Hey all sorry about the semi long breakbetween chapters, I had hurt my shoulder during a rather funny game of netball and it has been out of use since then, I had only just finished this chapter one handed yesterday to my utter surprise with all the stuff i have been doing in the time between, so im sorry for the wait.
Flashbacks are in Italic
Nathan's P.O.V
"Oh...and this is ...er..." Rachel stammered, her face going slightly pink. like to be free! Free from the restrictions of underpants!"
"I'm Hayley James," the girl said as she extended her hand. "Peyton's cousin. And you are?"
He could not believe that she didn't recognize him. He stared at her, incredulous, until he realized he needed to speak. "I'm Nathan," he said, a smile coming to his lips. "Nathan Scott."
"Hi!" she said brightly, that smile once more gracing her lips. He could not quite look away from her.
"We should probably go," Rachel barked, a nasty expression on her face. "The party will be starting shortly."
Hayley nodded as she and Peyton walked off into the crowd, Nathan watching as her long, brown hair danced behind her...
"Peyton, I've got the funniest thing to tell you!" Hayley exclaimed, her cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol. "Olivia's brother...you know, the one with the bad breath...d'you know what he asked me? He asked me what kind of underwear New York girls like to wear! Ha, ha!"
Nathan laughed, almost spitting out his champagne as she began to speak again. "So you know what I told him, right? I told him that we didn't wear any! We New Yorkcans like to be free! Free from the restrictions of underpants!"
Nathan could not stop himself from laughing. "I suppose knickers are rather overrated," he interjected, grinning cheekily at her.
"It's understandable," Nathan said to her as they sat beneath the stars, her hair falling into her face. "Sometimes you have to try several different things before you find something you truly love."
"But I don't want to do that," she said. "I just want to know what it is I love. I don't want to search for it."
He smiled. "You don't necessarily have to search. You'll just dabble in different things until one day, when you least expect it, you'll find it."
"But how will I know?" she asked, her eyes wide and shining.
"You just do. It's one of those things. One day, it'll hit you, and you'll just know." His eyes locked with hers, and he could see the stars reflected in her shining eyes.
"I'll remember that," she said softly...
And suddenly she was there, standing at his doorstep, sopping wet from the storm that raged violently outside. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy, and he knew then that she was crying. He took her by the hand and led her into the flat without a thought, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders as he sat beside her on the couch. His arms soon found their way around her shoulders and he held her, planting small kisses on her forehead. He did not ask questions; instead, he simply held her, offering her a few moments' comfort in his embrace...
"I thought you preferred warm, dry places!" he shouted at her, laughing as she ran towards him in the pouring rain. Her eyes were blazing as she raced towards him, a smile creeping onto her lips just as she pressed them against his own.
He could not help but think as she kissed him, so passionately, so fervently, "I love her, I love her, I love her..."
Nathan awoke with a start, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The sun had not yet come up; he could still see the stars dotted across the early morning sky. Beside him, Natalie slept soundly, her hair spread around her like wildfire. He stared at her for a moment, watching as she breathed in and out, in and out, in and out. He almost wished in that moment that the dream he had awoken from had been about her.
He slowly got out of bed, his eyes steady on Natalie as he quickly dressed and exited the room. He knew he would not sleep any longer. With vivid memories of Hayley dancing around his mind, he knew that sleep would continue to escape him. He sighed as he opened the door of his flat and stepped out into the deserted hallway, headed towards the lifts.
"Morning, Mr. Scott," the bellhop greeted Nathan as he entered the lift, looking extremely tired. Nathan nodded in his direction, saying, "First floor," before becoming absorbed in his own thoughts once more.
His wedding day was fast approaching. June seemed to be hovering above him, looming ever closer as each second of each minute passed. Hayley's, he knew, was even closer; April was less than three months away. He had received his invitation in the post just after New Year's, and Natalie had immediately sent back their RSVP that they would be attending. He did not think that he could sit in a church and watch her marry someone else, but he could not voice this to Natalie; instead, he simply smiled and inwardly dreaded when the day would finally be upon him.
He soon found his legs carrying him out of the lift and out of the building, and he was soon walking along the still dark streets of Tree Hill. He knew without really thinking about it that Hayley's building was less than seven blocks from where he currently was, and without truly realizing it his feet were carrying him towards it. He knew that he wanted to see her, even just for a moment; he wanted to see her with her hair wild and disheveled, her eyes half-opened, her smile lazy. He wanted to touch her, feel her creamy skin on his, and he wanted so badly to tell her everything he had been thinking, feeling, since she had come back to North Carolina. And as his feet carried him ever closer to her, he thought that, finally, he would.
Fleetingly, he thought of Natalie, but her face was soon replaced with Hayley's in his mind. He never wanted to hurt her, but he could not keep living a lie. Nothing would ever be the way it was supposed to be unless he was with Hayley, and he was finally beginning to understand that. He kept remembering his dream, remembering the first time they met, the first time they had laughed together, the first time he had seen her cry, finally opening herself up to him. And, most vividly, he remembered the first time he had truly realized that he loved her.
He never should have let her walk away from him that last day at the summerhouse, never should have let her convince him of the distance between them. He should have fought, should have protested, should have made her see what he knew was possible for them. He knew, as her building loomed ahead of him, that it was useless to dwell on things he could no longer change. Instead, he was going to fix everything he should have fixed years ago; with determination settling upon him, he crossed the street and became ever closer to finally telling Hayley the truth.
He was nervous, but at the same time he was excited. This had the potential to be the greatest moment of his life, telling her everything he needed to say, taking her in his arms and kissing her like he'd never kissed anyone before. This was everything he'd ever wanted, ever needed, and it was so close, so within his reach. He smiled to himself as he pulled his coat closer around his body, absentmindedly noticing that it had began to snow.
Her building was directly in front of him now, and taking a deep breath he headed towards the wide glass doors. Everything was so close now, and a wide grin spread across his face as he imagined what his life would be like after he and Hayley were together again. His hand was nearly pushing open the door when a sudden noise stopped him; he turned around sharply, his stomach sinking as he saw two familiar figures approaching the very spot on which he stood.
Hurriedly, he ducked out of the way and hid on the side of the building, completely out of sight. His eyes stayed on Hayley as she approached the building, her hand entwined with Ethan's. She was laughing, her head thrown back, her hair cascading down her shoulders. She looked so beautiful in that moment, small snowflakes getting trapped in her hair.
"It's so late," she said to Ethan, her speech somewhat slurred. "It's almost five. I think I might pass out right here on the doorstep."
"Let's get you back up to the flat," Ethan said, laughing. He put his arm around her shoulders and attempted to help her into the building, but she quickly shrugged him off.
"I can get into the building quite fine on my own, thank you," she said, still laughing.
"Are you sure about that?" he said to her in a mockingly stern tone. "I seem to recall someone nearly falling down the Tube entrance a few blocks back."
She narrowed her eyes at him in an attempt to look serious, but she couldn't last for long; soon, another wide grin was spreading across her face. "Oh, shut up," she said. "That was a minor technicality. My heel got stuck in the crack of the sidewalk, didn't you see that? Anyway, it's beside the point, I'm perfectly capable of walking unescorted up to my flat."
"First of all, you're not wearing heels," Ethan pointed out, trying desperately not to laugh. "And second of all, I'm helping you get upstairs, so you might as well just accept it and stop fighting it."
"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist," Hayley slurred, finally allowing Ethan's arm to slide around her shoulders. "Ha, ha. Knickers."
Nathan was sharply reminded of his dream once more, remembering the first time they had laughed together. His heart was slowly breaking, watching Hayley laugh with Ethan nearly the same way she had laughed with him all those years ago. Still, he could not tear his eyes away from her.
"I love you, you know," she said to Ethan suddenly, planting a sloppy kiss on his lips.
Ethan smiled, pulling her closer to him. "I love you, too," he said as the two of them vanished past the glass doors into the building.
Nathan's heart sank, his spirit destroyed; all of the hope and determination he had felt only minutes before had disappeared along with Hayley into the building. How utterly stupid he had been! He couldn't believe how foolish he had been to actually think that Hayley would drop everything just to have him back in her life. She had her own life now, a life with Ethan; she had made her choice, and Nathan thought he had made his. Now there was nothing left to do but go back to his flat, to Natalie, and try to pick up the pieces.
As he turned his back on the building and began walking towards to his own, he realized that, now, there was nothing left for him to do but accept the fate he had sealed for himself.
Hayley's P.O.V
"So, you wait until the absolute last minute to tell me you're getting married, I see," Brooke said dryly on the other end of the line, although a hint of amusement could be detected if you paid close enough attention. Which, admittedly, I did.
"It's not the absolute last minute," I argued, flipping through a bridal catalogue. "I've tried to call you dozens of times, I'll have you know. But with you being such a busy medical intern and all, I can understand how scarce your time is."
"Right, right," she said, half-laughing. "So it's my fault now."
"It is," I said, flipping another page of the magazine. "I'm glad you've accepted it."
She sighed, another chuckle escaping her throat. "All right, anyway. You're getting married to Ethan. In three months. That, frankly, sounds a bit insane to me."
I laughed. "It sounds a bit insane to me, in all honestly."
"Then why are you doing it?" she asked, a note of seriousness hidden behind her words.
I hesitated, but only for a moment. "Because I love Ethan, and I want to marry him."
"Obviously," she replied, dropping the subject.
"There's something I need to ask you, though," I said, a smile coming to my lips. "I was hoping you'll be able to get some time off, because I really, really need you to come here and be one of my bridesmaids."
"And I thought you'd never ask," she said with a dramatic sigh. "Of course I'll be there, dumbass. As if I'd miss my best friend's wedding."
"You'll need to be here at least a week in advance," I said, slipping back into my constant panicked bridal state. "We've got a lot of last-minute planning to do, missy."
"I'll be there, don't worry," she said calmly. "I'll book the flight right now, if it'll make you feel better."
"It would," I said, sighing. "I'm just really, really overwhelmed with planning this wedding."
"Isn't Ethan helping you?" she asked.
"He's...well, he's really busy right now with school," I said hurriedly. "He doesn't have much time to spare, so a lot of the planning has fallen on me."
"More like all of it, from the sound of it," she remarked.
"I understand, though. Finishing his degree is really important," I said a bit defensively.
"So is your wedding," she pointed out. "But, hey, it's not my business, right?"
I remained silent, and she knew that was my answer.
"Anyway, I'll be there April twenty-first, okay? A full week before the wedding."
"Okay, great," I said, exhaling loudly in relief. "So now, from the back home, I've got you, my mom, and Alan coming for sure."
"When are they going to get married already?" she said, sighing exasperatedly.
"Who knows," I said distractedly. "My mother is a bit wary of marriage, and for good reason."
"I guess so," she said. "Anyway, like I said, the twenty-first. Got it?"
I laughed. "Got it. I'll see you then."
"Bye, Hayley."
"Bye, Brooke." I snapped my phone shut and began, once again, pacing my flat, making mental lists of everything I still needed to accomplish.
Pick out the final choice of bridesmaids dresses. Confirm the caterer. Send in the final flower choices. Dress fitting at 4:00...no, 5:00 later this afternoon. Find a flower girl, and a ring bearer. Get in touch with Ethan's parents about flight arrangements. Call Ethan's brother about his tuxedo fitting. Call...ugh...Olivia about her choice of dress (no canary yellow, salmon pink, or vomit green). And, maybe if there's time, find the rest of my sanity.
I sighed heavily, feeling my stress level continue to increase with each breath I took. My flat was in a complete state of disarray; lists, charts, and RSVPs were scattered all over tabletops and, in some cases, the floor. Bridal catalogues were the bulk of my reading material, and I felt as if my head was going to explode.
I hadn't had a moment to myself since before Christmas; my thoughts were constantly occupied with wedding plans and details, everything I did revolved around the wedding, and every conversation I held with people was wedding-oriented. The only night out I'd had in a very long time had been the night previously; Ethan and I had gone to a few pubs and clubs around the city.
Sighing, I picked up the RSVP list off of the end table and began skimming through it for what seemed like the millionth time. Halfway through the list, my eyes stopped and lingered on Mr. Nathan Scott and Ms. Natalie McCormack. I still could not quite believe that they were actually going to come to my wedding. I didn't know for certain if I'd be able to bring myself to go to Nathan's.
Stop it, I scolded myself. You're getting married, he's getting married. Get over it.
Only, I couldn't. Despite everything that was going on, despite the fact that I was getting married in less than three months, I could not erase Nathan from my thoughts. He was always there, a constant, lingering presence, reminding me of everything I once had and everything I still wanted. I had almost convinced myself that I would have that kind of feeling with Ethan once we were married. Almost.
Sometimes, as I lay awake in bed at night, I would think about what life would be like if I called off the wedding and told Nathan exactly how I felt. Would it make any difference? Would he tell me what I wanted to hear, or would he break my heart? It was a risk I knew I'd never take, not after so much had already been done; still, I couldn't help but ponder the what if.
"Oh shit," I muttered as I bumped into the table, causing a new bottle of red wine to fall and break all over the floor. I watched as the burgundy liquid traveled along the length of the floor, and in that moment I was strikingly reminded of a moment I thought I had long ago forgotten.
"I mean it," he said, waving his hands dismissively at my protests. "And it's not just your physical beauty either. Because yeah, you're gorgeous, but it's more of what I see when I look in your eyes. D'you know what I'm saying?"
I shook my head no, but inside I knew exactly what he was saying. It was the same thing I saw in his eyes, something comforting and real and absolutely indescribable.
"The thing is," he continued, seemingly unbothered by what I had just done, "I've never met anyone quite like you before. You're so...hard to read, that's it. At first. But now...well, I can't say that you're an open book, but at least I've been able to scratch the surface a bit. I'm seeing you as you are, Hayley, and...well, suffice it to say that I think you're great. Plain and simple."
"I think you need to lay off the wine," I said jokingly, attempting to laugh his statements off. "You'd better stop talking before you say something really embarrassing."
He shook his head once more, reaching for his glass as he did so. "None of this is embarrassing," he said seriously, taking a long sip of the burgundy liquid. "I'm being honest. Truthful. Blunt, if you will."
"Are you going to remember any of this in the morning?" I asked him, laughing.
He shrugged. "Dunno. I'm not exactly pissed yet, but...well, it's anyone's guess, I suppose."
"Maybe," I began, scooting closer to him on the sofa, "we should forget about words and emotions and just be. You know?"
He looked at me, his expression confused. "Just be," he repeated.
"Together," I said, resting my head on his chest. "Enjoying each others' company without any worries."
After a moment he nodded, wrapping his arm around me. His eyes closed as moonlight from the open window splashed across his face, illuminating it in the darkness. He planted a small kiss on top of my head, his fingers slowly tracing patterns along my arm. I buried my head deeper into his chest, listening to his heart beating steadily, rhythmically, thump thump thump. I smiled as my eyes slowly closed, feeling my own heart beating against his, the only audible sound.
I shook my head as the memory replayed itself in my mind, my heart sinking a bit in my chest. It was moments like that I so often wished I could return to and fix, telling him how I felt instead of laughing everything off and remaining cold and distant. But that time had long since passed, and there were no more of those moments in my foreseeable future. Sighing, I grabbed a towel and began to clean up the spilled wine, wishing my memories were that simple to erase.
Peyton's P.O.V
Peyton was well aware that her next move would be a risky one. She also knew that it was absolutely necessary to the future happiness of two of her dearest friends, and so with limited hesitation she began to dial the number she knew so well.
"Peyton, I thought I said we were meeting at 4:30 outside of the flat? Is there a problem?" Hayley said, sounding panicked. It was normal for her now.
"Hello to you, too," Peyton said. "And no, there's no problem at all. I was just calling you to tell you that you're going out tomorrow night. No arguments."
"But – " Hayley began, but Peyton was too quick for her.
"I said no arguments," she said firmly. "You need a break from this insanity you've been putting yourself through lately. And, I could use a break from work, and so could everyone else." She was very careful not to mention who everyone else consisted of.
"Peyton, that's great, but I'm too busy to go out right now," Hayley protested. "I still haven't found a flower girl...or a ring bearer. Have I mentioned that?"
"About a dozen times," she replied. "You can worry about that later. In fact, I'll help you track them down. But tomorrow night you're going out with us, and we're going to have a smashing time."
There was a significant pause, until finally Hayley said, "Fine. But I can't stay out late. I do need some sleep, you know."
"Fine," Peyton agreed, a smile beginning to form on her lips. "Well, now that that's settled...I'll see you at 4:30 for the dress fitting. Okay?"
"Okay," Hayley said, "see you at 4:30."
Before Peyton had a chance to reply, Hayley had already hung up. Her life had been so stressful recently, and Peyton knew exactly why she had chosen to take on the majority of the wedding planning; she wanted to distract herself from what she was truly thinking and feeling. She was trying to separate herself from her feelings, but Peyton knew that, eventually, it would backfire on her. She only hoped it would be sooner rather than later.
That was precisely why she had taken it upon herself to arrange the night out. She had invited everyone, including Nathan, but had been very clear that he was to come alone. She wanted the two of them to interact together without their respective significant others present. She knew, somehow, that sparks would fly.
Peyton didn't pride herself in meddling in other peoples' business, but she knew that desperate times called for desperate measures. Hayley and Nathan were about to make the biggest mistakes of their lives, and she would be damned if she just sat back and watched it happen.
She sat back in her chair, smiling, excitedly anticipating what the following night would bring.
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