Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or the song in this fic.
It was raining by the time I touched down in the middle of the beach. I'd flown far, far ahead of the rest of my flock, and I had a twinge of regret eating away at me for doing so. But I had my reasons for wanting to be alone, if only for a few minutes.
Fang, my right and left wings, my second in command, my brace, had left us. He'd left me. It had been exactly thirty-three days and counting since he had flown away. The reason he left was stupid. We had gotten ambushed that day by a group of flyboys, and we all got hurt pretty badly. Fang had gotten it the worst. He always had to be everywhere, protecting everybody, especially me. After the attack, we had fought over something stupid. I told him that I didn't need his help, and he said that it didn't matter what I thought.
He said that he'd always help me, no matter what.
But I'd yelled more and said that it would have been better if there was only one of us trying to lead the flock. I guess he took it seriously. He was gone by the time I woke up early the next morning, and every waking moment since then, we'd been searching for him. I can't― I won't let him leave us, leave me, like that.
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I screamed, trying to get the horrible memories off of my mind, slamming my fists onto the ground and bawled even harder. The pain wouldn't subdue, and it wouldn't give in to my feeble attempts to forget about him. Every single detail was fresh in my mind.
"Why'd you have to leave?" I yelled out into the stormy sky. "I didn't mean it. Come back. Come back," I sobbed much quieter than before.
In the back of my mind, I prayed that he could hear my apology. I wished that he could hear my plea. More than anything, I wish he would listen.
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The memories reeled through my head against my will. I remembered all too clearly what had happened that day, the day Fang let go of me.
It was raining after the attack, just like it was today, and we were heading off to the coast to recharge, like I was right now. When I found out that Fang had left, I was still mad at him after our fight. For the next few days, I was impassive about it. So, what, Fang took off. Big deal, he'd be back soon.
I was too wrong. Night after night after that, I cried myself to sleep, if I even slept at all. I'd thought I'd be able to take care of the flock on my own. Fang was just there to be there. I didn't need him. I could do this thing on my own. Now I know that nothing is the same without him.
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
There was this part of me that so strongly wanted to be able to kiss him again. He'd left me in a broken state, and I craved, I needed, his comfort and support. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye. If he'd let me do that, the hole in my heart could have been smaller. Not much smaller, but it wouldn't be as painful. As long as I knew that I could touch him, I was okay, but this, this was a different matter.
Oh, how I desired him to be here with me. I would love to just to see him or to catch a glimpse of him so I'd know he was alright. If Fang was happy somewhere else, I guess I could learn to be happy for him. Those thirty-three days without knowing, thirty-three days of agony, I had lost almost all hope, and I hated to admit what I was beginning to think.
He wasn't coming back.
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
The day that Fang left me was the day I found out how hard it was to care for Nudge and Angel while still trying to tell Iggy what was going on. The day Fang left me was when I found out some of the secrets that he and the boys had. The day Fang left was when I started to lose my grasp on reality.
The day he ran away was the day I found that I couldn't live without him.
I hope you can hear me 'cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Now, I realized what I had been denying for so long. Fang left me, but that wasn't it. It was all a series of chances that lead me up to this point. He leaving was my wake up call. He'd been up and ready to admit to things, but I kept hitting the snooze button, so to speak.
Things were in reverse now. It was my turn to be the one facing the truth, and he was the one rolling over, hiding away from what was right. Or maybe he just gave up because of me. Maybe I'd been oblivious for so long that he decided that it wasn't worth the struggle anymore, and now he was back to ignoring the alarm, while I was slowly awakening. Why can't we both wake up at the same time? Why can't we both just see what we're missing?
Why can't we both admit what we've being avoiding?
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
This is it. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I can't take it. There are too many unanswered questions and not enough time to answer them. What Fang and I had was special. It was real. We were both equals in the eyes of the flock. We were literally made for each other, and I was too blind to see that.
Then it was gone. In a flash, it was gone. He was gone. I was alone. We weren't us anymore.
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
And now he's gone. Gone, gone, gone. The words echoed in my head like the dead sound of a ticking clock. He's never going to come back. Never, never, never. There's no way that I can bring him back to me now. I must not be a part of him anymore, but he will always be a part of me. One thing is for certain, though.
No matter what I do, I can't get him to come back to me.
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
I grabbed the first object I could find, which happened to be a shell. This brought even more tears to my eyes. A shell. It brought back more memories of Fang, and I couldn't fight this anymore. Fang was gone. He left me. I couldn't make him come back.
I loved him, and now, there was nothing more I could do. My hand was shaking as I drew it and the shell nearer and nearer to my throat. . . .
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back
Somewhere in the distance, I could hear the shouts and cries from my flock. I heard the screams of horror from my family, but not my whole family.
I ignored them, and slowly, ever so slowly, pressed the shell to my skin.
"Max! Max!" I heard them call, begging me to stop, but I didn't hear them, not enough for me to react.
At first, it stung when the shell broke through my skin, but I felt all of my pain seep out through my wound and the blood began to flow out.
"Max, oh god, Max!" someone else called in an angel's voice. It was a distant voice, but it was so familiar. "Max, please, stop. I'm here now. It's okay. I'm so sorry," he said in a whisper.
My eyes were shut, and I let my hand and the shell drop to my side. "I love you," I whispered, making my last breaths and words and meaningful as I could.
The angel beside me wrapped me in his arms and began to weep.
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same no.
When I opened my eyes, I could have been in heaven, but I was still on the beach. There was a cloth wound around my neck. I was alone again. The sky had clear up so that it wasn't raining as hard anymore, more like a light drizzle. Right away, I wished I had died, that the angel hadn't come to save me. Death was better than having to live without Fang.
"Max?"
I turned around slowly. Tears began to form in my eyes, and I started to choke back heavy sobs. The angel had come back for me. He held me tightly against his chest. His gentle sobs matching my own.
We sat there, the angel and me, for a long, long time. I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to wake up if this was a dream. But I knew that this was real. His strong, calloused, yet soft, hands that held me tenderly and his sweet voice, weak from crying, told me that this was the real thing. He was there with me, and that was all I cared about.
When he spoke to me next, I began to cry, throwing my arms around him and holding him even tighter.
"I missed you," he had whispered in my ear, "and I love you, too."
That night, I slept soundly for the first time in a month. I slept at ease since the last time he'd been there. I slept with him curled up next to me.
I miss you
A sad one from me...Can't say much more than that.
I love this song. Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne. I started singing it tonight while I was reading, and I just had to write a story on it.
This song is actually based on a death in Avril's family, but obviously, I'm not letting anyone die, especially Fang, in my stories. So there you go.
- Saz