HEALED--A Sequel to "Healing" (ATC for "Hostage!)
Disclaimer: No ownership. No profit. Just love and nostalgia for these wonderful characters.
WARNING: This story is an ATC for "Hostage!" and contains sensitive material that may be troubling to some readers.
NOTE: Although this story can stand alone, it is intended as a sequel to "Healing," my ATC for "Hostage!" For the sake of continuity, I have copied here the last part of that story, in which Frank Reardon comes into town to befriend Matt and remains for a few weeks to assist the deputies.
Within the next week, life in Dodge began to return to normal with Newly, Festus and Frank keeping the peace in the small town.
Bess Ronniger and Laura, one of the girls from the Long Branch, came to bathe Kitty and wash and brush her hair. Laura brought over the softest, most sedate of Kitty's nightgowns, but the lace was still painful on her bruised and broken skin. So, amid much laughter, Kitty was enveloped in one of Bess's plain old gowns. It wasn't exactly one of the sexy numbers she was used to, but it was definitely loose and roomy and didn't chafe her tender skin.
Matt practically lived in Doc's back bedroom, emerging by day to pick up meals from Ma Smalley's or Delmonico's and to occasionally consult with his deputies. By night, he held Kitty close in his strong arms, soothing her troubled sleep with wordless murmurings, his lips buried in the red curls that cascaded across his bare chest.
One dark night, she turned in his arms and inadvertently skimmed against his stomach, immediately feeling the swift, sure swell of his body against hers. He felt her tremble and she gasped softly, whether from fear or desire he couldn't be sure, but he drew her even tighter into his embrace and grinned sheepishly at her in the soft glow of the oil lamp.
"Sorry I'm reacting like a man," he said softly, pressing tender kisses against the purplish-yellow bruise that was slowly fading from her brow. "I...I didn't mean to frighten you, but I...I can't help it, Kit...you're so close and so desirable."
"It's all right, Matt. It did startle me for a moment, but I'm glad you're reacting like a man...in fact, I wouldn't have it any other way." Maybe it was the flickering light, but he was positive he saw a twinkle in those deep blue eyes.
"It's too soon to even think about this, honey, but I want to make sure you understand that I'll never hurt you and I'll never ask you to do anything you don't want to do. If you want, I'll be content to just hold you and love you for all the rest of our lives."
"Well, I won't be content with just that. I'm going to need some time, Matt, but we're gonna be all right, Cowboy. We're gonna be just fine."
HEALED
In time, Kitty returned to the Long Branch, keeping the books and the bar by day, and climbing slowly, tediously to her ornately furnished rooms above the saloon at night.
The spring was gone from her step and her deep throaty laughter was no longer heard above the cacophany of noise from the cowboys and drifters. On even her best days, the slight smile that she from time to time forced to her lips never reached those once sparkling and incredibly deep blue eyes...eyes that like the woman herself were sad and defeated and wary now.
Worry for the woman he loved was taking its toll on the big lawman as well. He ate little and slept less. He seldom left town and spent every night in her room, holding her and whispering soft words of comfort to ease her tortured sleep. On the rare occasions that he absolutely had to be away overnight, he arranged for Festus or Sam or Newly to stand guard over his beloved, trusting them to keep the most precious treasure he had safe in his absence.
As the hot, arid days of summer gave way to autumn's cool crispness, Kitty awakened one night to find that Matt was not in the bed beside her. Frightened without his strong arms around her and still half asleep, she began to cry out for him, but was startled to hear her own name being called instead. Turning toward the sound, she saw him in the big chair across the room, thrashing wildly in the dark. His deep voice was strangled and strange, but his plaintive words came clearly to her ears.
"No, not Kitty...no, don't hurt her!"
"Filthy hands...take them...off..."
"Leave her...alone...don't touch..."
"Oh, dear God. Sorry, Kit...so sorry..."
She turned up the bedside lamp and moved quickly across the room, squeezing in next to him and placing a firm hand on his sweat-drenched chest. "Matt, Matt...wake up. Open your eyes. No one's hurting me. See? I'm all right."
He came slowly awake...massive chest heaving, eyes darting and unfocused. "It's all right, Matt. It's just a bad dream. I'm right here. Please, baby...it's all right."
His entire body shaking with the aftermath of his nightmare, Matt clung to her, his face buried in the comforting softness of her neck. She held him close, and after the longest time, after his breathing had evened out and the trembling had ceased, he whispered into the auburn hair tumbling across them both, "I'm sorry, Kitty. I never meant for...for that to happen...never wanted you to know..."
"Shhh, it's all right, Matt. You couldn't help it. You said...you said you didn't want me to know. You didn't mean right now, did you? You've had other nightmares, haven't you?"
He silently cursed himself for not choosing his words more carefully, but he couldn't lie to her. "When I was up in Hays. I thought it was because I felt so guilty about having to leave you, even though I knew Festus would never allow anything to happen to you."
His mind flashed to the steamy August night he had returned from Hays.
He had put Buck up at the stable and quickly climbed the back stairs to Kitty's rooms. Quietly letting himself in, he was startled to find Festus sitting in the big overstuffed chair with a quilt-wrapped Kitty huddled in his lap. The gentle hill man held her tight in his sinewy arms, crooning softly in his sweet, pure voice,
'...and tears bedim your loving eyes.
Oh! I will take you back, Kathleen
To where your heart will feel no pain
And when the fields are fresh and green
I'll take you to your home again.'
Matt had stared at them for a full minute before his tired mind assessed what must have occurred.
The song ended and Festus raised honest, soulful eyes to the tall marshal, now towering over the couple in the chair. "Jist so's you know, Matthew, I weren't..."
Matt smoothed his woman's tumbled curls with one hand and placed the other on his friend's shoulder, "I know you weren't, Festus, I know."
Matt nodded toward the bed and Festus placed his sleeping bundle on the soft sheets. With a jangle of spurs he crossed to the door, then paused at the threshold. Once again his gentle eyes sought those of his friend and boss. "She's gonna be awright, Matthew. I know hit might not appear thet way jist now, but she's a gonna be right as rain. Miz Kitty, she's got sand, she does. This thing, well hits got 'er all beat down right now, but she's a gonna come back strong and feistysome as ever. You mark my words, Matthew."
"I hope you're right, Festus, I hope so. And thanks for taking care of her for me. I'm obliged."
"Foot, tweren't nothing, Matthew." The deputy let himself out into the hot, dark night and the marshal again took up the vigil over his beloved.
Kitty had never mentioned that night. Maybe she didn't remember, but he did, and it had haunted him ever since. He shook himself back to the present to hear her saying, "How long? I'm so tired of feeling this way...living this way. I'm tired of being afraid and I hate lying beside you every night like we're brother and sister."
"Kitty," the big man chuckled against her neck, "I've thought of you in a lot of ways but believe me, I have never thought of you as my sister."
"It's not funny, Matt. You know what I mean."
"I know, Kit. I know. Just give yourself some more time."
"How much more time do I need to give it? It's been over four months now. I...I thought I could handle it...thought I'd be all right, but...how long do we have to go on like this?" Her voice quivered and in the dim light he could see tears pooling in her troubled eyes.
He carried her to the bed and propped his back against the headboard, gathering her once again into his arms. "I don't know, Kit. Have you talked to Doc?"
"Sort of. He says that I'm healed...physically, but I didn't tell him...well, he doesn't know about us, about..."
"Kitty, I think you can rest assured that Doc knows about us and, uh, knows what we do when we're alone."
"Oh, you're probably right about that. What he doesn't know is that we're not doing it any more. I couldn't tell him that, Matt. I just couldn't."
"You wanta talk to me? I'm not very good at this stuff, but I'll do everything in my power to help you."
"Maybe it would help; I guess it can't hurt, but...but I don't even know where to start," she sniffed.
"Can you tell me what it is that frightens you? Is it me?" His heart broke at the thought that she might say yes. "Do I scare you, Kitty?"
Her arms tightened around him. "No, I could never be afraid of you, Matt. Never. No, it's not that...it's...oh, this is so hard..."
"I'm listening."
"I...I'm afraid that...that instead of you, I'll see them again. Instead of feeling your hands on me, I'll feel their hands again. I hate being afraid and I hate not being with you the way we used to be. This is no way to live...for either of us but, but, Matt, I can't stop seeing them...every time I close my eyes, they're there. I can't make them go away. Help me, Matt. Please...help me make them go away."
The man who had faced down every gunslinger in the west for nearly a quarter century was rendered helpless by the plea of his lady. "Kitty, I don't know what to say...what to do. I'd do anything in the world for you if I just knew..."
"There's...there's more. I feel so... No, that's part of what's wrong. I don't feel, can't feel...anything. It's as if I'm not human any more. I'm just an...an object to be...used and thrown out with yesterday's trash. Matt...I want to feel something again...anything...even pain would be better than living in this...this void...this nothingness."
Once she began to give voice to the terrors that owned her mind, she couldn't stop and continued to pour out to him the horrific hell of her days and nights from the time she had been taken hostage to the day she was paraded into Front Street for all the town to see.
Ending with, "I'm sorry, Matt. I never wanted you to know...to know all those things, everything that happened. I never wanted to tell you. I don't want you to see those things every time you look at me, but I couldn't...I just couldn't keep it inside any longer," she brushed the back of her hand across her wet cheeks and looked at him, her brimming eyes imploring him to help her.
"That's not what I see, Kit. I see a brave and beautiful woman who's been forced to endure more than any man ever could. You look so delicate, but you're not. You're the strongest, most courageous person I know. You've got steel in that spine of yours, Kitty."
With no warning she untangled herself from his arms, pushed him flat on the bed and moved over him, her body pressing tight along the length of his, her mouth claiming his in a deep, frantic kiss, tongue pushing against his teeth, seeking entry, and willing his to do the same.
Choking for breath, he carefully extricated himself from her embrace with a quiet "Whoa, Kitty...slow down."
"Matt?"
He reached up and ran his thumb along the prominent bone of her soft cheek. "Kitty, don't for one second think that I don't want to...but are you sure, sure you're ready for this?"
"No, I'm not at all sure I'm ready, but I am sure I have to try. It's the only way I know for us to ever have a normal life again." She hooked her thumb and forefinger into the waistband of his long johns. "Please, Matt, please make love to me."
"I want to...with all my heart, but you don't have to do this, Kitty."
"I do, Matt. I have to do this for...for both of us. I'm the only one who can do it, the only one who can make things better."
Doubting the wisdom of this rapid and unexpected turn of events, but knowing it would be her complete undoing if he said "no," he cradled her in his arms and eased her onto her back. Large, incredibly gentle hands moved tenderly...and oh, so slowly...over her trembling body, touching her, caressing her through the thin cotton of her gown.
Her breath hitched and he drew back just enough to watch her pale, but beautiful face. Her eyes were squeezed tight.
"Kitty, open your eyes. I need you to look at me. Keep your eyes open...see who's holding you, who's touching you. It's me, honey. It's Matt."
She opened her eyes and nodded. The fear was clear in those blue depths, but the trembling lessened as she saw it was indeed Matt's hands, Matt's mouth moving over her.
"Listen to me, Kitty. I...I'm scared, too. I'm scared to death I'll hurt you or frighten you even more. I need you to promise me something. If, at any time, you decide you don't want to do this, if it's too much for you...just say so. I promise I'll stop, no matter what. Trust me?"
Her eyes still open and wide, she looked up at him and nodded again.
With his eyes never leaving hers, he whispered, "I love you," and reached down between them to grasp the hem of her gown and ease it slowly upward.
His hands and mouth moved with infinite love and patience over the soft contours of her face and body until, once again, he awakened her senses and aroused in her a desire so acute that she forgot her fear and gave herself completely to the man she loved.
He lay with his head on her shoulder, their bodies slick and entwined. When he could finally speak, his warm breath tickled her throat. "You all right?"
"I'm fine." Her hand smoothed the damp curls at the nape of his neck. "I think I really am, Matt. Oh, I imagine it's not entirely over for me...maybe it never will be...but you showed me...reminded me...what it is to be loved by a real man and not used by some animal. That's something I had forgotten."
He wanted to respond to her, but was afraid his voice would betray the overwhelming mix of emotions coursing through his massive frame.
Kitty brushed her lips against his upper arm and continued. "And you've given me back a sense of self-respect and self-worth that I haven't felt since...well, since then. Thanks to you I feel alive again and I want to live again."
At last he trusted himself to speak. "That's what I want, too, Kit, more than anything in this world. You have no idea how much I've missed you...how much I've missed us."
She giggled against his shoulder, remembering his powerful release of just a few minutes earlier. "Oh, I think I do, Matt. I think I do. I've missed us, too...so very, very much. It's good to be back." She leaned away just enough so that he could see the warm smile that lit those deep sapphire eyes.
He began to push himself up, but she tightened her grasp. "Don't move, Cowboy...stay right where you are, please."
He pressed his face back into her neck, whispering sleepily, "Good night, my darling, my love."
"What did you just call me?"
"Um, 'my darling, my love.' Something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong, I'm just surprised. You've never called me those names before."
"'Course I have. I've called you those names hundreds of times."
"Matt Dillon...you have never in all our years together spoken those words to me."
"Maybe I haven't said them out loud, but that's what I always call you...in here." He took her hand in his and slid it between them so that the back of her slender fingers rested against the strong beat of his heart. "My darling, my love," he repeated as his lips tenderly brushed her brow.
"Oh, Matt," she breathed as two sets of eyes closed in sleep and two hearts again beat as one.
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