A/N: Ok. I feel bad for getting on people's cases for not reviewing, so I apologize. But it's hard when you see hits rise and rise and rise, and you get absolutely no feedback. Anyway, this is the second-last chapter. It was supposed to be the last one, but I decided to drag it out into another chapter so this one wouldn't become so long. And because I know I have one reader who really likes reading my story (yes, you Krystle!). :)
The year 1988, May 14th.
I can hear the sounds of birds cooing and calling to one another, as they begin their morning, and though my eyes are closed, I can feel the sunlight from the open window on my skin, turning it glowing crystal, like a colorless kaleidoscope. I turn over and brush my hand along his side, with a smile on my lips.
He laughs and tickles my stomach, making me giggle but I don't push him away. This is how I spend every morning. Nestled beside him, his hands holding my body, and we pretend that we were asleep all night, and are just waking up, when we weren't. Vampires can't sleep. But that just means I never have to waste a moment of the nights we spend together, so close and safe.
I open my eyes, and gaze back into those same maroon-colored eyes I awoke to, that day, many years ago, when I had my last dreams, and became his forever. He nuzzles my neck, and I breathe in the scent of his dark hair, so similar to mine. And then, I hear the bells and know he must go, now.
He kisses me fondly on the lips, and I squeeze his hand, as he gets up from the bed, and slips on the dark robe he wears everyday, as usual, and whispers so softly to me, "Until tonight, my Suzette."
I nod, and smile. He disappears. I open my wardrobe and pick out something to wear from a collection of custom-made dresses, by a local Italian designer. Today, I choose a satin cobalt blue one, with a lace lining underneath, and an intricate-looking pattern of butterflies along the hem of the skirt, in shades of turquoise thread.
It has long sleeves, but slides down to reveal my shoulders when I wear it. The hem is knee-length, and I'm glad that the current fashion is no longer the long and trailing dresses of my youth. I slide a pair of ballet flats onto my feet, which became so refined and dainty-looking, not big and unseemly, when I turned into a vampire.
My hair is still long and flowing, and I know I will never cut it, because it wouldn't be able to grow back. I sit in front of my dresser, look into the mirror, and brush my hair slowly, studying my appearance. Maybe I will wear it down, instead of braiding it today.
The sunshine touches my skin and I see it sparkle, an occurrence which still surprises me, occasionally. Outside, the day is starting to perk up, and I hear the school-children, happily babbling away to one another in Italian and their mothers shooing them along. The sound of the fresh produce market-sellers setting up their stalls, and filling their stands with cabbages and apples reaches my ears too.
I'd been wrong when I'd thought I would spend my eternity, underground, without sunlight or fresh air, or the sound of daily life, ever again.
Although the Volturi's main chambers are underground, beneath the city of Volterra, there are bedrooms and quarters above ground, as well. Marcus had brought me to this room, the very first night I'd lived as a vampire, and I'd been so enthralled to see the stars and the night sky once again.
Silently, I open a drawer of my dresser, and withdraw a tattered and weathered old letter, the paper yellow, but the ink still bright. The only letter I'd ever received from my mother and sisters. Every morning, I re-read it. It's the only way I can ever feel close to them, knowing they have all passed long ago.
To our dearest, most beloved Suzette,
My darling daughter, this is your loving mother. I terribly regret my distant-heartedness and my severe treatment of you, all these years. I didn't want to love you so much, that I wouldn't be able to let you go when the time came.
Now, I realize I should have shown you all the love you ever desired, because I will never see you again, as horrible as it sounds. I remember your sweet, sad face the day of your departure. My baby Suzette, you are so brave. As brave as your father was.
If you ever should meet your father, please tell him I never stopped loving him. He has always had my heart, despite the years which will distance us even more.
With all my love and blessings,
your dear Mother.
Suzette, my lovely younger sister, this is Rita. I know you've always thought me air-headed, and narcissistic, but I never let my real side show through. When you were still a tiny tot, and could barely walk, I would pick you up and throw you in the air to make you laugh. You were such a happy child.
Dear sister, I never knew any of what your true fate was until it was too late. Please forgive me for not having been a more affectionate elder sister than I was, all those years you were growing up.
Praying for you always,
your elder sister Rita.
Oh, Suzette. I hardly know how to begin my letter. There are so many things to be said, so much forgiveness and thanks to be asked and given. Truly, my sister, there is no other person who could be as selfless and brave as you have been and are. I read and read and read about heroines and heroic deeds, but I could never do such things.
You, my little sister, are my heroine. I would've died, had you not paid the ransom on my life. I cannot express the amount of thanks and how eternally grateful I am to you, in just one letter. I wish to hug you and see you again!
My little sister, I was there the night that deal was made. I knew all these years, that one day you would leave us. Yet, I never made light of it, and I tried to forget and bury it, until that night when you danced with that stranger, and I knew. I knew what he was, and who he was. He was there to take you away.
I thought we could protect you, save you. But Mother sent you away, and I knew we were powerless. I live with a shadow now, knowing that I am free, and you are not, my sister. Please forgive me. I am so sorry for taking your life. I am so sorry. You'll always be my little sister, and you'll always be loved by all of us.
Ever faithful and grateful to you,
your elder sister Anneliese.
It'd been sent two months after I'd changed, so I could cry no tears, eventhough I felt them inside me, clawing at my insides, begging to be released. This letter has comforted me throughout the centuries, and still will in the centuries to come.
I fold the letter up again, for the infinite time, and place it gently back into the drawer in it's original envelope. The figure in the mirror resembles a china doll with sulphuric eyes.
I could never keep myself from feeling the guilt of feeding on innocent life, so Marcus had told me that I could feed on animals, instead of humans. He brings me to the forests bordering the city, every week, but sometimes, I still feed on humans, because the temptation is far too great and their scents are so inviting.
This is why I have a mixed eye-color. This is how I know that the vampire I once loved so desperately fed only on animals. My first love, who never told me his real name, and whose existence I had thought to protect by sleeping with Marcus.
Will I ever see you again?
I close my eyes, and I see us on the ship's deck once again, the only light being the moon's glow, and the only sound is the noise of the lower deck celebrations. No girl can ever forget her first kiss.
The sun rises higher in the powdery blue sky outside, and the world moves by, leaving me untouched. When you've gained immortality, it seems nothing the world takes or gives can affect you anymore. You're a spectator to the rest of civilization; someone who will give testament to histories past, one day in a future, where the past may no longer resonate in anyone's mind but yours.
But I have only one wish – one unsatisfied longing inside me. I want to see Carlisle.
- - -
A knock on the room's door breaks my thoughts, and I answer with a small, "Come in."
It is who I've been expecting - Emilia and Cassandra. They are Caius and Aro's wives, respectfully. Emilia is stunningly beautiful, with a smile and a face that could've launched a thousand ships to war, as the famed beauty of Helen of Troy did. She sometimes jokes, and says that she is related to Helen of Troy, because she was originally a Grecian native.
Her hair is like the golden strings of a harp - it falls so smoothly down her shoulders. Her eyes are slanted in a way which makes them appear both alluring and innocent. Her lips are full, and perfectly-shaped.
Cassandra is a polar opposite, for her beauty is so sharp and pronounced, that you find it hard not to stare. The shade of her hair-color is a mixture of burnt sienna and apple-red, the natural highlights in just the right lengths and places. Her eyes are wide and inviting, but also exhibit an air of caution. When she smiles, it is as if you have been in darkness all your life, and are suddenly thrust into the glare of midday sun.
She doesn't tell me much about her previous life. She did once mention that her mother had been a mistress to a king, and I assume that it explains her unnaturally beautiful looks. Cassandra isn't as relaxed and as easy-going as Emilia is, just as Caius is not as laid-back and frivolous as Aro is.
Each half must have balance, you could say.
Emilia flutters in like a hummingbird and pinches my cheek, in delight. "Susie, Susie, Susie." She likes to call me that – Susie. "What do you think we should do today?" She asks, as Cassandra seeps in, slowly and surely, her plum-burgundy dress billowing around her as she moves. She sits on my bed and mutters wistfully, "We can't go and play today, Emilia.'
"And why not, Cassie? I'm game for a little show-and-faint in the square. Last time, I made all those children drop like flies into a fish's mouth." She declares proudly – and by children meaning teenaged boys – as she walks to the window and looks down below.
Anyone passing by will think she is a ghostly mirage, because the sun is making her sparkle and shimmer so brightly, combined with her luminescent hair and her beauty, and I will not be the least surprised, if later today, there is news of a sighting of the Virgin Mary from a supposedly deserted house's bedroom window.
I roll my eyes, and pull her away from the window before someone decides to put their hand up to shield their eyes from her glare. "Emilia!" I say reproachfully. She only laughs, and it sounds like piano keys being lightly tapped on the highest notes.
Cassandra shakes her head. She seems a bit more serious and glum today, than usual. "Emily, Carlisle is coming for a visit today. Don't you want to meet his wife?" She says it so softly, but I still hear it.
Now I know why she is so dejected.
Cassandra can see people's hearts for what they really are. She calls it a curse, not a gift, because she can see when someone lies, when someone has revenge and murder in them, when someone is being eaten up by guilt… when someone's heart is broken. I stare at her, and she nods.
Both of them know what Carlisle is to me, but only Cassandra knows how deep it once was. She sighs and stands up, comes close to me and hugs me. "He had to find someone, one day, didn't he?" I say nothing. "You have to let go, and let it be, Suzette. I've seen too many hearts die from this, too many times." She's insistent in her plea. I know she's right.
"I know, Cassandra." I breathe, but don't suck in any air. "I know." She looks at me, and I know she is searching my heart, to see if I really do know. "I just have to see him one last time. I just need to say goodbye."
She's still searching. Emilia comes and hugs me, from behind. "Susie, Susie, Susie. My first love was nothing such as the likes of Carlisle. He never loved me the way I did him, and still I could not forget him, for so long."
Cassandra stops searching – and smiles. I haven't seen her smile and mean it, in quite awhile. "Le coeur est prêt à vivre encore."
"Since when do you speak French, Cassandra?" I ask, surprised. Emilia smirks, and starts to whistle.
"J'étais Français né." She replies, simply. Unfortunately, I never bothered to study French, like Anneliese had done.
"Don't pay any attention to her, Susie. But I know what she said, so let's go meet the happy couple now, shall we?" Emilia says it so brightly, that I try to smile for her, but it's hard to do so.
Cassandra smiles reassuringly again, and I see that she really does want to see me happy. But, I have no idea at all how I might feel seeing him, after it's been so long. And that he's happily in love with someone else.