March, 1981…

Remus was sitting on the edge of the windowsill as Elphias entered his room without knocking. When Elphias wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and his chin settled on Remus's shoulder, he felt his eyes roll in exasperation, but said nothing because he was too used to Elphias's insistent touches by now to really care. It was in Elphias's nature to touch people he liked and flirt with them every chance he got; it didn't mean anything and was sufficiently harmless.

'You shoudn' be sittin' next to the cold,' Elphias said, leaning his head against the side of Remus's and making Remus's sneeze when blond curls tickled his nose. 'You'll catch your death, and then wha' would I do?'

Remus laughed, wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve. 'You would use my death as an excuse to look distraught and sleep with our neighbour.'

Elphias hummed as if actually considering it. 'Your mum told me you 'ad a fever,' he said conversationally, 'is it 'cause of the transformation?'

Remus knocked their heads together. 'Is that the first thing mum told you when you came back from work? She let you eat before that, didn't she?'

Elphias psh-ed and waved it off. 'I like hearin' stuff 'bout you. Yesterday, your mum showed me your little sprog-day pictures. Damn cute you was, too,' he punctuated this with a pull to Remus's cheeks. 'Merlin,' he muttered, putting a hand to Remus's forehead. 'You're hot, an' not in a good way. Mrs. Lupin wasn' jokin'.'

Remus swatted his hands away. 'I'm fine. This is just mum's way of stopping me going for my mission next week. Ignore it.'

'Hard to when you're on fire,' Elphias giggled at his own joke. He tightened his hands on Remus's waist and pulled slightly as if actually attempting to carry Remus off the ledge. 'Maybe you shouldn' go,' he said, giving Remus another experimental pull and a disappointed huff when the werewolf didn't even budge. 'Mrs. Lupin likes it when you're 'ome and you told me this mission is really dangerous.'

Remus shrugged. 'Look, about that. Elphias, I'm going to be leaving some money with you. There should be enough to cover for everything for around two months, but ask mum for the Gringotts key if you need any more, alright?'

Elphias's eyes widened and his hands fell away from Remus's waist. 'Remy, don' trust me wit' money. I-I won't know wha' to do wit' it and if I-'

Remus pretended not to have heard Elphias's protests and continued talking, 'If you have any trouble with mum, just ask help from Mrs. Pitts next door.'

'But she doesn' even like me!' Elphias whined, getting over his anxiety a little and leaning back into Remus. 'She calls me 'runt' and 'camp and 'slag' an' all those 'orrible names.' He buried his face into Remus's neck, snuffling gently. 'It 'urts.'

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed Elphias's face away. 'You are under no circumstances to contact me. It's too dangerous and I need to keep my identity a secret throughout this trip. I'll floo once in a while if I can, but it'll be rare since I'll be using Muggle methods to get there. No writing letters either.'

'Can't write,' Elphias replied, looking a little disgruntled. 'Was too stupid to learn, so me dad gave up 'alfway through. Dirty ol' tosser.'

Remus patted him on the back distractedly, focusing more on the mental checklist he'd made of things Elphias had to take care of. Finding everything taken care of, he sighed, and looked Elphias in the eyes. 'Look, Elf, I really appreciate you doing this. I wouldn't know who else to turn to if it weren't for you. I mean, everyone's busy with their own lives, and I know you probably have a lot of other things to do, so…thank you.'

Elphias beamed. 'Anythin' for you, Remy, you know that.'

'That doesn't mean you have free reign to grope me, Elf,' Remus deadpanned, glancing at Elphias's roaming hands pointedly.

'I can't 'elp it…you're so fit!' Elphias replied, his hands giving Remus's behind a squeeze before coming back to safer areas under Remus's glare. 'I'll miss you most when I go 'ome to Stepney.'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'I didn't know you were planning to go back?'

Elphias shrugged. 'Once the war's over, you know,' he explained, 'got no place in London and I miss the matches and me ol' friends. No place like me 'ome, I believe. Maybe you and Mrs. Lupin could come wit' me….'

Remus shook his head and smiled. 'I appreciate the offer, but mum wouldn't budge from this place for a bag full of galleons, and I….' He shrugged.

'You'd miss Mr. Black,' Elphias said sadly, 'an' the Potters and the other one, I understand.' This time when Elphias pulled on his waist, Remus relented and swung his legs inside. 'Come on then, love, let's go see wha' your dear ol' mum's doin', shall we? Maybe I can talk her into introducin' me to Mrs. Pitts son.' He grinned slyly. 'Imagine her face if I shagged him, eh?'

Remus laughed, shaking his head at Elphias's antics and ruffling his blond hair. Honestly, he wouldn't know how deep in he would have sunk if the young boy hadn't been there to keep him constantly busy with one thing or another. It felt good to have another presence to help him around. It wasn't Sirius, but it was company nonetheless, and it helped lessen the pain sometimes when memories of Sirius got too strong and hard to bear.

XxxxX

They were staring. They were all staring, Remus could feel it; stares of pity, of resentment, of disgust. He didn't know when things started turning around in the Order; didn't even know if it was his growing paranoia, but people seemed to be looking at him more often. It was as if he was part of a discussion in the Order and everyone was in on it except himself.

Remus wasn't stupid. He knew why they stared. He knew that Dorcas Meadows had never quite trusted him ever since she found out he was a werewolf and the growing rumours about spies and traitors were making her point fingers towards him. He also knew she wasn't the only one.

Remus knew why Frank and sometimes Lily looked at him in pity. They saw the new scars littering his skin; scars that had never been there when Remus had the Marauders or his father to care for him after transformations. Scars that came from missions Remus refused to talk about because it was dangerous to do so and because it reminded him of his repeated failures. He felt weak under their gazes a lot of the time, felt dependant and crippled. The scars didn't hurt anymore, not as much sympathy did.

What Remus couldn't figure out was the vacant stares that Sirius gave him. They were devoid of meaning, of any emotion whatsoever. Sirius simply looked at him with grey eyes that once spoke volumes to Remus and now only gave him cryptic runes and symbols. It wasn't once or twice that Remus caught Sirius staring at him; it was all the time and Sirius never seemed to look away, not even when their eyes met.

Sometimes, and those were the times he treasured the most, when their eyes would catch, Sirius's eyes would flicker with unspoken emotion and Remus would feel that jolt in his heart which he'd learned to associate with Sirius ever since first year. The feeling would be momentary and painful at the most, but it was a good kind of pain because it told Remus that Sirius still thought about him, that Sirius still cared, no matter how much he pretended not to. Remus might not have been able to explain their unusual bond, but he knew what it meant.

It was that time now; when they were connected, eye to eye, soul to soul, and neither of them was looking away. Remus didn't care if people were staring, if they somehow figured out about his previous relationship with Sirius. He didn't care if Dumbledore was talking about something life threateningly important because there was nothing more important to him right then than to keep up that dizzying beating of his heart.

Lily would have scolded him if she knew; she would have told him off for being so obsessed, for wanting and loving Sirius so much that he didn't even flinch as it consumed and ate him whole. But Lily didn't know about it now, and Sirius did. Remus could tell he did by the way Sirius's breathing grew shallow and his fingers repeatedly brushed over his chest, across his heart. It was the strongest this feeling had been in a long time and until today, Remus had been sure the connection had almost diminished to nothing. Until today…

'REMY!'

The contact broke as Remus was quite physically jerked out of his thoughts. He felt a moment of loss and then fury at the hand that was now shaking his shoulder almost violently. Sirius's eyes weren't blank again, but angry as they looked past Remus's shoulder and behind him.

Remus followed his line of sight to meet concerned green eyes peering at him. 'Elphias?'

'You 'kay, love?' Elphias asked, moving closer to Remus's face. Remus felt that jolt again, only this time it was more painful that pleasurable, as if being tugged at by an invisible silver leash. 'Only, the Potters haf been callin' you for ages.'

Remus, still feeling a little dazed and confused, turned to his right where James, Lily, and Peter were looking at him with an equal amount of concern and worry. He blinked when Peter's hand came to rest on his shoulder.

'Moony?'

'I need to-' Remus's voice, when it finally came out sounded scratchy and unused, 'I need to talk to Sirius…I need to-'

'Remus…'

Remus stood up shakily. 'Now. I need…now.' Sirius must have heard him, it was hard not to since they were all sitting so close. Sirius had heard him and was coming this way to talk to him, Remus knew. But for some reason he was being steered away by warm, pudgy, hands and a voice that stuttered and squeaked too much.

The same thing was happening with Sirius, only he was being pulled away by James and if Remus could read expression right, Sirius was being scolded through gritted teeth by a seething James. Remus wondered if they were causing a scene, if people were looking at them oddly, but couldn't bring himself to look away from Sirius's adamant face, screwed up in anger and defiance. Vaguely, he could hear Elphias's confused questions and Lily's patient explanations. Perhaps there was a bit of background gossip as well, but Remus couldn't quite focus yet.

'Moony, you n-need to stop t-this,' Peter said, helping him into a seat in the corner. Remus looked up at him and then for the first time, around him. The Order meeting must have ended because only Dumbledore, Hagrid, and the Longbottoms seemed to have remained. They all seemed to be confused, but trying to look politely oblivious to what was happening between the Marauders.

'I only wanted to-'

'No,' Peter interrupted, clutching Remus's shoulder. 'N-No, Moony, you need t-to get a hold on y-yourself.'

'But I-'

'Y-You're making a s-scene,' Peter whispered slowly, forcing Remus to sit still. 'I-I don't know what's h-happening, Moony, but you really n-need to take c-care of yourself more.'

Remus looked at Peter desperately, willing him to understand that the connection between him and Sirius still lived, that there was still love, that Remus would ask forgiveness for his mistakes and Sirius would take him back. It was that simple.

The message didn't seem to get through to Peter. 'Remus, M-Moony, have you talked to S-Sirius before…a-about why he…the two of y-you…?'

Remus shook his head, trying to catch a glimpse of Sirius through Peter's restricting body mass. 'I said I was sorry. If I say it again…maybe he will-'

'He won't,' Peter insisted so firmly that Remus almost believed it. 'Remus, he won't. He d-doesn't want to talk to y-you, Remus, he told me so h-himself.'

Remus didn't believe it. Sirius had come to his house; they had been friends ever since their break up, but Remus had felt something more today. 'He will.'

'Remus, h-he doesn't love you a-anymore. Please, you need to s-stop this before you d-drive yourself m-mental.' Peter kneeled down in front of him so that they were at eye level. 'Y-You're going to a m-mission in a week, aren't y-you?'

Remus blinked. 'How do you-'

'I-I k-know,' Peter confirmed, his voice sounding oddly weak. 'Go, c-clear your head and f-forget Sirius for awhile.'

Forget? Forget Sirius? Was Peter joking? Was he being mocked so openly?

'D-Don't tell him about it, don't tell P-Prongs or Lily either. They're in a hassle a-as it is and Sirius isn't…' Peter hesitated, watery eyes searching Remus's face for something. It looked like his friend was about to say something, something scandalising, but decided against it. Maybe he thought Remus wouldn't listen to him or wouldn't understand. 'Go away for awhile, R-Remus. Y-You both need a b-break to get over things.'

Remus looked down at his feet, swaying dizzily in his chair. He didn't really want to take a break; just wanted to talk to Sirius a little. Not as friends, not the way they'd been talking; cautious and careful and all fake cheeriness in a pathetic attempt to restore their friendship. He wanted to talk for real, about the connection and how Remus was sorry, always so sorry that sometimes he couldn't sleep at night wondering where he had gone wrong. But then, Peter had talked to Sirius and Sirius had wanted Remus to leave him alone. So maybe their bond wasn't as strong as it ought to be; maybe Peter was right and they needed to give it some time before tackling the problem.

Peter was still talking; Remus realised but found it hard to focus on him. Sirius was gone now, but Elphias was striding determinedly towards him. 'Remus, do you trust Sirius?' Peter asked him, and Remus had to turn in surprise at the question. It seemed odd and out of sorts. Why would Peter-

Elphias tugged Remus forcefully by the hand. 'Remy, we need to take you 'ome,' he said anxiously. 'You're ill an' you don' need to be listenin' to no more o' this talk.'

Remus looked up at Elphias, taking in his young, cherubic face and wondering why he sounded so concerned or why he was holding Remus so protectively. It was an odd thing to do because Remus didn't think he was very weak or in need of support of any kind.

'I 'preciate it, Mr. Pettigrew,' Elphias continued, 'if you kept your words to yourself. They're righ' dodgy and they're upsettin' Remy. Ta.'

Peter seemed speechless as Elphias lead Remus out of Headquarters. Lily and James didn't seem to protest and vaguely, Remus could also feel Sirius's angry stares at the back of his head. This time, there were no jolts.

XxxxX

James tossed the house keys to Sirius, letting him open the door as James struggled with baby Harry bouncing enthusiastically on his shoulders. 'Quickly, Padfoot, I'm not sure how long my back can take this sort of torture.'

Sirius chuckled. 'Already turning into an old man, are you, Prongs? You barely had the sprog for three hours and you're exhausted.'

'I would have had him for even lesser if you could keep him quiet during practice,' James grouched. 'Honestly, it's supposed to be a learning experience for Harry, not an opportunity for you to scare the wits out of him.'

'I was just playing with him!' Sirius defended, walking into the house.

James snorted as he put Harry on the floor to do as he pleased. He flopped down on the couch beside Sirius, summoning the footstool to rest his aching feet on. 'Good practice though, wasn't it?'

Sirius hummed, fidgeting to get more comfortable. Taking care of a child was a full time job, one which Sirius voluntarily gave up his weekend for because he couldn't get over how much he loved spending time with Harry. Maybe it was a way of losing himself into simpler, less complicated things, but no matter how exhausting it was, it made him feel complacent.

Sirius was about to close his eyes for a short nap when he noticed something very familiar hung neatly on the wall. It wouldn't have caught his eyes normally, but among Lily's tasteful and expensive decorations, the plastic frame looked cheap and out of place. Sirius frowned; summoning the photo frame from the wall and staring at it a long while before letting his anger speak for him.

'What the bloody hell is this doing here?'

James, who had been silently watching Sirius the whole time, smiled smugly. 'Lily found it in your apartment last time, liked it, and duly brought it home. Why do you ask?'

It was a picture of him and Remus, the one Sirius had brought back from Mr. Lupin's office after his death; where Sirius was sleeping on Remus's shoulder contently while Remus played with his hair and grinned at the camera as if he'd never been happier. It had lived on their bedside table for almost two years before Sirius decided it no longer belonged there. 'This was in my trash!' Sirius seethed.

James cocked an eyebrow. 'Really?' he asked, as if the information was completely new to him. 'Shame. It's become one of Lily's favourite pictures.'

'She had no right,' Sirius growled, clutching the picture frame hard enough to break, 'she had no right to take it from me like that!'

James shrugged. 'Why not? You threw it away, so it was never yours to start with.'

Sirius breathed heavily, anger and rage making his throat close and restricting his ability to talk. He couldn't believe that woman! The nerve of her to just…to just…take what was his, to insult him this way.

'What are you trying to prove doing this, Padfoot?' James asked, tilting his head in that same infuriatingly condescending manner. 'Did you think that by throwing away Remus's pictures you would stop loving him? That things would be all better again?'

Sirius moved away, the picture falling out of his hands and making James laugh derisively.

'Look at you, Padfoot, you still wear that collar Remus gave you every single, fucking day of your life. You come here every free minute of the day so that you don't have to think about him not being at the house. You even sleep here on most days! Who are you trying to fool, Sirius?' James asked, picking the picture up and forcing it into Sirius's hands again. 'Us? Yourself? Because it's not working…'

Sirius trembled under James's words, his eyes darting back and forth to look anywhere but at the picture of him and Remus together. Finally, after a long time in which James's patience was stretched to the limit, Sirius looked down at Remus's face, still smiling, still oblivious. 'He used to be so beautiful,' Sirius whispered, running a thumb over Remus's face, wondering what it would feel like if glass was replaced by skin.

'He still is,' James replied, and by the look on his face, Sirius could tell that James was both earnest and embarrassed by his statement. 'Padfoot, why can't you see that he still cares for you?'

Sirius closed his eyes, letting his head fall back on the cushions. 'I see it, Prongs, I know he still wants me and still loves me, but that's not enough. It's…complicated…you wouldn't understand.'

'Try me.'

'Do you know how difficult it is to live with a person who works against you, whose every word could be a lie, whose actions and moods you can never predict? Do you know how it feels to sleep beside a traitor, to make love to him not knowing who he's going to kill next?' Sirius glared at James, heatedly flinging the picture to the other end of the room.

The glass cracked, but the frame remained intact.

James didn't move, showed no outward signs of disapproval and it angered Sirius even more because it reminded him of Remus. Because that's exactly what Remus would do – stay calm until finally Sirius pushed too many buttons and blew Remus's equally short but well contained fuse.

'No, you wouldn't know,' Sirius continued darkly, 'because you and Lily are leading your perfect little lives with your white picket fence and your lovely little families. A nice little chapter to add to some floral fairytale, innit?' He banged the sofa's arm in frustration. 'Fuck you, James, fuck you. You and Lily have no right to tell me what to do.'

'Fuck!' Harry declared, distracted from his self immersed play time by Sirius's outburst. 'Fuck!' he said again, but none of the grownups took any notice because they were too busy being angry at each other.

'I have every right,' James snarled, hands clenching, 'every right when my friends are involved, you understand that? You might not have the most perfect of lives, Sirius, but that gives you no reason to mess with Remus. Don't think I haven't figured out what you're trying to do.'

Sirius crossed his arms challengingly. 'Humour me, go on. What is it that I'm trying to do?'

James launched himself upon Sirius, grabbing him by the shirt collar. Harry must have started screaming in fright at some point, but both James and Sirius were too far gone to notice. 'Stop playing with him!' James warned, his hold tightening. 'Stop pretending to be his friend as an excuse to spy on him. Stop using him. Remus isn't some sort of toy that you can just break and take and throw away whenever you want.'

Sirius snorted and pushed James away roughly. 'You care too much, Prongs. It's sickening.'

James would have hit him then, Sirius knew, but was only restraining himself for Harry's sake. Instead, he took a steely breath to calm himself, forcefully unclenching his fists and looking Sirius straight in the eyes. 'Just, do me a favour, okay, as a brother…' He picked Harry up and summoned the picture frame again, placing it in the space between them. 'Talk to him. No insults, no double motives; just really talk to him. You don't have to talk to him about Death Eaters, or Voldemort, or anything of that sort.'

Sirius frowned, looking from Harry who was slowly quieting down, to James who looked sincere and pleading.

'Talk to him; see if he's changed, if he's any different from the Remus we knew back in school.'

Sirius looked away. 'Fine,' he said quietly, not knowing if he meant it yet, but just wanting James to get off his back. 'Fine, I'll talk to him for you.'

James nodded in approval, pushing the picture into Sirius's hands one last time and forcing Sirius's fingers to close around it. 'Keep it. Until you're completely sure, keep it.'

Sirius stuffed it into his jacket, planting a kiss on Harry's forehead before turning to go back home. He didn't think he could stand anymore pushing from James or Lily, and decided that maybe he'd avoid coming for a while. He would wait for things to cool down a bit, for the topic of him and Remus to fall into a deeper corner before deciding to start visiting his godson again.

Sirius sighed, fingering the cool surface of the picture frame inside his jacket.

It was too dark to be out, everyone seemed to have realised that except the two of them. It seemed like they didn't have a care in the world, not while they lay sprawled on the grass, Remus on top of Sirius, and Sirius stroking Remus's hair lazily. The grass was wet and one or both of them were likely to catch a cold the next day, but neither seemed to be in a hurry to get home. It was uncharacteristically quiet for London, and the recently put curfew seemed to have scared even most of the night creatures away, leaving Remus and Sirius to be themselves after a long time.

They were content this way; so content that the fight they'd had only an hour ago seemed like a distant and irrelevant memory.

'I didn't mean it, Moony,' Sirius whispered slowly, burying his nose in Remus hair. 'You know that, don't you? I didn't mean a word I said.'

'I know,' Remus replied, the residue of anger and hurt in his voice fading away as Sirius kissed the top of his head affectionately. 'Me neither.'

'I don't mean to hurt you, Moony,' Sirius continued in between soft kisses to his face, 'never want to hurt you. You're all I have.'

Remus closed his eyes slowly under the feel of Sirius's fingers caressing him. 'Why do we fight then, Padfoot? Why are we always so angry?'

Sirius didn't seem to have an answer.

'Why is it that when we fight, all we think of is how to make each other bleed? Why can't we just stop?' Remus asked insistently, his fists clenching around the front of Sirius's T-shirt, pulling at it so that the leather collar that usually stayed hidden shone boldly in the streetlight.

Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, so close it felt like a desperate attempt to mold them together forever. 'We didn't always use to be like this, did we?'

'No, not always…'

Sirius looked up at the sky thoughtfully and then at Remus, his eyes still reflecting the light of the stars above. 'I still love you, Moony; no matter how much we change or fight. I still love you.'

XxxxX

Elphias smiled down at him toothily. 'Wha' can I get you today, Mr. Black?' he asked, obviously very amused to find someone he knew sitting in the café he worked in.

Sirius smiled back at him coolly. 'I was hoping to run into you, Elphias. How about you get me and you a couple of butterbeers, and we sit down to chat?'

'You'll have t' gimme a minute,' Elphias conceded, 'Gotta talk someone into doin' me part for a while.'

Sirius watched him walk to the counter and talk to one of the girls who worked there. Elphias had slept with her, Sirius could tell, because the girl seemed to use every possible moment to touch him one way or another, and giggled far too much. Sirius shook his head exasperatedly. He himself had never had to make an effort to flirt with girls, even back in school or before Remus; his aristocratic looks, cruel tounge, and bad boy attitude had been enough to drive the women wild. It still worked nowadays, when Sirius was too frustrated to go home or wanted to throw Remus off his mind with a quick, much needed fuck.

'Wha' brings you 'ere, sir?' Elphias asked, sliding into the seat opposite to Sirius and sending the bottle towards him.

'I was by the cottage,' Sirius explained, twisting the cap open, 'since its Remus's birthday and all. No one seemed to be home…'

Elphias nodded, taking a generous gulp of his drink. 'Remy's on a mission an' Mrs. Lupin must have been 'sleep.'

Sirius's eyebrows rose. Remus hadn't mentioned anything about a mission to either of them. When had he gone? What else did Elphias know about it? 'Well, when he comes back, give him this, won't you?' Sirius handed over the box of wrapped chocolates he'd bought for Remus; they were his favourite and though Sirius tried hard not to, he always remembered. 'Where's he gone off to anyways?'

Elphias shrugged. 'No idea. 'E hasn't told 'nyone.'

'Oh.' Sirius's mind was begging to ask more questions, to find out what was going on, to see if this was the clue he was looking for so desperately, but he knew better than to talk. Elphias wasn't always as stupid as he seemed, and Sirius had made a promise to James to stop trying to spy on Remus until he had properly talked to him.

'I'll let you know when 'e comes,' Elphias continued, peeling the tape at the corner of the gift. Sirius mused at how entirely tactless the boy and his curiosity was. 'You can visit. You don' do tha' much no more.'

Sirius sipped his drink cautiously. 'Well, I've been busy a bit…'

Elphias peeked through the little opening he'd made in the wrapping and smiled. 'Remy wishes you would come sometimes.'

'Oh?' Sirius asked, somewhat surprised. 'He told you that, did he?'

Elphias shook his head. 'No, sir. Remy doesn' need to tell me for me to know thin's.'

Sirius felt a sudden surge of anger shoot through him. Since when did Elphias read Remus's mind anyway? And why did he keep insisting on calling him 'Remy'? It was such an irritating pet name.

Sirius's expression must have showed some of his discontent because Elphias tilted his head questioningly. Fortunately or not, the boy was horrible at reading Sirius as a whole and took the expression as being an insecure one. 'Don' worry, Mr. Black,' he reassured for God only knew what. 'Remy'll love your gift. They're his favourite.'

Sirius had never thought about it before, but Elphias was really quite annoying. Really, really – nothing irked Sirius more that Elphias platinum blond curls and cheerful smile. In fact, Sirius didn't understand what the boy was doing in the Order in the first place – he might be a good dueler, but he was too stupid to comprehend anything that was going on around him. He wasn't that much of a protégé either.

'Tell me, Elphias,' Sirius asked in a low voice, 'does Remus tell you everything?'

'Remy has a lot of secrets,' Elphias replied sadly, 'and 'e feels 'e needs to keep 'em. Don' know why.'

Sirius scowled. 'And what about you, Elphias?' Sirius continued, knowing he was crossing the line, breaking his promise to James a little, but too angry to care as much. 'Do you tell Remus everything? Does he know how every day of your life goes, what you do, how you fight, your conversations with Dumbledore? Or do you keep secrets, too?' He was being very obvious, but who cared anymore. Who the fuck cared? 'Is that how your little deal works then? You do his chores, and he gives you a little pat on the head and makes you talk?'

Elphias frowned, his attention now fully on Sirius. 'Wit' all due respect, sir, I don' think you have a righ' to be jealous. You left Remy.'

'I'm not jealous,' Sirius replied through gritted teeth. 'They were simple questions, but I'm sure you wouldn't understand, not with that brain of yours.'

Elphias stood up, his chair scraping noisily against the floor from the force. 'I migh' not be a gentleman as you, Mr. Black, but tha' don't mean you can come 'ere and talk down to me. I can hex you righ' now, I can, but I won'.'

Sirius stood up as well, towering over Elphias's small form and looking down into his eyes fiercely. 'Is that a challenge, Elphias?'

Elphias, to his credit, did not waver the slightest. 'No, sir, it is a warnin', 'cause Remy wouldn' like me fightin' wit' you.'

Sirius glared, not willing to back down and surrender to a child three years younger than him. 'Remy's little pet now, are you?'

Elphias's green eyes darkened. 'Course,' he sneered, 'I have t' listen to wha' he says. We're lovers now, aren' we?'

Sirius's head exploded then and he had to grip the table hard to not punch Elphias right there. 'If you expect me to believe that, Elphias, you're even more idiotic than you seem.'

Elphias brought his face closer to Sirius's, so close that his breath fanned across Sirius's cheek, hot and dangerous from anger. 'We fuck, Mr. Black. I don' care if you believe it or not.' He glanced down at Sirius's whitening knuckles and smirked. 'An you know wha' else? It's bloody brilliant.'

Sirius punched him, right in the eye, and he would have done a lot more had not there been a commotion in the café and a flurry of hands restraining the both of them. In the end, Elphias got fired from his job and Sirius got banned from ever entering the café again. Not like he ever would, but it gave him a sick sort of satisfaction to replay the feel of the boy's flesh beneath his fists and the image of Elphias being literally thrown out of the door.

It felt very, very good, and it even made Elphias's resounding voice dim a little inside his head so that he could somewhat ignore it.

'We fuck, Mr. Black.'

The box of chocolates lay crumpled and abandoned on the floor.

XxxxX

There had been something dodgy about the man the minute he'd entered the bus. Jake, one of the passengers that had had the misfortune of sitting beside him had thought so at least. There had been something ominous about him, as if he carried the weight of a dark secret upon his slim but tight shoulders. His whole body was tense under layers of unnecessary clothing, and he had the air of a man on a mission, one who was preparing for a fight he was determined to win.

It would be hard to describe exactly what about the man was dangerous because Jake never saw the face that hid behind a jacket hood and dark shadows that seemed to almost follow him around. His long shoulder length hair peeked out slightly in flashes of light brown and sometimes his eyes glowed gold behind the darkness, making Jake literally shiver in his seat.

The hands that peeked out through sleeves showed pale skin that had tanned slightly unevenly under the sun, and the way they moved seemed ethereal almost. Inhuman, because they flowed too smoothly and looked as if they were suppressing some sort of hidden strength. The man's entire being seemed to speak of it, and it was intriguing and intimidating in kind.

Gathering up his courage, Jake had taken the pains to be courteous and introduced himself amicably. The man had smiled, or at least his eyes had crinkled sadly in the corners before shaking Jake's hand with his oddly warm one. 'John,' he had replied, in a soft, tired voice that betrayed the fierceness of his tall, slim stature.

They hadn't talked anymore after that, but Jake was now watching John closely as the bus wobbled and shook nauseatingly. John was carrying a small briefcase of sort, gold letters stamped across the surface with the initial R.J. Jake had wondered what the 'R' stood for, but didn't ask in fear of offending the man. There was a last name also, but it had been scratched out to a point beyond recognition. As if the man wasn't mysterious enough.

What really irked Jake though was how the man kept his left hand in his coat pocket at all times. For a moment, Jake had been sure it would turn out to be a gun and this man was going to be some sort criminal on a run. Then the bus hit a hard brake, and Jake found out as the man slid slightly in his seat that it was nothing but a long wooden stick.

There was nothing very extraordinary about it. It was black and somewhat dull, with some sort of inscription at the bottom that started with 'Ol'. Yet, John kept a firm hand on it and every time the door of the bus would slide open, his grip would tighten considerably. Jake quietly wondered what he was waiting for and if it was life threatening in any way, but didn't dare ask.

They sat like that for hours, Jake fidgeting uncomfortably and John completely statuesque except for the slight flexing of his left hand. Things couldn't have been any odder, or so Jake thought until he was startled out of his wits by an owl flaying side by side with the bus and rapping very specifically at their window.

'Argh!' he screamed, instinctively falling into the person beside him, which happened to be John.

John seemed more shocked by Jake's reaction that the owl's continuous efforts to keep up with the moving bus. 'Excuse me,' he said politely, frowning as he opened the window and let the owl in.

To his absolute horror, the owl actually flew in and perched on John's outstretched hands, claws gently settling against skin and beak nipping John's ear affectionately when he stroked the bird's feathers. It stretched out its leg after and offered a roll of paper tied firmly there.

Good Lord, Jake thought with wide eyes and a dry mouth, he's using it as some sort of homing pigeon.

This is a dream, he further tried to convince himself, it is a dream and I must have fallen asleep on the bus again. Keeping that mantra in his head, Jake looked through the corner of his eyes to catch a glimpse of his letter. It was a dream after all, and it wouldn't hurt to be slightly curious, would it?

The letter, from what Jake could see, had been written very badly. The ink was blotchy and spreading, and the handwriting was barely readable, with twists and turns in all the wrong places, and the 'S's' and 'E's' all written the other way around; like a child who was just learning to write. There were so many spelling mistakes that even the words Jake could make out had no meaning in them. John, however, didn't seem to be having as much problem as his eyes scanned the letter quickly.

Jake waited for a smile to grace his eyes like most people's did when they read a letter from a child, but it never came. After a while, John's eyes seemed to have stopped moving entirely and focused on a spot somewhere in the middle of the worn, yellowing paper.

It took Jake a complete five minutes of staring to figure out that one of the words spelled 'dead'.

Christ, he thought, as John shot up from his seat so fast that his hood fell, revealing a face that didn't seem scary or intimidating at all. In fact, it looked almost…ordinary, except his worried eyes that shone amber gold in the streetlight.

'Stop the bus!' John said, his voice cracking and his face growing steadily pale. 'I said, stop!' he shouted loudly when the bus driver didn't seem to listen. This time, however, his voice was strong and dangerous; a lot like Jake had pictured it to be the first time. There was a quiet intensity to his expression, a face that went from ordinary to a face that demanded compliance.

'Alright, I'm stopping!' the bus driver cried, alarmed.

The bus screeched to a halt in the middle of the road, and neither the passengers nor the driver seemed to be able to do more than stare as the man hurried off the bus. Jake tried to catch sight of him immediately after that, rushing to the window on the opposite side, but the man had disappeared almost instantly, as if he'd never been there to start with.

Settling back in his seat, Jake wondered if John had had a family and if the letter had been from his own child reporting bad news because no one else could. An almost morbid story began to form in his head and for John's sake, Jake hoped it wasn't true and everything was okay.

XxxxX

Mrs. Lupin died on the twenty sixth of April, 1981. It was a Sunday afternoon, but Elphias could never tell the time, mainly because it had been completely unexpected.

Mrs. Lupin, for the first time since Elphias had started taking care of her, hadn't complained about any joint pains or headaches. She hadn't forgotten anything and didn't fuss or complain about the food, inflation, politics or anything of that sort. In fact, she seemed to be having a very good day and was in an extremely cheery mood, if not a little pale, when Elphias dropped her off at the church before heading off for his latest job in a broom repair shop.

It was a small job and didn't pay as much as his last one. He simply had to wax and polish the repaired brooms for a better finish. The irony of the job was not lost on him, and Mrs. Lupin had spent a good half an hour laughing after he told her.

Elphias had come back home at around three, his hand sore and swearing off wanking until he found a better job or got promoted to something less…exhausting. He'd found the lunch he'd prepared for Mrs. Lupin before leaving untouched and still piping hot from the warming charms he'd cast. Even then, Elphias hadn't thought much of it and didn't disturb Mrs. Lupin when he found her napping in the bedroom.

In fact, Elphias hadn't begun to worry until around five when Mrs. Lupin still hadn't gotten up. So, he checked up on her again, found her body cold as ice and completely impassive to his shaking. Even then, Elphias hadn't panicked. He had kept his cool and simply called Mrs. Pitts who, with a lot of reluctance, had given him the number of a good doctor.

Things after that were all a blur. Even now if you asked him, Elphias wouldn't be able to tell what had come before and what had come after. He remembered crying a lot after the doctor had told him and he remembered not understanding a lot of what had been said and wishing Remus was there to explain things better. He remembered Mrs. Pitts being sympathetic and kind to him for the first time, and trying to get him to calm down, but he couldn't. Even when he'd been trying his hardest to write a coherent letter to Remus, Elphias seemed out of sorts. In his mind, Elphias knew that Remus had asked not to contact him and that this letter could be potentially dangerous if in the wrong hands, but it didn't seem to matter. Elphias couldn't care less about the Order and the missions.

While the crying had come down to quiet sobs, Elphias had lost control yet again when Remus had burst in through Mrs. Lupin's bedroom door, eyes scared and face gaunt and unshaven. He had taken one look at Elphias, then at Mrs. Lupin and fell to his knees beside her.

'I'm sorry,' Elphias said, trying to wipe his tears away. 'I'm sorry. I should have-'

'What did they say?' Remus asked, cutting off his apologies and touching his mother with trembling hands – her eyes, her cheek, her hair. 'Why did she-'

'No reason,' Elphias replied quietly, coming down to kneel beside Remus. 'Nothin' I could understand. They said a lot o' fancy words, an' I didn' get 'alf of it, but Mrs. Pitts said it was natural. That there ain't no reason.'

Remus made a choking sound at the back of his throat. 'She wasn't that sick, was she?' he asked, more to himself that Elphias. 'She wasn't old and she's wasn't sick. Why would she….?'

Elphias sniffed. 'She was lonely sometimes…she told me tha'.'

'Lonely,' Remus repeated unbelievingly. 'I wasn't enough for her, right?' he asked angrily. 'Her own son wasn't enough to keep her happy!' He banged the side of the bed with his fist hard, making a dent there, to Elphias's surprise. 'Damn it, she never-'

What she never did, Elphias would never know because Remus had walked away then and left Elphias with Mrs. Lupin. Elphias had thought he was running away, but found Remus in the sitting room, writing a letter to his aunt and Dumbledore through glassy eyes and a fingers that held too tightly to his quill and snapped a few already.

Elphias didn't ask why Remus wasn't informing his friends as well. He wasn't all that foolish; he'd seen the stares of pity as clearly as Remus had and he knew how much Remus despised it. Remus didn't need pity; he needed someone like Elphias who felt what he felt and cried because he was upset and not because he was sympathetic. Besides, Elphias doubted if Mr. Black would come, especially after all the lies he'd been made to believe during Elphias's fit of anger.

'She looks beautiful.' Maybe it wasn't the right thing to say to Remus at that time, but it was the truth. Mrs. Lupin's cheeks had filled out from the broken, sallow ones that he'd seen her grow into and her skin though pale and white, had a sort of ethereal beauty to it. It was as if she had gained life by losing it.

This was what Elphias thought and felt, and his old man would have been furious at him for getting so attached to these two people; people who were a higher class than he was, but had never treated him any differently. If his father would have been here right now, he would have scolded Elphias for crying like a pansy and always being so emotional. God knows he'd heard it enough when the old man was alive.

Remus looked up at him then and nodded, but said nothing.

The funeral was a quiet affair, consisting of only Aunt Nash, Mrs. Pitts and few other neighbours, Remus, Dumbledore, and Elphias. Mrs. Lupin had been buried beside her husband and the epitaph had read 'Together forever'. Remus had carved it himself.

The mood required rain, Elphias thought, because that would complete this little chapter of theirs and give a sufficient ending. The skies should have been pouring down on them as wet as their eyes and as loud as their hearts. Of course, nothing of the sort happened, and for all of Elphias's requests, they received nothing but a soft drizzle of a few minutes and then bright, wholesome sunshine.

'It would seem, Remus, that your mother's death was not in vain,' Elphias heard Dumbledore tell Remus, a little louder than a whisper. 'She died protecting you, just like your father.'

Both Remus and Elphias frowned and turned to Dumbledore questioningly. Aunt Nash was too busy crying over Mrs. Pitts shoulder to have heard anything.

'I received news from a few reliable sources and it would seem that news of your arrival had reached many ears,' Dumbledore explained gravely, pushing his half moon glasses up his nose. 'There was a group of assorted Death Eaters and Dark creatures awaiting your arrival at the stop you were supposed to pull up in.'

Elphias gasped inwardly and inched closer to hear better.

'They've been tailing you for a long time now, Remus, and my advice to you is to forget this mission. If young Elphias's letter hadn't reached you last night, your life and Merlin knows how many others would have been at risk.'

Remus fidgeted, looking down at his feet. 'What do you suggest I do then?'

'Lay low,' Dumbledore advised, placing a gentle hand on Remus's shoulder. 'For now, do nothing dangerous. I have a theory about Voldemort and I might need your help when I can prove it right, but till then, do nothing.'

Remus nodded, though Elphias could see it was reluctant. 'As you wish, Headmaster.'

That was the last Elphias saw or heard of him after the funeral. He'd been tempted to follow Remus of course, but Aunt Nash had stopped him and asked him to give Remus some space, to let him fade away into obscurity for a while.

Elphias hadn't wanted to listen to her, but after a lot of coaxing and explaining, he obliged. He sat there with Aunt Nash through her tears and then through her memories, his mind keeping close to Remus and how he had to be feeling. Elphias hadn't listened to a word she had said and when the time came for her to leave, he simply patted her on the back and rushed off to search for Remus.

Elphias found Remus much later in the bathroom. The door had been left ajar as either an invitation to come in or Remus might have just forgotten to lock it in a hurry. Whatever it was, Elphias understood that it was a sensitive time for Remus and the issue needed to be handled carefully.

So he peeked first, trying to widen the crack slightly by pushing the door to see more clearly. Remus was sitting on the toilet, lid down, head bent, and a smoke dangling from his lips. He must have decided to take a shower earlier because he was dressed in only a towel wrapped along his waist, and his long hair was dripping all over the tiled floor in steady droplets.

A heavy sniff resounded in the bathroom, and Elphias realised that Remus's hair wasn't the only thing dripping water. It made his heart clench and twist painfully in ways he never thought possible. Elphias wished he could do something for Remus, somehow stop this constant wave of pain that he always seemed to be in, but found himself feeling utterly useless. What could he do? He had nothing to offer as comfort, nothing that would make Remus's hardships and problems fade away.

Elphias knocked on the door and was man enough to look away and let Remus wipe his face before entering to a teary 'come in'. There were a good number of cigarette butts littering the floor that Elphias hadn't noticed before, and he had to carefully step over them to get to the towel rack in the other end of the bathroom.

'Nash asked me t' say goodbye b'fore she left,' Elphias said softly, standing in front of Remus and starting to towel dry Remus's long wet hair.

Remus hummed, letting his cigarette fall to the floor. Elphias stubbed it out distractedly, wondering how many in total Remus had smoked in the last two hours. He knew Remus was not a compulsive smoker, that he only smoked when he was particularly stressed or upset, which seemed to happen quite a lot these days.

Elphias sighed heavily, using the excuse of drying Remus's hair to pull the brunette's face closer so that his face pressed against Elphias's stomach in an awkward sort of embrace. Elphias expected to be shied away or be met without a response, which was why he jerked slightly when Remus reciprocated by loosely wrapping his arms around Elphias's waist and digging deeper.

'It ain't so bad,' Elphias said, in an effort to keep things busy, 'bein' an orphan, I mean. Back in the streets, we get by all righ' as long as us friends stick together.' He carefully hung the towel across Remus's shoulder, finger combing Remus's hair carefully. 'So you got me for now an' I got you, yeah?'

Remus lifted his head to look up at Elphias and smiled weakly. 'Yeah, I suppose.'

For the first time, Elphias felt a lot older than Remus. Not because he felt less childish all of a sudden, but because Remus seemed smaller, less strong and less brave than Elphias had always perceived him. The roles had reversed, and Elphias was the one taking care of Remus and holding things together now.

Elphias fingered Remus's long hair, darkened to a deep chocolate brown from the shower. It was soft and fine, and as it slipped between Elphias's fingers, it felt too long and heavy and too worn. Elphias wondered why Remus kept it at this length; why he always tried to hide behind a curtain of hair falling over his face.

'Remy, do you trust me?'

Remus shrugged. 'You're a friend, Elf,' he replied in a croaky, broken voice.

Elphias smiled softly, using his thumb to gently brush Remus's damp, clumped together eyelashes. It seemed a like a ridiculous thing to do; to touch somebody's eyelashes of all things, but Remus's red rimmed eyes and rosy cheeks and nose made him look so vulnerable that Elphias didn't know what else to do.

Remus didn't seem to have anything else to say after that, so Elphias took it was an initiative to reach up to the medicine cabinet and grab a pair of nail scissors. They were slightly too small, but they were sharp and would be easy to work with in Elphias's not so experienced hands. Elphias had expected some sort of protest from Remus when he cut the first lock of hair all the way up to his chin, but got none.

Remus simply closed his eyes and nodded Elphias to carry on. Everything was a blur after that. Brown hair littered the floor beside their feet as Remus kept up his silence, and Elphias, being the restless character he was, struggled to fill it.

'I had a friend who would do this,' Elphias said, wondering if Remus had fallen asleep sitting down. 'Every time somethin' 'orrible would happen, she'd cut her hair – shorter, longer, it didn't matter. 'S long as it was a change. I think she shaved her 'ead once too, but I can't quite remember.'

Remus didn't speak and his eyes fluttered tiredly every so often as if trying to fight impending sleep. When the final layers fell off, Elphias saw what Remus had been hiding all along:

A tattoo; no, a barcode of sorts. One that branded Remus for a werewolf and confirmed what he was to one and all. It was so demeaning, Elphias thought, as he fingered every number and letter delicately. It was like being treated as an animal or a monster when Remus has always done everything to prove he was anything but.

'You look like your ol' man,' Elphias stated, as he put the scissors down on the basin. It was true; Elphias hadn't known what he was doing when he'd first started out, but as work had progressed, the boy seemed to realise that he was cutting Remus's hair out of memory of the pictures he'd seen of John Lupin when he was younger.

With his eyes closed like this, Remus looked exactly like him, even though his hair was a lot shaggier and scruffy because of Elphias's inexperience with the scissors. Remus seemed to have realised the very same thing and was unable to take his eyes off his reflection for a very long time. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out for the mirror, testing to see if it was real as if.

'You can see my scar,' Remus said softly, running his finger down the path of the scar, not on his own skin but on his reflection. 'It's…'

'It's you,' Elphias finished. 'The tattoo stays hidden for your safety, but the scar's all you.' Elphias had meant to sound comforting, but judging by Remus's unsure face, he must have failed spectacularly. 'You look bloody gorgeous this way, even more than you used to,' he tried, this time, displaying his trademark playful grin. 'I'd fuck you any day.'

Remus laughed as he always did when Elphias flirted with him. 'Short it is then,' he said, getting up and walking out of the bathroom. 'Mum always wanted me to get a haircut.'

Elphias smiled, muttering a quick Scourgify before following Remus to his bedroom. Upon reaching there, he quickly turned away though, blushing bright red. Remus was changing into his pyjamas and Elphias realised with surprised horror that the farthest he'd seen Remus naked was without a shirt. Under normal circumstances, he would have peeked liked the horny bugger he was, but it was different this time. This was Remus and his mother had just died, and it felt simply wrong to take advantage of a friend in his weakest hour.

'Remy?' Elphias asked, wondering if it was okay to turn now.

'Hm?' Elphias heard the rustling of sheets behind him as Remus climbed into his bed, and took it as safe to turn.

'I miss her.'

For a while, Elphias didn't think Remus was going to say anything and that maybe he might have gone too far with his little declaration, however true it was. He did miss Delilah Lupin, a lot, because she had pampered and spoiled him in ways no one ever had, especially not his father who had always been too busy training him to fight instead of being a good parent. Mrs. Lupin had kept Elphias company on nights Remus wasn't there or too busy to even look at them, and they'd been as close to friends as they could be, given the age difference.

He missed her, a lot, and the house somehow felt lonely without her.

So he climbed into bed with Remus, hesitant at first because he didn't know if it was an appropriate thing to do and if Remus would be adverse to it. But when Remus didn't object or even move for that matter, he pulled the covers tightly and tucked them around their bodies. He closed his eyes and kept close to the warmth of Remus's back.

As he lay there, Elphias tried not to cry again; he'd had his turn after all and Remus deserved it more than he did, but couldn't help it when a few tears fell and a tell tale sniff slipped out.

He felt Remus shift slowly beside him, turning so that he lay on his back instead with his arms behind his head. 'I miss her, too,' he said so softly that Elphias, who was quite close, had to strain to hear.

It was the last thing Remus said consciously that night before he fell asleep. Remus didn't know it, but he'd called for Sirius many times in his sleep, sometimes curling up against Elphias and sobbing into his arm. Remus's voice went to the edge of desperate during these times, his body twisting and soaking the sheets with sweat. So, Elphias held him, head pillowed on Remus's chest and fingers carding through Remus freshly cropped hair to calm him down.

Elphias held him close till dawn and let Remus believe and pretend what he wanted while his vision was still black…

XxxxX

Hello everyone! Ah, another long chapter and look, lots of hidden feelings surfacing between the two pups. I'm sure all of you can already predict what will be happening in the next couple of chapters, but I'll try to keep it as different and as 'approaching to happy' as possible. Oh, just wanted to say that the thing with Mrs. Lupin dying is not magical. My granddad died recently and he got this way too, and I thought he was blessed from the heavens or something. Then my dad explained the natural death process to me and apparently it has something to do with the body and water and well…a lot of things that went over my head. Anyway, a few dedications to LadyAnalyn who wanted to see Sirius experience intense feelings of jealousy when it came to Elf, even though the poor boy is completely innocent. You cruel woman, you. Also to Charlotte Lazarus who inspired me to write the bit with Peter and Remus. Cheers to you, love, and hope all of you enjoyed this chapter! And to those who didn't leave a reply address:

Alex & James: Lol. No, I'm not American, but I hope you have a great time there. I don't know if you're back yet, but I hope this update full of Remus and Sirius torture appealed to your sadistic side just as much as the last one. Melissa: Ah, they will get back together and Sirius will realise what an idiot he is. Just not yet…but very, very soon. Cryingxinside: It's an AU, love. Tonks is practically nonexistent, so you can calm down now. Ice Cream: Remus dying? Er…I think I'll take a more subtle route for Sirius to feel sorry for his actions. Kyshal: Well, the angst is going to be decreasing with every chapter after a while, just give it some time. Then we shall start with the happy. A Person: The part with Sirius in the house is to show how far Sirius's paranoia has actually gotten and what lengths he's resorting to satisfy it. I'm glad you enjoyed the last update and hope you liked this one even more. Ainek: Nope, no canon. It's completely Au, as I've said before. Peter's story, I didn't bother to include a lot of details because we know enough about it and the main focus of Momentum is the Remus-Sirius relationship. So I just put in things that are relevant to that really. The semi bond thing is still there and got mentioned in this chapter as well as the last one. Unfortunately, it's growing weaker. Brittany: The suffering will end soon. I'm sure you saw hints of it in this chapter.