He didn't hate me, well that was good. I was so embarrassed right then I could have won a ketchup bottle look-a-like contest, no problem.

Kevin was so close to me, and I was so scared, the awkwardness was drifting away but I was still scared, scared of rejection…even if he said not to be worried…I guess I just felt like I'd sinned…not like falling in love with your brother wasn't a sin already.

No.

If it were a sin, then god wouldn't have given us these feelings. That is something I never would have believed a couple years ago…heck, I wouldn't have probably agreed with it 6 months ago…but right now…it wasn't something I would agree with…it isn't something I consider a sin. We were made to love, to feel…and that's what I am doing…loving.

I stared into those beautiful eyes of my older brother like they were the most precious things in the world and I was the lucky winner to view them up close. He thought I was beautiful, and that made me blush.

"Thanks." I smiled. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest again and I could swear Kevin heard it, cause he looked at my upper chest as if trying to listen.

"You make my heart do that…" I whispered, taking his hand and putting it up to my heart. "It beats for you." I knew that sounded corny but I didn't care, I loved Kevin, and it was true, my heart only beats like that for him.

"I…"

I looked up into his eyes again, and found his eyes well up with tears. CRAP. I grasped his hand and caressed his hair with my other.

"Kevin…?"

"I feel it."

He felt what…my heart? Why would that make him cry? I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. Only he could make my heart thump so loudly…

"I can feel it beating." He said softly. I didn't know if he thought me corny, or stupid, but right now it didn't come off that way so I decided maybe it wasn't.

"I love you Paul Kevin Jonas the II…" I whispered, chuckling as he lightly hit my arm. He hated his full name, but I thought it was a nice name; Even if "Paul" didn't fit him. Kevin…now that was a beautiful name, that fit him.

"You positive…this is what you want?" I asked finally biting my lower lip. It was all I could do not to start crying as well, my hand grasping his firmly.

"Nick… you are what I want…okay?" he kissed my hand.

"Okay." I nodded. I was scared of getting my heart ripped out, and in the same way, I was scared of ripping Kevin's heart out…I didn't wanna hurt him…or be hurt. I just wanted to be with him and not let us get torn apart.

"We're on Ellen tomorrow." Well, that was random; two points for Kevin.

"Yeah, I know." I smiled at him.

"Seems like it was only about two years ago we were on the show."

I only laughed. "

"What?"

"It was, two years ago."

"Oh." Oh, well that was a nice word…sheesh.

It seemed Kevin has started conversations when he was trying to loosen the mood. But I didn't want to talk about tomorrows show…I wanted to get this feeling out of my stomach, I felt nauseous. Maybe …it was because Kevin was so close to me right now…

"Kevin."

"Yeah?"

"C-can I…" I stopped…my breath hitched in my throat, how could I ask to touch him…this was new to me…and I felt like such a loser for being so scared and naïve to ask…screw it…if I can't say it, I'll…

I slid my hand slowly from its position in his hair and his hand and moved them slowly under Kevin's shirt; oh…his skin was so soft. I looked into his eyes, and bite my lip.