By Holly-Batali

Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Twilight or awesome Jasper. I wish I did, but there's life for you. Character Credit goes to Stephenie Meyer. Though, I've actually done something she has not: given Jasper a better sense of humor.

Author's Note: This is a story from Bella's point of view. It's all about how good the Cullens are about putting up with Esme's crazy "Mom Schemes;" various crazy Cullen Stunts. First story of four; set right after Twilight.

Chapter Three: Happy Secession Day!

April 12, 0420 hours, Cullens' Front Yard, By the Porch

Sitting with Edward on the grass by the front steps. Esme and Carlisle talking nervously on the steps, glancing around. Alice silently cracking up, sitting on the steps, practically rocking back and forth. Still don't know why. Rosalie placing bets with Emmett; don't know what about. Jasper: ?? Where is Jasper anyways...

I put down my pen and looked up at the dark sky. Jasper had suggested stargazing for tonight. For some reason, everyone seemed really on-edge. I don't know why, but Edward kept biting his lip and glancing around nervously. I had asked why this was, but he just clamped a hand over my mouth and said, "don't--mention it. Especially around," he glanced from side to side. "J-A-S-P-E-R. Got it?" I nodded slowly, my eyebrows raised.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore; it was driving me up the wall.

"What is going on?" I hissed at him. "Why is everyone so nervous? And where's Jasper? I mean, J-A-S-P-E-R," I corrected myself sarcastically. He jumped and looked around again.

"Well...I guess I sort of have to tell you. You'll find out anyway, in..." he glanced at his watch; 4:26 AM. "In four minutes." He took a deep breath and then let it out.

"Every year, on April 12, at 4:30 AM, Jasper does something...drastic. He's been doing it every year since 1961, what he called the '100th Anniversary of the Best Day in History.'" April 12? What was so special about April 12? I wracked my brain for any information about April 12; let's see...hundredth anniversary? Anniversary of what? That would be 1861; when Jasper was, um...alive.

Whoa.

"Wait a second," I said suspiciously. "That's the day--" he shushed me urgently. "That's the day," I continued in a hushed voice, "when the Civil War started, isn't it? When the south attacked Fort...something-or-other?"

"Fort Sumter," Emmett said matter-of-factly, sitting down next to us, followed by Rosalie and Alice. He had a huge grin on his face, just like Alice. Rosalie just looked annoyed. "Right on the money." He turned to Edward, "she's not too stupid, you know, for a human."

"Gee, thanks," I said, monotone.

Esme and Carlisle came and stood next to us, Esme looking anxious, and Carlisle looked tired and wary. "I hope he doesn't set off fireworks again this year," Esme said. "That just about killed our cover last year. Remember that Carlisle?" He nodded gravely.

Fireworks? In April?

"Boys will be boys," said Carlisle in a resigned tone. "And in this case, a Confederate boy."

"Wha-" I started to ask, but Alice interrupted, shrieking in glee.

"3! 2! 1!"

BANG!!

I screamed and covered my ears as the peace exploded around us. Literally. We all looked around to the side of the house, where Jasper was standing.

He whooped excitedly, standing, in a grey Confederate Major uniform, next to... a cannon?!

"THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN, BLESS HER!" He screamed loudly, a huge grin on his face. He punched the air and waved a large confederate flag. "LONG LIVE THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA!" Then he started singing Dixie, at the top of his lungs. "I WISH I WAS IN THE LAND OF COTTON, OLD TIMES THERE ARE NOT FORGOTTEN; LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY! DIXIE LAND!"

Carlisle slapped his forehead and said, "Edward, Emmett, help me hide the cannon. Rosalie, Alice, get Jasper into the woods or something; he's not giving up any time soon. Alice, get Bella back home s Charlie won't know. I have a feeling he's going to be on call in about--" he looked at Alice, who held up two fingers, "two minutes. He'll probably cheeeeeck--" another glance at Alice, who nodded, "on Bella when he wakes up." He jogged over to the still-waving-and-singing Jasper, muttering, "I hate April 12. Worst day in history."

I can see we have some mixed emotions here...hey Dr. Phil, come on in!

"Bella?" I had just enough time to dive under the covers, muss my hair, rub my eyes, and curl up before Charlie opened my door gently. I pulled up the covers to hide that I was fully dressed, most definitely not in my pajamas.

"Yeah Dad?" Oh, burn Edward! I am so a good actress.

"Honey, I've got to run down to the station; somebody set off fireworks or something again and people are worried." He looked at me suspiciously. "People are saying it was at the Cullens' place? Do you know anything about it?"

"No Dad, I don't," I said innocently. I hope.

"Well, okay then. See you in a few hours hon."

"Bye Dad, hope everything's okay." Like nobody setting off cannons or anything dangerous like that...

I went to bed--really--for the next three hours or so. When I woke up, I was exhausted, and convinced that I needed to know about the 1860's if I was going to hang around Jasper at all anymore.

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and my hair. I was a little surprised to hear myself muttering, "look away; look away; look away; Dixie Land..."

Authors Note: HAPPY CIVIL WAR ANNIVERSARY!