-1A/N Sorry its taken a rather long time to get this up, I've been caught up with my GCSEs for the last couple of months, and along with work experience, I've had very little time to write. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Six - Edward's Return
The disappointment of letting Victoria get away seemed to hang over us for the rest of the weekend. We were all miserable, wallowing in our failure. All except Alice who refused to be anything less than her usual bright bubbly self. I'd wanted this to be a weekend of triumph, one where I'd been congratulated by all my family who would have marvelled at my brave endeavours as I overpowered Victoria with astonishing ease. Edward would have been my slave for eternity, me being Bella's saviour and everything. Unfortunately it was not to be so. So hour after hour I moped, dreading Edward's return. He would be so disappointed in our failure. Yet even Edward's disappointment could not challenge that of my own. I'd wanted to get that redhead so badly.
"Emmett, you're being quiet today - What's wrong?" Esme said gently, looking up from the curtains she was embroidering for Alice's room. Technically the room was shared by her and Jasper, but everyone thought of it as Alice's. Her personality was stamped over every elaborately decorated wall, and overall the room just screamed Alice at you.
Esme turned to face me, waiting for an answer. Probably hoping for a positive one so she could relax. She was a typical mom.
"Nothing" I mumbled, hanging my head.
Alice laughed, her high soprano ringing around the room.
"There's nothing wrong. He's just totally ashamed that he got outwitted by a girl, and got beaten up by the big bad wolf. And that his wife managed to fight it off more effectively than he did."
At this everyone burst into giggles, except Esme, who never made fun of anyone. She was like that; she never even teased Edward about him being a 108 year old virgin. I admired her self control with that, how could anyone not laugh at a guy that repressed. It was simply impossible.
I glared at each person in turn until the laughter died down, hoping to make them feel guilty. It didn't work. It wasn't fair, Edward could melt people with his oh so innocent eyes. Why didn't it work for me? Maybe I was just too manly looking, and so I couldn't pull off the sweet and innocent charade.
"That's not true." I stated, and it wasn't. "If it wasn't for those wolves, there would be a red mane of hair hanging proudly on our mantelpiece now as a trophy of our victory. And that wolf didn't beat me up, there's not a scratch on me, anyway I was putting all my focus into not killing the beast by accident. See I was respecting the treaty by restraining my strength so I didn't make a smoothie out of that Wolf. Yeah and it's only the nails that make Rose any decent at fighting. If she didn't have them she'd be as defenceless as… well as Bella! And that's saying something. So that's why she needs a big strong husband like me to protect her."
When I had finished gushing out my explanation, everyone just turned to me and started laughing uncontrollably again.
"Yeah keep telling yourself that Emmett" Jasper said, in between laughing. By now the whole family was almost on the floor laughing at me. This wasn't fair, it wasn't only me who'd let her get away.
Luckily for me the doorbell interrupted before my family collapsed with laughter, and they stifled their laughter and composed themselves.
As Esme made her way to the door, Alice bounced up and down on the spot. It was so tempting at that moment to make a human beach ball out of Alice and use her to play basket ball, - we had a court outside - but I knew Jasper would refuse to play. And who can play Basket Ball on their own?
As I'd expected, Esme opened the door to see a smiling Edward standing on the doorstep, holding a paper bag with Florida written on it in big fancy letters. The dread of his disappointment evaporated - we all knew what that meant...
"Presents!!" Alice exclaimed, unable to hold herself in any more. She started jumping up and down again, until Jasper scooped her up and restrained her flailing arms and legs for her own and other's safety. Sometimes you started to see why she'd been sectioned as a human.
Edward walked through the hall and perched himself on his precious piano stool that Carlisle had bought for him on the millennium. He opened the bag and took out a small blue-wrapped present which he handed to Jasper.
"Right Jasper, this is for you when your abilities fail you. I am inclined to believe that this may be more reliable than you are."
Jasper looked curiously at the tiny package and started to tear it open. When he had ripped all the wrapping off it, a tiny silver thing fell into his lap. He picked it up and examined it.
I peered over Jasper's shoulder for a better look.
It was a small silver ring with a brightly coloured stone set in the middle. A small leaflet was wrapped round it.
"Err Thanks" Jasper said, looking at the ring from all angles. "Erm what is it?"
"Maybe he's trying to propose to you?" I suggested helpfully.
Jasper ignored me.
Edward laughed, his bronze hair falling into his eyes, which were starting to look worryingly dark. He'd need to hunt soon or he'd be having Bella Sandwich for lunch tomorrow.
"Why don't you read the leaflet Jasper" He suggested "and no I'm not trying to propose to you."
Jasper picked up the leaflet warily and began to read aloud.
"This is a mood Ring, it changes colour according to your mood and your emotions. Wear it yourself to assess how you're feeling or have fun with friends and family. They'll be astonished when you can accurately tell them how they're feeling"
Jasper raised his eyebrows, and continued, his voice betraying only a slight Southern tilt.
"Black means you are tense, nervous or stressed, Green shows that you are relaxed and your emotions are fairly average, Blue signifies that you are feeling lovable, happy and/or passionate. Err Edward is this some kind of joke?"
Edward chuckled looking entertained. I have to admit it was really funny. The expression on Jasper's face was priceless. It was such a Kodak moment.
"Test me!" I said, bouncing to the stool in excitement "I bet you ten dollars Jazz that it goes blue! I'm just so irresistibly lovable!"
Everyone snorted, but Jasper handed me the ring obligingly, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.
I slipped it on my little finger, the only finger that it would fit on, and watched as it changed colour. It turned a cold dead black instantly.
"What!" I exclaimed, disbelieving "I'm not tense, nervous, or stressed. This thing lies!"
"Emmett these things work through thermochromics. Of course it isn't going to work on us." Jasper explained, as though it was obvious.
"Err what?" Honestly he might of well have spoken to me in Pig-Latin. Thermowhat?
"The ring changes colour depending on the temperature of your skin" Edward prompted helpfully "So obviously it's not going to work on us as our skin temperature is always cold and not in any way affected by our mood. Thermochromics Emmett."
I nodded. The name rang a bell in my head. Maybe we'd covered this thermo thing in chemistry. That would make sense that I didn't know what it was. Last year we'd had some hot brunette in a lab coat teaching us about the scientific ways of the world. God she'd been hot with those never-ending legs and those low cut tops she used to wear beneath her medical coat. It was then that I'd regretted being a vampire. I'd always been out of school the days it was hot and sunny so I didn't often get to see her strip off.
"Where is my present!?" Demanded Alice "Hurry up because I am trying really hard not to look into my future"
"I've noticed" said Edward curtly, turning to Rosalie.
He handed her a medium sized glittering blue bag. Rose peered into it curiously while Alice jumped up and down trying to get a look even though she probably already had seen what it was.
Rose slowly put her hand into the bag and drew out what was inside it. I edged round Esme to get a better look.
Rose was holding a small shining silver compact mirror. It had cute little blue flowers framing it. At first Rose appeared uninterested; she had lots of mirrors already. However within seconds already she was glancing into it, checking her immaculate hair and eye make-up.
"I think he's trying to tell you something Rose." Jasper said looking amused, glad the spotlight was off him now.
"What?" snapped Rose still admiring her reflection.
Carlisle shot a warning look at Jasper. But Jasper ignored him.
"Well Rose. I think, although I may be wrong, that Edward is trying to imply that maybe you are a little vain"
Rosalie snapped the mirror shut, glaring at Jasper with contempt.
"For your information" Rose said venomously "If you looked like me then you would like your reflection too"
Jasper only looked amused still.
"It's only because you're jealous" Continued Rosalie "I bet you just wish Alice looked like me"
Alice and Jasper risked a glance at each other and caught each others eye. They were both smiling. Jasper wouldn't care if Alice was green with big purple toes. Surely Rose knew that.
Edward again put his hand into the bag and drew out another thing. This was a rectangular shape with quite a lot of thickness. Definitely a movie or a book.
"This one is for you Alice" Edward said handing Alice the beautifully wrapped present.
Alice ripped the paper off in a frenzy, desperate to see what it was.
"Surely didn't you see it Alice?" I asked voicing what everyone else was surely thinking.
Edward answered for her: "She's been reciting the time and dates of battles and conflicts in the English civil war…" At this Edward was cut off by an excited looking Carlisle.
"Did someone say the English civil war? That was when I was alive!"
Everyone, even Edward, looked disinterested. We all considered the English Civil war the pinnacle of boredom, especially when documented by Carlisle.
Carlisle continued, unbothered from everyone's obvious boredom. A misty sort of glaze covered his eyes as he stared into space sighing, reminiscing his childhood with no doubt.
"I remember when I was five and Oliver Cromwell tried to ban Christm…"
"ANYWAY" I said loudly over Carlisle who was still reminiscing "Alice what is it?"
A bright pink book lay in Alice's dainty pale hands. Alice's expression changed from a look of excitement to one of pure horror within seconds.
There was pure venom in Alice's voice as she turned to Edward: "What is this?"
Alice's hands were trembling with sheer anger as she spoke; so much so that the book slid out of her hands and onto the table. Jasper, Rose and I gathered round to read the title.
"It was 1646 and Cromwell had won the war. My father thought it was brilliant, I remember his face perfectly…"
"SHUT UP!" We all chorused at Carlisle who still hadn't come back to the present.
I turned my attention back to the book. The title read:
"Dr Sherman's guide for a frump™"
I read on, impressed at Edwards's nerve. The blurb on the back read:
"Are you a you oblivious to fashion? Do your friends call you frumpy behind your back? Are you in need of the fashion police? If so then this book is for you! No matter how ugly, fat or otherwise bad looking you are, Dr Sherman's guide for frumpy women™ will make you look like Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell and all the other gorgeous supermodels out there! With Dr Sherman's help your dull, dowdy, granny frocks will soon be replaced with catwalk fashion that will stop traffic!"
I stifled a laugh sneaking a glance at Alice. She looked completely disorientated, grimacing every time she caught sight of the dreaded book. We all grinned as Alice struggled to deal with Edward's personal insult.
It should be my turn now. And sure enough Edward pulled out of the bag a square present wrapped up in purple. It looked like a book too. Already my brain had switched off, I hated books. Unlike some members of my family, I wasn't a book worm. I shot a pointed glance at Edward and Jasper and threw another at Carlisle for good measure. Reading's for girls. Men should spend their time more productively, for example, in the bedroom with as many women possible to round up in an hour.
"Honestly Emmett it's not as boring as you might think, you might get some use out of it. You might even enjoy reading it."
I nodded at Edward, and ripped off the purple paper in one big rip. It fell, demolished, to the floor. A small book fell onto my lap.
"101 things to do in an elevator" I read. Now this looked more promising. There was a lift at the hospital where Carlisle worked. I would be able to try out these there.
"Go on, read a few" Carlisle prompted.
I opened the book randomly at a page and read out a few at the top of the page, pausing between each one.
"Number 56: Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Number 57: Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: 'Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
Number 58: Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Number 59: stare at another passenger for a while, then announce 'You're one of THEM!' and move to the far corner of the elevator
Number 60: Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope
Number 61: draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
Number 62: Announce in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more suitable host body.'
Number 63: Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers"
I was going to have fun with these…. Maybe books weren't so bad after all.
A/N Hope you liked. Wasn't as much action as there was last chap but I was in a more cheerful mood this time. Next chapter we get to see Emmett carry out his plans for the elevator. Let me know in a review which ones you'd like to see written up and I'll see which are most popular. They don't have to be ones I've written above. If you have a really good one and I haven't listed it, just tell me! Hope to get another chap up soon. Enjoy Breaking Dawn everyone!