Hayley's P.O.V

"And in entertainment news this evening, Basketball star Nathan Scott has announced his engagement to a Natalie McCormack..."

"Scott and McCormack have been dating for over a year; the Star's rep says that 'the two are very happy indeed'..."

"Scott's highly publicized romance with Lawyer Jim James's daughter abruptly ended four years ago..."

"Sources claim that James was in attendance at the engagement party last evening..."

I shut the TV off and threw the remote across the room, watching as the batteries rolled across the floor. I was sitting on my light green couch, a pint of ice cream in my hands, trying to find a decent program to watch on television. But it seemed as though every station in Tree Hill had nothing better to do than to report Nathan Scott's engagement to anyone who would listen. I sighed and slumped back into the cushions, closing my eyes and imagining myself thousands of miles away from Tree Hill.

The place my mind's eye finally landed on was an old beach house situated on the edge of a sparkling lake. I had not been there in years. It held, I realized far too many painful and bittersweet memories that made it nearly impossible for me to return to it. It was the house that Nathan had so generously given back to me four years previously, but as I left it that last night I knew in my mind that I'd never go back to it.

I had a very peculiar feeling traveling within me as I sat on my couch, slumped back in its light green cushions. It was not an uncommon feeling by any means, yet it seemed strange and extremely foreign to me. I felt, in the simplest terms possible, jealous. So incredibly envious that I felt that at any moment I would turn almost the exact color of my couch. I felt as I had the first time I saw Nathan with Kate, the two of them displayed brightly across the television screen, their hands entwined and smiles on their faces. It had felt like someone had punched me right in the stomach, all traces of oxygen gone from my lungs, my mind reeling and spinning. I realized that the second time around felt the same, if not worse.

A part of me wanted to believe that the only reason I felt the way I did was because Nathan was no longer available. He was spoken for, taken, off the market, and before, even though we hadn't been together, there had always been a possibility that we could be together again someday. As if somewhere in the back of my mind I had subconsciously hoped, believed that we would end up together in the end. And maybe I had felt that way, maybe I still did, but I knew that wasn't all there was to it.

My thoughts strayed to Peyton as my eyes landed on a picture of the two of us that had been taken at the lake we frequented four summers previously. She had become my best friend since that first summer, one of the only people in the world I truly trusted. When I had seen her at the engagement party the previous evening, I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing; the moment her eyes fell upon me I knew that something bigger than I had ever imagined was happening. I knew that something was about to happen that would change me forever. And after I found out about Nathan and Natalie, after I found out that she had known all along, I knew that things would never quite be the same between us again.

She was protecting me, and I had known that as soon as I saw the shocked look on her face. Still, it didn't ease the feeling of absolute betrayal that was steadily rising within me. And I honestly didn't know what would.

Peyton Sawyer paused on the sidewalk as she neared the tall brick building in which her cousin undoubtedly sat, most likely with a pint of Ben and Jerry's firmly in her hand. She sighed quietly as Hayley's face drifted across her mind; she had known, undoubtedly, that she would find out about Nathan's engagement, but she had never expected it to happen so suddenly or so catastrophically.

The sky had turned from a lovely periwinkle blue to a dark, dull grey; the wind was harsh and biting against her exposed skin. As she turned her head upward, a raindrop splashed against her nose, making its way slowly down her face until it finally died on her chin. Pulling her sweater closer around her shivering body, she continued walking down the crowded sidewalk, her head bent down against the cold, hard rain.

Her feet carried her to the glass doors and she stepped into the lobby with apprehension rising steadily within her. She had not said a word to Hayley before she had fled from the party the previous evening, nor had she had any contact with her since; the calls she had placed that morning had gone unanswered. She could only imagine the welcome she received when - or, more accurately, if - Hayley opened the door. The scenario that began to develop in her mind was not pretty; it involved Hayley's fist, her face, and the hallway floor.

Admittedly, she had known for quite some time that Nathan was planning on popping the question to his current girlfriend, a girl Peyton herself had never met. She had heard stories through Rachel, stories that made this mystery girl sound almost too good to be true. Stories that made Peyton think of Hayley, because the more Rachel talked about Natalie, the more Peyton was reminded of her cousin. And the more she thought of Hayley, the more certain she became of the reason behind Nathan's engagement. She sighed, shaking her head slightly as she neared the elevators; there was no use dwelling on the past anymore. She needed to focus on the here and now, on the cousin whose world had just been turned upside down.

With trepidation rising steadily within her, Peyton stepped into the elevator and began the ascent to Hayley's flat; she smoothed her hair back and began chewing on her lip, a nervous habit she had had as long as she could remember. As the doors slid smoothly open to reveal the dimly lit hallway, the familiar taste of blood, metallic and sharp, filled her mouth; cringing, she stepped into the hallway and made her way to Hayley's door.

She knocked three times on the hard wooden door in rapid succession. There was, as she had expected, no answer. She sighed heavily, bringing her fist up once again, but before her knuckles connected with the wood the door swung open, revealing a scowling, clearly disheveled Hayley behind it.

"I was wondering when you were finally going to show your face," Hayley spat at her cousin, her voice thick and coarse.

Peyton did not open her mouth to speak; she knew that whatever feeble apology she could utter would not be good enough. Instead, she walked past her cousin into the flat, eyeing the living room as she did so; the television remote lay smashed on the ground next to a half-eaten pint of ice cream, and several articles of clothing littered the space around it. The dreadful light green couch she had begged Hayley not to buy sat proudly in the center of the room, a blanket strewn haphazardly across its plush cushions.

"So," Hayley said suddenly, brushing past her harshly and plopping herself onto the couch. "What can I do for you, Peyton?"

Peyton stood frozen to the spot; despite the hostile welcome, the untidy flat and the look in her eyes, Hayley's tone of voice was remarkably calm, even pleasant.

"I...I just wanted to come by and see how you were doing," she replied, once again chewing on her lip. "I wanted to see if everything was all right."

Strangely, Hayley smiled. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just thought...you know, what happened...erm, last night..."

Hayley held up her hand, shaking her head slightly. "Peyton, what have I been telling you for the past four years?"

Peyton remained silent; she knew Hayley was not looking for an answer.

"Yes, I was shocked last night when I found out that Nathan was Natalie's fiancé. It would've taken anyone in that situation by surprise. But just because I was taken a bit off-guard last night doesn't mean anything. I'm fine, Nathan's fine, Natalie's fine. Everyone is just fine." Hayley smiled again, a crooked, unfamiliar smile.

"But..." Peyton began to protest, but she was interrupted, once again, by Hayley's calm, even voice.

"You should've told me, I'll admit that. You should've mentioned something. But I know why you didn't, okay? I know you were only trying to spare my feelings. Truth is, though, there weren't - and aren't, let me remind you - any feelings to spare. Nathan and I were over a long time ago. I'm happy that he's found someone to make him happy," Hayley said, her voice never once slipping, never once letting the smallest bit of emotion show through.

Peyton, however, knew that beneath the smile, beneath the lies she had been rehearsing, there was hurt and anger running deep within her veins. She knew that beneath the cool, composed exterior she was displaying to the world there was a fire raging inside of her, hot and burning. And she also knew that Hayley would never admit it, not even to her.

"Hayley, I'm so sorry for not telling you," Peyton said at last, feeling completely helpless. "You were right, I was trying to spare your feelings...but not nonexistent ones. I know, whether or not you want to admit it, that this is bothering you."

"I'm fine," Hayley replied, her voice a bit sharper than it had been before. "I promise."

Peyton looked at her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes, the sad, haunted look that her eyes held, and knew that she wasn't fine.

"You don't always have to be so strong, Hayley," Peyton said gently, watching as Hayley's face softened. She watched as, slowly, Hayley lifted her eyes to meet hers, red and filled with tears.

"It's all right, Hayley," Peyton said as she rushed to hug her cousin, her sobs echoing throughout the room. "Everything is going to be all right."