Chapter 16

The lights of the room seemed very bright through his closed eyelids and Hutch wished someone would switch them out. His mouth felt dry and he had that chemical fuzziness in his body that comes from anaesthetic topped up with morphine. He twitched his body experimentally and felt the pressure of bandages across his chest and the sting and pull of a needle and drip feed in his left arm. But mostly he felt incredibly tired. There were voices close to him and in a fevered moment he thought he could hear Starsky's voice. But that was impossible wasn't it? He'd shot his partner and almost killed him. Starsky was at the safe house and he was in Lilly's restaurant right?

With a tired sigh, he tried to dip back into his dreamless sleep, but the pains in his body refused to let him.

For a time, the blond hugged the pains to him. He'd inflicted pains on his partner, so it seemed only right that he should endure some too. But pretty soon, the pains that had niggled at him and then burned with a bright ferocity around his shoulder started to eat at him so that he could no longer remain quiet. Sweat beaded on his brow and he could feel it prickling over the bridge of his nose and on his cheeks and eventually he could no longer contain the low moan.

Immediately, he felt a pressure by his side and a hand on his arm. And then he heard it – the quiet watered down Brooklyn accent he'd come to know and love.

'Hutch? Hutch wake up buddy. C'mon open those baby blues huh? Need to see those eyes bud.'

OK. What Starsky wanted, Starsky usually got, but Hutch couldn't for the life of him think why the brunet would want to be anywhere near him after what had happened. With an effort, Hutch forced his eyes open and looked up, but instead of seeing those dark indigo eyes seeking out his own, he saw only a white painted ceiling surrounded by drip feed bags and monitors. It wasn't until he looked to his side that he saw his partner, still in bed, but propped on his side and looking directly at him. The beds had been pushed close together so that Starsky was within touching distance and now his friend's hand rested on his left arm.

'Ssstarssssk' he whispered, struggling to form the word in his drugged state.

'Yeah, it's me buddy. Right here. Aint goin' nowhere' the brunet assured him. Although it still hurt the curly haired cop to move too much himself, he was in markedly better shape than his partner currently was. Hutch had been unconscious for almost 24 hours since he'd been brought into the small safe house, the bullet having been removed from his shoulder in almost a mirror image wound to the brunet's own.

Hutch furrowed his brows and concentrated on what he wanted to say. 'Sstarsk….m'sorry'.

'Sorry? What for?'

The blond fought against the pains ricocheting around his body, trying to stop himself from crying out. 'I hurt ya' he said simply before a gasp was wrung from him. Immediately Starsky rang the bell for the doctor and moments later Doctor Roberts rushed in, bending over his second patient to check him out. Without another word, he injected more pain meds into the drip and smiled down at the blond.

'That should make you feel more comfortable. Try to get some rest, you'll feel better tomorrow'. He looked at Starsky and smiled again 'And you need to rest too. Enough chat, otherwise I'll move your bed back to the corner'.

Starsky flipped a wave with his unbandaged right hand and grinned. 'Yes sir' he deadpanned and rested back on his pillows till Roberts left. Once they were alone, he shuffled over in bed until he was closer to his partner and once again took a hold of Hutch's hand. The blond stirred.

'You still there?'

'Yeah, like I said, aint goin' nowhere. Sleep Blondie, I'll be here when ya wake up'.

With a huge effort Hutch opened his eyes and gazed at his friend 'You forgive me?' he whispered.

'Aww Jeez Hutch. Nothing to forgive pal. If you hadn't done what you did, I'd be dead now'.

Talking was becoming harder, but Hutch had one final thing to say before he rested. 'Gonna quit' he managed to gasp before the morphine overtook him. Starsky looked dumbstruck and lay back on his pillows. God he hoped he'd misheard.

Over the next two days as Hutch and Starsky both started to regain their strength the brunet tried on a couple of occasions to broach the subject of quitting again, but each time Hutch either changed the subject, or flatly refused to discuss it. Their relationship was as easy as ever, but now Hutch refused to be drawn on any subject that even remotely touched on the future. Finally though, when both were well enough to get out of bed, they tottered down to the small sitting room on the ground floor and sat looking out of the window at the beach and the ocean yards from the door of the safe house.

There was silence for a few minutes but finally the smaller man broke it, unable to wait any longer.

'Hutch we gotta talk'.

The blond snorted. 'Ya never do anythin' but buddy'.

'You know what I mean. We need to talk about us'.

'Not now Starsk'.

'Yes now. You've danced around it for days since that bitch shot ya. But now we need to talk about it. I need to talk about it'.

'I don't. I made my mind up' Hutch said, wishing he had the strength to get up and walk out of the room.

'And you didn't think to discuss it with me?' there was an edge of anger in the brunet's voice and Hutch looked away, not wanting to see the hurt in the indigo eyes.

'Nothing to discuss buddy'.

'Nothing to…….you're gonna quit an' it has nuthin to do with me? Shit buddy, does eight years of bein' partners mean nuthin to ya?'

Hutch put his head in his hands and Starsky had to strain to hear the whispered reply. 'It means everything to me. That's why I have to quit'.

'Why? Tell me why? Coz some flake beat up on me? Coz some evil bitch shot you? Why? Explain it to me' Starsky voice sounded loud in the small room and there was an angry red flush to his handsome features.

'All of that yeah. But mostly coz I nearly killed you. Fuck! For almost a day I thought I had killed you and there was nothing I could do about it' Hutch lifted his head and the brunet was stunned to see tears rolling down the golden face. 'That's too much to ask of anyone Starsk. I love you man. I love you like a brother and having to do that…..having to even think about it is too much. I died inside that day, even if you didn't. The only thing that kept me going was revenge, and that's no way for a cop to function. I can't do this any more. I can't stand by with the notion that you may get hurt, or ... or worse. I can't and I won't. Please Starsk...please don't make me'.

The blond put his head back in his hands, weary now that he'd finally said what he'd wanted to say for some time. He sank back in his chair and closed his eyes, unaware that Starsky was shuffling painfully off his chair and limping over to him. He felt a body perching on the arm of his chair and looked up.

'Hutch, you're the best cop I know. You're also the best human being I know and the best friend I ever had. There is no way I could ever think of carrying on without you. An' no way in hell that I'd ever want anythin' to hurt ya. But you're a damned good cop - the best there is, next to me of course' he paused but ther was no rejoinder from his partner and with a sigh, Starsky continued, knowing the time for jokes and light heartedness had long since past. Hutch was deadly serious about leaving and for the brunet, the light had gone out in his world. He sighed. 'Fine. You quit, I quit, but I don't think you really want to do that, do ya buddy? Ya really want to condemn us to robbing banks in Bolivia?'

'What?'

'Robbin' banks in Bolivia. Can't think of anythin' else we could do. We'd be like Butch and Sundance, but I'd kinda want to keep the cash for a while. I aint got no savings' he grinned.

The blond looked at him disbelieving. 'Robbing banks in Bolivia? That's the best you can come up with?' he asked.

'Well it's kinda short notice'.

'An' you said "Condemn us" huh? You're determined to stick with me, whatever?' Hutch asked with a note of wonder in his voice.

'Why wouldn't I? Besides, better the devil ya know…. Took me ages to break you in buddy, couldn't face trainin' another partner'.

'This isn't a joke Starsk. I mean this. Its hard for me to think about, but I'm not sure I can do this with you any more' Hutch said seriously.

'Well I'm damned sure I can't do it without you, so we either both stay or both go. No other choice' Starsky said with feeling.

'I don't want you to go' Hutch said softly, his hand resting on the brunet's knee.

'So ya wanna rob banks?'

'No.'

'So what're ya sayin'?' Starsky asked, feeling like he was poised on a knife edge.

Hutch sighed as deeply as his wounds would allow. 'I dunno Starsk. Every fibre in my body rebels against the thought of goin' through that again, but weighed against losing you……'

'So don't lose me. We get well, we get out there and we show everyone the dynamic duo are back. And like always we watch each other's backs. Me and thee time again'. Starsky looked pleased with himself that he'd backed his partner into a corner and he hobbled back to his chair, sitting down with a groan and a self satisfied look on his face.

'You're impossible, you know that' Hutch snorted.

'That's what Mom always said.'

'Uh huh. And she should know'.

'She also said I talked sense most of the time'.

'She did? Wow! And I always thought she was so sane'.

'Comments like that will not get you invited to New York for Thanksgiving'.

'So we go to Duluth….no, scratch that. We have thanksgiving right here, just the two of us. Turkey, candles, wine...'.

Starsky snorted. 'Oh my God! Sounds like you're proposin'!' he laughed.

And as he looked away, Hutch nodded. 'Proposin'? Maybe I was. Proposin' that we spend the rest of our workin' lives together, kinda like a marriage huh?' he whispered to himself, rested his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, drifting into the first relaxed sleep he'd had for months.

--fin--

Tomorrow look out for Alpha Male - Moonshadow. My first S&H supernatural story. Things are changing in Bay City and pretty soon, one of the guys does some changing of his own!