Missing Dreams

Chapter 11

The next morning Lily had a hard time looking at James without breaking out in a full on bright red blush. He had done things to her in her dreams last night that she had never dreamed was even possible.

And James had noticed the ever present red on her cheeks and had tried to get it out of her but she thought that it'd be best for her to keep her mouth shut on this. All she needed was for him to think that there would be any sort of chance for them to be in a relationship.

"So what are you doing today, Lily?" Nichole asked her over breakfast, causing the younger girl to look at James' mom with a shy smile. Lily was quickly learning that Nichole had a wonderful beautiful spirit inside of her.

"We're going to take her out to the pond and teach her how to fish," Sirius grinned evilly, causing Lily to hide a shiver of disgust. She hated fishing. There was something about those fish coming out of the water squiggling around with their big black eyes that made her completely creeped out.

"Have you asked Lily what she wanted to do?" Nichole asked the boys with a perfectly sculpted raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," James nodded eagerly as he stuffed his mouth with some fried potatoes, his wire-framed glasses slipping down his nose.



"Lily? Would you like to go fishing with the boys, or would you like to go shopping with me?" Nichole asked her with a smile, having seen the look of disgust on her face when they had mentioned fishing.

"I would love to go shopping," Lily replied reverently, her eyes showing her gratitude.

"But Lily!" James whined, his blue eyes begging for Lily to go with them.

"I'm sorry James, but I'm not going to kill those poor innocent fishies. What have they ever done to you?" Lily shuddered. "Leave them in their homes."

"But its fun," Sirius argued as he reached across the table for the pumpkin juice.

"No, it's not." Lily argued with a shake of her head, her hair slipping out of the ponytail that she had put it in when she woke up from her barely there sleep.

"How can you say that? You have the fresh air, good company and fish!" Sirius asked her with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe that someone didn't enjoy the sport. That is if you considered it a sport.

"Because unlike you Sirius, we females don't find anything appealing about an ugly fish that wiggles around when you pull it out of the water," Nichole announced as she took a bite of her eggs, with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Not only that, it's patience," Lily told him with a smile, looking at James, only to see him looking at her. Quickly looking away, Lily bent her head, in hopes to hide her blush.



"You have plenty of patience," James smiled as he reached across the table for another handful of bacon.

"No, I don't," she said with a shake of her head as she reached past her plate for her pumpkin juice. Pumpkin juice was something that took a long time for her to like, and now that she did, it was almost as if she couldn't live without it.

"So what do you say for a shopping day? My treat," Nichole asked with a grin. She missed going out with girls that she actually liked. Most of the time she was around people because it was her duty to be.

"I have money," Lily protested. That was one thing that she could say that she did have. She might no longer have her parent's house or any of their things, but she had the money that they had left her, along with her deceased grandparents. She was actually pretty well off considering.

"I know, but I want to pay. It's not often that I get to go out and actually enjoy my company," Nichole told her with a small smile that made Lily's heart automatically go out to her. She had never thought what it would be like for Nichole to constantly have to be required to be around all of these people. People that she obviously did not necessarily agree with.

"Are you sure?" she asked, her green eyes skeptic. She had always hated taking money from others. And she really didn't like the fact that she would be letting James' parents paying for her. After all, they were letting her stay in their house for the holiday, which was more than enough for her.

"I'm positive. So what do you say we meet down here in about an hour? I need to change out of my pajamas before we head out," she grinned, showing off her straight teeth and dimples.



"I'll be down here," Lily smiled as she watched Nichole get out of her chair and tug on her silk pajama top and walk bare footed over towards the hallway.

"I can't believe that you're going to desert me today!" James whined as he took a gulp of his juice, looking at Lily accusingly.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and reached up to tug the tank top strap that had slid down her arm back up to her shoulders. She really should have put a bra on before she came down for breakfast. At least her shirt had a built in bra.

"I'm sorry but there is nothing interesting to me about sitting by a lake all day watching you two through a hook in the water in hopes that a fish will think that is food. It's trickery! It's wrong and I feel sorry for them."

James looked at Lily and tried to hold back a laugh. "You eat fish though," he pointed out. "In fact, you love to eat fish."

"Just because I eat it doesn't mean that I myself want to kill it. I would rather become a vegetarian than kill the animal myself," she shuddered, goosebumbs breaking out over her skin at the thought. She was way too squeamish for those kinds of thoughts.

"You're such a girl," Sirius sighed, his brown eyes twinkling with laughter as he leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the hind legs. "I had such high hopes for you Evans."

"So sorry to disappoint," she said with a roll of her eyes as she pushed back from the table and stood up. "But I'm going up to get ready for an outing doing things that are so much more fun than fishing."



"How do girls think that shopping is fun?" Sirius asked with a frown as Lily left the room, her feet making hardly any noise on the cherry hardwood floors.

"To them it's a sport," James said as he slunk down in his chair as he craned his neck as to keep Lily in his vision for just a few seconds longer.

Sirius looked at his friend in shock. "How…revolting," he shuddered.

"Isn't it just?"

"So is the way you keep on staring at her…even when she's not in the room, mate," Sirius snickered as he slapped James on the back of the head as he noticed the tension that was straining his neck.

"Sorry," James shrugged as he reluctantly drew his eyes away from the spot where Lily was. "I can't help it. Just wait until you fall in love mate."

"Never going to happen. Too many females out there to give a lil Sirius too, to be able to fall in love."

James snorted as he too got up from the table. "Let's go bug the elves for some food to take with us," James decided as he too walked out of the room.

.0



"So tell me if I'm being too forward," Nichole started as they shrunk their ever growing pile of bags and stuck them in their robe pockets. "But why are you not dating my son? I hear that he's quite a catch."

Lily blushed and fingered a silk nightgown that was hanging on the rack of a lingerie store that they had just walked into, the bell above the door chiming a welcoming sound. The nightgown was beautiful in a shade of emerald green. James would love this, she thought, and immediately blushed harder. That wasn't something that you should think when the guys' mother was right next to you.

"I'm sorry, I'm his mum, I know, but I was just wondering," Nichole shrugged as she looked up from the display of magical flab reducing slips.

"I don't really know. It's something to do with being scared of being hurt. Of losing. Everyone I come to care for ends up dying in the end," Lily said quietly as she picked the hanger up and looked at it more closely. It was a little longer than thigh high with a lace hem stitched around and slight slits on both sides. The neck was cut so that it would display just a hint of her cleavage. The straps were made of two pieces of silk that looked as if they were designed to snap by the merest touches.

"Oh, Lily, love," Nichole sighed as she looked at the younger woman in front of her. She couldn't help but want to fix everything that was wrong with the girls' life. "I'm so sorry."

Lily sighed as she held onto the nightgown, not even knowing why she was buying it with James in mind if he wasn't even going to get a chance to see it on her.

"But have you ever thought that you risk the same thing by being his friend?"

Lilly looked at Nichole with a sad smile. "I've thought of nothing but that since I've started talking to him."

"Then why are you risking it by being his friend…do you not feel anything for him?" Nichole asked as she tucked a piece of her curling hair behind her ear, where it immediately slipped from.

"I feel more for your son than I have for anyone besides my parents. I just don't know what to do about it," Lily shrugged with a blush. She had been doing a lot of that the past couple of days.

Just then a group of women came in the shop, causing Nichole to sigh and smile brightly.

Lily watched the transformation with a confused smile. Everyone thought that being friendly was second nature to Nichole Potter, but the truth was; most of the time she hated it. She had actually said so earlier when they had run into a group of politician wives.

"So is this the future Mrs. Potter here?" one of the ladies gushed as she looked at Lily, her dull brown eyes gleaming with the gossip that she was planning on spreading as soon as she was out of earshot.

Lily frowned at the middle aged lady and bit her tongue. "No. I'm a friend," Lily said with a fake smile that no one saw past. "I'm Lily Evans."

"It's nice to meet the future Mrs. Potter. James has talked about you for years," the lady grinned, her teeth a nasty yellow color that caused Lily to repel a shudder.

"Thank you, but I'm not marrying him," Lily insisted seconds before she looked at Nichole. "I'm going to go pay for this."



"I'll follow you, we need to get going back home anyways," Nichole grinned as she grabbed the bag of nightgowns and undergarments that she had found.

"It was nice meeting you," Lily smiled politely as she passed the group of women, most of who refused to talk to Lily because she was a muggleborn.

"You too dear! Please remember me when you're planning the wedding!"

"She doesn't give up does she?" Lily muttered as she set her single nightgown on the counter.

"Not at all," Nichole laughed as she looked behind her shoulder. The old biddies were forever giving her a headache.

0.0.0.

An hour later Nichole and Lily were sitting in a private corner of one of the more prestigious café's in Diagon Alley waiting for their food.

It was actually a quaint place. All of the tables were spread apart, leaving the occupants the choice of having privacy or grouping tables together for a party if the need be. The cherry wood tables were round with a single, small, thick candle that was placed in a frosted candle holder that gave off a little light, but lots of ambience. The walls were a deep blue color that contrasted with the cream white marble floor.

"But honestly Lily, if you feel for him, why don't you give him a chance?" Nichole asked again as she picked up her glass of water and took a drink.



Lily looked at Nichole and sighed. "I don't do well with guys. I've never had a boyfriend before, and now I have one – had one, and he's the most popular guy in the school. I can't."

Nichole sighed and tried to separate herself. On one hand there was a girl that needed help, and on the other hand, there was the girl that her son was in love with. "Honey, you need to do what is best for you. You might be saving yourself from the pain, but you might also be losing so much in life."

Lily traced the wood grain of the table and refused to look at Nichole. She had already thought about that too. What if James was the guy that she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life- no matter how long that might be; what if she truly did make it out of this war alive…if he was the one, would he still be there for her if he was the one?

"I'm scared," she whispered softly, looking up into Nichole's blue eyes – eyes that she had passed on to her son. Tears were starting to sting behind her eyelids and she fought to keep them at bay. Something that by now she was pretty good at.

"I know you are honey," Nichole sympathized. "When I first started to have feelings for Harry I actually told him that I never wanted to see him again. Of course, being a Potter that somehow got jumbled up in his brain into 'Please bug and pester me every second of the bloody day until I want to throw you to the giant squid for breakfast!"

Lily looked at Nichole and tried to hold back a laugh at the disgruntled look on her face. She knew the feeling very well. "At least it didn't go on for seven years," Lily grinned. "I've had that feeling ever since the first day of school."

"Potter men are nothing if they are not determined," Nichole huffed, shaking her head lightly as the waiter brought both of them their food. "I can't count the amount of times that I just turned my back on those two and shut myself in a room away from them. The stories that I could tell."

"You could probably sell a book on their escapades," Lily agreed with a grin.

"I could, but then everyone would know more about my family than they already do."

"True."

"Hey!"

Lily looked at Nichole questioningly.

"You got me off track. We were talking about you and James," she scowled as she forcibly stabbed her salad.

Lily shrugged innocently as she took a bite of her chicken salad. She had been trying to distract her.

"All I'm going to say Lily is that sometimes it's better to have loved lost and experienced than it is to live and wonder what could have been."

Lily nodded her head and looked away. Wondering about all of the what if's.

0.0.0.

"I love you," he whispered softly in her ear as his hands caressed her sides softly, lovingly. Gods how she loved this man.

"Show me," she moaned as his hands crept close to her breasts, only to retreat in a teasing manner that he knew aggravated her.

He was smirking, and she knew it, but she didn't care. All she wanted was friction, satisfaction. Anything to make this ache go away.

"Whatever you say, my love," he purred as his head trailed a line of kisses down her neck, pausing at that place that only he could find. The place right behind her ear that made her knees turn to jelly.

"James," she moaned as she dragged her fingers through his thick hair, trying to guide him to do what she really needed.

"Patience is a virtue," he taunted with a light tisk against her skin, giving her chills.

"Good thing I never claimed to have any," she gasped as his mouthed closed over her nipple, his teeth softly brushing over the hardened peaks.

"True," he agreed with a grin as he brought one of his dormant hands slowly up her smooth leg, lingering behind the kneecap, just to drive her crazy.

"Don't waste my milk," she told him with a gasp of breath as he sucked on her breast in a way that was so different from their son.

"Now I know why he cries for you so often," he joked as he left a lingering kiss on the milky white globe that barely fit in his palm before he continued kissing his way down her perfect 

body. She might still be a little plump from their child, but to him, she would always have the most perfect body in the world. Such was a husbands' prerogative.

"James," Lily cried as his mouth settled over her bundle of nerves. It had been over four months since they had been sexually intimate and her body was overly sensitive.

"Lily," he said just as her body begun to shake. "Lily….shake….Lily."

Lily groaned as she opened her eyes. When had she fallen asleep?

"Lily?" James questioned, causing Lily to gasp as her now wide eyes looked at James. He was trying to hide his grin.

"What are the chances of me having not talked in my sleep?" she muttered as she brought her hands up to her face and tried to hide behind them. If only there was a hole that she could conveniently roll over into all would be well in the world.

"Depends on if you want a truthful answer or not," he grinned as he combed her long hair away from her face. She had fell asleep face down on the bed with her hair down, and now it was a tangled mess around her.

"Lie. Lie like a dog," she decided as she peaked at him from behind her fingers, spreading two just far enough to make out his silhouette. It had gotten dark sometime during her little – not so little, nap.

"I didn't hear a word," he grinned as he kicked off his shoes and settled himself on his elbows next to her on the bed, looking down at her face with a smile.



"I don't know what's better," she mumbled as she closed her eyes and shifted so that so could lean into his body just a little. "Knowing that you heard, or knowing that you heard, but hearing the opposite."

James chuckled as he shifted on the bed so that he was laying with a pillow beneath his head and Lily on his chest. "Just be happy that it was me and not Sirius who heard."

"Oh Lord," Lily moaned as she took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely James.

"Lily…" James started to ask then thought better of it. There weren't words that could begin to describe what he was thinking. What he was hoping.

"Hm?" she asked as she picked her head up from his chest and looked up at him, her hair falling over her shoulder to brush his chest.

"I know that this is going to sound stupid because they are just dreams, but I was wondering…do you have feelings for me?"

Lily looked at James and quickly made up her mind. It was his life, her life, or their life on the line, and it was time to give all but one of them up. But could she honestly do it? Could she say goodbye?

.0.

Authors Notes:

What are the chances that you guys aren't going to kill me??



Anyways, I'm starting to get these chapters out a little faster, I'm out of school for the summer finally! … only to go back in August… college sucks! Hehe…but I'm trying to get all of my stories finished before fall term starts again, so start looking for faster updates.

Also, I'm thinking about Is It Worth It?... I have NONE of the backup files for that story…stupid freaking site took the damn ….err…. still pissed over that. 900 reviews gone! … anyway, off subject. .. what would you guys think to those of you who read it if it's different…. For those of you who might remember it. Let me know!

Thank you! And as always, Happy Readings!

Lisa