-1Missing Dreams

Chapter 4

Updated 03.05.08

"Uh, hi?" Remus grinned as he bent down and put the flower pot that was now on his head beside him on the floor.

"Uh, what are you doing here?" James glared as he sat up in the bed, eyeing his friends.

"We just wanted to make sure that you two were going to be up for breakfast," the now wandering Sirius shrugged as he picked up one of Lily's pictures. "Who's this beautiful lady?" he asked as he turned around.

"That," Lily snapped as she walked across the cold stone floor over to Sirius. "Is one of my old friends from my childhood, and it's not even anywhere near breakfast time, and give me that!" she yelled as Sirius held the picture out of her reach. Of course she had to be short when everyone around her was tall. Including her parents.

"And just what is our little Lily wearing to bed now, hm?" Sirius smirked down at her as he eyed her champagne colored silk nightgown that ended mid thigh.

"Clothes, just like you do," Lily snapped as she eyed her picture. There was no way that she was going to jump up and down in a short nightgown with a room full of boys. It just was not going to happen. There had to be a way.

"Actually, I don't wear clothes to bed. Not that James would mind if you didn't," Sirius grinned at her.

Lily stared blankly at him, her green eyes open wide. "That is a very disturbing picture just so you know," she shuddered before she turned around and looked at James. He was smiling at her for some reason she couldn't begin to fathom. But his eyes were trained on her in a way that made chills race down her body. How is it that after all these years, all of a sudden James made her feel this way? What if something backfired when her parents were killed and now everything that she felt was backwards. "That doesn't make any sense, I still hate Malfoy," she mumbled with a shake of her head.

"What?" James asked with a small laugh. "Not that we don't disagree with you, but where in the world did that come from?"

"Thinking to myself," Lily smiled sheepishly. She really needed to break that habit. "You get my picture from the buffoon. I'm going to take a shower," Lily said pointing at James then Sirius. "And keep him out of my things."

"You're asking for a miracle," Remus laughed as she gathered up her clothes and walked into the bathroom.

"Sirius, put the picture down," James instructed, laying back down in the bed with a grin. He couldn't remember ever being this happy before. But he knew why. Ever since he met Lily he had wanted her, even though at that age he wasn't sure how, but he had wanted her. Then with age it progressed, now, she was his. Granted it was only because he comforted her, but he could call her his girlfriend now and she wasn't going to kill him for saying it.

"Prongs, you are whipped!" Sirius laughed as he put the picture down. Then proceeded to walk over and pick up another picture.

"Padfoot!" James sighed as he rolled out of bed, pulling his blue and black stripped pajama pants up as he walked over to Sirius.

"Are these her parents?" Sirius asked softly as he looked at the picture. It was an unmoving one that looked recent. There were green hills that were speckled with daisies in the background and a bright blue sky.

In the picture there were three figures. Lily and two others who appeared to be her parents.

"Yeah, that's them," James said softly as he stood next to Sirius, and now Remus and looked at the picture.

"We have to help her somehow with Malfoy," Remus said as he took the picture from Sirius and set it back on the bookshelf.

"No, you don't," Lily answered from the doorway.

All three guys turned to see her standing in the doorway with her black skirt, dark grey knee-highs and white button up shirt on, her red hair still spilling down her back.

" Lily," James flinched as he saw her green eyes flash.

"Don't presume that you know what happened, or what is going on. I have something that will take care of this, but it's going to take time, and it's going to be me who is going to do it," she snapped as she stormed into the room.

"Why can't you realize that you can depend on us?" James snapped back, stepping closer to Lily. "That you can depend on me."

"I've actually talked to you for what three weeks now?" she shot back, causing everyone besides her in the room to grow still. "I don't know who I can or cannot trust! I don't know if I'll live another day. I don't even know if there will be another day! Why can't I realize that I can depend on you?" Lily repeated and turned around, pacing the floor. "Because the only three people who I have trusted and depended on in my life had died. If I depend on you, who knows if you'll live!"

"How can you stand to lose so much based on what could happen?" Sirius asked quietly, causing everyone to stare at him in amazement. There were moments when Sirius was actually serious, but they were far in between, and often shocked everyone.

"Because I am so sick and tired of losing those that I love, or care about. One more person," she said, her voice breaking as memories of losing her best friend, memories of losing her parents flashing before her eyes. "One more person might be all that it takes to make me break."

"Lily," James interrupted before she started to cry.

"No, James, I can't lose again. Anyone. That's where I made my mistake. Please leave my room. All of you," she said, taking a deep clearing breath as she looked out of the tower window into the emptiness of the pre-dawn morning.

"Lily," Remus then interrupted.

"No, just…get out."

Not even a tree top was swaying in the distance. No sounds were coming from the animals, no person was walking the grounds. Total desertion.

Lily heard the door shut and leaned her forehead against the cold window and let the tears finally fall.

"When is it going to end?" she whispered to herself just as she felt two arms reach around her and hug her close.

"Lily, just let it out," James whispered softly as he rocked her body from side-to-side, closing his eyes as he breathed in her scent. If only there was something as simple as scent that he could do to make it all better for her.

"Why are you here? I wanted you to leave."

"Because you need me here," was all that he had to say as he rested his head against hers.

"I don't want you here doesn't that count for anything?" she said, closing her eyes against the tears.

"No."

Lily pulled out of his arms and walked over to her wardrobe. She wasn't going to classes. Picking out a pair of blue jeans, ignoring that James was still in the room, Lily put the pants on, leaving the skirt on until she got the pants all the way up. "Then I'll leave," she said as she buttoned her pants and dropped her skirt before looking for a pair of shoes.

"Lily, please don't do this," James sighed as he lifted one of his hands to rub his face wearily.

"Don't do what James?"

"Don't walk out on me. Please just, just don't. I need to be able to be there. I need to be able to help you, I need to be able to reach you and know that I can," James pleaded, and ignoring her glare, grabbed her face, caressing her cheeks as he looked into her eyes. "I love you, I have to be here for you."

"I wish that there was a way to make you feel how I feel James, I can't even start to describe what I feel every day. What goes through my head with every corner that I turn. Can you imagine what it's like to fear someone around you dying every day? I wouldn't mind dying, but I'm tired of being on the other side of it," she said, angrily rubbing the tears off of her now red cheeks.

"There are no guarantees that someone will always be there, but what is life living in fear of something?" James asked softly, his eyes searching hers.

"It's a safe life."

"But is it a life that someone will remember? That someone will want to miss? Is that what you want?"

"I don't know," she said, trying not to scream or cry, or whatever it was that her body was telling her to do.

James softly ran his thumbs across her soft red lips, watching as her green eyes glazed over by the sensation. Slowly bending his head, James kept his eyes open and on hers as he lowered his lips to hers. He had been waiting for this for as long as he could remember. He had dreamed of this moment ever since he could dream of such a moment. It did not disappoint.

0000

Lily slowly closed her eyes and moved her arms around to rest on his shoulders. No one had every tried to kiss her before, she thought as James nudged her lips open so that he could properly kiss her.

Pulling back, Lily looked at him with shocked eyes. How could people like to do that?

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"Wh-what was that?" she asked in a small voice. She didn't like not knowing what something was, and this, she definitely did not know.

"A kiss," James frowned.

"Oh," she said, biting her lip and looking away from him, instead concentrating on the spines on the black bookshelves on the opposite wall.

"Lily," James asked after clearing his throat nervously. "Have you ever been kissed before?"

Lily gave a small shake of her head and continued to try to read the spines on the books.

"Oh," was all that he could think to say. He was grinning however. He never dreamed that it could be so good for him. Here he was kissing his dream girl, and he was her first. And when they made love, he would be her first then also.

He had never been anyone's first before. And when he was, it was with the most important person it could have been with.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she closed her eyes tightly. It seemed like no matter what she did she always got everything wrong. Here she was thinking that for at least a few moments she would be able to forget about it all, here was someone who really wanted her for her, who wanted her to be happy, and her inexperience ruined it all.

"Don't be sorry," James protested as he reached out and turned her face towards his. "It's the best thing I've ever heard."

Lily opened her eyes and stared at him. "Are you insane?" she asked him. "I don't know how to kiss, or how to please you, how can that be good!"

"Because you've never kissed another bloke before," he grinned. "I'm going to be the only one."

"You're awfully sure of that," she said, still frowning at him.

"You're not going to kiss another."

"Is that a demand?"

"No, you're just not going to kiss another."

"Really now," Lily growled as she wiggled out of his hold and stomped towards her door.

"Where are you going?" James asked as he followed her out of the door and down the stairs.

"To find a guy to kiss!" she yelled as she walked out of the common room, not even noticing the knowing smirks that Remus and Sirius shot the two arguing teens as they walked out of the room.

"Why? I'm more than willing to kiss you!" James told her as she started running. "Damn it I really wish you would stop running!" he groaned as he too started to run.

Lily grinned as she noticed one particular dark-haired head ahead of her. Breaking out in a full on sprint towards the boy.

"Lily!" James panted as he realized what she was going to do.

At the sound of James's voice, Lily grinned and the boy turned towards Lily.

"Severus I have something for you," Lily panted as she skidded to a stop before the greasy haired teen.

Snape in turn simply raised his eyebrows in question.

Lily grinned as she took his face in her hands and kissed him.

"No!" James screamed as he leaped the ten feet that was separating him from the embracing 'couple'.

Lily released Snape with a disgusted look on her face just as James's body smashed into hers.

"Ouch!" Lily cried out as her body hit the stone floor. Hard. "Get off!" she said as she pounded on his back furiously.

James rolled off of her and onto his feet within seconds.

Lily gasped for breath then screamed once she noticed where James was. "James let him go!"

"He kissed you!" James yelled back, turning his head to glare at her. He had Snape up by the collar of his robes, pinned to the wall.

"Correction Potter, she kissed me!" Snape smirked as his hand started to slip into his pocket.

"Snape if you hex him you will be in so much pain you won't be able to blink your eyes," Lily snapped as she got up off of the floor and walked over to James. "And I only kissed him because you told me that I couldn't do something."

"I didn't tell you that you couldn't do something," James argued, not aware of the students that were gathering around them.

"Yes, you did. But now," she said, smiling as she stepped closer to James. "I can do this."

With that said, Lily set her lips on his, causing James to drop Snape and turn around to properly kiss her.

Neither of them never heard or felt Snape storm pass them, or the whistles and taunts coming from the few students that were hanging around them. All they saw were each other, all they felt was each other.

That is until they felt McGonagall force them apart and stare down at them with a stern face.

"Miss Evans, I really expected better than you than this," she said with a shake of her head.

Lily opened her mouth to reply but thought better of it, opting instead to shut her mouth and hang her head remorsefully. There was no way she was going to apologize for her first kiss. Especially one with James Potter.

Authors Notes:

Just so you guys know for those of you who have never read any of my disclaimers from my previous stories, I am borrowing a sketchy outline of the Harry Potter stories, the names and the places, that's really it. I started these stories before much was known about James and Lily and I feel that it is stupid to suddenly change what I think that my characters look like. I'm sorry if it puts anything off for you, but I can't do it. Sorry.

Anyways! Here is the next chapter!

By the way, I know that some of you are really wanting Is It Worth It? Updated, but I have a problem. I have no clue where the hard copy of that story is. How would those of you have read it like a new Is It Worth It? Because honestly I really don't remember much about that story, it being so long ago. I might be able to eventually find the floppy disk of it when I finally finish unpacking but then again, I don't have an a drive. So let me know!!

Now off to sleep the rest of this damn cold that I got off - on my birthday mind you! Let me tell you there's no better way to spend your 21st birthday plus the rest of the vacation days you have off than sick! Not.