A/N: Ok, this took me a reaaaaaally long time, as you can see. Forgive me? Well, it's long (ish) and, well, at least something happens! Ok, I'll shut up now. But please tell me what you think? And please don't hate me for this...fluff was coming out of my ears, I needed some...something. So...review, review, review!

"...the greens?" I heard a familiar voice ask.

"Angela?"

"Bella! Hey," She smiled. The clerk looked at her, and she said, "Oh, sorry."

"Right around the corner."

"Thanks."

The clerk left and Angela started walking around the corner. I followed. "How're you?" I asked.

"Fine..."

"And Ben?"

"Oh, he's good too. You?" She looked a little wary as she said this. "I haven't seen you in...a while. Without school and everything..."

"Yeah. I've kind of been spending a lot of time down in La Push these days." I was mad at myself for neglecting Angela's friendship. With her being so nice and everything, and taking me back after my zombie period, I should have...I don't know.

"Really?" She looked puzzled, so I said, "Yeah. With my..." I suddenly laughed. "Boyfriend," I finished, still laughing.

She looked more shocked and confused than like she felt like laughing.

"Sorry, but...Edward hasn't--"

"Oh, no. His name's Jacob."

"Oh." She put a few heads of lettuce in a plastic bag.

"You'll have to meet him some time," I suggested.

"Yeah, I'd like to."

"Okay, well, I've got to go, so...bye."

"Bye...see you around. Maybe I'll call you sometime?"

"Yeah, that'll be great."

I walked towards the pasta, thinking. I don't know why I'd laughed when I'd told Angela about Jacob. Maybe it was the confusement and shock, that I could be with anyone but Edward, that seemed so funny to me. Whatever it was, I didn't really care. It was time people stopped thinking of me as the girl who went out with Edward Cullen, then practically died when he left, and start thinking of me more as...my own person?

Whatever. I sound like those women-empowerment things.

I walked down the aisle of spaghetti and linguini and penne and ravioli. I wondered what kind Charlie liked best. It was funny, I'd never found that out, after all this time living with him. I knew Renee liked spaghetti, but if it was one second overcooked, and didn't have that white speck in the middle, if you bit it open, she'd toss the whole pot. I even knew that Phil was like her in the cooking part, but despised spaghetti and lived for fusilli.

I froze, my hand inches from the packages. A whiff of sweet perfume washed over me. The hole I thought was healed picked at the edges.

It's just someone wearing perfume. It's just someone wearing perfume. I told myself, over and over in my head, chant-like.

Just a perfume that smells oddly like the one person I'd never been able to fully leave behind and forget about. No. Just a person. Just a random stupid human, like me.

It vanished. I stood, staring into space, breathing hard. I felt eyes on me, turned, and saw a woman looking at me strangely. I smiled at her and grabbed a random box of pasta off the shelve. I realized a moment too late that this was Forks, and in Forks, any random lady looking at you strangely is going to be someone who knows not only what your favorite kind of pasta is, but why, how, and when the first time you ate it was.

Not to mention the whole bloody details of your messed-up past.

"How are you, Bella?" Mrs. Newton asked me.

"Good." I smiled at her, a real, big smile.

"Mike told me he saw you at the beach a few days ago."

"That's right." She looked at me searchingly, and realized she wanted more details for her daily gossip calls, but didn't want it to seem like she was prying. "With my...with Jacob."

"Is that right? He said something about a boy." Did he leave anything out?

"Yeah," I said, not wanting to talk about it, but then I thought, Why not? Why not let the whole town know (because if Mrs. Newton knew the entire town, down to the ants living in the ground, would know within 24 hours).

"He's my boyfriend." I said it loud and clear, for her to hear. Hey, it rhymes.

Her face lit up and she opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. "Does he live in Forks?"

"La Push."

"Ah. Jacob, eh?"

"Black." I grinned. "But I have to be going, Mrs. Newton."

"Oh, okay, Bella, don't let me keep you. Have a nice day."

"Nice talking to you," I said breezily and watched her walk away.

The scent of fresh rain fallen on already damp grass filled my nose, and reminded me of the smell in the store. But I pushed the thought out of my head, and turned to a rustling in the bushes on the side of the road I was walking down, heading home.

I thought of what I was going to make Charlie for dinner. I'd seen that the pasta I'd grabbed off the shelf was fusilli, and thought of Phil.

Everyone and their pasta opinions...I'd never really had a strong opinion on the subject. I wonder what Jake liked. I made a mental post-it note to ask him.

As I walked, everything seemed weirdly sharp and loud. I had always felt, as a human around vampires and werewolves, that my senses were less-than satisfactory, not to mention my clumsiness, and that I always irritated Edward and Jacob with my slowness, even with all their protests that it was fine, they didn't mind.

I could see every leaf on every dark green tree that surrounded me, even the ones far away. I could see the specks of dirt in the creases of my shoes. I could hear the raindrops left over from the last storm dripping onto leaves, and the crunch of gravel was loud beneath my shoes. There was a tension in the air, and I knew that it was the next storm, almost breaking, above my head.

I walked home fast, and was panting my the time I was at the door. I jammed my key in the (unnecessary) lock, glancing around, paranoid.

"Hey!" I called when I got inside and had kicked off my shoes. My voice filled the silence, until Charlie's echoed from the living room and joined with mine, "In here!"

I walked in and sat next to Charlie. He tore his eyes away from the obviously exciting baseball game on T.V. and asked me how my day was.

"Good, good. You? Anything interesting happen?"

"No. Well," He added, "People have been reporting big footprints, like the giant wolves, or bears, from last spring, but since the killings have stopped we decided it wasn't worth it."

Jake and his pack had really better be more careful about leaving their giant footprints around, like coins from a torn pocket. At least they haven't been seen since that disastrous March.

He looked like he was deep in thought and troubled. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah...I was just thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking...all the time you're alone here...I don't like leaving you here alone..."

"It's really okay, Dad."

"I was just thinking...maybe we could get a dog?" Charlie asked me, and I cracked up.

I tried to hold the laughter in, but Charlie said, "What's so funny?" and I just shook my head.

"But I spend most of the time at La Push--" With my own giant dog. Or wolf, as he preferred "--I really don't think..."

"Yeah...I mean, I thought about it, and thought I would suggest it to you, but since, you know, with college around the corner and all..."

"I don't think it's the best idea, Charlie."

"I guess. But all these times I leave you alone, I feel so bad about it..."

"It's okay, Dad, really. I'm really hanging out with Jake most of the time anyways."

"I'll go make dinner," I said, and got up and went to the kitchen.

As I was stirring the pasta, I felt eyes on me, looked around, and shook off the feeling. What was wrong with me?

I dumped the hardly cooked pasta in the sink, in a strainer, and the feeling just intensified.

A thought went through my mind. What if Victoria was back, after disappearing from the pack? What if she was outside, watching, listening, smelling my blood and Charlie's, what if she got another one, so if Jake came he wouldn't be a problem, what if she brought a whole army of bloodthirsty vampires--

I spun around. Charlie was standing in the doorway, looking at me worriedly. I was breathing hard, and I tried to bring my erratic heartbeat back to normal.

"Can I help?"

"No...I mean, yeah, why don't you set the table, the food's almost ready, I just need to put the sauce on, here's the cheese," I was babbling. I shut up.

--

Dinner was a quiet affair, with the scratches of forks and knives on plates the only sound breaking the loud silence. But the silence wasn't a bad silence. Unlike with Renee, I always felt comfortable in a silence with Charlie. He didn't feel the need to fill up the space with talking about this, and that, and everything.

After we ate, Charlie volunteered to do the dishes, so I wandered around. I felt like I had to go somewhere, do something. I wished Jacob wasn't on patrol. They had said something about a vampire on their land...but had they gotten rid of it? I wasn't up to date on the whole thing. I was never really comfortable with it, and I preferred to spend my time with Emily, or Charlie, instead of when they talked about strategy and vampires who were hard to catch.

I walked outside. Just to the front, on the lawn. It probably wasn't a good idea, but this was Forks, what could happen?

My thoughts jumped to the night in Port Angeles, the men and Edward saving me. His anger. And then to Victoria and other vampires, the bad kind, with red eyes, not gold. Gold eyes...I had a sudden vision of his eyes, and I could tell they were his, not one of the other Cullens, only his. What they looked like right after he fed...

And then a sudden whiff, like in the store, of the smell. I jumped, and looked around. I was terrified to realize that I had wandered far into the forest, and was surrounded by trees and shadows.

I heard a rustling in the trees to my left. I spun around, but didn't see anything.

Then I saw what looked like a shadow of a person, gliding away in the corner of my eye. I looked all around me, getting dizzy. I walked forward, pushed through some trees, and stumbled out into a clearing. It wasn't at all like Edward's clearing, all golden grass and sunny skies, with a creek gurgling through. It was shadowy, dark, and small, and it had an air of claustrophobia.

I stared at the end opposite me, and saw a shape emerge from the wall of trees and walk slowly towards me. A human-shaped shadow, gliding...coming closer, closer...

I held in the urge to scream. If this was Victoria, I didn't need anyone else, if anyone could hear me, coming and getting killed too.

It was only a few yards away when the moon broke out of the clouds and shone down on the person, making his skin glimmer faintly. Then his face was illuminated...

I just about had a heart attack. I couldn't breath. I thought I must be dreaming.

"Bella?" The velvet voice was full of pain, and wonder when it said my name.

I couldn't respond. This couldn't be happening.

"I just had to check..."

My throat constricted, even as I tried to say a word. It came out sounding like...not English.

He flinched. His beauty was just intensified by the moonlight and by the ages I had gone without seeing him. I didn't want to think his name, thought that if I did, he would disappear forever, again. But...did I not want him to? I wanted him to stay?

"Bella, say something. Tell me...tell me you are really..."

I let my breath out in a long whoosh. I didn't know what to say.

"I'll leave, if you want me to," he said, and that just made me say, "No."

He looked relieved. "Bella! I'm so sorry, so so sorry. I can never say how sorry--and when Alice told me--I just went off, and I didn't even think--" It came out in a jumble.

"Was it you? In the store?" I demanded. Which was so not the most important question I had to ask him, but would your brain be functioning now?

He sighed. "I just wanted to see...I left so you would be happy, Bella. I just needed to see if it worked."

"What?" I was astonished. "Worked? Worked? Are you insane?"

He looked shocked. "Bella?"

"Go ask Jake, why don't you. Go ask Jacob to show you some of his thoughts, his memories, of after you left."

He sighed. "It's okay, Bella. I was ready for this. I'm not asking you to take me back--"

But I gasped and took a halting step closer towards him. His alabaster face glowed.

This cannot be happening, I thought desperately. It was easier to think of him not being here, me being with Jacob, when he wasn't actually here, standing right in front of me, all bright, hopeful gold eyes and otherworldly (or just Greek godly) beauty.

"Damn you," I mumbled, and Edward's eyes lost the hopeful serenity and first held anguish, then acceptance.

"No," I said. "Yes."

"Bella?"

"Yes? No."

"Make up your mind," He said, and I wondered at his ability to make a...joke? at a time like this.

"Edward...why?"

"I had to see that you're happy," He said earnestly. "I had to see, it was killing me not to. I had to see if it worked, if what I did helped you..."

"What? I'm not...understanding. I thought..."

"You thought I didn't love you anymore?" He read my mind. I could see the pain in his face as he said it. "How could you think that?"

I snorted. "Is it really that hard to believe? I mean...look at you--" I gestured to him, way past perfect "--and look at me," I said with disgust, looking down at my torn and dirty clothes, messy hair, and tired eyes.

"All I see is what could have been, Bella. What you could have had."

I stared at him, not understanding. He sighed. "What you had just now before I had to come and ruin it. I couldn't resist! What's wrong with me?!" He seemed angry at himself. My nerves buzzed.

"Bella! Bella, I always loved you...I never stopped loving you. Why don't you understand?" I just stared at him some more.

"Then why the hell would you leave me? Do you have any idea what that did to me..."

He looked pained. Sad. "Yes, Bella. No, I didn't. I don't want to know, it would kill me. I can't...will you understand?"

"Just because I'm not 107 doesn't mean I have the brain of a two-year-old."

He grinned. But it didn't reach his topaz eyes.

He was suddenly tense. Or more tense than before, if that's saying anything. Alert. "I have to go," He said, and the hole came back. I hadn't even noticed not feeling it, but now it came back with full force and I needed Jacob.

Wow, I really had co-dependency issues.

I turned and stumbled back into the forest, but he came beside me in a flash and guided me to the edge, in sight of Charlie's house. I followed his misty, pale white form through the contrasting trees and thought of ghosts. He was a ghost, and beautiful, real, always real, ghost. I noticed he never touched me. Was that for him, or for me? Was he too disgusted, and shocked, by his long absence, at my too-human clumsiness, warmth, and just plain plain-ness, that he couldn't bear to touch me?

Speaking of warmth and human...Jacob, when he saw me stumbling out of the forest, and most likely smelled the "bloodsucker" he came running and scooped me up in a hug. I clung to him hard.

"Bella? Bells, what's wrong?" He asked, frantic, but he leaned away from me and saw my face and didn't need the question anymore.

"No...no." He whispered, understanding dawning on his face. "No!" I could see the agony in his eyes. The hopelessness.

"Jake...Jake." I said. I couldn't get the words out. "He's back.

Oh, god. I just realized this is going to end up like Eclipse.

Edward? Or Jacob? Jacob imprint, or Edward...dies? What do you think? REVIEW, PLEASE!! thanks!!