take off his shoes and socks. The whole time, Remus sat on the sofa completely impassive and oblivious to what was happening around him.

'You're staying here, Remus,' Nash said sternly as she wrapped the blanket tightly around him. 'Don't you dare run away in the morning, am I understood?'

Remus swayed and for a moment, Nash was sure he was going to fall, but he simply laid his head in his mother's lap, his face buried deep within the warm cloth of her dressing gown. Nash thought she heard Remus whimper something but confined it to her imaginations, widening the sofa to fit in his long legs instead.

Nash and Del exchanged worried looks.

Del had started petting Remus's hair softly in an attempt to soothe him while Nash searched for any visible signs of injury. She knew she wouldn't find any; Remus's didn't look physically wounded, but it was a small hope.

'Baby,' Del whispered, affectionately kissing Remus's hair. 'Remus, please tell me what's wrong? What happened to you?' Her tone bordered on frantic when Remus shuddered against her and both women knew that he was barely suppressing tears. 'Remus, did anyone hurt you?'

Remus broke.

Soft sobs pressed into his mother's stomach, hands loosely gripping the cloth of her gown. He made no visible sounds, didn't turn to show his face, hardly moved beyond the gentle shake of his shoulders. A casual observer would notice nothing different about Remus, but for the women who had literally nurtured him and watched him grow, it was a heart wrenching sight. Especially because they knew that Remus didn't want to cry; that he wouldn't have if Del hadn't pushed the subject too much; that they could hear soft, needing calls of 'mum' in between barely audible sobs.

Nash turned away, unable to look at him anymore.

XxxxX

Sirius rocked Harry gently, trying to soothe the crying fit he'd suddenly taken up. He tried singing, but realised it would only make things worse because he wasn't really that much of a singer. It was Rem-

'Shh, Harry,' Sirius whispered, patting his Godson on the back as he walked back and forth. 'Don't cry, lad, come on.' His own throat was closing up again as Harry's cries began to weaken and his little body began to slump tiredly into his Godfather's. Sirius took a deep breath, willing himself to get a grip and take care of what was important now.

'I owled Remus this morning.'

Sirius didn't notice Lily come into the room, and his grip tightened instinctively on Harry. He relaxed when she sat quietly on the sofa and placed the tray of tea and biscuits she'd been holding on the table.

'Aren't you going to ask if he replied?'

Sirius couldn't meet Lily's eyes, so he focused on keeping Harry asleep instead. 'No.'

Lily didn't seem to think Sirius's opinion was important and sipped her tea like she hadn't even heard him 'He didn't, but his mother wrote back. He showed up at the cottage around midnight.'

Sirius gritted his teeth angrily, ignoring the clenching feeling in his guts in favour of the familiar, consuming feeling of anger that was slowly surfacing within him again. 'I don't care.'

Lily looked at him with calm, cool green eyes. 'She doesn't know what happened. Remus hasn't told her yet. In fact, he hasn't woken up since the last fourteen hours.'

Sirius closed his eyes, resting his cheek against Harry's head for a minute. The child had fallen asleep in his arms and in a last minute attempt to control his anger in front of his Godson, Sirius made to walk out of the room.

'I want you to go there and apologise right now, Sirius.'

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, taking deep calming breaths to quell his boiling fury. 'Regulus is dead,' he said calmly, turning towards Lily. 'Did James tell you that when he brought me here yesterday? My brother's dead.'

'And you think Remus did it, do you?' Lily challenged, getting up. 'I didn't want to believe James when he told me, but it's true, isn't it? You actually think Remus is the traitor. Sirius, how could you?'

Sirius laughed bitterly. 'I don't think, Lily, I know he's the traitor. There's enough proof against him, but I never thought he'd come this-' Sirius let the sentence hang, seeing no point in completing it and simply walking out of the living room.

Lily followed him. 'Proof? The only proof you're seeing, Sirius, is the fact that he's a werewolf.'

'How many werewolves do you see that are on our side, Lily?' Sirius asked angrily. 'How many? There are limits to anomalies.'

'Listen to you,' Lily cried, grabbing him by the shoulders. 'You sound like someone else. These words aren't even yours, I can tell!'

They weren't. They were Peter's, but they were true and Sirius had been given enough information about Remus to know that now.

'James doesn't believe you, you know, he never did even the first time you told him,' Lily continued when Sirius dislodged her grip and started walking up the stairs. 'He doesn't think Remus is the spy.'

'James loves Remus like family,' Sirius replied coldly, 'he always has, and sometimes, it's hard to accept the faults of your own blood.'

'What about you, Sirius, don't you love him?'

Sirius's jaw quivered from suppressed emotion. Hot tears were prickling at the back of his eyes now, but he pushed them away, blinding himself by looking sideways at Harry's black hair instead. 'No,' he whispered, stepping into Harry's room.

XxxxX

There was a knock on the door and Nash poked her head through the door. 'Has he woken up yet?'

Del shook her head, glancing back at her son sleeping peacefully in his old bed. He'd cried himself to sleep last night, head still rested on Del's lap, until Nash had insisted they levitate him back to a comfortable bed. He hadn't woken up since, and Del found herself checking up on him a little too often to make sure he was still breathing.

Natasha bit her lip, walking to Remus's bedside. 'Are you sure he's alright?'

Delilah smiled kindly. 'He's fine. Small fever, nothing fatal, I promise you. He's just sleeping off his exhaustion. You go ahead.'

Nash stroked Remus's brown hair softly, eyes brimming with concern. 'I don't want to. I can take time off work, stay here for another day.'

'I'll call you if you're needed,' Del assured. 'Theodore will have a fit if you miss a work day. That man is unnaturally obsessive about you.'

Nash laughed weakly. 'The old Lupin charm, I suppose. Just…just let me know when he wakes up, okay? I'll stop by this weekend for a visit.'

Del nodded, watching her sister in law walk out of the room before turning towards her son. She ran her fingers through his hair, lank and damp from when his fever had broken. His eyelids fluttered at her touch, face scrunching up in displeasure before turning his whole body towards her.

He should be eating something, she knew. The full moon had been only a day ago and he needed to keep his energy levels up. Still, she couldn't bring herself to wake him up from his deep slumber; he looked too worn, too tired, too much in need of sleep.

'Mum?' Del looked down at Remus in surprise, finding him looking up at her with his lovely amber eyes and mournful smile. 'You don't look too well.'

Del laughed, tucking his hair behind his ear. 'Neither do you.' Remus blinked sleepily, and Del noticed that he was purposefully avoiding her eyes. 'Baby, I'm not upset with you for what happened, I swear.'

Remus bit his lip, reaching out for her hand and encasing it between hers. 'I don't want you to think that I've come here only when I found it convenient to. I've thought about it a lot, all the time, mum, but-'

'I understand,' Del replied softly. 'You don't have to justify yourself to me, love. I still don't like it, but it's what you chose to do and what your father would have done.'

Remus swallowed, nodding. He closed his eyes again, feigning sleepiness, and settled back into his pillow.

'I talked to Lily,' Del said, breaking the silence and making Remus's breath hitch. 'She told me what happened, or the little she knew of it anyway.'

Remus nodded, eyes still closed. 'It's nothing.'

Del raised an eyebrow. 'It's nothing,' she repeated, finding very hard to believe him after he'd spent the night crying himself to sleep.

Remus shrugged. 'Things weren't working out between us. It was going to happen sooner than later. I was expecting it.'

He was lying, Del could tell. He was lying to himself and her. Remus was too attached to Sirius to ever dream of separating. He might not have been lying about things falling apart between them, but he had definitely not expected Sirius to let go of him that easily. She'd seen them together and mostly, she'd seen Remus when they were together.

Normally, with her patients, Del would have advised talking it out but this was her son. This was her son and not someone to treat, but someone to heal. She embraced him slowly, hesitantly, knowing he didn't want to be held but following her maternal instincts regardless. Remus was stiff in her arms, uncomfortable with how vulnerable he was so she held him tighter.

Del kissed his forehead as he pulled away. 'Come down, sweetheart, I'll make you some tea.'

XxxxX

'There will be no New Year celebrations for the Order this year,' Moody growled, pacing back and forth. His wooden leg clunked noisily against the marble floor. 'We'll receive our respective missions shortly from Dumbledore and we need to carry them out with absolute, bloody perfection.'

'I've never seen Moody this serious,' James whispered to Lily, before snapping back to attention when Mad-Eye banged his fist against the table.

'There are muggles loose all over the city, celebrating and partying, completely oblivious and a perfect target for Voldemort and his Death Eaters.'

James looked at Sirius, then at Remus, both sitting on completely opposite sides. Neither of them had looked at each other since the beginning of the Order meeting and the tension between them was thick enough to slice with a knife. James didn't understand why Sirius was being so irrational and adamant about Remus being a Death Eater.

Remus, as Lily had once said, oozed goodness and innocence, but most people failed to see it. Unfortunately, James knew Sirius wasn't the only one who thought of Remus this way; there was Peter of course, who had initiated the very idea into Sirius's mind, and a couple of other Order members like McKinnon. Only because he was different; it was so unfair.

'We will all be separating into groups and spreading out across the city. Dumbledore and I have shortlisted any plausible areas that might be a hotspot for these muggles. You'll be assigned a location later tonight. Till then, every member of the Order is to remain here. You cannot so much as go upstairs to use the loo, am I clear?'

Remus didn't look too bad, considering what had happened. He definitely didn't look as broken as Sirius, with dark rings of anger and resentment in his eyes, a constant frown on his face, and an overall unkempt appearance. He definitely didn't look distraught enough to have collapsed into his own sick or spent the rest of the night with an oath of silence like Sirius had. Then again, everyone had their way of coping, and while Remus had always been good at hiding himself, Sirius tended to be more dramatic and less in control.

'I can't stay here!' Peter whispered more to himself than anyone else, but both James and Lily caught it nonetheless. Peter saw Lily frowning at him and smiled weakly. 'Patricia's waiting for me at the restaurant,' Peter explained, 'we were supposed to have dinner together.'

Lily nodded sympathetically, but James thought Peter was being a royal coward. He shifted his attention back to his best friends and realised that he wasn't the only one staring at the two of them. Lily, Elphias and Peter were all looking at them just as intently; Lily with eyes full of sympathy, Peter with something akin to guilt, and Elphias simply looked thoughtful.

'Each group should contain no less than three people. Choose carefully and according to all your strengths and weaknesses. Stick together throughout the process. I do not want anyone getting hurt tonight.'

'I'm choosing Remus,' Lily said immediately to the three of them, once Moody had finished his speech. 'He's the best dueler I know, and I'd feel safest with him.' She had a challenging tone to her voice, and James noticed that she'd reached out to hold Remus's hand between her own.

James looked at Sirius, who was glaring at Lily furiously. The two of them had been in a spat since Sirius had broken up with Remus; neither of them seemed to want to step down.

Remus looked between them nervously. 'Lily, you don't have to do this. I don't need-'

'I choose Remus, too,' James interrupted, moving to Remus's side. Sirius looked murderous, but James didn't waver. 'Because the Marauders always come first, no matter what happens.'

Sirius's jaw quivered with anger and betrayal. He looked towards Peter, who seemed to be more worried with other things and not paying attention. 'Fine,' he spat, 'but I'm on patrol. I can't trust either of you to not get us killed.'

It took another hour of waiting until each group was finally assigned their missions. Theirs was the largest group, consisting of James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and a very reluctant Peter who had, for some reason, desperately wanted to be on Dorcas Meadows team, but had been dragged back by James's persistence and Lily's stern glare.

'Prongs,' Remus whispered once they were walking to safer apparition grounds. 'I don't think I should be here. Sirius doesn't want me here.'

'Tough,' James growled, 'because I do, and he has to learn that. We were mates first, Moony, and I'm not letting some ridiculous lover's spat between you and Sirius ruin our friendship.'

Remus clutched at James's arm tightly. 'Prongs, it's not working. Look, I don't know what I've done, but Sirius hates me.'

James sighed. 'He doesn't hate you, Moony. He's just…' Being a git. 'Look, why don't you just talk to him, yeah? Tell him that friends always come first.' He pushed Remus forwards where Sirius was walking alone. 'Go.'

Remus looked back at James one last time before catching up with Sirius. James sped up slightly, making sure he was close enough to overhear their conversation. Lily, who had been walking a few steps behind him with Peter, looked at him questioningly. James just shook his head, signaling them to be quiet.

'Look, Sirius,' Remus started and James saw Sirius's head turn ever so slightly to acknowledge him. 'I know you don't think much of me right now, and we're not-' Remus swallowed. 'I just…I still think of you as my best mate.'

Remus looked down at his feet and for a long time, Sirius said nothing. He simply stared at Remus as they walked, and James could practically see the wheels in his head turning; wondering whether this was some kind of trick or if Remus meant it. Wondering if he'd been wrong this whole time, and Remus had never been the spy; wondering if he still loved Remus as much even after everything. James knew Sirius too well.

Sirius smiled after a while, and James got an odd feeling about that smile. It was trying to hide something he couldn't read and it made him incredibly uneasy. 'Prongs was right,' he said quietly, making Remus look up at him with wide hopeful eyes. 'Marauders always come first.'

The five of them apparated; and when Remus nearly fell over from Peter appearing too close to him, Sirius was the first one to catch him. Later, Peter had spluttered apologies again and again, nervous as ever. Sirius had retracted his hand from Remus's as if burnt and muttered a, 'be more careful' before looking away.

Still, as James and Lily looked at each other, they shared a flicker of hope.

XxxxX

Before you guys kill me, let me remind you that there will be a happy ending! I promise, and it won't be after twelve long years either. It'll be soon. Really! Anyway, I wanted to post this around New Year's, but figured it was a bit depressing and didn't want to start the year with such a horrid note. So, I put it up earlier. Anyway, thanks to all of you who were wonderful enough to review. I hope I haven't missed replying to any of you, because the holidays were hectic. And to those, who didn't have a reply address:

Katefish: Thank you! I hope you liked this chapter just as much. I'm trying to make things a little different from what most authors follow and your review just really got me hyped. Purple Uranium: Lily's birth was a blast to write. She's such a quirky and energetic character that most of the time, I just try to have fun with her. Actually, I did mention Peter in the beginning of the scene. He was the one trying to take the picture, but I didn't give him any dialogues after that because…ahem…I forgot he was there. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! tamachan444: Thank you! I hope you liked this one just as much. Keep reviewing! Melannen Halfelven: Lol, yeah, that's my favourite line too. I wanted to put more crude things in, but thought I should give little Harry a break. A Person: Thank you! I know this chapter's a little depressing, but it was needed. Hope you still liked it and didn't have to wait too long.