Beating Hearts

Chapter 13

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. – Mark Twain

They met only down the street. Kari didn't even bother making herself look presentable. Avoiding the kitchen where Tai was smashing around with pots and pans (he had promised their parents he would cook supper for them for when they got home), she slid on her shoes and nearly ran out of the apartment, heart racing.

She had made her choice. Feeling sick and yet proud of her choice, Kari wondered what would come of it. Her happiness? Or resentment for herself?

Shoes slapping noisily on the pavement, she dodged past all the people who were idly walking home or chatting amiably with friends. It wasn't the time to relax. Heart hammering in her chest, Kari knew her face would be red with running when she arrived there. She knew her hair would be dishevelled, her school uniform still on but sloppily tied, as she always loosened the buttons and tie when she was home.

But at the moment it didn't matter.

Ten minutes later she was there, panting in front of the swing seat. One child was swinging boredly from the monkey bars near her, watching as she patted her face and tried to smooth her hair out. Kari only smiled at the kid before trying to make herself look more presentable.

"You don't have to do that," said a voice from behind. The one she had been waiting for. Whirling around, Kari smiled breathlessly and then hated herself for it.

"Hi," she managed.

"Hey," Matt said back, waving a hand at her before shoving it back in his pocket. He took in her school uniform with a quirked eyebrow. Kari ignored it.

"Tai knows. He knows I like you and that I don't like TK anymore," she burst out in one breath. Matt watched her; the only thing that showed surprise was the lift of his brow.

"Kari—"

"And I kissed him today but I felt awful after and TK seemed so happy and I knew then, I just knew that it hadn't been right and I only did it to make you mad, and I hate that I did that but I wanted you to know," she added desperately, frantically, trying to prove her point. She didn't care if she seemed pathetic. "Yes, I'm younger, yes, I'm not a gorgeous girl, yes, I'm not wild and crazy and fun, but I'm me, and I thought it was good enough when you were teaching me how to dance and when you kissed me, and I just—I just—" She failed then. Kari had been doing so well, finally getting her feelings out, but at that moment she just froze up, as if she had just realized Matt was actually listening as she made these confessions. "And I… I don't…"

Oh, what the hell. She had already done it once today, so what did a second time matter? She took a step closer; Matt looked wary, but there was something else in his face she didn't quite understand.

"Tell… Tell your girlfriend I'm sorry. Okay?" she asked quietly, and then stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Matt daintily on the mouth. That alone was enough for her to inhale his scent, and feel his sweater underneath her hands as she used his chest to keep her standing. It was enough for her to remember their first kiss and how she hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, and that if nothing came of this meeting at least she had managed to steal one more kiss from him.

She pulled away, looking up at him expectantly. Waiting for a reaction. What she got was a complete shock.

"God, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for that," Matt breathed out, and before Kari could exclaim in astonishment he leaned down and kissed her back, far more urgently than even the first time. It was the yearning, the waiting, and the build-up.

Kari leaned in immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was. He brought her closer until they clung onto each other, the kiss intensifying as seconds passed. Kari was lost, her brain shut down, only feeling the pleasing lurch in her stomach and the heavy, hot kisses of Matt. This was what she had wanted. Not only this, but this and so much more.

"Wait—" Kari spoke quietly into the passionate kiss that had somewhat slowed its pace. She fell back on her heels, arms loosening their hold on his neck and grip in his hair to rest on his chest. She wanted to keep her palms there, to feel his racing heartbeat and know that he was feeling what she was feeling.

Matt had an agitated look on his face. "Kari, I kind of just want to kiss you right now," he said softly, but directly. Kari felt the heat on her neck, felt her pulse racing. Good grief, she never thought she'd hear those words!

"Yea, well—same here," she mumbled out, feeling awkward about this sort of thing. "But it feels wrong when you have a girlfrie—"

"Kari, you need to understand." Matt's hands slid up to her shoulders, where his grip tightened. He looked her straight in the eye. "I don't like her. I started—'dating'—her because I was trying…" Here he averted his eyes. "Trying not to think about you," were his final mumbled words.

Kari watched him, unable to really express what she was feeling. Surprise? Maybe. But she had always wanted this to happen, so it wasn't so shocking anymore. Happiness? Yes. Guilt? Oh yea. But it was just… indescribable.

"You called me here for a reason, right?" he finally asked, reluctantly. "So what was it?"

Kari's hands clenched into fists in the folds of his sweater at his words. She glared up at him. "Isn't it obvious?" she whispered, as if the child swinging on the monkey bars was going to tattle on them. "Isn't it obvious that I've picked you?" She knew her face was red, but she didn't care.

Matt stared at her, eyes round, face slack. "Oh" was all he said, his hands still on her shoulders. He was stooped over slightly, and still hadn't moved from that position at Kari's confession. "But TK—"

"I kissed him because you were making out with that girl," Kari admitted guiltily, not looking at him. "You must hate me. I'm horrible."

She knew he must have been mulling it over. Matt, who had always loved TK more than anyone else in the world. Matt, who would stand up for his brother before anyone. What must he think of this girl, who was toying with his little brother's feelings?

"Can we just… forget about them for now?" was his hushed answer, and she realized his mouth was suddenly right beside her ear. It tickled her hair, and she bit back a giggle. Her fingers gripped at his sweater and pulled his face toward hers, kissing him on the mouth again, feeling that familiar surge of adrenaline as he responded immediately and moaned lightly into the kiss. Kari pulled him closer, fiercely, just wanting to eat him and never get enough of him. That was how she had felt over the last few months, and now it was all surging out in one moment.

For the moment they forgot about Tai, fretting at home and tempted to call to see who was left: Matt or TK; They forgot about TK, who was sitting on his bed at home and wondering what Kari was doing and if she wanted to kiss him again; They forgot about their friends and what people would say if they ever knew little Kari and gorgeous Matt were stumbling through the park, attached at the lips as they struggled to find a place to sit or lay or something.

In the heated moment Kari lifted her head away, spotting an area under a tree that looked relatively okay to sit. She wasn't too sure though, because Matt was doing something amazing to her neck and she was giggling at the tickle of his lips but finding the thrill in the touch. She guided him over and they fell to the ground. Matt didn't even seem to realize, only smiling into the kiss when he felt the grass and dirt underneath them, like he knew Kari was too blinded by the kisses to figure out a proper place to make out.

Time slowed. The evening grew darker, and the child who had been on the playground had run home long ago. Things grew calmer, and soon it was only the odd slow, long kiss as they sat in the shade of the tree, Kari lying beside Matt's outstretched body, her head leaning on his shoulder. It was a lazy moment, one they knew they had to enjoy. After tonight, things wouldn't be so lethargic and slow.

If Kari didn't think about all the pressures building a wall around her because of her choice, she could almost feel at peace. Almost.

"You made it sound like your choice of who you picked defined the rest of your future," Matt finally mumbled, leaning his head down into her hair. She restrained a grin at his move, but seriously pondered his words.

"I guess it did… for me. Either way, if I had called you and you had said 'No Kari, get away from me' I still would have made my choice. That's how I see it." An image of TK flashed across her eyes; she blinked hard, trying to block it out and instead feel the weight of Matt beside her, his arm around her shoulders and holding her close to him. She snuggled closer, hiding her face in his chest as if that would help block things out.

"I never would have said that," Matt murmured, and she twitched at the feel of his hand running lazily through her hair; it sent shivers down her spine, and she resisted the sudden urge to slam him against the tree and kiss him so hard he grew dizzy.

"Well say you hadn't given me dancing lessons," Kari wondered idly, turning her face so she could see the park. "Say it had been before and you were just my older brother's friend and I was just your younger brother's… friend. Thing." Shoot.

Matt seemed to ignore the part about TK. "You were still Kari, though. Still one of 'us', right?" She knew what he meant. They had been through so much together even thought it felt like a life ago the Digiworld had been a part of their lives.

"Right," she agreed faintly. "But what did you think of me?" she asked suddenly, intrigued.

Matt's hand stopped, and he chuckled. "What is this, an interrogation?"

Kari blushed, not used to Matt's easy laughter. Usually she had to fight to get him to smile, let alone giggle. "Well I guess I have got you to explain your emotions more than you normally do."

Matt ruffled her hair. "Yea, you're right about that," he admitted grudgingly. "You do strange things to me, Kari."

She smiled dreamily at those words. So she had an affect on Matt. That was nice. That was so, so nice. There was no other way to explain the feeling that she meant something to Matt.

It had all happened so quickly: confessing her feelings (had that really happened? Really? Because Kari didn't think she'd ever do something like that), kissing Matt, finding out how he thought about her…

"How long have you known?" she whispered, and this time Matt took her words seriously, rather than ruffling her hair.

"Known what?" he asked, sounding no longer sleepy but much more lucid.

"How you felt…" she couldn't finish, couldn't say 'about me'.

Silence. But Kari wanted to know, and so she let her question hang, her grip in Matt's blue sweater tightening only the tiniest bit.

"I didn't," replied Matt quietly, so softly Kari could barely hear his words. But she did, and it she bit her lip to stop from hitting herself on the head. Of course. Of course. When did boys ever know how they felt? "I just thought it would pass…"

"Oh," she finally responded dully, realizing he had been waiting for some sort of reply from her. And here she had been, hunting him down, thinking about how to act in front of him, falling deeper and deeper in love! Well. That would show her.

"Oh come on Kari, don't be mad," he murmured into her hair, and it was hard for Kari to keep giving him the cold shoulder. Not when he did that. She wasn't used to Matt wanting to touch her, to stroke her hair, to kiss her… the thought still sent shivers up her spine.

"Mm," she muttered, making a noncommittal noise.

"Girls are smarter than boys," he wheedled. She grinned quietly, but he couldn't see her smile.

"Look at me now, though. Of course I know it's not just going to pass," he added sincerely, and that was enough for Kari. To hear him say himself that it wasn't a passing crush, that he didn't just feel some weird lust for the little girl he'd taught how to waltz was enough to make her feel her heart leap in her chest. She sat up straighter so he her nose was at Matt's chin. From underneath her eyelashes she inspected his perfect face, but then saw a little freckle beside his nose. She lifted a finger and touched it gently. He blinked and looked down at where her finger had been.

"What was that for?" he asked curiously with an arched eyebrow. Kari grew pink and shrugged.

"Just noticing that you're human," she responded stupidly, and something flashed across Matt's face that Kari couldn't interpret.

"We're both human, genius," he teased her, leaning in closer so their foreheads touched lightly. Kari felt her breathing speed up. Matt's face was inches away from hers! It would never get old, not to her. "Right?" Like asking for clarification.

"Haven't you learned that I'm also a terrible person?" Kari asked with a little smile, half serious. "That makes me human."

His expression was troubled. "But the good stuff makes you human too."

She didn't want to think about it. Not now. Like a cat she stretched her arms, resting them on his shoulders so she could wrap her arms around on the other side. "Yes, well," she murmured, half-distracted out of answering properly as Matt's face loomed closer.

"Yes, well," Matt agreed, before kissing her again.

Kari walked back into her apartment dreamily. Her parents were in the living room, watching TV. Tai was—well—who cared? Kari didn't. She was remembering the night, and how after their last kiss Kari had scrambled up, remembering how she had to be home. She'd hugged Matt, and ran home before she was tempted to go too far. Her lips were throbbing at the mere memory of their sudden and frantic kissing. Thinking about it was making her blush!

She walked quietly into her room, shutting the door and just wanting to mull over the day. Not only that, but also… worry. It was Kari's nature to worry and fret, and she had to figure out what to do about TK. And Tai. Her parents. Everyone… else. Did that night's rendezvous make them a couple? Or was that just a make-out they had both needed?

But that wasn't something she could ask Matt. She knew—from just knowing him but also from rumors—that he was a lone wolf type, and that if she needled him too much he might jolt. Not only that, but they were both sort of… involved, at the moment.

Human nature sucks, Kari thought moodily, but at the same time she couldn't help but thank it for preserving her happiness. Guilt would come, yes, but behind it all would be Matt, smiling and waiting just for her.

There wasn't even a minute of silence as Matt stepped into his apartment before the phone began ringing shrilly off of its hook. "Shit," Matt muttered, running to grab it without taking off his shoes. There was only one person who called Matt often, and even though they had sort of ignored each other the past few days, that wouldn't stop TK from calling him, or vice versa.

"Hey TK." Matt threw his wallet on the ground, ruffling his hair and remembering Kari's hands running through it.

"Matt." The voice sounded funny. "Kari kissed me today."

Oh dammit. Was he seriously calling him about this? Right now, of all times? After Matt had just had a wonderful make-out session with Kari herself? "TK, I'm not your psychologist," Matt informed him dryly.

"I—I know, it's just…" Silence. "Are you still dating Anne?"

TK's jealousy was so obvious and sad that Matt felt guilty. He would've felt guilty earlier, but now that Kari had confessed all those things… he felt one hundred times worse. He sat down on the floor, back against the wall of the hall as he wrapped his arms around his knees, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.

"TK…" he began in a soft voice, but TK must have taken it like a warning tone.

"I know you're about to start informing me on how paranoid I am, and that she kissed me because likes me, right?" It was almost like he was begging Matt to agree with him.

"I—I don't know, TK," Matt lied. He knew from Kari that she just done it to make him jealous… how would TK react when he knew that most of the attention Kari had been paying him as of late was to make Matt jealous? "And no, I'm not dating Anne anymore. Why does that even matter?" he added, realizing he hadn't even turned on the lights in the apartment yet.

"It… It doesn't," TK mumbled.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Bye."

TK's response was to hang up the phone. Matt grunted and set it back in on the hook, only to realize that people knew he was breaking up with Anne before even she knew. Great. Just great.

As cynical as his thoughts were on TK, Anne, Tai, and others at the moment, Kari's memory was like this little light spot in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about how kissing her had felt so good, which was ridiculous because hello—it was Kari—but he couldn't FORCE himself not to like it. It was too difficult. And sitting under the tree, and just talking… being able to laugh and smile without feeling bitter, and not have to hide the fact that he loved her hair, and it had been… peaceful. Relaxing. Matt had been so high-strung lately that he had needed that moment.

Especially since, he had a feeling, things were going to start snowballing from here.

Kari's first reaction upon seeing Matt in the hall come school was to duck into a random classroom to her left. It was empty except for a boy sleeping at a desk in the corner, lightly snoring. Kari gave his sleeping body a panicked look, but made sure to stand close to the wall, refusing to leave the classroom.

Where had that come from? Matt had just been standing at the other end of the hall; talking to someone she hadn't really looked at. Because all her focus had been on Matt and what in the world they would say to each other if they came into contact. Was she supposed to smile at him as she passed, or wait around to talk to him herself? Were they supposed to walk around together now? Or what about telling everyone, first? What were his thoughts on that?

Kari knew she wouldn't get any of these answers without talking to Matt himself, but for some reason a strange fear was taking over. She didn't want to look in his eyes, or even near his face, for fear that she would grow embarrassed or he would just ignore her or something mortifying. Deep inside she knew Matt wouldn't do that… well… probably not…

"Can I help you?" The teacher had appeared back in her classroom. She gave Kari a questioning look, one that said, "I… don't know you." Kari gave a small smile, embarrassed.

"Oh no thanks, I was just—looking for someone." She turned around and escaped quickly out the doorway, shooting a quick glance down the hall.

Matt was gone.

She wasn't one hundred percent sure how she felt about this.

"Hey!" cried an exuberant voice from Kari's other side. She jumped and turned to see TK waving at her as he loomed closer. Oh, great.

"Hi TK," she replied in a slow voice, obviously lacking enthusiasm. He didn't seem to notice, and she saw his cheeks were pink. Oh dear. Her peck on his lips seemed so small in comparison to what had gone on between her and Matt… oh God. Matt.

Kari suddenly found she couldn't look in TK's face. Guilt would consume her like some sort of monster. She didn't want to break in front of TK, not now. Matt would kill her. Matt hadn't even told her where he stood on the TK situation. More importantly that that, where did she stand?

"Kari?"

"Sorry," she apologized quickly, risking a quick glance up at him and smiling. "What're you doing right now?"

"Well, I was gonna ask if you wanted to eat lunch outside together…"

Oh God, no. "Sure!" she replied perkily instead, wanting to slam her head into the wall beside her. Couldn't she ever say no to anyway?

She could, but not to TK. Just… not TK.

"Okay, great." He carefully leaned forward and took her hand in his, interlocking their fingers. Kari smiled, trying to keep the wobble out of it. Holding hands. It was such a sweet gesture, something small yet important that TK would, of course, realize was the right thing to do. Holding hands… Kari felt her eyes beginning to fill up with tears.

"Kari?"

"I KISSED MATT!" Kari finally yelled, stopping in their walk down the hall. A few odd students gave her curious looks, but were on their way. In a moment the hall was nearly empty, and TK was staring at her, hands between them still entwined. His grip only tightened, but just slightly.

She hadn't meant to say it. Really, really, really. She hadn't. No. That wasn't her plan. But it had just… slipped out. Kari had never been able to lie to TK. It just wasn't what it was like between them. But did she really have to yell it?

"Kissed… ha ha. Kari, come on. That's ridiculous." His voice was strained and several octaves higher than normal. "You didn't—you couldn't—"

"I can, and I did," Kari said shortly, extricating her hand from TK's hold. "I just… I thought you should know," she muttered stupidly. It was a selfish act, and she knew it. She just wanted this guilt to be gone.

"You thought I should—I should—"

"TK, we're not even… you know." She was staring at the floor, her voice quiet. It was true, though. They weren't dating or anything.

"That doesn't matter!" TK spluttered out. "You—You kissed me! Just yesterday! So what, did you meet up with my brother after school and have a nice little—whatever?" He had exploded. Kari looked up at him, alarmed, and felt hurt at the look of disgust on his face. TK never looked like that. Never. Kari felt dirty and evil for being the one person on Earth to make him look so disappointed.

"TK, please, I just need you to listen…" she began to plead. TK's expression only darkened.

"Kari, I don't want to listen. I don't want to know what made you do it, or what you two did, or why Matt—" TK broke off, remembering his phone call to Matt. Kari didn't realize why, but he grew paler.

"But I want to tell you!" cried Kari desperately. If she didn't tell him the guilt would only grow worse, and he would tell everyone else without a good reason from her. She needed him to know! "I need to tell you," she added softly.

TK's expression was pained. Kari didn't know how to describe the horrible mixture of grief, disappointment, and frustration on his face. It made her heart ache. Tears quivered in the corners of her eyes. She had never been a strong person, and up against TK, whom she was only realizing at this moment was still very important to her, she was useless.

"TK—"

"Kari. No." He shook his head. "Matt may have listened to whatever you told him, but…" TK's eyes avoided her gaze. What was he thinking? Kari needed to know. Hate? Anger? Sadness? Was he ever going to speak to her again?

"Promise me you'll talk to me," Kari asked him urgently. "Please, TK. I need you to know this."

"Well I need you to—I don't know—" He was at a loss. "I need you to stay away from Matt!" He burst out. "And me!" He gave her one last look, and Kari had to look away. Why was her life suddenly twisting into something so painfully dramatic? But she couldn't stop TK from walking away anymore. She watched him stride purposefully out the doors into the sun outside. She could only stand in the hallway, alone, clutching her books to her chest and struggling not to cry. The guilt wasn't gone.

Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut?