A/N:I really hope this is a good chapter.If you would like to, please review. Even a few words, thank you. :)

Stepping down the the steps of the metal stairs, put into place for the convenience of the passengers, of course, I felt a strange flurry of emotion flit through my whole being. It consisted of turbulent confusion, indecision, sadness, remorse and ultimately, guilt. I felt guilty because I was being selfish.

If I lied to James, I'd be thinking only of myself and not him. I'd be lying to say that I was truly free to marry and love him, to say that I wasn't bound by the hands of my family, betrothed to another man. Before I knew it, a tear had escaped without my permission.

The tear held all my emotions and it also held all the love I felt for James. A tear. So insignificant, wasn't it? In my heart, though, I knew that a single tear if shed over true feelings, was so much, more worthy than a flood of meaningless, false ones. It slid slowly down my left cheek, wetting my collar.

Nobody noticed; the sailors and passengers mixed together into a flurry of color and sound; nothing more. Seeing the hum of daily life all around me, could only weigh down even more on my already too-heavy soul.

My heart picked up it's aggravating beating, as I swept my weary eyes over the patternless crowd of humans in front of me. Perhaps he wouldn't show; perhaps he'd known. I may not have mentioned anything about why I had been alone on this sombre ship, but it was purely the only logical reason.

Or was it? I didn't know anymore. Nothing was capable of giving me satisfactory answers. On the verge of crying out of mere frustration, I caught sight of a mass of golden hair in the fray. Unmistakably his, I knew.

Forgetting my luggage, the porters glancing at me with raised eyebrows, my duties and responsibilities, I stumbled after him, tumbling into the mass of human bodies which were elegantly-clothed but sweating feverishly under the heat of the midday sun.

Twice I received a harsh scolding for my running and for colliding with a haughty, piggish woman. I paid no more attention to them than I had to the frantic porters calling after me. I had to tell him, no matter how much I knew it would hurt me; I had to be honest with the one I loved.

"James!James!" My voice was hoarse, calling after him loudly, but getting lost in the overwhelming noise of the surroundings.

He didn't hear me. Or if he did, he refused to acknowledge me. At that thought, my heart cracked a bit. He didn't hear me, that's all, I tried to reassure myself, failing miserably.

Suddenly, panic overtook my spirits. The mass of golden hair had begun to dissipate among the people. Picking up the pace, I pushed even more furtively into the fray, causing upheaval as the throng tried to avert themselves out of my path of destruction.

I had nearly caught up to him when I suddenly felt myself wheeling out of control. Before I knew it had even happened, I was lying on the hard cobblestones with a terrible pain in my foot shooting up the nerves of my right leg. I squealed in pain.

I noticed that my heeled boot had broken it's heel and lay stuck in the path. My stockinged foot lay uncovered for the world to see. Some of the passers-by sneered; serves her right, that's what they must have thought. Others uttered shocked murmurs and bent to help me.

None of this bothered me, whatsoever. I could only think of James. I've lost him. He would be gone now, and I could barely move my leg. Lying here on the ground, I should have felt ashamed. Ashamed of how I'd behaved.

But no, I felt none at all. I only could find the emotion of pain within. The pain of a broken heart. The pain of a dishonest love. The pain of never knowing. All of it welled up inside my heart and slowly, as one of the ladies knelt beside my bruised arm, whispering assurances, did I realize that I was shedding tears. Long, wet tears ran down my aching face.

As I watched them drip onto the cold, unforgiving ground, I knew that my consciousness wouldn't last very long. I'd faint from exertion soon but I managed to say one last sentence before I did. A simple one, but deep down inside, I hoped he heard what I'd said.

I said, "Forgive me, James." And my soul dipped into a fitful, restive slumber. Mourning the lost love of a young maiden.

How foolish I had been. Had I finally succumbed to the loneliness I'd felt for more than 3 centuries? I believed I had. Dancing with her at that ball, visiting her home at night, watching her sleep, following her on this voyage, knowing full well that she was engaged to be married. What was I thinking? I could never be with her. She was so beautiful. So full of life and so young. I couldn't hurt her anymore than I already had. When I did what I did the night before, I must have been insane. Because I'd been so forward, it would have been scandalous to be seen.

I could have ruined her. Her reputation, her family's reputation, her life. I kicked myself mentally with all of my might. I was indeed very selfish. I wanted so much. I was willing to sacrifice her. No, I wasn't. No matter how I'd been tempted to just whisk her away in my arms, I hadn't. She was a precious diamond. I couldn't spoil her, never would I think of such a thing. I had very nearly come close to meeting her whence, I'd promised.

But when I looked at my reflection, in the murky green seawaters, I was brutally brought back to the reality of things. Seeing my ivory-skinned face, I was jolted with the truth. I was not human. I was not worthy. I could not bring myself to lie to her any longer. I could not hurt her more. Turning away from the coldness of the stare, I strode off hastily. I hoped she would not see me; she had.

I'd heard her voice, yelling my name. But no, it was not my name. I did not have the liberty to tell her what my real name was. Hearing her sad, melancholic voice was like having my heart run over an intense fire, but I could not stop. I would not give in to my desires; I would control them. The same way I had done over the past centuries, perfecting the control I had of the monster inside me, kept under a tight leash. To make sure it never had free rein to murder innocents.

Her voice stopped. I knew that she'd fallen. The sound of her bone cracking sent a torturous pain all throughout my body. I wanted to run back to her, to caress her cheek, to wipe away the tears I knew she had. I wanted to heal her, make the pain stop. I wanted to hold her in my arms again and feel her warmth against my frigid cold.

And then, I smelt fresh blood and a small part of me desired it so much, that I was repulsed by my being, once again. A nearby fishmonger had slit his thumb with the chopping knife. I kept my eyes away from the sight and I knew that I could not go back. As much as it pained her, and me, it was the best thing I could do for her. The best thing I should have done in the first place, was to have kept away from her.

Willing the noise and confusion around me into oblivion, I remained stoic-faced as I strode calmly away from my beloved.