Can I make a confession?

Kankuro: What?

Me: I made up the term 'date test'.

Kankuro: Obviously.

Me: So… that means…

Kankuro: That means you're a real maniac with tentacles and radioactive eyes.

Me: No. It means… I own it! –pause- Right?

Kankuro: I dare not say yes or no.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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Chapter Five:

"Lessons"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"What the hell are date tests?"

I gawked back at Neji. He didn't know what date tests were? Okay, so I didn't until DemonFalcon mentioned it to me. Maybe 'date tests' was 'gangster speak' for making out. Sick in my case, though.

The rain is driving me crazy. This morning, I got up early to go jog to Neji's house and invite him over to a fast food chain for a food trip. Man, we love to go on breakfast food trips. The three of us would burn our pockets and gain three pounds in one morning.

Then, after noon, we'd rush to Neji's condominium and go to the gym, then to the smoothie bar, to the pool, then to the sauna. I love Saturdays. But since it's raining, I can't jog there, the pool would be 'contaminated' (Lee's term) and the food trip would be a muddy one.

Neji got my message last night. He said he wasn't home last night until 11 p.m. since he had to pick Hinata up from a party. I left the message at 9 and was chatting with DemonFalcon at that same moment. So, either Hanabi or one of his other relatives was probably using the net or the phone.

Before I even woke up, Neji was already in my room. He dropped by to apologize but he had to wait for me to wake up. My parents let him in. He drove here with Lee so we can still have that Saturday food trip.

And right now, I mentioned date tests to him and here it is.

After he asked me what date tests are, I answered, "DemonFalcon said they're like… kisses on first dates. Guys do them most of the ti--…"

"Perverted and flirtatious guys, maybe, but I didn't do that when I had a girlfriend!"

I squeaked on my bed as he stood before me while Lee was downstairs, raiding the fridge, "DemonFalcon says that it's a good idea to turn to friends about social problems that affect my way of getting a date."

On that sentence, his cheeks burned a light pink but I don't know if it was a blush or if it was because he was fuming mad, "And what makes you think I can help you with that crap?"

"I dunno…" I rubbed my bare arm, suddenly embarrassed, "I just thought… since you had an ex, maybe you'd have some 'date test' experience and you could give me tips and maybe even teach me how--…"

"No, no way." Neji drew back, giving me a pissed look, "I know nothing. Back then, my girl did most of the smooching. It's just something that comes out naturally, I guess. But… I gotta admit that I learnt how to do it properly from my ex… in a movie house."

I realized that we were mentioning his ex-girlfriend too much already. And there, Neji rubbed the back of his neck under his ponytail and grumbled, "Hm, so are we going to the food trip or what? Or are you going to stay home and wait for either Kankuro or DemonDove to go online?"

"Food trip." I replied, pushing the covers off of my legs and I rolled out of my bunk. I stretched my arms and yawned then muttered to Neji, "Give me some time to dress up. I'll be done in a few minutes." And with that, I marched to the bathroom to get myself fixed.

I ran out of the house after getting dressed and kissing my parents goodbye. Neji climbed onto the front seat to man the wheel but Lee then offered to do it instead (At this time of the morning, Neji is almost half-asleep. I wouldn't let him drive unless I had a death wish.). Luckily, he agreed.

We arrived in the fast food chain at 7 a.m. and we entered the first restaurant: The Itchy and Racky's Ramen, Fish Cakes Etc. Lee used to work here, but after a customer found a bushy and rather long strand of thick hair on his soup, Lee got fired.

Even until now, as Lee sits beside me in our booth, he wishes he could just break down here and yell, "I did not put that stray hair on the man's soup! I swear! I speak the truth! So sue me for exposing the truth!" Good thing Neji's around to hold him down.

Being back in this place brings back memories, actually. This is the first time where the three of us met.

We were second graders and our whole batch was on a fieldtrip. We weren't studying in Konoha High yet. We were still students from the Leaf Graders Academy. Our fieldtrip was to some farmland off the town limits and we were on our way home. We just stopped by for a quick bite.

I was happily holding up a thermos of milk I got back at the farmland. We were allowed to milk the goats and I remember Neji milking a male one. Anyway, I was so proud coz I got the most milk from my goat. I was holding it up and everyone stared back in awe.

Now, Neji was pissed coz his goat's 'milk' was yellow and mine… well, wasn't. So, he walked up to me, unscrewed the cover of his thermos and poured his 'goat milk' over my head. I cried.

While my teacher was making me shut up, Neji was just standing in front of me, looking sickened and green. He must've been grossed out at what he did. The teacher scolded him and she asked him what he was supposed to say to me. She meant an apology, but Neji didn't apologize…

The only reason why Neji looked a little sickened was because we was uneasy. He had drunk some of his 'goat milk' earlier. And there, he threw up on me… in the same Itchy and Racky's Ramen, Fish Cakes, Etc. branch we are eating in right now.

Lee ran up to me and hugged me, making some of Neji's barf stick to his over-alls. Take note that I had no idea who he was back then. So, all three of us were lathered in puke and, even Neji, ended up crying. I was still crying from the 'milk' shower, Neji cried because his tummy hurt and Lee cried because we were crying.

From then on, we were friends.

Three fast food restaurants later (We needed a time skip, people.), we were seated in Jolly Holly's Hot Dogs and Burgers. The only breakfast item they sold there were sausage burgers. So, three sausage burgers it is.

Usually, the food trip would take us to almost ten to eleven fast food restaurants and then, Lee would probably throw up at the twelfth. By then, we'd rush to Neji's condo, lounge in his living room, then go do the weekly 'work out' after. It's all fun, anyway.

Neji was folding the table napkins into deformed swans while Lee stared at the silverware, wiping them clean every now and then as we waited for our orders. I, on the other hand, kept my gaze on the counter and once our orders would be there, I'd squeal. Weird.

But then, Lee blinked and blurt out with a groan, "I think… I think I'm gonna throw up."

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Lee threw up in our booth at the Jolly Holly's branch we were going to eat in. In our six years of Saturday breakfast food trips, this is the first time we've only gone to less than five restaurants (the most was all seventeen restaurants in the chain). We placed the sausage burgers in doggie bags.

As Neji unlocked the door to the condominium suite he lives in (He lives with Hanabi, his uncle Hiashi, his grandmother and his hamster.) and once we set foot inside, he found Hanabi and his grandmother, challenging each other with the pinball game they have in there. My, they're rich.

Neji's uncle, Hiashi, on the other hand was seated on the velvet couch, spooning caviar out of a can while he watched 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' flash across his flat screen TV's screen. Seeing the show, Lee hopped onto the couch and watched, too.

"There you are, Neji," Mr. Hiashi said (Yeah, yeah, I call him Mr. Hiashi.), turning to Neji at the front door, "You have to pick Hinata up later at around six o'clock then bring her to another party at 8. Oh, hello, Tenten." I waved back at him and smiled. It was all I could do.

Upon hearing my name, Neji's grandmother looked up from the pinball game she and Hanabi were playing and squealed, "Tenten! You're here! With that rain comin' down, I was beginning to think you wouldn't come! And Lee! Care for some mashed potatoes in wasabi?"

Nana (as we'd like to call Neji's granny) made great food, from cookies to Lee's favorite mashed potatoes in wasabi. No one can resist. When we were invited to eat, too, Neji shook his head and walked to his room. I followed and closed the door behind me.

He had the biggest room in the four-bedroom suite since he shared it with Hanabi. His stuff was all pushed to the left side of the room while Hanabi's were at the right. It was pretty easy to differentiate which side is which since Hanabi's side is decorated with Metallica and Counting Crows posters while Neji had the laptop in his side.

Lazily, Neji threw himself onto his bunk and sighed. "It's just 8:15, Tenten, so we'll go to the gym at 9:30. Capisce? Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need a nap." I can't believe him. It's morning and he wants to take a nap. I just nodded as I watched him lay his head on his pillow and gently close his eyes.

I sat beside him and looked around, rather bored. Whenever I came over, I didn't dare go out of his room. I'd suffer the consequences. Mr. Hiashi would give me angry looks, like a typical chauvinist. Nana would stuff me like a turkey before Thanksgiving, but she's so nice, you know.

Yuki, Neji's mutant and weird hamster, poked his head out of the covers and scurried to me. He's always in his hamster ball since he doesn't have a cage so he's free to roam the place. He's not exactly a mutant. He was just an experiment.

When Neji and I were freshmen, we were lab partners in Science class. Yuki was part of the experiment we had to do for our test. We needed a grade higher than B-. Neji decided that he could prove that beer is bad for the health by giving some to Yuki (But he drinks beer himself… moderately.). There were side effects, but we didn't expect the effects to be this odd.

Yuki's fur grew extra fast in three days and it all frizzed up. His teeth did, too, and it turned yellow. His eyes were freakishly gray and he doesn't eat or drink anything but beer. Without his dose of beer, Yuki would go nuts. Put Yuki beside an ordinary hamster… and he looks like King Kong.

And so, our experiment got a C. But who cares? Neji got a pet.

(A/C: If anyone's wondering, this really happened to a real hamster in a real science experiment. Freaky but cool.)

Anyway, I sat there beside Neji on his bouncy bunk, just cooing at Yuki as I stared back at him, as he looked adorable from inside his plastic ball. I threw him up in the air and caught him, making squeaky sounds as I did. This kind of thing made Neji squeamish, but I was just glad he was asleep.

"Were you serious?"

The sound of Neji's grumble made me turn to him with Yuki still in my hands. "Pardon?" I asked him, questioning what he meant. He didn't blink his eyes open and he repeated, "Were you serious?"

"About what?" I snapped at him. By then, Yuki had rolled out of the room, seeing that I'm busy talking to Neji now. Neji then bothered to open his eyes but he merely stood up from his bed, walked to the door and shut it… complete with a click. He locked it.

I arched a brow as he turned to me and proceeded to lean on the door. He had a smirk on, something he only did whenever he was talking to his girlfriend. Knowing Neji, he wouldn't just smirk because he wanted to. He smirked for a reason.

"Were you serious when you were asking advice from me about those dumb 'date test'?" He asked, making things clearer.

I rolled my eyes then sat up, saying, "Obviously."

"Then, let's do it."

"D-Do what?"

"Uh, the lesson."

"Lesson? What the hell do you mean?" I growled, arching a brow as he kept his sinister-ish smirk on. Something was telling me that this is going to get weird. I unconsciously gulped.

"Kissing lesson." He plainly answered, placing his arms across his chest as he removed the smirk and transformed it into a scowl, "Didn't you want them earlier? Now I'm going to give it. No fee, duh."

I blushed, "Are you serious?!"

"You still haven't answered my question. Do you want the lesson?"

This is totally whacked. Neji Hyuga, my best friend and the dork I've known to have a thing for Hermoine Granger in sixth grade, was giving me a look only a pretty boy made (Fine, so he is one.). That small pout, the arched and perfect brow, the angsty stance… Is this some sort of instant metamorphosis?!

"Tenten. Answer me."

"How are you going to teach me this… lesson?" I curiously asked. Seriously, as I look at Neji right now, he appears like he's a total stranger. First of all, he has never looked smexier than Shikamaru Nara till now. Second of all, he was the one who disagreed to giving the 'advice' earlier.

Why is he willing now?

"I'm using the same method my ex used on me."

His ex? Well, what the hell was her method? Gawd, don't tell me…

"We're gonna do it now?!" I screamed, getting uncomfortable on his sheets. I felt myself back slowly and I grew slightly… uneasy. Who is this guy who claims to be Neji Hyuga?

He nodded and explained, still wearing the pout, "We're just in my room. The lock on the door works. No one will disturb us, I swear. Plus, do you have any other time this week? The sooner this is done, the better, right?"

He made a lot of sense… so un-Neji-ish. Is the hot-guy-reincarnation working up on him today? Gasp.

I looked away and asked, "Well, what's your… method?"

And on that moment, his smirk was back on. He got his back off of the door as he slowly walked towards me. I felt my sweat run down my cheeks and soon, he was crawling to me. Soon, he was already pressing his body on top of mine! And when I thought he was going to kiss me, he took something out of his pocket…

A rubber duck with the biggest lips I've ever seen.

"This is Squishy." Neji introduced the toy, squeezing it to make it let out a shrill noise, "He's got oversized lips. Kiss them until you get good." He chuckled and tossed Squishy into my hands. I looked back at the rubber duck and just let out a high-pitched, "Okay."

All I did after was go limp and sigh in relief.

"What did you think was I going to do? Kiss you? Hah!" Neji jeered, getting off of me. I let out a nervous chuckle but I mumbled, "Hehe, honestly? Y-Yeah." He arched a brow and gave off a blush. He turned away and explained, "Anyhow, I'll tell you all about kissing and you practice on Squishy."

Yech. I can't believe he's serious about Squishy.

"Alright, alright." I admitted defeat. He got hold of his computer chair, sat on it the other way around (You know, where he leans his chest on the back rest?) and faced me, starting, "But I gotta see what I'm dealing with first. Kiss Squishy."

"But, I--…"

"Kiss the damn rubber duck!"

I groaned in complaint but I just breathed in and… well, kissed the rubber duck's lips. It seemed so awkward and I bet Neji wanted to burst out laughing as of now. When I quickly drew away from Squishy, I gave Neji a disgusted look and waited for him to say something.

"I used to do that, too," he plainly commented, not even holding off a laugh, "You put too much pressure. And you just crash your lips onto Squishy's. You know, it's not about pressure… or teeth… or spit. It's just making the lips touch, that's all."

"Then kiss Squishy, damn it!"

"I'm not the student!" He screeched back, giving me a pissed look. "Lesson Number One: Take your time. Try again. This time, don't rush things."

Once again, I kissed the duck. I swear I could taste the rubber in my mouth and it makes me wonder: Whose rubber duck is this?

"Lesson Number Two:" Neji went on after I turned to him again, "The idea is to make the lips touch softly, add very little pressure, no teeth and definitely no spit. Please, no spit. Just that. Also, the lips have to part together gently."

"Hey, I'm kissing a bath toy! Of course there's no spit!"

"So what's that?" He pointed down on my lap and when I turned to see what it was, I found a few drops of my spit. I didn't know I was actually salivating. I slapped my hand onto the spit and wiped it off. I shyly smiled and mumbled, "Oh, okay."

"It's a little easy this way," Neji added, "When your lips meet, talk silently. Just say a word silently, any word, and I guess it'll work. Try it."

Why do I get myself into these kinds of things?

The minutes went on. Neji talked about breathing during kisses since if I do run out of breath, I might die (joke). He also mentioned that I should tilt my head a little to avoid bonking my nose against my partner's (Squishy didn't have a nose, though.). Neji also said that kisses aren't necessarily on-target. But the best ones were.

And if you ask me, I think I am getting better.

It was already about five minutes to 9:30 and Neji finally told me that I wouldn't be needing Squishy anymore. I almost jumped off of the bed and when I finally threw Squishy to the other side of the room. With a squeak, he hit the wall.

I threw my arms around Neji and squealed, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I almost threw him off the computer chair, "I can't believe you actually helped me out with this! Thank you, thank you, thank y--…"

"You haven't graduated yet, Tenten." He said, pushing me away. I blinked back at him. Aw, this isn't over yet?

I gave him a confused look, "Huh? Do I have to kiss ten more rubber ducks to 'graduate'?"

"If we base this on a real high school class," Neji replied with my arms still around him, "You just passed the quizzes… with straight Bs."

I sulked but he continued, "Now, you have to go through the final exam."

"Which is…?"

"Well," Neji muttered, slightly stammering, "To see if you've really mastered the lesson, you'll have to kiss me."

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Kankuro: I can't help but ask: Where the hell did you get those kissing tips thingies?

Me: -stutter- I got it from a book.

Kankuro: You bloody liar!

Me: I swear! –blush- I read it from a book!

Kankuro: Are you sure? –eyes suspiciously-

Me: I'm honest! I'm honest!

Kankuro: -takes out lie detector- Oh yeah? Let's see…