Chapter 10 Feelings

March 14, 2007

Haley walked up to Dan and Deb's door and looked around apprehensively. She'd been so surprised when Deb had called and asked her to come over but she sounded so frazzled that she couldn't say no.

Deb yanked the door open when she knocked and when she saw who it was an expression of relief eased some of the tension in her face.

"Thank you so much for coming."

"It sounded like you were about to pull out your hair and I couldn't let that happen."

"The person that was supposed to be here cancelled and it's not that Nathan really needs a babysitter—you don't think someone who's thirteen really needs one do you? I'm really sorry to bother you while you're on break." Haley opened her mouth to answer but Deb just kept talking nervously. "But I get nervous when he's in the house alone. It's just that Dan's off in Florida again and I couldn't get out of this meeting I have to fly out for."

"Oh, it's no problem, Deb. It'll be fun," Haley smiled at Nathan as he came down the stairs, "I can drill him on his verb tenses all night."

Nathan groaned and pretended to throw himself down the stairs as Haley laughed.

"Nathan's been doing better than he ever has in his English class, he told me that you've been tutoring him." Deb smiled for the first time that night.

"Oh, not really. I just help him out a little when he's doing his homework while I'm working."

"I swear, Haley, getting that boy to sit down and finish his assignments was like pulling teeth and now he does it voluntarily. You've got to bottle whatever it is that you've got and give it to me."

Haley laughed. "Eau de Haley. I'm sure it would sell like crazy."

Deb sat down and put her head in her hands. "Thanks for this, I know that it's last minute."

"Stop, Deb. I said that it was no problem and I meant it. Nathan's my boy. I love hanging out with him."

Nathan felt a warm rush of pleasure hearing that and smiled at Haley—but he was careful to make sure that it wasn't too wide.

"Okay." Deb grabbed her carry-on bag and a medium sized suitcase. "I'll be back late Sunday night. Don't give Haley any trouble." Deb bent down and kissed her son on the head before rushing out the door.

Haley turned to Nathan. "We'll play Final Fantasy for half an hour and then you have to do your homework."

"Deal," Nathan said.

Sunday night Haley had run out to the store to grab some things to make dinner and when she came back she heard raised voices and hurried inside.

". . . so you just left our son at home by himself so you could run off to a stupid meeting?!"

"I didn't leave him by himself! Haley's an incredibly responsible person—"

"Really? I don't see her here. It's bad enough that you have him over at that little coffee shop all damn day but do you really need to invite those people into our house—"

Haley stepped into the living room, her heart beating a little faster than usual. "I just ran out to get some things for dinner."

Haley hitched the grocery bag up higher in her arms. Dan looked even more furious, if that was possible. Deb crossed her arms and glared at her husband before turning to her.

"Thank you, Haley. Is it okay if I write you a check? Just let me see how much the groceries were and I'll add it in."

"Oh, that's okay—"

"I insist."

"Sure." Haley handed over the receipt. "Um, I'm going to take off since you guys are here. I just need to use the bathroom."

"Of course."

Haley walked past a still silent Dan and went upstairs. She walked past the bathroom into Nathan's bedroom and saw him there, lying face down on the bed.

"Nathan?"

He turned over with surprise. "Hey."

"I'm going to head out."

Nathan nodded, "I thought so."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said casually.

Haley looked at him closely, and Nathan struggled to keep his thoughts off his face. They'd spent the entire weekend playing video games, studying, and laughing. Haley was a great cook, she must have picked up a lot working with Karen, and he'd never had so much fun. Ever. As Sunday night approached he'd felt sad but looked forward to one last dinner, Haley had promised that she made the best spaghetti and meatballs. Then his parents had both come home, almost at the same time, and he'd known as soon as they'd walked in the door that his last night with Haley was ruined.

"Do your parents fight like this a lot?"

Nathan shrugged. "Sometimes. They usually don't do it in front of me, though."

Haley nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Sure." Nathan smiled.

Haley turned and left, suddenly wishing that she could take him with her. Deb handed her a check and smiled: it was friendly but her eyes were still angry. Haley shut the door quietly behind her.

May 26, 2007

Nathan glanced at his calendar. His school year was finally almost over, there were only two more days until the last day on the Stanford schedule, and then Haley would be home the day after. He leaned back in his chair, thinking about everything they'd done last summer, and smiled to himself. He had to put up with Dan nine months out of the year, alone, but when she came back it was like everything else faded into the background.

He sat at Karen's counter, finishing a shake that she'd insisted on giving him. He had drank them down like they were going out of style when he was twelve and his surrogate aunt would not be convinced that he'd grown out of needing one every day—even though he was fourteen.

"Lucas is going to be home in a couple days." Karen shook the whip cream canister and topped off a sundae.

"I thought his finals were over."

"They are, but he needed to stay for a few extra days for some reason."

"He's going to miss Haley's grand entrance." Nathan grinned. "You know how much she hates that."

Someone came up behind Nathan and covered his eyes with their hands.

"Haley." Nathan smiled.

"How'd you know?"

Nathan spun around on his stool. "You're the only person who does that."

Nathan stood up and Haley hugged him. She eyed him as she stood back and looked up at him. "Look at you. You're six inches taller, at least."

"I think it's because Karen keeps making me drink her milkshakes."

Karen came around the counter to give Haley a hug. "I can't believe you're back! I thought you still had finals."

"I turned in my final paper early so I didn't need to stick around for the rest of the week."

"This is perfect. Lucas will be home in a couple days. It's going to be so great having all three of you here over the summer."

"Well . . ." Haley hesitated. "I wish that I could stay, but I'm going to be flying back to California after two weeks."

Nathan felt his stomach drop.

"What?" Karen asked. "Why?"

"I have this huge opportunity," Haley said earnestly. "There's a summer internship that's being offered. One of my English professors is publishing a book about contemporary American authors and she needs students to help her with her research. I just barely got in at the last minute."

"That's incredible." Karen took Haley's hands. "Of course you can't pass that up. I'm just sorry that you can't be here where I can stuff you with cookies."

"Congratulations," Nathan said.

Nathan maintained the façade that was becoming easier and easier to put on. As Haley talked excitedly about her new project he searched for something to say. He needed her here, but even he could have found the words to tell her that, he didn't have the right to say them. Two weeks here and then she'd be gone again until next year, unless something else came up.

Of course something else would come up, she was in a college that was on the other side of the country, eventually she probably wouldn't come back at all. Nathan swallowed as something became clear: Haley was growing away from her life in Tree Hill. She still cared about them, sure, but more of her life was in California now. And with her parents planning on selling the house and moving after she graduated she would have even fewer reasons to come back to North Carolina.

September 9, 2008

Nathan walked into the gym of Tree Hill High with a fluttery feeling of anticipation. It felt like it was just yesterday that he'd been watching Lucas graduate from this school and now he was on his way to becoming a Raven and setting his own records.

It had been four years since Haley had gone to California but she stayed in touch over the school year and—except for the internship she'd had last year—each summer she was back in Tree Hill and the three of them hung out. Nathan was grateful that the distance hadn't changed anything between them. Plus, Duke was close enough that his brother was still always around.

His dad had been acting weird about it lately; before he'd been indifferent to what he did with Lucas but each year he seemed to become more disapproving, making comments about him only being a half-brother. He let whatever his dad said pass right over his head—most of the time.

Nathan heard the sound of a basketball being dribbled and his attention returned to the here and now. He stood with the rest of the freshman, waiting for the coach to talk.

"There are three rules on this court." Whitey glared at all the boys. "My word is law, my word is law, and my word is law. If I say you're going to be running offense drills, you run offense drills; if I say you're going to be working on your ball handling, you work on your ball handling."

Nathan snickered and the coach's attention snapped onto him.

"Is something funny Mr. Scott?"

"It's nothing, Coach."

"You've obviously been tickled by something that I said. Why don't you share it with the rest of us?"

"It's just . . . you said . . . ball handling."

The team broke out in laughter and the bland look on Whitey's face just encouraged the players to laugh even harder. After they'd calmed down the coach turned to them.

"You boys enjoy having a comedian on the team?"

Most of the players were wise enough to see what was coming and sobered up, but some were still grinning.

"Why don't you sit down over there and rest up Scott, think up some more jokes to make your teammates feel better after they finish running suicides for the next forty-five minutes."

"Coach!" One of the players exclaimed.

"If you feel like it's too much," Whitey pointed at the door, "you know where to go."

He blew one short burst on his whistle and the players all lined up, but not before shooting Nathan a couple death glares.

Nathan sighed and rested his head against the lockers. All the players had iced him out after practice. No one would even speak to him and he'd given up on trying to make a joke out of what happened as he pulled on his sneakers.

"Don't worry about it."

Nathan turned around and saw Tim Smith, one of the other freshman players.

"About what?"

"The guys will be pissed off for a couple days, tops. They'll forget about it soon."

"Thanks."

Tim walked off and Nathan grabbed his backpack and went outside to meet his mom.

"So, how did it go?" Deb asked.

Nathan shrugged. "It was okay. The coach is a little strict."

"Good strict or bad strict?"

"I can't tell yet."

"Well, honey, if you think you're being pushed too far I want you to tell me, okay?"

"It's fine Mom. Lucas told me that Whitey was a fair coach."

"That's right," Deb smiled, "I guess he can't be that bad then."

"Besides, Dad would kill me if I quit the team."

"Your father wants what's best for you, even if that means quitting the team."

Nathan just looked at his mother without replying to thatsaying anything and Deb cleared her throat. "Do you mind hanging out with Karen for a an hour while I go pick up some things I forgot at the office?"

"No, I'm starving," Nathan said eagerly.

"I can cook when we get home," Deb offered.

Nathan gave his mom a pitying look and didn't say anything.

"Karen's been giving me tips," Deb said defensively.

Nathan just shook his head. "That's okay, Mom."

"My own son turns on me," Deb muttered.

Lucas' classes had started a week before Nathan's and he'd spent his first day talking to his professors—even though he knew he didn't really have to. He was starting his senior year at Duke and he knew the campus like the back of his hand.

He was sitting outside with a sandwich that he'd bought at the student union and enjoying what was left of the summer warmth.

A pretty brown-haired girl sat down next to him with a flirtatious look and crossed her legs. Lucas glanced over at her for a moment before focusing on his lunch again.

"Come on," she said.

"Excuse me?" Lucas looked up.

"Whatever you're eating can't be more interesting than me."

"Sorry," Lucas was a little thrown and then he grinned. "But this is an incredible sandwich."

"Oh?" The girl moved closer. "What's in it?"

"Roast beef, tomato, lettuce, provolone cheese . . ."

"Sounds good."

"Oh, it is."

"So what's your name?"

"Lucas Scott."

She put out a hand and he shook it. "What's yours?" he asked.

"Brooke Davis."

Just then his phone rang and he snapped it open to check who was calling. "I'm sorry, I have to take this."

"I should get going anyway." Brooke stood up and dusted off the back of her jeans. "I'm missing class right now."

Lucas looked scandalized. "But it's only the second week!"

"Well, if I'm going to miss anything, it's better to do it now instead of later, right?"

Lucas blinked and Brooke pressed a piece of paper in his hand. "Here's my number."

She walked away, hips swaying slightly, and Lucas looked after her and was startled when the phone stopped ringing.

"Shoot." Lucas hit redial.

"Luke?"

"Hey, Hales."

"Hey! So what's going on, did you get out of your room long enough to actually meet somebody?"

"Actually, I just did."

"Oh, so that's why you didn't pick up. A girl, right? And you're interested."

"How can you tell when you're sixteen states away?"

"Because when the Lucas Scott I know asks me to call him at a certain time and doesn't pick up, it means that he's very distracted."

"I'm glad I'm so predictable."

"So, what's up? Why did you want me to call?"

"Today is Nathan's first day at our beloved Tree Hill High."

"I'm rolling my eyes at you right now Luke. 'Beloved'? Whatever."

"I thought that we'd call him together and wish him luck with Whitey.

"Oh, I meant to call but I forgot."

"Forgetting us already?" Lucas teased.

"No!" Haley's tone wasn't very playful and Lucas' voice became more soothing.

"I was just kidding."

"I know. Sorry to be so touchy."

Lucas called his mother on three-way and she answered on the first ring. "Karen's Café"

"Mom, it's me."

"Luke." Karen held the phone to her ear with her shoulder while she set two lunch specials in front of her customers. "Nice of you to call your mother."

"Hi, Karen," Haley spoke up.

"Haley! What are you doing on the line?"

"We're just calling to talk to Nathan on his first day of high school," Lucas said.

"Oh no, I can't believe that I forgot that it was today.

"See," Haley said smugly, "I'm not the only one."

"Your timing is great," Karen said. "Nathan just walked in with his mom."

Nathan sat on at the counter next to Deb and Karen came over with a cup of coffee for her and a menu for Nathan.

"I've got to run back to the office for a minute, do you mind feeding my son?" Deb asked.

"I'm not sure if we have enough food in the kitchen," Karen teased.

Nathan laughed. "I don't eat that much," he turned to his mother, "do I?"

"You're a growing boy." His mother smiled as she got up.

"I think this is for you." Karen handed over the phone.

"Hello?" Nathan said.

"How was your first day, Heartbreaker?"

"Haley!" Nathan was thrown for a minute and then he smiled widely.

"How is Whitey treating you?" Lucas asked.

"Luke!" Nathan leaned an elbow on the table. "You could have warned me about Whitey's sense of humor."

"He doesn't have one."

"I know that now."

"What did you do?" Haley asked.

"I just made a little joke . . ."

"On the first day?" Lucas asked, incredulous.

"I was just trying to break the tension, the other guys thought it was funny."

"What'd Whitey do to them?"

"He made them run suicides while I watched."

"Ooh. I don't know what to tell you. Too bad, the next four years are going to be hell for you."

Nathan groaned.

"Don't scare him, Luke," Haley interjected. "Whitey's not that bad once you get to know him."

"Just because he was nice to you doesn't mean a thing. He rode me just as hard my senior year as he did my freshman year."

"Well, you know how you are," she dismissed. Lucas humphed and Haley asked, "So, other than pissing off the man who's going to hold your life in his hands for the next four years, how are things?"

"Fine, I got all my schoolwork lined up already." Nathan answered.

"I'm so proud, young grasshopper," Haley smiled, "I've taught you well."

"Oh, no, I'm the one who taught him what to do during the first week of school," Lucas argued.

"No you're not."

Nathan stepped in before the fight could escalate. "What about you two? How's California?"

"It's great, I think I've finally settled on a major," Haley said.

Lucas gasped with shock.

"Shut up."

The three of them talked on for an hour and Nathan listened to them while he ate. He finally had to hang up when Deb came back, saying goodbye to Haley reluctantly but not before extracting a promise from her to visit soon.

Nathan and Deb walked into the house and she sighed as she kicked her heels off. Nathan ran up to his room while she fell onto the couch.

"How was his first practice?" Dan asked.

Deb twisted around in her seat and saw her husband setting his briefcase on the floor.

"When did you get home?"

"I just walked in."

"Ah, he says it was fine. Apparently Whitey's an institution."

Dan snorted briefly. "He was old when he was coaching me."

"How long ago was that?"

"About a thousand years." Dan groaned as he sat down on the couch and took his wife's feet in his hands. Deb made a small sound of pleasure when he began to rub them.

"Today felt like the first time we dropped him off at kindergarten." Deb smiled. "Remember?"

"You wouldn't stop crying."

"You shed some tears too, Dan. Don't think I didn't see you."

"I did not," Dan laughed.

Deb hadn't remembered feeling this comfortable around her husband for a long time.

"Nathan seems really excited to be at that school," Deb mused.

"Well, his father went there," Dan said proudly.

"His brother did, too."

Dan stiffened. "Why did you have to bring that up?"

He moved Deb's feet out of his lap.

"I was just saying . . ." Dan stood up and Deb rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, I forgot for five seconds that I'm supposed to pretend that Lucas doesn't exist."

"You just can't miss taking an opportunity to throw it in my face."

"I wasn't throwing anything in your face! Believe it or not Dan, I was just making a comment. I didn't mean anything by it, so if you're feeling guilty that's on you."

"Here we go." Dan stood up. "Why don't you start making a comment about what kind of father I am and I can talk about what kind of mother you are."

"Say what you want to about me, I would never just walk away from any child of mine," Deb said coldly.

"I'm going to ask Nathan about practice." Dan walked out of the room.

October 30, 2008

Nathan sighed as he walked down the sidewalk. He'd just finished his run and luckily it wasn't that cold—even though it was October. The past month had been the hardest of his life. He had Whitey riding him during practice and his dad riding him at home. He thought his father had been bad before, but now that he was in high school it was like he expected him to be the perfect athlete. His mother kept Dan in check, mostly, every once in a while she would step in and they'd escape to the café. He spent more time there than he did at home now. Lucas was home almost every weekend and he spent as much time with him as he could. But he still missed Haley. She called all the time but it wasn't the same as having her here. Nathan perked up a little—at least she was visiting Tree Hill for the next couple days.

Nathan walked up to the James' door and knocked. Lydia smiled at him when she opened her door.

"Haley's upstairs."

"Thanks Mrs. James."

"How many times am I going to have to tell you to call me Lydia?"

"At least one more time." Nathan smiled.

He made his way up the stairs and then stopped dead in the hallway. Haley's door was ajar and Nathan swallowed. She was wearing a Halloween costume. He wasn't sure what she was, exactly, but it was very flattering.

"Tay, this is not the outfit I asked you to pick up for me. I wanted Sandy from Grease, remember?"

"Why would you want to wear that crap? It doesn't look nearly as hot on you as this does. Besides, this one is much more historical. I thought that you'd like it. And you didn't give me that much notice. I had no idea you were flying out here for Halloween."

Taylor had picked out a pirate wench's costume. Haley wore a white shirt with puffed sleeves that exposed her shoulders. Over it was a leather bustier that laced up in the front. Her skirt was long and red and fell down to her ankle-high black leather boots. The heels were at least two-and-a-half inches long and they made her legs look incredible. A black and white striped scarf that was wrapped around her head topped off the ensemble. Nathan just stood outside her room and took it all in.

"But—"

"Now if you'd just pull the shirt down a little and show just a little of your brea—"

Nathan knocked on the door softly.

"Nate!" Haley turned and bumped fists with him.

"I was wondering if you could take a look at the paper I have to turn in for my American lit class. I can come back later."

"No, I'm not really busy. I was just getting ready for this party tomorrow and my sister was supposed to be helping me." Haley glared at Taylor.

She scoffed. "You love vamping out every once in a while, don't pretend that you don't. I know you Hales, everyone thinks you're such a straight arrow, but you have your wild side, too. Don't you think she looks hot Nate?"

"You don't have to answer that Nathan." Haley threw one of her stuffed animals at Taylor's head. "Don't do that, Tay. Remember when you asked Lucas to help me pick out a bathing suit? It made him twitchy for weeks. He wouldn't even look me in the eye, he was so traumatized."

Taylor rolled her eyes. "I swear, Lucas is more of a brother to you than our brothers. But that little set-up wasn't my idea."

Haley sat down at her desk with Nathan's paper and pulled out a red pen.

"What are you talking about?"

Nathan sat down on the floor and tried to be inconspicuous.

"Mom would not let go of the idea that you and Lucas were meant to be together."

Haley made a face and Nathan's jaw clenched slightly.

Taylor nodded. "I knew you wouldn't go for it—which is the only reason why I didn't push it."

"I'm surprised you didn't try your patented tricks on him."

"Come on, Hales, even I have to draw the line somewhere. Little sister's best friend-slash-brother is just too out there. Even for me."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"Well, I think the police wouldn't have been as understanding."

"You have a point. I keep forgetting how old you are, you're so immature."

"Hate you," Taylor said lovingly.

"Okay," Haley handed Nathan his paper, "not too many mistakes, just some small ones. But I liked your analysis of Ben Franklin's writing. You're getting better at this."

"Thanks." Nathan glanced through the pages. "Can you tell Lucas that I'm going to need him this weekend? I'm running some shooting drills and I wanted him to be there, but he's not answering the phone."

"Oh, he went out of town with Karen. They're driving up to Charlotte to get some new equipment for the café, but they'll be back by Saturday morning. I'll let him know."

"Okay. See you." Nathan let himself out.

Taylor turned to Haley. "So you've adopted another Scott, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah. What about these heels? They're so long that I look like a stripper."

"You can't escape who you are. I can't believe your Wonder Twin didn't stick around for this. Don't you two usually shop for costumes together?"

Haley took off her scarf. "Oh, he'll be ready for the fun tomorrow. I've already picked out his costume: Tommy Lee."

"Are you kidding? He's going to look so stupid in that."