(Random and short chapter! Kira is in here, because they did need customers... Next one, my pokes form a rescue team, meaning more are going to die rather than be rescued. They're not good with orders. Anyways, yes, I abuse the CRAP outta my AR. I have, like, fifty zillion Rayquazas now. And a ton of Darkrai and Eevee and Rattata and stuff. All part of my plan for world domination. But first, I need to bomb New Zealand. My plan's KINDA counting on that...
Ahem. Don't own RENT, Pokemon, Against Me! or the Restaurant in Sunny Santa Fe. YOU HEARD NOTHING!)
"Ba ba badah bababa badadada! Dada dada-dadh! You gonna mess up with the wrong GUYS! Gonna mess up on the wrong DRUGS!" Mikhail the Mightyena growled at Caetalus, who was singing some song by Against Me! for the eightieth time.
"Obviously, you little junkie." Caetalus flicked his ear. As the others bustled around the plot of land they'd purchased with the cash Ari had gotten through unscrupulous means, (Read: Action Replay), he sniggered.
"But doesn't it sound like Hiromi?" He giggled. The Great Gay Green Dragon in question raised his head.
"Fuck you, asshole!" He roared. Caetalus said nothing more. He was NOT facing that Dragon Pulse again.
"Oh, and Lunalis and Absentha are off snogging Maladox and Rogue, so you're on cooking detail. TRY not to kill anyone." He told the two of them. (Midnightshippers, here you go!)
They scurried off to cook. But this chapter doesn't focus on them, it focuses on...
Well, everyone else. I have a lot of pokemon, you know. Let's start with the Legendaries.
"Jeez, Kiddo went a LITTLE crazy with that Action Replay, dont'cha think?" Kappa, one of the only nonsharked pokemon there remarked. He was just a Golduck. He'd had the Pokerus, but other than that, he was nothing special. No odd birthplace, no shining color...
The vast majority of Ari's Legends would fall right into those categories, however. (She had A LOT of shiny Legends...)
Siobhan and Wish, the two level 35 Arceus...Arceusi? Anyways, they were happily playing with Coriona, the Level 33 Shining Articuno.
Then there were the two Shining Darkrai, both of whom were off snogging the older Shining Cresselia twins.
Ichigo was eating her favorite sweet Pecha and Custap berries, (of which there were 995 of), and Jet was arguing with their cousins, Othello and Sheena, the two Shining Rayquaza.
The sea-green Shining Diagla Karona frolicked with Lunalis, the level 32 shiny Cresselia. And Vita, the greatest drunken glitch of them all, why, she was...
"Damnit! VITA! THAT WINE IS FOR THE CUSTOMERS, YOU INSULT TO LEGENDS!" Orcus (1) yelled at her. Vita's new boyfriend, the shining Mew was obviously pissed.
No, not pissed in the drunk sense. THAT was his girlfriend's job. Arceus help us if they have kids...
(Ahem, important plot note.)
Anyways, Ari's worst decision she ever made, (and believe us, there were plenty to choose from), was letting us have run of this little patch of hell until she came back.
And worst of all? EVERYONE WOULDN'T STOP SINGING RENT.
"How we gonna pay? HOW WE GONNA PAY!" Trunks the Shiftry roared. "LAST YEARS RENT!?" Just like Mark and Roger did, they started setting paper on fire.
"ONE SONG GLORY... ONE SONG BEFORE I GO..." Erose wailed, even though he has no hands to play the guitar, nor was he blessed with any sort of voice one would deem decent enough for singing with.
"Hey, guys, guys, goddamnit! That's the land lease! HEY!" Ducis screeched, flicking his crimson tail at them angrily.Crushclaw the Blastoise sighed. "Oh hell, why do you bother, Ducis!?" He addressed the Gyarados, who shrugged.
"Masochism?" Crushclaw sighed. Back in the restaurant...
"Welcome to Hell—I mean, Santa Fe, how may I help you? No, Ozzie, Hiromi's busy. Yes, we need customers. Don't laugh. Free food for me." Loa the Munchlax shrugged. Pomega was ruining the restaurant decor with Cescea the Phione; sand and water didn't mix.
He sighed. "The things I do for love... Glassjaw!" He yelled for the Charizard. "Do your thing!" True to his name, the Charizard had a talent for turning things into glass with his flames.
The floor became crystal. "That's better! Rorja! Rythric!" The two pokemon both were working intently on... doing nothing. Loa sighed. He was supposed to be the happy lazy one! God-fuckin'-dammit-shit! In an out of character moment, he swore. Then he ate a Poffin laced with rum to ease his mental suffering.
"We're gonna live like kings! Damn-hell-ass-fuck-shit-kings!" Mikhail growled from the kitchen. Loa didn't see what was different here... Ari let them do fuck-all, get drunk, and kill things messily when she was here, what was so different about running a restaurant?
Ichigo was happily eating a Custap berry, when her brother poked her in the head. "You're supposed to smile and look cute, Ich, not get fat." Ichigo whacked him over the head with her wing. Then she went back to eating. Fuck the patriarchy.
"Kiddo's back! And she's got her Action Replay in!" Berlitz the Vaporeon roared. "How can you tell?" Jet shot back. She grinned evilly, magenta tail flashing in the light in tandem with her fangs.
"Because. She walked through a tree. Again..." The trainer in question poked her head inside the restaurant. "Nice, you guys ruined it without my help." She remarked. She stared. "So, where are the customers?" They all stared at each other. Their trainer sweatdropped.
"Well, I'm not dressing up as a mascot; I have people to kill and regions to conquer, so you're on your own." She flounced out to go catch another Shaymin or whatever, leaving us alone with the prospect of advertising. Everyone stared at Caetalus and Chuchu, the two cute-and-only-slightly-crazy pokemon.
They hauled ass, but it was too late. Ayame the Gardevoir had them in her psi grip, so...
"I'm going to kill them." Caetalus glowered, as he stood dressed up like a Pikachu. Chuchu nodded angrily, as he attempted to chew through his Torchic costume. "Yeah, same here. Besides, no one's gonna come to the restaurant where you're likely going to get killed by a Missingno." Caetalus nodded sagely.
"Yes, well, Shadow doesn't kill people intentionally... he just fucks up code data, it's how he is." Caetalus did like Shadow, mostly because one time he trapped Hiromi in GlitchTown for an hour, so Caetalus liked him indeed.
"Why does everyone hate Hiromi?" Chuchu thought out loud. Caetalus shrugged. "Well, not all of us. Me, Brutus, and Mikhail, really. And mostly for that Dragon Pulse he sicced on me. Rude." He sighed, pronouncing 'Rude' the same way Ozzie did; with a lisp.
Chuchu said nothing, wisely contemplating how many NORMAL trainers would love a shiny Rattata...
"We have customers! ...Goddamn, it's Kira. Dammit!" The girl fluffed her hair. "Thanks, I'll remember that... Ozzie! Stop snogging Hiromi! Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is in a restaurant!?" She yelled at the dragon. A muffled, 'Screw you, ma!' was heard.
Deidre filed her claws. "Right... where's Dave?" The pyro Squirtle was setting the gas tank on fire. Deidre yawned, and looked in the mirror. "Shit, I got somethin' insh my teefh." She grumbled.
Ari was nowhere to be found during all this. Meanwhile, The Restaurant from Sante Fe was serving its customers... if Loa would stop eating the general population's food.
Later, after Pomega had tied him up, Kira had actually enjoyed the food, though her pokemon were too busy fighting Ari's to care much. Such is life...
The restaurant was almost perfect. We'd had our first customer, and well... "I'm bored with this." Mikhail announced. They all sighed.
"Yeah, just wait until the end of the chapter, okay? Then we'll make plans for something else. Let's make sure Kiddo's teeny brain doesn't go into overload..." Their trainer overheard, and squawked in indignation.
"Bloody hell, I'm at the top of my classes!" Vita flipped a page in a book of Pokemon baby names. "No one cares. Now let me think." Rorja, the tiny Misdreavus grinned. Though a new abused refugee from Chris' game, he was already aware of Vita's... vices? Sure, let's call them that...
"Names for kids? I got 'em. How about Jack and Daniels?" Vita shook her head. She didn't understand the joke, thankfully, or else she might've throttled the ghostball right then and there. As it was, his suffering was postphoned.
"No, Jack's already an Umbreon... hey, wait a minnit! You little ghostball!" She chased him around with a bottle of beer in her paw, until, squeaking in terror, he hid behind Ari. She sniggered.
"He has a point, Vita. Remember what a horrible influence you were on Kiddo here?" Szeren interjected. Vita glowered at her. "'Scuse mwah! Oi, you were her bloody mutta! So... shaddup... or summing..." She rolled over, and fell asleep in midair.
Wisely, everyone, even Orcus, was silent.
"Fuckin' FINALLY! We're done!" Mikail squealed in joy. The restaurant sparkled in all its cleanliness. And stuff.
It just begged to be ruined by a bunch of messy idiots. Thankfully, we had quite a few of those...
"We're gonna have to pay for this." Ducis remarked fifteen minutes later. Molotov cocktails worked rather fast... Ari waved a hunk of black plastic in the air. "Ye shalt worshipe at the feet of the bloody Action Replay." Mikhail nodded solemnly. "Seig heil."
Suddenly, a Pelipper landed on Hiromi's head. He tipped his head back, and caught him up in one fatal crunch. Everyone stared at the fluttering letter in his jaws. They also ignored the corpse of the Pelipper. Rorja picked it up. Even though he doesn't have hands.
"Dear team of Kiddo," He read, using the hands he didn't have to hold the letter. Maybe it was magic. "We need you to form a rescue team! If you don't, your trainer will probably take over the world, and kill the human race. So, can you try to make sure we're not harmed in the process? Thanks, The Rescue Society."
All was silent. Ari fingered a gun in annoyance. "Damn, I liked that Pelipper dude in the game." She shook a finger at Hiromi. "Anyways, so... you guys are gonna form a rescue team, and I'm going to take over the world? Sweet. Race you!" She pressed a button, and a giant mechazoid appeared out of nowhere.
"She does know it's not happening." Jay remarked. Mikhail shrugged. Then, "YOUNG LADY, COME HERE AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!" Ari poked her head outside the mecha.
"FUCK YOU NANCY, I'M PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATION!" It seemed like she had won, yet... Ari freaked. "Okay, okay! Just STAY AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!" And she phased out.
"Well," Whiplash said, rat-tail flicking interestedly. "Shall we start a team anyways?" They all shrugged.
"We'll take that as a yes..." The more responsible ones chorused.
The irresponsible ones went on a killing spree. Why? Because, hell, no one was gonna stop them, and people actually needed to die in this chapter.
So that's where it ends. People die. Yeah. And Vita gets drunk. The authoress just kicks this little plot hole shut, and you forget this ever happened, okay?