October 1981…

Elphias was sitting outside Remus's room the entire time Sirius had been inside. He knew it was wrong to spy or eavesdrop, so he didn't. Instead, he only stood guard in case Remus needed him or something bad happened with any of his still fresh wounds. It was odd but till today, Elphias had felt nothing but hatred for Sirius Black for having been so horrible to Remus and breaking his heart. Elphias had wanted to hurt Black to the point of death; he'd wanted to punish him and destroy his world like Sirius had done Remus's. However, Elphias discovered this morning that there was a reason his overbearing father would always tell him to "listen to both sides of the story before passing a judgment".

Elphias hadn't listened to Sirius's story as much as he'd observed it. He'd seen how upset Black had been; how distraught and how needing he was for Remus's forgiveness and companionship. Elphias had been murderous before but now, he just felt awful. He knew he was being traitorous but all of a sudden, Elphias saw things clearly through Sirius's perspective. He saw how easy it must have been for Black to fall under constant lies and misconceptions about his lover when one of the informants had been his best friend from childhood. Elphias saw how difficult it must have been for Sirius to come into terms with having a traitorous boyfriend and how angry it must have made him. It didn't mean the things Sirius had done were okay or justified, but it did explain things better. In the end, Elphias also saw how Sirius suffered through the repercussions of his own deeds, and was now constantly trying and failing to set things right.

Elphias didn't think Remus would be able to see all of this through his own hurt. Remus was truly no longer the same person that Elphias had had a raging crush on; his smiles were rare and the face he put up in front of people was fake. Remus looked like he'd given up on everything: hope, life, love; just the shadow of the beautiful personality he'd been. He'd suppressed all his hurt and anger and replaced it with cold indifference, so much so that Elphias sometimes found it hard to even look at the werewolf properly.

Elphias sighed, wondering when things would get back to normal and if they ever would. He looked at Remus's bedroom door again, hoping things were going alright in there and Remus, if awake, wasn't too angry with Elphias. The only reason Sirius had been brought in the house was because Elphias truly believed that the young Black was the only person who could help Remus out. Ironic really, how the cause was also the cure.

When Sirius finally came out, he didn't even notice Elphias sitting there. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands as he closed the door to Remus's bedroom behind him. He seemed in a hurry to leave the house, and Elphias quickly called out for him, surprised that Sirius was leaving so quickly. Sirius almost didn't stop, clearly too distraught to truly talk to anybody at the moment.

'Mr. Black, is Remy 'wake?' Elphias asked, speeding up a bit more to catch up with Sirius's fast pace down the stairs.

'No,' Sirius replied roughly, as he jumped the last two steps easily. 'He's still sleeping. I didn't have the heart to wake him.'

Elphias nodded. 'You could stay if you liked,' he offered, panting a bit as Sirius finally slowed down in front of the door. 'Remy would like to know you was here for his transformin'.'

'No, he wouldn't, but thank you for the offer, Elphias,' Sirius said curtly; his voice clearly expressing that he still didn't like Elphias very much and was ready for another fight if it were called upon.

Elphias bit his lip unsurely. 'Wha' will I tell 'im? If he asks why you was here? He'll be cross with me when he wakes and 'members tha' I let you in, an' I don' wanna have to 'xplain it 'lone.'

'He won't remember,' Sirius told him firmly. 'I knocked him out almost immediately after, and he was asleep for the rest of the time. So don't worry, Dodge.'

'Why don' you want him to know?' Elphias asked insistently, grabbing Sirius's hand as it descended upon the doorknob. He knew he was pushing it with Black, but he'd seen the two of them together and then without each other. And right now the only way Elphias could describe either of them was incomplete. 'Why d'you always wanna leave him?'

Sirius sighed heavily, resting his head against the door. 'I'll answer your question if you answer mine.' He paused only for a moment to look at Elphias's puzzled and sad face before he continued. 'Why do you like Remus so much, hm? Why do you care what happens to him?'

Elphias blinked in confusion and shrugged. 'I don' know. I-I can't 'xplain it,' he said, rubbing the back of his neck. 'Remy…he's always there for me, you know. He lissens to me, an' he takes care o' me. If I ever have any trouble o' sorts, he pushes away his own problems to lissen to mine.' Elphias looked at Sirius as sincerely as he could, remembering everything Remus had done for him; the very first time Remus had brought him into the Lupin cottage and nursed his wounds without a word said in between. 'He saved me.'

Sirius nodded, looking as if he was having a hard time simply swallowing. 'I don't want to leave him,' he said softly, in reply to Elphias's earlier question, 'but he's angry now – too angry to care about what I have to say.'

'He wouldn' be angry if he didn' care,' Elphias replied wisely, obviously taking Sirius by surprise; the young Black, almost like everyone else, probably didn't think of Elphias as too bright. 'I won' tell him if you don' want me to,' Elphias conceded, 'but…' He shrugged, trying to not look too hopeful as he opened the door for Sirius.

Sirius smiled weakly and walked out. He didn't miss the disappointment of Elphias's face, but pretended to look ahead outside, where the sun was shining merrily and invitingly. Elphias wondered if he could persuade Remus to take a walk outside, warm up a bit to chase away the cold that seemed to have settled itself permanently in the Lupin Cottage.

'I'll see you around, Elphias.'

The door shut on Elphias's face and he sighed dejectedly, feeling his hopes crumble to pieces. He had really thought that if…Elphias shook his head. It didn't matter anymore now, he supposed, climbing up the stairs almost unconsciously. None of this was his business, not really. He'd come to London to fight Voldemort, not intrude into other people's lives. Guaranteed that he had never expected to make friends, not in a big city like London, but he had. He'd found Remus; the one person he cared about outside of Stepney and probably the only person he was willing to give up his life for. Perhaps that's why Sirius Black concerned him. Perhaps it was because all Elphias wanted to see was Remus happy.

Elphias hadn't even realised that he'd slipped into bed beside Remus (the act had become so much of a habit) until he'd actually heard the werewolf whine is pain and discomfort. 'Shh,' Elphias whispered, trying smooth out the creases that formed over Remus's forehead. 'Remy, don' move. You'll 'urt yourself,' Elphias protested. Remus remained oblivious, however, twisting and turning in unease. 'Shh,' Elphias tried to soothe again, rubbing comforting, concentric circles across Remus's chest. To his surprise, Elphias found Remus's heart beating beneath his palm at a furious rate – the skin burning hot there. 'Merlin.' Elphias ran his hands across Remus's neck and forehead; checking for a fever and finding, to his utter fright, the skin blissfully cool there.

Elphias swallowed heavily, resting his hand against Remus's chest again. What the hell was happening? Was Remus suffering from an attack, maybe a wayward hex? Had Sirius done something to him before leaving? Elphias didn't want to think so. 'Remy,' Elphias called out, not intending to wake up the werewolf, but just to comfort him. Remus didn't seem to be in pain, but the way he fidgeted restlessly indicated how distressed he was.

'Remy.' Remus's wounds hadn't healed fully yet, and Elphias had to wrap his arms firmly around the werewolf to restrain him from moving too much. When Remus whined in protest, Elphias's hold tightened. 'Remy, stop it!'

Remus's eyes hadn't even opened completely before the werewolf pushed himself out of Elphias's arms with an expression that was stuck between surprise and anger. He toppled off the bed almost instantly, landing with a dull 'thud' and a pained cry that pierced through Elphias's marrow. Elphias was so caught by shock at Remus's reaction that he remained sitting still. His eyes were wide with horror as Remus screamed from one of the larger wounds that had opened up from the fall. It took Elphias a good few minutes to finally gather up his senses and cast a quick healing charm on Remus's leg. 'Episkey!'

Remus's cries slowed down to sharp breathing, and Elphias quickly kneeled down beside him to help him up the bed again. 'It's you,' Remus panted out, looking through blurry eyes. 'Elf, it's you…'

Elphias looked at him with confusion. 'Yeah,'s me, Remy. Wha's wrong? Why d'you do tha', eh? You coulda hurt yourself serious.'

Remus ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the ends. 'I thought…your arms…and I thought you were…' He seemed to have trouble forming proper sentences as he settled back down on the bed. 'It was a dream, but Elf…I saw…I felt…' Remus rubbed at his chest aggressively, and Elphias wondered briefly if it was still warm and pulsating underneath. 'I thought maybe he…I got angry but it wasn't real…I-' He looked perplexed and disoriented as he glanced back desperately at Elphias for reassurance.

It must have been Sirius; some part of Remus's unconscious mind must have registered Black's presence or touch or words. Some part of him must have recognised Sirius there in the room or during the transformation, and Remus was only now starting to feel it as well. Shite. 'It was only me, Remy,' Elphias replied, remembering his word to Sirius. He couldn't bring himself to look at Remus in the eye, so he buried his face into Remus's neck instead. He could still hear the wild thumping of Remus's heart. 'I's been here this whole time, no one else.'

Remus's breathing slowed as if from relief. 'You were supposed to go to a mission.'

Elphias shook his head and pushed deeper into Remus, feeling horrible for lying. He wished Sirius Black had stayed. 'I couldn' leave you,' he whispered, feeling Remus's hand of gratitude lay on the nape of his neck. 'Not tonigh'.'

XxxxX

Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off of Remus. It was too difficult, especially since he hadn't seen Remus since the full moon. When had that been? A week ago? Or maybe a year? It seemed longer, and Sirius had been yearning to see the werewolf ever since. Sirius knew it was wrong. It was wrong to beg Lily into telling him where Remus worked, and it was even more wrong to be spying on Remus without him even knowing of Sirius's presence.

It isn't spying, Sirius tried to reason with himself, I'm admiring him from a distance.

It was so horrible; Remus and the complete injustice of his life. He was one of the top students back in Hogwarts, one of the few people who was predicted to have promising career and was the most likely to succeed, if he hadn't been a werewolf that is. Despite all his education and hard work, Remus was now stuck in the muggle world, working for some kind of shipping company. For the last hour, Sirius watched as Remus loaded and unloaded heavy boxes, sweat drenching his body from the exertion of manual labour. Remus had always been fit and strong because of his lycanthropy, but Sirius thought this job was pushing it too far. Especially when he found out that Remus did this every day of the month save the ones during the full moon.

'Oi, Lupin! Help me with this one, won't you?' one of the other workers called out, and Sirius saw Remus nodding from the other end and adjusting his gloves better in preparation. 'Thanks, mate!'

'No problem, Jones' Remus said so slowly that Sirius had to actually read his lips closely to understand what he was saying.

'Last one for the day, thankfully,' Jones said conversationally, 'I swear they get heavier by the day. I don't know how you do it, Lupin.'

Remus shrugged and smiled, helping Jones carry the box inside the warehouse. Anyone could plainly see that Remus was carrying most of the weight, and with surprising ease, too. Sirius had a feeling that Remus didn't really need Jones on the other side at all, but was simply humouring him and downplaying his own strength.

'Christ!' Jones wiped his brow with the back of his hand. 'I'm getting too old for this shit. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to going back to my crazy wife after this.'

Remus laughed, but it sounded empty and hollow, pulling at Sirius's heartstrings. He didn't say anything more and untied his shirt that had been knotted around his waist the entire time. As he pulled it on, Sirius cringed at how filthy the shirt was – black smudges and fingerprints everywhere, the white faded to a putrid yellow. Still, Sirius could make out the 'The Buzzcocks' written in dark, bold print. It made him smile to know that Remus still maintained his obsession with muggle music, that he was still the same person Sirius had fallen so in love with.

'I'll see you tomorrow, Lupin!'

Sirius watched as Remus bid goodbye to Jones and a few others, walking away from them almost too quickly, as if trying to distance himself. Remus hadn't brought a jacket and kept his arms wrapped tightly around his body to protect himself from the slight chill of the evening. 'How did you enjoy a day in the life of Remus Lupin?' Remus asked, chuckling bitterly into the air.

Sirius, surprised and befuddled, looked around him to see if anyone was walking the same direction as they were. However, none of Remus's co-workers seemed to have followed them, most having left for the opposite direction of left behind at the warehouse. Who was Remus talking to?

'I'm talking to you, Sirius,' Remus replied as if reading Sirius's mind.

Sirius was too stunned to reply. He had quite readily assumed that Remus didn't know he had been there, watching him. Sirius was sure he'd chosen a good hiding spot, and he'd even Dillusioned himself as extra precaution. Then how had…?

'I sensed you.'

'Were you watching for suspicious activities?' Remus asked scathingly, still not turning to look directly at Sirius and walking forwards. A few people looked at Remus oddly, obviously thinking he was some kind of loon who was talking to himself. 'Did you think I was going to kill me some muggles? That I have a white mask hidden here somewhere?'

Sirius swallowed, taking of the Dillusionment charm off himself in a dark corner before catching up to Remus. 'I-I only came to see you.'

'You've seen me…for the past hour. Don't take me for a fool, Sirius; those days have long passed.'

The malice in Remus's voice chilled Sirius's heart, but he took a deep breath and kept a brave front. He knew that Remus wouldn't quite listen to anything he had to say, would have even apparated if it weren't for the hustle and bustle of people all heading for their homes after a hard day of work. 'I was an idiot back then. I misjudged you and I-' Sirius looked at Remus's profile, wanting to catch his eyes but failing. 'I wanted to make amends.'

Remus snorted derisively, obviously not believing Sirius's words. 'And I told you before that there is no need. I'm done with you and everything else that comes with it. I really just can't bring myself to care.'

'Liar,' Sirius retorted angrily, not bothering to mask the hurt that came with Remus's words. 'You care, you always have.' As Remus sped up, Sirius tried to keep pace. 'You knew I was there today, you knew the minute I'd come! You always know, you can always tell! So, don't tell me you don't care! Don't tell me that I don't matter when you can clearly feel this…this bond…this presence between us!'

Remus finally stopped and turned to look at Sirius, his eyes blazing with fire and rage. Sirius regretted ever wanting to look into them. 'Yes, I can feel it. So what? What do you want me to do, Sirius?' he spat. 'Should I roll over? Play dead? Bend over so that you can fuck me up again?'

Sirius gaped in surprise. 'Remus, no-' He couldn't bring himself to be coherent enough to debate Remus's harsh words; to tell him that Sirius never intended to hurt him that way; that all he'd wanted to do was mend their friendship and get Remus back into his life. Nothing came out, however, except confused splutters and disjointed words. It wasn't until Remus had walked away in disgust that Sirius finally had the wits to grab him by the wrist and stop him from going too far. 'Remus, just listen to me!'

Remus twisted his wrist in an attempt to free himself from Sirius's strong hold, but Sirius held on. 'Let go of me!'

Sirius grabbed the other arm as well, keeping Remus effectively trapped. 'I need you, Remus,' he said softly, gingerly reaching out to stroke Remus's cheek and feeling a sharp sting in his heart when Remus recoiled. 'I need you to understand that I-'

'Sirius, stop it!' Remus whispered sternly, finally breaking free of Sirius's hard grasp. 'You're making a bloody scene!'

There were quite a few people gathering around them, but their wide eyes and intrusive murmuring only fuelled Sirius's anger. 'I don't care,' he snapped back, grabbing Remus by the shoulders and pulling him closer roughly so that their chests collided. 'Let them see.' He kissed Remus after that, hot and hard, pushing his lips fiercely into Remus's and pulling him nearer until there was no room for even air to pass through. There were collective gasps of surprise and disgust from around them, and Remus was rendered completely unresponsive from shock. Sirius didn't care, and the violent verbal abuse of "ponce" and "shirt lifter" only made him hold Remus tighter; willing him to understand, to feel what Sirius was feeling, to realise that he was literally shaking from the anxiety that came from displaying this aspect of himself to all the world. To respond to the vicious beating of his heart…

The kiss had hardly lasted a few seconds before Remus shoved him off with a rough hand on his chest. He had never looked angrier to Sirius, his nostrils flaring and his face turning a bright shade of red. One person from the crowd actually tried to come to his aid, obviously thinking that Sirius had tried to molest Remus in some way, but stopped almost instantly when Remus looked at Sirius with wrath deep enough to burn holes through Sirius's skin. His eyes had turned into slits, bright and dangerous. Just like the wolf, Sirius realised as he stumbled backwards from the force of Remus's push.

'How dare you?' Remus cried, his voice ringing loud through all the conspiratory mutters of the crowd gathering around them. 'How dare you even fucking touch me? After everything…how can you even think-?' Remus seemed too far gone in his rage to even speak properly, breathing heavily as his fists clenched tightly. 'I can't believe you, you motherfucking bastard, I can't-'

'Remus, please,' Sirius protested, wanting to come close to Remus; to touch him, to kiss him again and make him understand that Sirius was sorry. Sirius had never been more regretful his entire life as he was at that very moment. 'Remus, I love you…' he whispered the last part, but the people around him had heard it just the same and many of them were turning away in revulsion. Quite a few of them were passing rude remarks, but Sirius ignored them, having eyes for Remus alone. 'I love you,' he repeated again when Remus looked incredulous.

'You never loved me, Sirius! Never!' Remus spat, looking murderous. 'Such emotion is beyond you, so don't compare what you did to me with love! Don't make what I felt for you more of a joke than you already have!'

'I was being manipulated!' Sirius cried out desperately. 'He kept telling me-'

'You know what; don't. Just don't speak. Don't try to explain yourself and just leave me alone, yeah?'

'I'm not letting you go again!' Sirius yelled, unconsciously moving into Remus's personal space. 'I told you I lov-'

'And I told you I hate you,' Remus cut in, his voice low and serious.

Sirius jolted back as if slapped. 'You don't mean that,' he whispered, shaking his head in denial. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders in desperation, looking pleadingly into his eyes. 'Remus, you don't mean that.'

Remus's hands came up to Sirius's, holding them painfully tight as he pried Sirius's fingers off his shoulders. 'I hate you, Sirius, more than you can ever imagine,' Remus sneered, bringing his face so close that every breath Remus let out made Sirius's hair fan erratically. 'So just do me a favour and get the bloody hell out of my life.' He let Sirius's hands drop, shooting him a last venomous glance before turning away.

Sirius should have run after him. He should have, but he didn't. He couldn't. He couldn't bring his legs to move or to feel anything except the searing pain of rejection. It was as if someone had simply switched off the life in him, and he could do nothing but stand there and let his brain replay Remus's anger towards him again and again until it made him numb. He was sure that at some point that he'd been hit or maybe punched; he couldn't exactly remember. There were some furious and intolerant people, Sirius knew that, and when he didn't respond, they took it as an opening to abuse him and punch him until he was laying curled up on the hard pavement.

'Bloody faggots…'

XxxxX

'I'm concerned about Sirius,' Lily told James after turning restlessly in the bed for the fifth time. James opened his eyes, looking at her questioningly, so she explained further. 'He was really out of sorts today, don't you think?'

James sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. 'Sirius has a lot of shit to sort out now. With Moony, with us; he's just feeling overwhelmed and maybe a little lost.' He laid a reassuring hand on her cheek. 'He'll be fine. Just give him some time.'

'I don't know, James,' Lily protested, pulling the blanket closer to her body to ward off the cold. 'You saw those bruises; he couldn't even stand straight half the time. I tried to heal them, but he wouldn't even let me near them. You weren't there when I came in, but he looked really torn up. I just-'

'He'll be fine, love,' James reassured with a smile. 'Sirius…that's the way he is, you know. He always takes things a little farther than most, and he punishes himself brutally when he knows he's done something wrong. He's always been this way, even in school…'

The look on Lily's face clearly said that James didn't quite understand what she was trying to say. 'I know that, James, and I've seen how obsessive Sirius can be. But this is different. He's never like this, James, never. He hasn't spoken since he came.'

James's eyes widened in surprise. 'You mean he's been Padfoot all day? I thought it was just when I came home.'

Lily shook her head. 'No, he transformed almost exactly after he came in. Couldn't even bring himself to play with Harry. I've never seen something so depressing, James. I don't think we should have left him alone like that. I really-'

'If he needs us, he can always call,' James reasoned, 'I mean, he's sleeping in Harry's room, isn't he? He knows I'm there for him. He knows.'

Lily bit her lip unsurely. 'Will you check up on him for me, please? I know this seems odd, but call it women's intuition or just plain concern. Just, sneak a peek at both of them. Harry, too.'

Lily looked so serious that even if James had said no, she would have forced him into getting up. So he sighed heavily, kissed her on the cheek, and pulled on his bathrobe in preparation to go check up on the two occupants of the next room. As he tip toed into Harry's room, James had to dim the light in his wand to avoid waking his son up. He shone the light at the crib first, feeling the corners of his lips tugging into a slight smile as he found his boy sleeping peacefully with one hand fisting his charming little blue blanket. He moved his wand to the other side of the room where Lily had prepared a makeshift bed for Sirius and to his surprise, found it empty.

James frowned. 'Padfoot?' He called, walking out of the room and checking both bathrooms nearby. They were both empty. 'Sirius?' He walked down the stairs and sure enough, found a dim light coming from underneath the closed kitchen doors. James shook his head and rolled his eyes exasperatedly. 'Trust Padfoot to hunt for a midnight snack.' He grinned to himself, figuring he might as well accompany his best friend in his feast and pushed the door open merrily.

Only to have his stomach drop to his feet.

'Bloody hell.'

Sirius was sitting on the kitchen table, legs spread haphazardly as he rolled a rather large knife in his hands. His wand had been discarded under the table, giving enough light to illuminate only part of Sirius's face while the rest hid behind dark shadows. It highlighted his bright grey eyes and threw in an eerie, manic quality to Sirius's face that sent cold shivers down James's spine. He noticed that Remus's collar, the one was Sirius always wore, was wound tightly around his friend's right hand. The same hand that Sirius spun the knife in experimentally before bringing it down to his left wrist. As James moved closer, he could see several long but shallow gashes concentrated around Sirius's wrist, proving that Sirius had been trying this for some time now. Sirius's hands shook as he pressed the blade to his skin again.

'If you go any farther, Sirius, I swear…' James warned, feeling his throat constrict tightly. 'I swear I'll never forgive you. Sirius, I swear.' He voice shook towards the end, scared and stunned at his friend's actions. James had known Sirius had been unhappy; he'd seen it grow ever since Peter's capture, but he'd never pinned Sirius as someone who'd be willing to take his life.

'But this is different. He's never like this, James, never.'

James's voice came as a shock to Sirius, who had obviously been very immersed and set upon his task, and the knife fell from his hands and clattered noisily to the ground. James had never heard a more deathly sound, and he couldn't help but look at the knife on the ground, taking in the sharp, jagged edges and the wicked silver gleam of the blade.

Sirius looked up at him, throwing his face into the sharp light of James's wand. His eyes were wide with fear and surprise, one of them bruised and blackened and contrasting heavily with the light grey of his eyes. 'James…' he whispered, his right hand immediately coming up to cover the cuts on his left. 'I…'

'Why are you doing this, Padfoot?' James asked, levitating the knife and putting it away, far from Sirius. 'Why couldn't you come to me for help? Why did you have to…?' James swallowed the lump in his throat that made it almost painful for him to talk.

Sirius looked away and James saw yet another bruise on his right cheek. 'You don't understand…'

James's fists clenched as he shook with anger. 'There is nothing, Sirius, nothing that warrants this. Nothing you could say could make me understand why you would try to kill yourself.'

'The Avada Kedavara doesn't work,' Sirius replied softly, making James's eyes immediately shoot to the discarded wand.

'This isn't fair, Sirius. How could you even-'

I lost him,' Sirius whispered, bringing his knees up to his chest and burying his head in between them. 'I've completely fucked things up, and there's no way I can fix this. It's over.' Sirius's fingers buried in his dark hair. 'He hates me now.'

'So you're giving up?' James spat, walking closer to his friend until they were only a few centimetres apart. 'I can't believe you. How can you just-'

'He meant it,' Sirius told him, his voice frighteningly low and calm for a person so distraught. 'I saw it in his eyes. He meant every word.' He drew a shuddery breath. 'I'd held on. Since we broke up, I'd selfishly held on, staying a little longer even though I was miserable because I thought that it was all his fault. But I can't do this now, not anymore. I can't…'

James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders, forcing him to turn towards him and look at him. 'And what about us? What about Harry? How could you even think of just leaving us like that, Sirius? We're your family! Weren't we enough?'

Sirius shook his head, eyes casting down to his feet. 'It's different. You won't…Remus is my life, James,' he said, sounding so dejected and hopeless that something in James's heart clenched painfully through all his resentment. 'He's my life and without him, I'm nothing. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe this just isn't our age, I don't know. But this pain…this feeling…I can't…I can't bear it…'

James collapsed into one of the chairs, head supported on his hands. In some ways, he could understand Sirius's sentiments, could connect with it almost. Hadn't he been the same way about Lily ever since he'd fallen in love with her? And his son: Harry; James couldn't even imagine a life without that little bundle of joy. He would have been nothing but an empty shell of his former self; something Sirius had already become. There was nothing handsome or vivacious about Sirius anymore – no pranks, no tricks, no school boy foolishness or enthusiasm. The war had taken it all and left someone who was broken and marred with bruises, physical and emotional.

His wife had been right all along. If she hadn't persisted on James checking up on Sirius tonight…

'Please don't do this, Padfoot,' James said finally when the silence had been prolonged between them long enough. 'I'll fucking tie you down if I have to. I'll beat you unconscious. I don't care. I'll kill you if you ever try that again. I swear, I'll kill you.'

Sirius chuckled bitterly. 'Similar motives then.'

James looked at him sternly. 'I mean it, Sirius. So unless you want to be confined in some sort of white room, you promise me. You promise me you will never, ever do this again.'

Sirius looked hesitant, and James could tell that he had had every intention to kill himself. Sirius was actually serious about this whole matter, and James suddenly trembled from the unwanted images of Sirius's dead and bleeding body lying on their kitchen floor. The clarity of the visions was almost startling and James found himself pushing his hand closer to Sirius's. 'Marauder's oath. Don't be a coward, Black, and make the sodding promise.'

Sirius nodded, reluctantly extending a shaky hand over James's. 'Marauder's oath,' he breathed, clutching the collar in his hands tightly.

XxxxX

Remus leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest, as he watched Elphias randomly throw his meager belongings into the trunk he'd borrowed from Remus. They hadn't talked since the morning, which felt unusual to Remus because Elphias's gob never took a break. The boy even talked in his sleep sometimes, so it came as a little troubling when he hadn't spoken for almost an entire day.

'Why are you leaving me?' Remus asked breaking the silence and feeling surprised at how small his voice sounded. He had known that Elphias was leaving of course; he'd known from the very start because Elphias quite literally suffered in the Order and in London. But he couldn't help but feel a little desolate at the loss of a good friend, especially one who had seen him through the worst of his ordeals.

Elphias stopped his "packing" and sighed. 'I ain't leaving you,' he said, his tone speaking against him. 'I'll come back. I told you I will.'

'You won't,' Remus told him, already knowing the future. 'Your friends are there, your family's there-'

'But you're 'ere,' Elphias interrupted, smiling. 'I'll visit, Remy, you know that. I couldn' live a week without a good peek at your fine arse.' He summoned one of the picture frames hung on the wall. It was one of fifteen year old Remus at a cricket match his dad had taken him to during the summer. 'I'll keep this one if you don' mind. 'Your smile's lovely 'ere and 's got a great view o' your crotch.'

'Pervert,' Remus retorted affectionately.

'You know it, love,' Elphias grinned.

Remus sighed, walking in and hoisting himself up to sit on his old bedside table. For some time, he didn't say anything, ignoring the restlessness in his mind that told him to talk, to take action. He felt as if there was something terribly wrong with the situation, something Elphias wasn't telling him, and it stung a little. It stung not to know why someone wanted to leave, and Remus was tired of always being on the receiving end of that hurt. 'You told me you were going to stay. What changed your mind?'

Elphias hit his head against the cupboard door. 'I said I didn' wanna leave during your transformation. You misunderstood me.'

'You're lying. The transformation was a week ago, and I've been watching you pacing over something or the other since then,' Remus argued, 'you never think, Elphias. You once told me it's useless to think ahead and it hurts your sinuses. So why now?'

Elphias shrugged, opening his mouth to say something but deciding against it and closing it again. 'I-" Remus knew the guilty expression on Elphias's face showed that he'd been caught, and he inwardly wondered what this was all about. 'I said this before, Remy. I may be a lot of things, but I ain't no home breaker.'

Remus blinked, not sure how to respond. 'I don't think I understand.'

Elphias took a deep breath; he looked hesitant and nervous to even speak. 'Look…Mr. Black…he ain't so bad, you know. Merlin, he's a great big fuck up but…but he's real…and he's trying. I think-'

'You're siding with him,' Remus said softly, feeling angry and hurt at the same time. Elphias had seen everything, had heard everything that had happened, and he still…

'I'm not siding with him. I-' Elphias shook his head, clearing his thoughts. 'D'you remember when I came in wit' a black eye?'

Remus nodded. 'You told me you fell…'

'I was lyin',' Elphias said, looking down at his scuffed shoes. 'I had a fight wit' Mr. Black…'cause I told him I'd slept wit' you.' Elphias looked at Remus nervously through his eyelashes. He had obviously been afraid to tell Remus this for a long time, thinking Remus would be angry with him. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay, Elf,' Remus said, smiling stiffly. 'I already knew,' he finished, remembering the day Sirius had spilled out everything to him; the day Sirius had proved exactly how shallow his feelings had been for Remus.

'I didn' mean nothing by it. I was…I was real angry, Remy, an' I was tryin' to protect you, an-'

'I know, Elf, I know. You don't have to explain yourself. I'm not angry with you.'

Elphias looked surprised. 'You're not?'

Remus shook his head, hoping his expression was reassuring enough.

Elphias's face broke into a large smile. 'You're the bloody best, Remy! But-' He bit his lip, his face falling into apprehension again. 'Mr. Black…he's…' Whatever Elphias wanted to say about Sirius, was cut off by the look of pain and disgust on Remus's face. So, he shook his head and grinned. 'Never mind. Doesn't matter.' The trunk snapped shut, and Elphias sealed it with a quick swish of his wand. 'I'll miss you, you know. Merlin, I haven't been laid for over a month now, but it was fun. Not the not-havin'-sex part, but bein' wit' you, livin' wit' you.'

Remus laughed, feeling the tension that had been building up between them fall. He was caught completely by surprise when Elphias rushed into him, forcing him into a tight embrace and snuffling into his shoulder. It was probably the first time Elphias was hugging him without an attempt to grope his arse or any other areas of Remus that he saw as particularly fit. 'You're not crying, are you?' Remus asked, chuckling slightly into platinum curls, as the young boy wiped his nose on Remus's shirt.

'Got somethin' in me eye,' Elphias sniffled. 'Damn dust.'

XxxxX

'I'm not upset with James,' Remus replied to Lily's question, gracing the waitress with a small smile as she laid their tea on the table. 'I don't know why he thinks I am, but I'll talk to him, if you like.'

Lily nodded, helping herself to a chocolate biscuit. 'It would really put him to ease. He's so afraid to approach you right now. I know he doesn't say it, but he's always worrying that he might mess things up somehow.'

'He was only trying to help,' Remus replied, looking outside the glass window. Lily mused that it was probably the only thing Remus liked about this café – the view it provided of the lush countryside. The morning sun shone brightly on his skin, tanned slightly now from the hours of work he put in at the warehouse. He looked serene almost – untouchable and detached from the rest of the world. 'I understand that now,' Remus finished softly, the corners of his lips turning to a not-quite-there smile.

Lily hummed, sipping her tea contemplatively. She wondered why Remus had finally conceded to having tea with her. Was it that her constant insistence had finally convinced him, or was he now ready to come out of his shell and realise that James and Lily were still his friends. She hoped it was the last one, though she doubted it.

Lily had called Remus last night to discuss about Peter Pettigrew and whether he intended on visiting their old friend in the near future. Remus had replied that it was negotiable, depending on whether he had time to spare or not. Lily knew he was busy, but also knew that he was secretly avoiding the meeting. They all were. James had flat-out refused at first, and it had taken Lily an entire week to convince him that the Marauders owed this much to Peter Pettigrew. Even now, James was hesitant. She hadn't asked Sirius yet, not in his current mental state. She couldn't find the courage to and left it upon her husband to deal with their troubled friend.

She sighed heavily at how things had become so complicated and strained between them. Especially Remus, who had become increasingly reclusive since Peter's arrest. It bothered her the same way Sirius's arrival a few days ago to her house had. Christ, Sirius…

'Sirius tried to kill himself the other night.'

The reaction she'd been expecting from Remus, the outrage and concern – none of it came. The only emotion he'd shown as acknowledgement to such drastic news was a sharp intake of breath that could have been mistaken for a sigh and a little uncoordinated blinking. He didn't turn to look at her, continuing to stare outside the window pensively; even his Mona Lisa smile hadn't flinched.

'James found him in the kitchen, about to slit his wrists,' Lily continued, pressing and prying to see if Remus felt anything at all. Why wasn't he reacting? The Remus she remembered would have been upset and angry, demanding to see his friend right now. The Remus she knew would have wept at the very idea of Sirius dying.

'Why slit his wrists? Why didn't he Avada Kedavra himself instead?' Remus asked calmly, much to Lily's surprise.

'He tried,' Lily replied, so taken aback that she couldn't help but blink in complete confusion. 'It didn't work.'

Remus looked at her then, his amber eyes dull despite the sunlight shining upon them. 'Then he never intended to kill himself,' he said coldly, his voice low and menacing. 'It was probably another one of his shows for attention.'

Lily slapped him; it was mostly instinctual the way her hand came up almost the same instant the words had left his mouth. 'How could you be so cruel?' Lily cried, barely suppressing the urge to hit Remus again. 'Do you even hear yourself?' It infuriated her: the way Remus's face remained impassive to her anger despite the spreading redness on his left cheek. 'I just told you he tried to kill himself, and this…this is how you respond?' Nothing. His face was a blank canvas. It was like he didn't feel anything – no remorse, no pain. He could have just been another lifeless ornament in the café. 'He's-'

'He's fine,' Remus interrupted firmly. 'So stop treating him as if the world revolves around him. I've already tried that. It doesn't work.'

Lily's jaw trembled. 'Sirius made a mistake, and he can't be sorrier than he is now, Remus. He's a complete mess. He can't even stop thinking of you for a single second. Why can't you see that? Why can't you just fucking forgive him? It's not that difficult.'

Remus turned back to the window again, as he replied quietly, 'Have your soul torn apart and then come tell me that.'

Lily stared at his profile for a while, wondering if he was going to say anything more. If he was going to open up to her, tell her how it felt, allow her in to his life, to let her comfort him and make him understand that as wrong as Sirius may have been, he deserved another chance. 'You've really changed, Remus…'

Remus looked at her from the corner of his eyes and gave her a twisted smile. 'I haven't.' He shrugged, still keeping his composed demeanor as he swirled his cup and drank the last of his tea. 'This is what I've always been. A werewolf. A Dark creature. No one you can trust really, and certainly no one you can love.' He chuckled quietly and stood up when Lily found herself dumbfounded and too ashamed to reply. 'I hope you don't mind if I cut this chat of ours short. I'll pay for the tea on my way out.'

'Remus…' Lily reached out for his hand but found herself simply grappling air.

'I'll see you again on Thursday, Lily.'

XxxxX

Sirius was trembling. He was shaking so hard that even the prison guard had noticed and was looking at him now with unhidden concern. It was so bad that Sirius's tremors had made the boat rock in the same rhythm, making James turn quite green in the face from sea sickness. He couldn't stop them, couldn't control them in any manner; they were involuntary almost and the closer they got Azkaban, the more violently his body had reacted.

'Hand in your wands, please.'

Sirius looked at his friends giving up their wands to the guard and hesitated. He felt insecure without his wand, defenceless and useless. Even thinking about having his weaknesses exposed caused him to shudder harder than ever, and he had to hold on to the cold, grey walls to keep himself from falling over.

'Sirius, I don't think you should go in,' Lily said softly, touching his shoulder with a slim, pale hand. For some reason, Sirius's eyes gazed upon her fiery red hair, tied up in a neat bun like she would at a funeral. She'd even worn deep black robes; then again, all of them had.

Sirius looked at her and then at Remus, whose profile was partly hidden behind her. Sirius could barely make out a bruise on Remus's left cheek, the same shade of purple as the one he had gotten the other day for being a "bloody faggot". Remus hadn't acknowledged Sirius's presence ever since he'd joined the three of them at the docks, hadn't even looked at Sirius once throughout their trip. Am I that awful just to see? It was almost as if Sirius didn't exist in Remus's world; Remus had asked him to leave at first and then just thrown Sirius out of his life when he'd refused. I'm here. I'm here, waiting for you just to turn. Turn, please turn.

Sirius gave up his wand to the guard. 'Where now?' he asked, looking defiantly at the prison guard and trying to ignore the constant knocking of his knees.

'Pettigrew's cell is at the end of the hallway to your right. Keep clear of the bars. The prisoners are unpredictable here.'

'Wait, aren't you coming with us?' James asked, looking at the guard incredulously. He exchanged a worried look with Lily and Remus. Lily looked back anxiously, clutching at James's hand tightly, but Remus seemed almost impassive. In fact, he didn't so much as flinch at the news; it was almost as if he had anticipated it.

The prison guard laughed humourlessly. 'Merlin, no. We don't guard inside the prison: just the docks really. Couple of security checks here and there. You couldn't pay me to go in there, especially not this area. Maximum security, you know; what with all the Death Eaters.' He shivered from nonexistent cold. 'Dementors swarming all over the place. Pettigrew's is the only one they don't come near.'

Lily looked as if she was going to be sick, and James wrapped a protective arm around her, pulling her close to him so that they were meshed together. The sight made Sirius feel painfully alone and he looked away, focusing on the way his shoe laces were haphazardly tied together. He looked up through his eyelashes to see Remus already entering the hallway, keeping ahead a good few paces. Not wanting to be left behind, Sirius followed quickly, listening to the measured footfalls of his other two friends close behind them.

The prison guard hadn't been exaggerating. There were Dementors everywhere, but that wasn't what caught most of his attention; it was the prisoners. Sirius had never been to Azkaban before; he'd heard a lot of horror stories about it but never thought a place so frightening could ever exist. But here it was, in its full glory, and even worse than it had been described by his parents years ago. Most of the prisoners had started screaming the minute they'd entered the hallway; a lot of them calling for help, to let us out, please, let us out! Some were crying even, trying to reach through their bars and shying away almost immediately when the Dementors came dangerously close. Sirius saw a few of them muttering to themselves maniacally: skeletal in their forms, their bodies unwashed and filthy. Sirius recognised a few of them; he'd seen them last at a family gathering when he was fourteen.

The Dementors were feeding upon these people, Sirius realised as nausea rose up his throat. These filthy creatures were devouring the human soul, eating away at every single joyous moment that these people had ever been blessed with. It was unspeakably cruel, inhuman to have these creatures safeguarding the prison. No one deserved this. No one deserved to be stripped off their happiness.

'Merlin.'

Sirius's shaking was getting worse. What had been slight tremors was now turning into a complete epileptic fit. He couldn't calm his restless mind and with horror, he realised that it was because the Dementors were circling around them, their attention turning to fresh prey instead of the same prisoners that they stood guard upon.

James stood up almost immediately, shielding Remus's sleeping figure from Sirius. Sirius hadn't meant for this to happen; he hadn't meant for Snape to almost get killed. 'Back to finish the job, are you, Black? Couldn't kill Remus last night, so let's do it today, eh?'

The reaction was immediate. Sirius covered the distance between them in two quick strides and grabbed James by the collar. 'Shut up, Potter. Shut the fuck up, before I-'

'Before you what?' James asked, pushing Sirius off him roughly. 'Before you manage to kill me too?'

Sirius blinked rapidly, wondering why this walk was taking so long. The corridor couldn't have been that long, could it? He tried to look at the others but was met only by dark swishing cloaks and hands that looked like it had been rotting underwater for years.

Regulus spiteful laughter interrupted him mid sentence. 'You really do live in another world, don't you, brother?' When he saw Sirius's bewildered expression, his smile grew wider. 'What, didn't anyone tell you? Father died last month; he retched all over mother's clean silk sheets until he hadn't had a drop of fluid in his body left to spare.'

Sirius staggered, tripping over his own feet and almost falling over. He caught himself just in time, shooting a reassuring glance at James and Lily before hurrying forward. Remus hadn't looked back, not once, and Sirius gazed into his back, willing him to meet eyes just once.

The Death Eater called Yates rubbed his face beneath his mask. 'You don't know if that's what really happened to Regulus, Manson. We have nothing to prove that he's really dead.'

Sirius swallowed, trying to rid himself of the bile that threatened to rise in his throat. There was already a bitter taste in his mouth, making him regret ever coming in. This place was more than he could handle; there were too many of these Dementors and it could have just been his mind playing tricks on him, but it seemed as if they were focused only on him. Focused only on his old memories and bringing them back again.

Sirius sighed heavily. 'I think, Remus, that this should end. Whatever we have between us; it's not working anymore.'

The knife. The knife was the first thing that came to Sirius's mind. That knife and the life he had reluctantly promised James to live. Sirius didn't even know why he'd agreed in the first place; maybe it was the thought of never seeing his Godchild again or the pleading, almost desperate look in his best friend's eyes. Sirius hadn't been able to refuse; there were very few times in his life that Sirius hadn't listened to James. But right now, he wished he hadn't. Right now would be a great time to die, to end this misery and pain that grabbed him by the heart and pulled him deeper and deeper until he was bleeding everywhere. What was the point? What was the point when all he'd done was make people miserable? What was the point when Remus looked right through him?

'I hate you, Sirius, more than you can ever imagine,' Remus sneered, bringing his face so close that every breath Remus let out made Sirius's hair fan erratically. 'So just do me a favour and get the bloody hell out of my life.'

He bent over and vomited across the floor, most of it just water because he hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday morning. Even then, it burned his throat and weakened his knees so that they collapsed underneath him. Instantly, there were hands pulling his hair back from his face and rubbing his back soothingly. They were delicate and soft, as a woman's should be, barely putting any pressure as they tried to soothe his pain.

'Should I roll over? Play dead? Bend over so that you can fuck me up again?'

'Padfoot, I think you should go back,' Sirius heard James say as he knelt beside him. 'The Dementors are affecting you more strongly than us. You won't make it.'

'I'm fine!' Sirius snapped, roughly pushing away Lily's hands. 'Don't treat me like some kind of invalid!' He wiped his mouth quickly, pushing himself up on his feet by using the floor that wasn't covered with puke as leverage.

'Sirius, you can't-'

'I'm fine!' Sirius roared.

'Filthy blood traitor! You're a useless disgrace to the family name! You're no son of mine!'

His traitorous body betrayed him almost immediately, making his knees buckle yet again and sending him collapsing to the ground, thankfully away from his own puddle of sick. His knees scraped painfully against the stone floor and for a moment, Sirius could do nothing but lie there, panting for breath.

'I hate you!'

There was sudden warmth on his shoulder, a brush of soft feathers against his cheeks, and a beak nudging insistently against the side of his head. Sirius opened his eyes to see a falcon perched on his right shoulder, silver and gleaming. It was a Patronus of course, and it had a silvery trail that smeared outside its body and went back to its source. Remus. Sirius looked up to see Remus standing over him, eyes closed and palms raised.

'Remus…'

Remus's eyes fluttered open as the charm cast completely, and Sirius felt his heart beat faster as their gazes met. The torrent of nightmarish memories had stopped, and Sirius found himself running through a green field and playing chase with his father at his heels. His mother was laughing from somewhere nearby, her blond hair swaying gently to the wind. He liked it here, liked running fast with his hair falling behind him like that and his father struggling to keep up with him. It made him feel like the king of the world.

With a startle, Sirius realised that it wasn't one of his own memories he was seeing but Remus's. He knew it was an intimate part of Remus's childhood, but Sirius couldn't help but make it his own; taking it in and accepting the feeling of protection and warmth that spread through him. He kept his eyes open though, despite the feeling of contentment and invincibility against the Dementors; he didn't want to break away from those beautiful amber eyes that, after a long time, looked concerned through his previous haze of apathy.

'It's wandless, so it won't last long,' Remus stroked the bird's head, his fingers visible through the transparency of its feathers. 'Keep close,' he commanded it softly, but Sirius felt as if Remus was talking to him instead. 'Don't let go.' The falcon nudged his hand reassuringly.

Sirius's staring came to an abrupt halt when Lily let out an almost inhuman cry of grief, and he saw her collapse into James's arms two cells away. She was sobbing hysterically, and James himself looked equally pale and about to faint; it seemed he couldn't take his eyes away from the occupant of the cell in front of him. Sirius looked at Remus one last time and without any discussion, hurried off to where James and Lily were standing.

The minute he'd reached there, however, Sirius felt his heart stop and the feeling of nausea rise again. 'Merlin…'

The stench was horrible; the strong scent of urine and faeces permeating the air around them. There was fungus growing on the dank walls, putrid green and infesting everything within its reach. There were no windows, like most of the other cells, no light or hope to shine through and Sirius wouldn't have noticed the slumped figure in the middle of all this wreckage if it hadn't been for James's borrowed lantern. Peter Pettigrew was lying on his side with his mouth open, amidst his own waste and his prison robes hanging loose upon his once chubby form. He was filthy – his clothes soiled and torn in so many places that they barely covered the essentials and definitely could not have protected him from the constant veil of cold that hung over Azkaban. His face could barely be made out from all the dirt and grime that covered it, and his once blond hair was now almost black and falling out in many places.

Yet, Pettigrew showed no signs of discomfort or disgust in being captive this way. In fact, had it not been for the occasional blinking of his eyes and rise and fall of his chest, Sirius would have thought him dead. Death would perhaps been a relief, because Peter was soulless. There was no life without your soul, no love, no happiness, and no existence.

'Take me out of here, James!' Lily sobbed, clutching on to her husband and burying her face deep into his chest so that she didn't have to see Peter's wasted self. 'Please, please, I don't want to do this anymore!'

Merlin. All the anger, the resentment, the utter detestation he'd felt for Peter: Sirius felt it all falling away. Peter had done a lot of things; had betrayed them, worked against them, but he had never done anything to deserve this. No one deserved the Kiss, Sirius realised, backing away from Peter's cell. No one deserved to only have a functional body to live in, but no heart to beat life inside your chest.

Sirius's back hit the cell opposite to Peter's. He immediately found himself being strangled, a rough pair of hands grabbing him by the neck and choking him. The fingers were weak, and Sirius frantically pried them off, moving away in fright. The hands called out for him from within the shadows and Sirius could barely make out pleading blue eyes.

'Help me!'

'Sirius! Stay away from the bars!' James cried, pulling him closer to their little group. Somehow, the horror and panic had shifted them close together into one unit, chest to chest and back to back. James was still holding Lily close as she cried hysterically. Remus had his side pressed to James's back, eyes wide and sweat beading on his forehead and upper lip. With surprise, Sirius realised that his own back was pushed into Remus's chest. One of Sirius's hands was holding on to Lily's and the other was fisted around Remus's waist and at the back of his t-shirt, trapping the werewolf and keeping him from moving away.

'Let's leave. Come on, let's go home.'

The falcon on Sirius's shoulder flickered and fluttered wildly, signaling the disarray of Remus's emotions. It huddled close to Sirius, seeking and sharing warmth, making keening, helpless noises that made it sound almost like a real animal. It nipped at his skin in alarm and desperation, though Sirius's didn't feel much more than a slight pinprick and glimpses of memories that held the Patronus upright. 'Let's go,' Sirius whispered shakily, and the falcon buried itself into his neck for refuge.

XxxxX

Another chapter finished and another step closer to the pups getting reunited. I had underlying of slash in the last paragraph. Did you notice? The falcon's supposed to be representative or something; my o'level English would be so proud. Lol. Sorry, I'm a bit nervous about this chapter, don't know why. I feel like I'm missing something…or…I don't know. Anyway, feel free to express how furious you are with me for making Sirius almost kill himself (the effect of manic and passionate love) and making Remus so unbelievable cruel. Oh, but do be nice about it…:D

Katefish: First of all, let me thank you for all those wonderfully long reviews. It just really made my day to know exactly what points you liked and what aspects of the story were well written and so on. I did notice those mistakes actually, and I really don't mind if you correct them. I've been trying to fix them for a while, but for some reason, my account was on a time out. This chapter itself was supposed to be posted two days ago! Ah, I hated letting Elf go, but he's done his part here and he left a little advice for Remus to dwell upon. Alice, I didn't know what she was, so I left the readers to decide her profession. I just figured it would be better to have other people interacting with the Marauders as well. Anyway, I hope this chapter didn't disappoint and I'll see you in your review, eh? Purple Uranium: Well, since you like angry Remus so much, I think you'll like this chapter. I know I went a bit cruel with Remus, especially in the Lily scene, but I don't know why. I thought the sentiment really fit. The bond between Remus and Sirius was never non-existence. It's been there always, but it sort of diminishes a little when one of them feels a certain hatred for another. That's what I kind of wanted to show with them. You'll notice that Remus can still tell when Sirius is around and Sirius feels this particular pain of longing because of it as well. Katshi: Thank you! The last scene's one of my favourites. It's been so ever since that second year chapter and it feels great to bring it back again! Ayame-Paradise: I don't know about art. I've never been particularly good at it, but thank you! I put in a bitter sweet ending this time as well. I can't seem to shake them off! Lol. Cheers! Mk: I hope the confrontation I wrote here was how you wanted it. Remus and Elphias were never meant to be lovers. I never wrote them with that intention to start with. I just wanted Elf to have a crush on him really that sort of turns into friendship. A Person: Ugh, I just can't win with you can I? All right, what about this. I have a three hour stats class today, my hair's a mess, I'm having a "I feel fat even though I weigh only 7 stones" day, and I think I lost my book (that cost me a good 150 bucks). Do I win? Kyshal: Well, this chapter had an angrier Remus and then just a scared Remus, so I hope you enjoyed both bits of him! Ainek: I was joking, luv. I know what the alphabets meant, but it just felt a little funny to relate to them that way. Hope you don't mind. :) Thanks for pointing that mistake out by the way. I've been trying to fix it for days, and my account finally started working today! Ah, your question. I mentioned in the chapter that the wolf hardly noticed Sirius. It was too caught up in trying to get out and be free (like how Remus had run to the Parson house, do you see the connection?). When it finally did attack Sirius, he knocked it out before things went too far. Hope that answers your doubts! Jay: Well, if it helps, I'm unhealthily addicted to chocolate also. I have a piece for breakfast every day, and this is when I'm not insanely depressed! It's a miracle I haven't ballooned yet. Shoshoni: I had consumer behaviour the day I read and your review and the whole "consumption" thing sent me giggling. I don't know why, makes me feel like a very professional marketing major. :) Mionerocks: I've never actually seen Remus as physically hostile, but I did have him attack Sirius in a more verbal and cruel manner. I hope that's all right. I wanted James to be a sort of pillar among all of this, so I kept him as a sort of stronghold, especially since Sirius is considering killing himself now. So…anyway, hope this chapter was up to par. Cheers, darling!