A/N: Don't think of this chapter as OOC. I like to think that Kari is not 100 percent cute little girl, but that BECAUSE she's a girl sometimes she's ruled by her emotions and that no, she doesn't think everything through. That's my take on her, so please enjoy! This is where things start rolling...

Same with Matt. He's stubborn, not stupid.

Beating Hearts

Chapter 12

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. – Robert Fritz

Kari thought the right thing to do was spend more time with TK. After all, if things clearly weren't going to work with her and Matt, what was the point?

But she felt like she had been saying this the whole time, and yet, two weeks after the dance everything felt the same. School was just as stressful, sometimes she was lonely, TK was growing both distant and clingier at the same time, and Matt was still… Matt.

But he was Matt who had stroked her hair.

Matt who had comforted her.

Matt who had worried about her.

No! Kari commanded mentally as she walked home from school on a chilly Tuesday afternoon. It was a bit later than usual as she had stopped at the library to look up some things on a project she had to do in English.

She hadn't gone alone.

"Kari! Wait up!" TK's voice wafted past her. She unwillingly slowed her fast pace to a slower one. TK appeared beside her, a confused smile on his face. "I was only tying my shoelace," he said, somewhat exasperated.

"Sorry," apologized Kari, and she looked over at him with a smile. Trying to mean it. Really.

So she had done it. Started to hang out with TK more and more. Going over to his apartment to work on homework, or walking home with him, or helping him run errands for his mom. He seemed to like it. Then again, Kari seemed to as well when she really didn't. Sometimes when she caught a sidelong glance of TK his serene face looked almost like that of Matt when he sang a love song in front of a crowd. Or sometimes TK would smirk down at her, and Kari would freeze in her steps because for an instant she had thought Matt was walking beside her, carrying her books.

Huh. So much for that.

"TK, STOP FOLLOWING ME!" was what she wanted to shout, but he wasn't following her. She had invited him to help with her project, as TK was rather skilled at English. So why did it feel like he was tagging along everytime she was with him?

"Coming over?" she asked casually, knowing it was what he wanted to hear, but keeping her fingers crossed for a 'no' in her pockets.

"If it's okay," TK suggested demurely, which was obviously a 'yes'. Kari suppressed a sigh.

"My mom'll be ecstatic," she told him. It was true. Her parents were all over TK like he was the greatest thing that existed.

"Well, I have a few charms," TK admitted. Kari couldn't help but smile just a little, but only because she was thinking of Matt and all his dozens of charms.

"Stop zoning out. I'm kicking your ass and I'm starting to wonder why." A familiar toe poked at the back of Matt's head.

"Ow," he grunted, sitting in his familiar spot on the floor in front of the television, whereas Tai was sprawled on the sofa beside him. "I think it's because my eyes are burning," Matt admitted, dropping the controller on the floor and flopping backwards so he was lying on his back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. He closed them, seeing nothing but black and a few winking colors behind his lids. "Why don't you ever come over to my house?" he asked suddenly, thinking of how Kari should appear any second now and how he would want to avoid her entirely. Yes, they had reached a new sort of understanding… on Kari's level, anyway. She chatted amiably to him everytime they met in the hall or at TK's apartment or at her own, but Matt felt completely different. He answered in his usual voice, managed to keep up a conversation with her. But something felt different. Something he knew was wrong, but felt right.

"Cause you don't have video games, that's why."

"Yes I do," Matt argued, stung.

"Yea, like, a Super Nintendo. C'mon Matt." Tai chuckled. Matt glowered at him playfully.

"At least I can cook." As if it was some sort retort that suited the argument. It always was with Tai though. He let out a mock gasp of horror and shook his controller at Matt's face.

"Be warned boy, I might just cook up a plan of my own." He giggled to himself like it was a brilliant comeback, but Matt just stared at him blankly, rolling onto his side so he was propped up on one elbow.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked bluntly. Tai looked over at him, the small smile fading slowly from his face. With a quick glance in the direction of the front door, Tai sat up straight, a conspiratorial look on his face.

"You know… how you…" He fell silent, his eyes dropping to look at his controller and then finally back up at his best friend. "How you're so… indecisive." Tai wasn't smiling anymore.

Matt froze at his words, trying desperately to scramble up some kind of remark while at the same time keeping the calm look on his face. "Tai. What the hell. Are you talking about?" Matt repeated, this time more serious—darker.

Tai's brow was furrowed, as if he was concentrating deeply. When he opened his mouth to reply, and Matt held his breath, the front doorknob jiggled. Then a key turning in the lock. Matt knew the panic-stricken look had taken over his features because Tai gave him a knowing look. He quickly smoothed his face over, turning away from Tai, truly shaken. What the hell? What the hell?

Before he had any more time to think on it, he heard his brother's voice murmuring something quietly. Then a soft giggle. He turned the corner abruptly to see TK standing in the foyer with Kari, dropping his bag to the side and tucking it up beside the rack of shoes. He looked up at the sound of Matt running down the hall. He smiled at him.

"Oh, hey Matt."

Matt was still struggling with whatever had just happened with Tai. Why had he come here again? His gaze flickered over to Kari, who was watching him with surprise. A critical expression was on her face. She looked just like her damn brother had, and that's what caused him to stop floundering like a fish.

"Hey Teeks. Kari."

"Hi Matt," she greeted softly, and then turned away to slip her shoes off. Oh. So she wasn't so talkative with TK around?

Tai walked in behind him. Matt heard his footsteps and nearly hit the roof when he jumped. "Oh. Tai. Scared me." He was jumpy. He knew everyone was watching him, like he had lost his mind or something. "Uh, I'm gonna go get some air." With a weird floppy gesture of his hands he nearly ran to the balcony, where he leaned against the railing and let out a huge breath of air, struggling to think.

Okay. So what. He had tried to hide what he had recently been feeling. You know, pity for the little girl, then a weird sort of affection that grew. It would die; he was graduating that year. So what. Tai, the strangely overprotective brother who knew-things-and-yet-acted-like-he-didn't, seemed to know what was going through Matt's head. So what.

So what. So what. So what?

"DAMMIT!" Matt cried, pulling at his hair in a strange show of frustration. It was rare that it happened, but ever since these thoughts, these feelings, had been burrowing deep into him he hadn't been able to stop. Throwing a plate. Feeling jealous of his younger brother. Then what? Now what? What was possibly left for Matt to do but wallow, think, and stress out over it?

It was obvious Kari had made her choice.

But Matt had made his first. And now he would have to stick with it.

"Did you hear?"

"What?"

"No way."

"Omigoooood, how is that fair!?"

"She's not so great when you look at her."

"Short. Chubby."

"Why did he pick her?"

"Have they even spoken before?"

"Lucky dude. She's hot."

"Man I know. How is he so lucky?"

Kari had heard it all day, but no one would say whom it was about. All day she had heard the same gossip circulating, and it was driving her crazy. Not that she was much of a gossip-monger, but sometimes a girl wanted to know. Especially when everyone knew but her!

She saw TK when she left her class before lunch, and hurriedly ran over to him in the busy hall. He usually knew what was going on, gossip-wise… for some reason.

"Hey TK, do you know what everyone's talking about?" Kari asked quickly. She hadn't had any classes with her other friends that morning, and she was dying.

TK looked over at her, surprised, but a huge grin on his face all the same. "You haven't heard?"

Kari was scared of the smile. "No," she replied warily. "Heard what, exactly?"

TK looped an arm easily over Kari's shoulders. "Matt's found a girlfriend!"

Kari's feet nearly tripped on themselves, but she managed to keep herself upright. "Oh really," she replied weakly. "That's not very new."

TK was still smiling as they made their way down the hall. Kari didn't like the feel of his arm on her shoulders. She felt squashed, forced against him. "Yea, well, he's been talking about her for a few days."

Kari mouthed, 'a few days?', but TK didn't see it. "I think that's why he looked so scared when we were at your place a few days ago. We'd probably caught him in the act of talking about her." He chuckled.

Kari felt sick.

She didn't realize until after lunch that a couple they had passed, hand in hand, had been Matt and his new girlfriend.

Holding hands wasn't all they did. Going to school the next day Matt had decided to find a girl. Maybe not a girlfriend, but to prove he could move on. Like he wasn't hung up on that amazing kiss he'd had with little Kari. Because he wasn't.

So he remembered that girl who had invited him to the party after the dance (that he'd never gone to) and had hunted her down. One thing led to another, and pretty soon they were making out in a janitor's closet.

And, well, that was that.

She—Anne—was surprisingly clingy. He continued to remind her he wasn't ready for commitment or for a relationship, but she always complained that he never held her hand or talked to her very much. Geez, it had only been, like, four days since they had hooked up!

"Matt? Matt? Omigod, are you listening?"

"Yea," he replied, zoned out as he watched Kari and TK across the cafeteria snuggling up beside each other at the table. Hadn't she said they were over? Hadn't she said that she didn't like him anymore? So what the hell was this?

"—And then she said that my party was lame! Can you believe that?" Anne flipped her raven-black hair behind a shoulder, puckering her tiny lips into what was supposed to be a pout. "You should've come."

"It was two weeks ago," reminded Matt. "Ages ago."

"Yea, well. Hey, when's your band playing their next gig?"

Matt had been a bit absent-minded when it came to the band as of late. "I dunno. The guys sort of want a break."

Anne stared at him from across the table. He kept his eyes firmly trained on the droopy lettuce of his salad that sat before him. God, he was irritated with her. Maybe he should just break it off. It had happened before. It was a scandal for a few hours, and then all the girls were hounding his attention again. It wouldn't be that big of a deal…

"Agh, you're not even listening to me!" With a growl she stood up and stomped away, her tray of food still sitting where she had left it. Matt stared at the empty spot listlessly. What had been the point of getting a girlfriend again? To prove his maturity? Shooting another dark glance toward TK and Kari—who were chatting with their group of friends—he realized that he wasn't being very mature at all.

Too scared to go over to Tai's again—although his best friend was acting normal again—Matt wandered around town, heading toward his apartment in a zigzag pattern through the streets. It was the best way to think, dodging between the bustling crowds, letting his mind zone out to the honking of cars and the drones of all sorts of traffic.

What is Kari to me? He asked himself, over and over. But he couldn't think of an answer, and he took that as a bad sign.

Three days later and Kari was sick of it. Sick of seeing Matt in the halls holding hands with his girlfriend, sick of seeing them talk and him smile and talking in that low voice he never used around her. Sometimes he would glance her way, and she'd feel embarrassed and wonder if he even remembered that day in the hall she'd cried and cried and closed her eyes, refusing to look at him. That had been the same girl he'd talked to that day, she remembered. So what? Was she privileged to hear that deep voice? It made her mad.

So she did was she could to fight back. Kari realized it, but didn't fully acknowledge that it was a battle of wills. After all, she didn't think Matt cared about her. But what they were doing? Something different and completely out of her league.

TK would throw his arm around her; Matt would kiss his girlfriend on the head. Kari would hold hands with TK and lean her head on his shoulder; Matt would pull Anne toward him and she'd squeal and he'd… agh, Kari didn't even want to think of it.

It was a silent fight between them, completely unacknowledged. Matt said nothing about his brother, and Kari said nothing about his girlfriend. He never came to her house, and Kari never visited TK if she knew Matt was over. Stranger still, Matt and TK wouldn't even look at each other in the halls, as if they only visited each other out of family necessity or something. TK spoke as if he didn't care for Matt anymore. Even Tai was acting strange. Things were whirling out of control around Kari and there was no way she could stop it.

Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was irritation. Or maybe it was pure, untrained fury when she was walking down the hall—with TK—and saw Anne pushed up against the lockers by none other than Matt. He had stolen a chance for public make out, and Kari was mortified to see Matt kiss this girl with the same lips he'd kissed her with. And right now he seemed more… fiery. More wild. It made her remember running her hands through his hair, and his gentle little moan and her mews of pleasure. Blushing with embarrassment for him and her and in memory of the kiss, her mind started to work in a new way. Something not even he could beat in their battle, because it would be something totally unforeseeable and shocking.

"Eugh, Matt," TK muttered under his breath, averting his eyes. Kari ignored him.

She slowed down in the hall, clinging onto TK's arm. Watching Matt like a hawk while trying to ignore his tongue in her mouth, she waited until they stepped apart for a second of air. In that second he looked around, as if he had been expecting her to be there, watching him kiss that girl. Kari wondered if it was such a coincidence these things kept happening around her.

But before she dwelled anymore on the subject, Kari sealed her doom only to feel the pleasure of seeing the shock—and jealousy?—in Matt's eyes. Whirling TK around to face her, he let out a little squawk of surprise—but was cut off as Kari stood up on tiptoes and kissed him full on the mouth.

It would have been her first kiss. It was her first kiss with TK, whom she thought it would be with for almost her whole childhood. TK responded, but only lightly, and then he pulled away, blushing red and muttering something like, "Kari—Kari, we're in the middle of a hall…"

"I know," Kari replied, shrugging and feeling her heart sink in her chest. "I just wanted to." Her gaze flickered to Matt.

She saw him staring at her, hands still wrapped around Anne's waist as she nibbled at his neck. But he was ignoring his girlfriend, staring at Kari and his brother as if they were some sort of alien race. There was the jealousy she had been longing for.

Kari couldn't help it. She smiled.

Ohhh yea. She was definitely the villain.

She smiled at me! SMIRKED! As if she knew I was watching and thought that it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! Kissing him just to make me mad! Like she knew it would make me mad. Why am I mad? Why is my brother such a prude? Did I start making out with Anne because I saw Kari down the hall? I can't remember!

Matt was pacing his room, unclean for several weeks. Clothes and magazines were strewn all over the floor, along with several half-read novels and half-eaten meals. His guitar was flung onto his bed, as if he had only just been playing it. In fact, Matt hadn't played since the concert. Something in him wasn't in the right for playing.

Now he knew what it was.

"Stupid Kari!" he growled, kicking a shirt on the floor. It fluttered pathetically back toward him, getting caught on his foot. Muttering darkly to himself, he shook it off and then plopped down on his bed, narrowly avoiding landing on top of his bass.

What the hell was happening? Whoever that girl in the hall had been, it wasn't Kari. Or was it? Matt didn't know much about—

No. That was a lie. Kari had always seemed genuine around Matt when he had been teaching her how to waltz: she smiled that shy smile, giggled at his lame jokes, was polite and sweet in every way. Why did he keep thinking she was some sort of devil underneath? It was obvious now that she wasn't perfect, like he had thought she was. She had her own jealous layers, her own feelings and complex emotions. It wasn't as if Matt could take one look at her and understand what she was made of.

Just like him.

They were the same.

Well, sort of. Maybe somewhere down in the soul area, but Matt wasn't one for wanting to get to know people's souls. That was a bit too intimate for him. But still. People looked at Matt and expected a god, a beautiful boy with no emotions, gorgeous eyes, and talent beyond compare. Then people looked at Kari and expected a sweet girl, an innocent girl, as if she would never have a mean or evil thought in her life. Yes, she was sweet, and yes she was more or less innocent, but that didn't make her any less human.

It was rare for Matt to reach epiphanies. The only other time it had really happened was back in the Digiworld, when it had mattered. He supposed it mattered at home too, because here he was, thinking, and his whole perception of one girl had just changed.

Had she kissed TK to bother him? To make him angry? Shit. If she had, just… shit. It had worked, and that was what Matt was really concerned about. Hadn't he been expecting a kiss between them for like, the last eight years? So what was the big deal? Why would she even do something like that? Unless—

Unless… she thought him dating a new girl was to get back at her? For something? Oh God. She had probably taken it in the wrong way and then turned on him. Oh man. What would TK do if he found out that his first kiss (probably) was to make his older brother jealous? If only she knew that he had only started dating again to make himself forget about her simple smile, her happiness, her…

"SHUT UP," he yelled into his pillow, but no one was home to ask what was bothering him.

It was hard for Kari to look at TK the rest of the day. He was quietly pleased, and his silent glow of happiness beside her was like stabbing pens into her arm or something. She didn't know how to explain it. It was just awkward and wrong and every step she took she felt the need to explain to him that she hadn't wanted to kiss him for months now, and that she did it to make Matt jealous, and did he really like his new girlfriend, and what would TK do if she wanted to date Matt, and ARGH. She didn't know WHAT to do!

It was all one giant circle, always repeating the same stuff: she and Matt would get close, get scared, pull apart; they would ignore each other; something would bring them together; and then they would feel awkward and horrible and guilty all over again.

Well Kari was sick of feeling guilty. She didn't think that what she felt, the emotions she had should make her feel guilty. Wasn't love—oh god, love?—wasn't it supposed to make you happy? Even if she didn't have a chance, the feelings should still make her pleased. But look at her. Hiding, regretting, backstabbing.

Not to mention the kiss with TK had been nothing like the one with Matt.

Stop thinking! She ordered herself, just in time to step into her house and see the phone leering ominously right in front of the door. Surprised, Kari stopped in the open doorway. What was the phone doing lying on the floor in front of the door? It was like it was just waiting there for her to call Matt.

"You shouldn't have done that," warned a lazy voice from in front of her. Kari looked up to see Tai leaning against the hallway wall, arms crossed and a look of… Kari didn't know how to explain his expression. Regret, or resentment, and… knowledge? It was like he knew better than she did.

Immediately she flared up. "What, stare at the phone that's lying in front of the door? What's that about anyway?" she closed the door behind her, sliding her shoes off and tucking them against the wall. "You're so weird, Tai," she muttered.

"It's cause I know you have to make a phone call," he said carelessly, shrugging his shoulders. Kari froze, not really understanding his words. What was he talking about?

"Um, what?" she asked quietly, still staring at her feet, and the phone that sat nearby. Not Tai. He sounded on the verge of a confession.

"I saw what you did in the hall today. To TK." He said it with an accusatory tone. Kari finally managed to glare at him.

"Excuse me for kissing him! Sorry I like a guy!" she shouted, knowing her sudden anger was irrational and would probably make him wonder. But Tai wasn't smart enough for that. She threw her bag in the corner and it slumped against the wall. She began to stomp past him.

"But not that guy," Tai informed her politely, as if he was telling her a fact for science class or something.

Kari stopped, and then whirled around. "What are you talking about?" she cried desperately, both dreading and wanting to hear his answer. Did Tai even realize how dangerously close he was getting to the real answer? "Since when do you even care about what guys I have a crush on?"

"Since one of them is my best friend!" Tai suddenly shouted, taking an angry step closer to her. "Dammit Kari, kissing TK to make Matt jealous?"

Kari could only stare at him open-mouthed. "Y—You don't know what… You have NO idea what you're talking about!" she finally burst out loudly. "Oh my God, you're making all these guesses and being totally stupid! It's not my fault Matt was making out with his girlfriend in the same hall! It's not my fault that they're brothers! It's not my fault that Matt gave me dance lessons so I could impress TK and you got the totally wrong impression!" Uh oh. If that wasn't an answer for him… crap. Couldn't she keep her mouth closed? Tai made her too angry too quickly, and that was why it was rare she won an argument against him.

"Get a grip, Kari! It's so obvious! If I can notice it, anyone can!" Tai whispered fiercely, now so close Kari felt caged in. She had never seen her brother this angry, not in recent memory anyway. His eyes were flashing, his face beet red with anger. "Hanging around the apartment when you think he's coming over, avoiding TK, the way you acted after Matt always left—"

"I KISSED TK!" Kari cried in exasperation, tears in her eyes. "Isn't that enough for you?! Shouldn't that be enough for everyone? For him? For you? For Matt?" She remembered the jealous look in his eyes, and now realized what an idiotic thing she had done. His jealousy had gotten her nowhere.

"Kari," Tai said, reaching down and gripping her wrist. She jerked away, but he held fast. His voice was restrained now, like he was trying to hold it in. "Just tell me the truth."

Keep in the tears, keep in the tears. "I can't," she whispered meekly, knowing those words alone were enough of an answer. She had sealed her fate.

Tai's expression was blank when she risked a quick glance up. "Tai, what're you going to do?" she squeaked. Tai had always been a fan of the TK and Kari relationship; it was like something he wanted for himself one day. Now that it was crumbling down right in front of him—and for his best friend…

Kari refused to think of it. How long had her brother known? He must be a lot smarter than he acted, she realized suddenly.

"Nothing," he replied simply, shrugging his shoulders and letting go of Kari's wrist suddenly. "But… crap, Kari." He ran a hand through his hair almost nervously. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm not," she muttered stubbornly. "It's hard to try thinking and feeling at the same time." She bit her bottom lip, finally managing a steady look at her older brother. "You can't yell it out of me," she told him suddenly. "I can't love TK anymore."

Tai's eyes widened. "Kari—oh my God… love?" he whispered hoarsely. "This is way out of my league… geez…"

"How long have you known?" she asked, her voice going wobbly again. It had been a secret she kept so tight to her chest.

"For a long time," Tai answered darkly after a moment. "And I'm sure TK isn't as clueless as you think either."

She stared at him. "No. No. TK can't know. I told myself I'd be with him, because that's what—what's supposed to happen, isn't it? I'm doing it for him," she added weakly. What a lie. But she wanted it to be true. Oh, how she wanted it to be true.

"Kari." Tai stared at her. "Who are you going to make that phone call to?"

Staring at him, Kari finally knew why the phone had been sitting in front of the door. "Tai," she began in a warning tone. He shook his head.

"You need to make this decision. If you need some pushing, that's what I'm here for." He frowned at her. "Just…" Once again, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Just… Kari, you know I want you with TK. I always have. But if you want… someone different…" He looked awkward.

"Well at least we don't have to worry about breaking the news to you?" she joked pathetically. Tai stared, shocked. "I was kidding," she added hurriedly. "As if Matt—" she stopped. Saying his name seemed almost forbidden now. "Tai, I don't know who to call," she told him truthfully. "I want it to be TK. But I don't… and Matt has a girlfriend, so—"

"Here's a bit of news only his best friend can give," Tai interrupted suddenly. "He doesn't like her. He only dated her because he was confused."

It was Kari's turn to stare, shocked into silence. "Ohmy… what? What has he been saying?" she asked, both worried and excited.

"Nothing," said Tai truthfully. "I just have the feeling. I guessed you right, didn't I?"

Kari glowed with embarrassment. "I—"

"Kari. Just call." He pointed to the phone. She looked, and it sat there ominously, almost comically. It was sad and scary at the same time. "Just do it."

Kari had always looked up to Tai, even though he was annoying and goofy and obnoxious. But in his rare moments, he was unpredictably wise. With a nod, she walked toward the phone and picked it up, scrolling absent-mindedly through the list of names.

ISHIDA MATT

ISHIDA TK

Which one? Which one? Would this call solve anything, or would it only make matters worse? Whatever it would do, Kari knew it was her turn to take the next step.