Ok this little fic is dedicated to my friend Becca because she wants a Kate/Juliet catfight so here we go. Here are my requirements:

Cheesy/Funny Fic

Kate/Juliet cat fight

Scared Jack

The movie Fatal Attraction

Let's hope I got all of these in cause I swore she just picked random things

MINE (Rated T for language)

Takes place post season two finaleJjack is kind of out of character but we're not used to seeing him in a full blown panic so this could be amusing

"I'm sure he's fine" Sawyer's voice rang out in the silence. He sat on his designated bed and watched as Kate paced back and forth like a cat. Her eyes kept glancing at the door, waiting for his return. This had been going on for about an hour and it was slowly driving Sawyer insane.

"Why did they take him?" Kate asked still pacing. "He wasn't fighting with them and he did what they told him, so why did they take him." This was the first time she'd spoken since Jack had been dragged out of the room and they were told nothing about the doctor's whereabouts.

Sawyer sighed, he'd never admit it in a million years but he was a little worried about Jack as well. He was the one smarting off and causing problems but they had dragged Jack out of here like he was the one to be blamed. Sawyer looked back at Kate; he knew Kate loved Jack and that he would always just be her friend. At this point he was more than willing to accept that if it meant getting all three out of here alive. These Others gave him the creeps, kind of like the movie Deliverance. Sawyer shuddered at that thought.

"Freckles, sit down, you're just wasting energy." Sawyer said.

Kate turned to him eyes flashing. "Don't tell me what to do" she bit out. "Those people have Jack and we have no idea what they're doing to him or if he's even alive!" Kate's voice cracked and Sawyer felt bad for her. "What if he comes back like Claire, like he doesn't remember any of us." She whispered.

Sawyer nodded in understanding. "You mean what if he doesn't remember you?"

Kate looked at him and she gave a small nod.

"The way I see it is, he fell in love with you once, he can do it again." Sawyer said and Kate's eyes filled with tears.

"I love him so much" she whispered and Sawyer nodded.

"I know you do, and that's why we're all getting the hell out of here." Sawyer said and he meant it.

Kate looked down dejected and sat on her own bed.

"Sawyer, I'm sorry" she started but he held his hand up.

"Its ok Freckles, I kind of figured it out when you went off to spend the night with him, when you got caught in the net. It's ok really, still be my friend?" he said giving a leer and Kate chuckled amused.

"Always" she said.

"Alright then, let's work on getting us and your boy toy out of here." Sawyer said and Kate rolled her eyes at Sawyer's newest nickname for Jack.

Just then the door opened and Kate jumped to her feet. Jack was practically thrown in and the door slammed behind him. He hadn't quite gotten his balance when Kate launched herself into his arms so he fell back and hit the door sending the door knob into his kidney. He swore and Kate pulled back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she said over and over placing soft kisses all over his face and neck. Jack gently pulled from her grasp so he could pull away from the door and release the pressure the knob was doing to his kidney. Kate moved but was staying close to Jack she couldn't tear her eyes away from him and she watched as he rubbed his lower back with a cringe. Sawyer watched curiously as Jack threw a nervous glance behind him at the door as if he expected the boogie man to come crashing through. Jack led Kate away from the door and she pulled him to sit on her bed facing Sawyer so they could all talk.

Sawyer was stumped as he watched Jack move so he could sit sideways as if keeping an eye on the door. Kate didn't pick up on his jumpiness she was still too busy drinking in his appearance and making sure he was ok besides the unfortunate kidney shot she accidentally caused him.

"So Doc what's got you acting like a cat on a hot tin roof" Sawyer asked with a smirk.

Kate glanced at Jack and now was seeing Jack the way Sawyer did. His eyes kept jumping to the door and he his forehead was sweating. He looked completely paranoid.

"Jack?" she said touching his face trying to draw his attention from the door. "What happened, are you ok?"

Jack looked at her and it was like he was finally seeing her since he walked in and he grabbed Kate and held her close stroking her hair. She hugged him back but couldn't help exchanging a very confused look with Sawyer. Something had obviously spooked Jack and that was something neither one had ever seen before. He pulled away and looked at Kate.

"No matter what happens, just remember that I care for you Kate and don't ever forget that ok?" Jack said staring her in the eyes.

"I love you" she whispered suddenly feeling very scared and also a bit strange that her first admission of love to him would come while being locked in a room with Sawyer sitting feet away. Jack looked at her and his eyes softened.

"I love you too" he said and he kissed her gently. He wanted to deepen it but he knew he couldn't and his eyes went back to the door again. Kate sighed happily when she heard Jack tell her he loved her. She looked up but saw him looking at the door again. She glanced at Sawyer and noticed he was smirking at the lovebirds. When he noticed her looking at him he quickly wiped the grin off his face.

Kate rolled her eyes and looked back at Jack.

"Jack tell me what's going on, you're scaring me." Kate pleaded.

Jack looked at her and shook his head, "Don't be afraid Kate, you're not in any danger and neither is Sawyer ok? Chances are you are going to get out of here real soon." He said somewhat distracted.

Sawyer piped in, "That's all and well but what about you Doc?"

Jack just looked at him and he looked stumped for words, finally he gave Sawyer an odd look.

"Have you ever seen the movie Fatal Attraction?" Jack asked and both Kate and Sawyer looked at him curiously.

"Uh yeah" Sawyer said.

Jack nodded, "Yeah well I just met the inspiration for Glen Close's character"

"What?" Kate asked sharply, not liking where this conversation could be heading.

"She's crazy" Jack said shaking his head. "They bring me to a room and this woman comes in and she's making polite conversation then wham out of no where crazy comes out in flying colors"

Sawyer nodded slightly he had dated some nutjobs in his lifetime.

Jack continued. "So she keeps talking about happy we will be together and how she's freaking planning our wedding like she's going to be my island bride or something." Sawyer would have laughed if the situation didn't sound so creepy. "I'm in there for like what a half hour and she has our children named and what color are hut is going to be. Henry came in and I swear I have never been so happy to see someone in my life." Jack said. Kate meanwhile was furious. The blood literally felt like it was boiling in her veins.

"She said what?" her voice was low and dangerous. Jack glanced over and saw a very unhappy Kate look back at him and Sawyer let out a low whistle. Things were not looking good for this crazy woman.

"She's crazy Kate, I swear, so Henry looks at her like she's nuts too. He starts asking what she's doing and she goes off on him about how she and I are soul mates and we're destined and all of this crap now this whole time I'm chained to a wall and she keeps freaking touching me rubbing my chest and stuff, and Henry looks at me like he is totally sorry, that is how creepy this woman is, the people who kidnapped me are now feeling sorry for me. So she keeps going on about how they can give me some shot that will make me forget, which I'm sure is what they gave Claire, and then when I wake up she'll be there to fill in all the details."

"You mean all the details she has thought up in her warped little mind?" Sawyer asked, he too was feeling bad for Jack.

"Exactly" Jack said "That's why I said if I get shot up with something and I forget things, just remember I love you" Jack said looking at Kate.

Kate on the other hand was not scared or creeped out she was absolutely livid.

"That won't happen because that bitch isn't going to get anywhere near you." Kate had just about had all she could take, a plane crash, kidnapped by Others, tossed in a room and now some woman thinks she can just wipe Jack's memory and have him all to herself, hell no.

"Kate" Jack said rubbing the back of his neck the way he does when agitated. "I don't know what she is capable of, if she considers you a threat…"

"I am a threat!" exclaimed Kate. "I'm going to be the one to wring her neck"

"Freckles, I think Jack is looking for a nice way to say if psycho comes in, back off" Sawyer said.

"What?" Kate looked at Jack. "You want me to just sit by while that woman is all over you?"

"Kate she's crazy, if she thinks you're a problem I think she's insane enough to try to solve the problem. Meaning you. I don't want you getting hurt because of me. I'm just asking that if she does come in here, don't instigate anything with her. From the sounds of it the Others just want us to run blood tests and then we can go free. That's all I want is to get out of here and I want you out of here safe, ok?" Jack asked eyes wandering to the door again.

"How did you get out of there Jack?" Sawyer asked.

Jack shook his head. "Like I said Henry and this woman I think he called her Juliet started in about the whole thing and he told her to get a grip. She stormed out, but not before calling me darling and kissing me of course." The minute Jack said it he regretted the words immediately because he knew Kate was about a millimeter from flying into a rage. He continued quickly. "Anyways, Henry looked kind of wigged out, he apologized and told the men there would be a change of plans and that I was to come back in here with you guys."

Kate stood up and began pacing back and forth suddenly the door opened and all eyes went to entrance and Sawyer noticed Jack tensed and he didn't blame the doctor one bit.

Sawyer leapt up and grabbed Kate pulling her to sit by him and Jack threw him a grateful look. A blonde woman entered and her eyes scanned the room. Sawyer and Kate heard Jack swear under his breath and they knew this was the woman. She regarded Sawyer with hardly any emotion, she looked at Kate like something she found on the bottom of her shoe and then her eyes turned to Jack. It was the most bizarre thing ever as the woman's whole face lit up at seeing the man who looked very frightened of her.

"Jack" she exclaimed and she launched herself at him wrapping her arms around him tight. Jack tried to wriggle free but her grasp was freakishly strong and he had no where to back up as he was being pressed into the wall. "Oh, Jack I thought they had hurt you when I came back and saw you were gone. They're trying to keep us apart but we both know are love is too strong for that." She said with a grin and she leaned forward to kiss him.

With a yelp, Jack managed to break free and pull away from the woman before she could kiss him. He noticed two guards at the door with their guns pulled, so much for bonking her over the head and making a run for it.

"Jack what's wrong?" Juliet asked concerned. She turned and saw Sawyer and Kate who Sawyer was practically sitting on to keep from freaking out completely. She smiled sweetly at Jack who was looking very much like a caged animal. "Oh sweetheart are you embarrassed about telling your friends about us?" She turned to Sawyer and Kate and Sawyer cringed. "Hi I'm Juliet and I'm going to be Jack's wife, we can all be friends." Sawyer immediately gripped Kate tighter and slapped his hand over her mouth as Kate went off. Juliet looked at her strangely and shook her head. She went towards Jack who took a step back.

"I don't think your friends like me Jack." She said with a pout.

"Imagine that" Jack said taking another step away. He glanced at Sawyer who was eyeing the two guards, perhaps Jack could keep Juliet occupied while Sawyer and Kate went after the guards. Sawyer got up holding Kate against him mouth still covered and moved her towards the guards who seemed intrigued by Juliet slowly stalking Jack around the room.

"Oh well it doesn't matter, we have things to discuss. Jack it's the perfect time in my cycle if we make love now we could have a baby in nine months" She said gleefully and Jack went completely pale.

"Oh Hell with that" Sawyer said and he let go of the now furious Kate. Kate flew at the blonde with a growl and tackled her to the floor. Jack looked stunned for a second but jumped to action when Sawyer punched one of the guards and Jack took out the other. They pulled guards in and tied them up and grabbed the guns. They both turned to see Kate and Juliet rolling around on the floor, pulling hair and swearing. Jack moved forward but was stopped by Sawyer was watching the scene intrigued.

"Just enjoy it for a second" he said with a smirk and Jack rolled his eyes. He looked at them carefully knowing it was usually a stupid thing for a man to try to break up two fighting women. They usually turned on the guy and he gets hurt the worst. Kate managed to get on top straddling Juliet.

"You bitch, Jack will never love you" Kate spat as she back handed Juliet.

"We're going to get married and have babies" Juliet screeched grabbing a chunk of Kate's hair and pulling hard. "He's mine"

Kate cried out and managed to dig her knee into Juliet's torso somewhere in the spleen region. "He'll never be yours you psychotic whore, he loves me, and he's mine." Kate yelled. Jack moved forward and grabbed Kate around the waist dragging her off the blonde. Juliet jumped up after them but Kate managed to get an arm free and she slammed her fist into Juliet's face knocking her out cold.

The room fell into an odd silence as Sawyer, Jack and Kate looked around the room at the two unconscious guards and one knocked out lunatic.

"Nice shot Freckles" Sawyer said looking at the blonde on the floor.

Kate blew the hair out of her face and smiled sweetly. "Thanks Sawyer." She turned in Jack's arms and brushed her lips against his gently.

"We have to go" Jack said, but he gave her a small smile, "We can continue this later though"

Kate smiled and kissed him quickly. They headed out the door and made their way out of the compound. When they got to the entrance they were shocked to find Sayid ready to come in and rescue them. They managed to sneak out of the Other's camp and head back towards their side of the island. When they returned they were greeted by everyone happily and were shocked to hear about the hatch and what happened to it. Jack checked over Locke, Desmond and Eko who by some miracle all managed to survive unscathed. Later on that evening Jack and Kate went to her tent and spent the night. Kate showed him just how much she loved him and Jack was sure that no matter what anyone tried to do to him, he would never forget his love for Kate.

Ok so you know how you read a story and you say to yourself was this written by a five year old? That's how I feel about this story I hate it. Sorry Becca I promise I'll write you something better yeesh. So to everyone this story is rubbish and I apologize if you actually read the whole thing and I'm going to work on another story and it will be better I promise.