A/N : We really hoped that we didn't have to do this because we thought that without any pressuring, you readers would decide to review on your own. However, we guess we were wrong. We'd really appreciate it if you'd spend just a minute or two to review our story. It really isn't that hard, we'd just like some feedback, to know that our story is actually being appreciated. In fact, those of you readers who don't have an account don't even have to get one! You can sign an Anonymous review, so please do review! Anyway, we've detained you for long enough, but remember, please review!

Enjoy, twinkle951, japaneserockergirl, and Christy XD! (:

Disclaimer : Neither Arina nor Saku owns CCS or any of the characters!

Caesar's Consanguinity

By Arina and Saku

Sophistical Reasoning

4:20 PM Police Station

"U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You, you, you UGLY!"

The police officer glared at Sakura; she'd just responded to his comment on how she and the others had no alibi for last night.

"The murder was estimated to have been done at 9:30 P.M. last night. None of you were seen anywhere."

Chiharu spoke up. "Shouldn't that be expected, officer? I mean, it was 9:30 at night. Where would you expect us to be?"

The police officer ignored this question. "The fact remains that no one saw any of you at the time of the murder. That means, you are all possible suspects."

"Everyone in the world could be a suspect!" Tomoyo replied. "Almost everyone was at home at that time."

"Yes, but you four all have reasons to want Mr. Ken Gates dead."

The room grew tense, and was intensified with the silence that followed the police officer's words. After a few moments, the police officer elaborated.

"Mr. Ken Gates was a close friend of your families, no? Well, of Sakura's, Tomoyo's, and Meiling's. Hadn't your families lent money to him when he was just starting out with his business?" The police officer lowered his head and looked at them over his glasses. Then, he turned to Chiharu. "And you. Mr. Ken Gates had borrowed your…er…Yu-Gi-Oh card collection?"

"Damn straight he did. Oh, and it wasn't borrowing, he was practically stealing. Who in their right minds would give up their Yu-Gi-Oh collection to help some poor bastard?' Chiharu bit out with a contemptuous glare at the lanky police officer who looked as if Procrustes(1) had left him in his torture chamber for a tad too long.

"Well, that just proved my point. You were angry—"

"Angry? More like livid…"

"—that he had borrowed—"

"Holy—! How many times must I repeat to you? He stole my damned collection, not borrow! If he were borrowing…well, let's just say, I wouldn't have let him, anyway."

"Please, child, stop interrupting," the victim of Procrustes's torment spit out, literally. The four girls could feel his spit shoot onto their faces.

I'm going to need to use an entirely new bottle of cleanser tonight…Meiling bitterly thought with revulsion. Meiling, being the rich person she is, bought only the most expensive and useful cleansers. However, a cleanser being expensive and useful doesn't necessarily save a girl from the saliva of police officer.

Must…purify…face…Must…purify…face…cantillated a hysterical Tomoyo. Now, Tomoyo is a girl who, no matter what she does, never gets any acne. So why go hysterical besides the fact that what is glued to her face is unsanitary? Her own boyfriend hasn't kissed her enough for dribble to cover her face; after this, he probably won't even want to touch her face.

Oh ew! If this is how he talks, I don't want to know what happens when he kisses. Well, actually I wouldn't really care, so long as it's not me he's kissing… Chiharu pondered. Chiharu is usually a rather composed person, and 'pondered' is usually used for calm thinking. So, it's natural to assume that Chiharu is being her normal, composed self, and calmly thinking. That can't be any further from the truth. Every joint that can move was convulsing she looked like she could be having the most peculiar case of paroxysmal tonic spasm.

These three at least had enough courtesy, despite their fuming tempers, to keep their comments to themselves. Sakura? Sakura just howled, ran around the table wiping her face with a random stolen police uniform, and blurted, "FUCKING CRAP! OH MY GOSH, IT BURNS, IT BURNS! IT BURNS WORSE THAN THE DEEPEST PART OF TARTARUS(2)! I WON'T SURVIVE TONIGHT! HELL, I SHOULD BE DEAD NOW! I'M PUSHING MY LIMIT AS IT IS! AH! I'LL DIE WITH ACNE ON MY FACE! EW, EW, EW, EW!"

"Would you shut up? Frankly, I really don't care about what's going to happen to your face! You can live the rest of your life as Medusa for all I care!"

"Medusa? Medusa? MEDUSA? Why you little…Of course you wouldn't care! You're the ugliest thing—man—I've ever met! I mean…look at you!...Or just smell you…You smell like toilet cleaner! What kind of cologne is that? Eu de toilette(3)? I don't know about you, but frankly, I think that's gross…" Sakura painfully breathed out with her mouth barely open. She couldn't bear the…unique smell and so, scrunched her nose up and covered it with one hand.

But abnormally, the officer didn't seem to mind her unappreciative antics…and took her cologne comment as a compliment. "You really think I smell like toilet cleaners? Oh, that's absolutely wonderful! And you four believed I was an officer! Ah, that's perfect! Doesn't my badge just look like a high ranking officer's? And this uniform really brings out my—"

"You mean you're NOT an officer? Then, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?" Meiling screeched with a puffed-up cherry face, squinted slit eyes, glaring up at almost a full 180 at the fraudulent official.

"He would be a janitor…Isn't that right, Kohaku?" rumbled a non-rich bass voice. "Kohaku" said nothing. He bowed his head so no one could see his reddened face, which proved a rather difficult feat considering he was so tall, all a person had to do was look up to see his embarrassed expression. Nodding slightly, Kohaku about-faced and shuffled quite loudly back to his abandoned toiletry cart, leaving behind four bewildered, but amused sophomores and his big boss, the huge asset to the local police force, literally. He was huge. It was a wonder why Procrustes had chosen to torture Kohaku over this guy.

When Big Boss had finally lumbered to where the girls sat, well, stood now, he was inhaling so deeply, it was a miracle there was any oxygen left for everyone else in the room. "You girls are in deep trouble…You had been blackmailing the late Ken Gates with porn…Russian male porn…Isn't that right?"

With their heads pulled back, mouths in disbelieving frowns, and furrowed brows, one would automatically assume the girls' replies were, "HELL NO." However, police officers are taught not to make assumptions for fear of jumping to conclusions. Reasonable…but in this situation? Ridiculous… So Tomoyo rolled her eyes and sighed in what most people would assume to be exasperation and shook her head. Something Big Boss also took the wrong way.

"Ah, so you're trying to use Russian to answer, eh? Thank you very much! I'm glad I took a Russian course when I was younger!" spoke Big Boss in an obstinate tone, leaving Tomoyo no chance to retort. Well, she probably could have, but she was too sweet (or annoyed) of a person to bother battering Big Boss's high pedestal, or throne, since Big Boss is too big of a boss to sit on a pedestal. Chiharu was about to take Tomoyo's place and clarify what shaking one's head means in the U.S. but Big Boss continued in his authoritative, blubbery voice. "I know that Ken Gates had owned a hotel in Las Vegas. However, business in Las Vegas had been rather bad as of late, and the casino revenue in Las Vegas has decreased about 30 percent overall, so many hotels have opened up branches in places like Moscow. Ken Gates had done the same. So, in hopes to expose Ken Gates as a rather hormone-driven man, you subscribed to many porn magazines, which coincidentally were all male stars. Now, you decided to send them all directly to Mr. Gates's house and—"

"Wait a minute, so he really is a horny bastard?" Chiharu found a chance to interrupt Big Boss's illogical logic and did so.

"I already told you that you four had brought in those vulgar magazines!"

"Okay, now you're being even more irrational than you started out! Here, we'll list out reasons of why we won't do business with Russia(4)! One, Russia had the nuclear arms race with the U.S. in the 1950s and 1960s."

"Two, Russia practically initiated the Cuban Missile Crisis, which nearly brought the U.S. to the brink of destruction! We don't do business with countries that nearly killed off our existence."

"Three, if we wanted porn, why not use the internet, where porn is big and free for everyone? We're broke here!"

"Something we probably wouldn't be, had Gates not conned us or stolen Chiharu's cards…Not that I know how much those cards were worth…" Tomoyo, Meiling, Chiharu, and Sakura argued respectively. Just looking at the girls' facial expressions would force even the most unfounded person to back down from the dispute, which is what Big Boss did.

Sighing, Big Boss bobbed his head up and down, causing the excess fat in his double chin to jiggle a little. The girls tried not to wince. Big Boss began speaking, but extremely slowly that it could probably qualify as Whale Language(5), "Okay, I can see I won't be winning this little quarrel—"

"No, really?" Sakura muttered before being jabbed in the waist by Meiling's elbow.

"—but I will have to let you out with a warning—"

All four girls abruptly let out yelps of protest, waving their arms around and nearly slapping each other because of their close proximity. Big Boss held up a Mickey Mouse-sized hand, and they stopped chattering. Big Boss thought it was due to his authority; they knew it was because they were too busy staring at the bulky hand.

"It's either I let you off with a warning, or you stay in jail for a day while taking our juvenile teenager course, which teaches you about what can happen to you when you go to juvenile hall."

None of the girls were happy, but who would want to waste a day in jail for something they obviously didn't do? So, warning it was! "Well, it was nice talking to you, Big Boss—er…Chief! Bye!" Sakura corrected herself quickly and ran out of the station before Big Boss noticed her mistake. Not wanting to hang around the police station, Kohaku, nor Big Boss, especially to see his reaction to Sakura's awkward mistake, Tomoyo, Meiling, and Chiharu stumbled out of the room hastily, nearly slipping on the freshly mopped floor, courtesy of Kohaku.

"Big…Boss? Er…Ahem, Hiki(6), make sure to keep an eye on these four…" Big Boss burbled absentmindedly, too busy musing over the possible reasons of Sakura's blunder.

Procrustes(1): an innkeeper who tortured people by either stretching them or chopping off their limbs to make them fit his beds.

Tartarus(2) : the lowest region of the world, as far below earth as earth is from heaven.

toilette(3) : Pun...intended?

Reasons of why we won't do business with Russia(4) : Sorry if any readers are Russian! We mean no offense whatsoever! We just needed to find some random reasons! Arina actually has a friend who's Russian, so we're not holding grudges at all!

Whale Language(5) : For people who have watched "Finding Nemo," remember Dory speaking Whale? (:

Hiki(6) : Toad