I don't own Maximum Ride, Fang, or Over and Over by Three Days Grace
Over and Over
There's this . . . this hole here, underneath my skin. It's deep within me. It is my heart. My heart, that's where the hole is, in my heart. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, every time I think about her, I feel it. And each time I feel it, the feeling is the same. It's always the same pain. The same emptiness. The same longing. The same hole.
It's my entire fault that I feel this way, too. If I hadn't felt so strongly toward her ― so wanting ― then maybe I wouldn't hurt so much. It is because of her that I hurt myself so much. It's my fault that she makes me feel the way I do.
I feel it every day it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
She may not be the most gorgeous thing in the world, but she is still beautiful. No matter what I do to try and tell myself that I don't want her ― that I don't need her ― it never works. I've tried and tried again, and each try is followed by another fail. I keep on trying to make myself forget, but it will never work.
I thought that there was something between us that was special, something that was worth living for. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was right. I guess I may never know. Only tomorrow will tell me if I was right or not. Too bad that tomorrow never comes.
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
I'll have to go out there and try to get her. I've followed her far already. What's keeping me from going farther? Maybe someday she'll notice me the way that I notice her. Maybe she'll know what I'm talking about when I say that there's something going on. Maybe she'll say she felt something too.
Maybe she won't.
I've chased her for this long, and nothing's happened yet. Who's to say that nothing will ever happen? She's reacted to my affection negatively in the past, and knowing her, it is more than likely to happen again. Maybe I should just give up while I'm ahead. Maybe I should just quit to make her happy. She'd like that.
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
The first time she kissed me, even if by impulse, was enough to make me realize that we weren't kids anymore. After that, I thought long and hard about what I really wanted from life. It wasn't until I saw her in anguish that I knew what I wanted.
Then it just . . . snowballed from there. Things changed. My thoughts went from my usual thinking to her. It was all her all the time. I started to notice the little things that made me smile. Even more so, I started noticing the little things that made her smile.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Every little thing she did I put in a special place in the back of my mind so that I could look back and cherish them. When she laughed, I felt lighter. When she cried, I felt her pain. When she fought, I felt her strength. When she smiled, I felt her joy. If I fell, I felt her fear for me. If I stumbled, I felt her laughter. If I smiled, I felt the warmth on her cheeks.
It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to have these feelings toward her. The last thing I had wanted was to feel this way toward anybody, including her, but now I can't help it. There is nothing I want more than her. I gave up fighting what I feel.
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Without her, the minutes drag, the hours tick by slower, and the days feel like an eternity. Time is at a standstill until she comes back safely. Without her, my life is nothing. Life has little meaning if she isn't there. Without her, everything is stagnant. Everything stays the same if she isn't with me. Without her, nothing has color. Nothing has any beauty if she isn't there to shine her light on it.
I've been sucked into this, and there is no way for me to get out. I argued with my thoughts. I battled my feelings. I tried to deny my heart. I almost locked down my soul. But then she came back into the room and every barrier I had crumbled to the ground.
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
I had to try again to win her over. Again and again until I would get it right. Then I could stop, but until then, I will never give up on her. I would follow her until the end of the world just to say what I needed to say so desperately, but why should I? She's never returned anything I have given to her. I've given her every sign I can come up with while still being me. What will it take for her to realize what I feel?
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
The look on her face when the kids and I decided to look for a place to call home was nothing short of anger. She hated doing this, I knew, but it was what all of us would want in the long run. Her forehead was going to have permanent lines in it with the amount of frowning that she did, but regardless, I could never take my eyes off of her. I tried to talk to her. We needed to have a nice, long, in depth talk about . . . things.
What was it about her that made me want to know what was going through her head? Was it the scowl she constantly wore, or was it the occasional smile that could light the dark? After each place we left with defeat, I felt drawn to tell her something that would take the frown off of her face. Anything was better than seeing her worked up and miserable.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
We flew to a cave to stay in for the night. I got a fire going, and we shared a fire-cooked desert rat. It doesn't ring romantic by any means, but we shared a few laughs. Still, she was unsure of settling down. Saving the world had become her main priority ― our main priority. She must have thought I was kidding when I told her to forget about it. I must have taken her visual of a world with us as the only survivors slightly. Her confusion was somewhat amusing.
I tried not to think of what I wanted to do. She was so confused. She didn't know what to do. I wanted to help her. There were the beginnings of tears in the corners of her eyes, but the instant I started rubbing her back to comfort her, she went on high alert. Somehow, her paranoia was endearing, but more than anything, I wanted her to change her mind about the mission. I wanted her to change her mind about me.
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
That was the first time I actually kissed her. It was much longer than the first time when she kissed me on the beach. It was much better from my perspective, but not from hers. She stared straight at me, trying to read what I was feeling. At that point, I thought I had won her over, but as soon as I leaned closer to her, she leapt up from the ground. After that, she jumped over the cliff edge and flew off into the dark sky.
At first, I had been furious. What was I supposed to do, be thankful that she took a flying leap out of the cave just to stay away from me? A minute or so later I swept off the ground and collapsed onto the floor. I hated seeing her kiss Sam, but I enjoyed the memory of her kissing me on the beach. I felt the warmth of her lips on mine from just minutes ago. Even with the rejection, I still wanted her more than anything.
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you.
We met up with her mother, though we didn't know it at the time, and she offered to take the chip out of her arm. The dreadful memories of her cutting her wrist at the beach with a shell hammered at my thoughts, and I knew that I needed the chip out of her before she did something to endanger herself again. When she was under the effects of the Valium, though, I couldn't help but to feel awkward. She didn't want me to let go of her hand, and then she said she loved me. Although, she was so drugged up and acting so impractical that I couldn't help but to groan.
Even if I did feel something toward her, it was odd to hear her say something about it. Still, I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter and my heart sped up a few beats. She was under anesthetic, and yet she still looked so amusing. It was almost, dare I say it, adorable the way her words slurred together and the way she couldn't control a thing she was saying.
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try
There were so many thoughts going through my head after that. She had said she loved me, this much to be exact, but as soon as she was back to normal, she immediately denied meaning it. Yet, I couldn't get the sound of those three little words out of my head. I never thought that I'd ever hear them coming from her, and even if she may not have meant it, it was nice to hear. I told her that we should have carved our names on a tree. She didn't take that too lightly.
When we broke up the flock, even though the majority of the blame should go to me, I thought that I could carry on and take care of my half of the flock with ease. I was wrong. It took a lot of time and energy to manage even two other members of the flock, let alone everybody, like she did. If one thing is certain, I swore I'd never take her for granted, and I will never leave her again. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel empty, and I'm sure she feels the same about that.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead.
If it's what is best for the flock or even better for her, I'll give her up. I should just stay away and forget that I ever had these feelings toward her. It would be the best thing for everybody. There wouldn't be any awkward moments between us. The flock wouldn't have to watch us be together. She wouldn't have to be with me, like she probably wants, and I would probably be healthier from not trying so hard.
But I want her. I need her. I need to forget what everyone else is saying. I won't listen to what I know is best. The only thing I'm going to do is what I know is right. She and I were meant for each other, no matter how much she may deny it. So, until the day she shares my affection, I'll keep trying. I don't care how long it will take, as long I have her.
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
We met up with her mother and Jeb after the meeting with the government. I sat on the window ledge, overlooking the scenery and traffic outside. When I heard the door to the bathroom open, I looked up. I had to do a double take. She looked stunning, and she smelled like the delicate shampoo that she used. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
But the way she looked at me, with her guarded expression, told me that I needed to drop it. No matter, one of the kids started talking with her, leaving me to my window. My mind was replaying the way she smelled, so clean and soothing. I remembered the glow of her clean skin. It was almost more than I could handle. I wanted her too much.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
The pizza box may have exploded at the hotel, but later that night, after we had changed hotels, I heard what she was talking about to her mother. It started off innocent enough, but I heard what she told her. I saw the way her mother was hesitant. I saw the way she bit her lip. I heard the way she all too quickly denied anything. I read the look on her face when she walked out of the room. I understood the look in her eyes when her mother reminded her of pain.
I debated that night, whether or not I should talk to her. Clearly, she did not want to admit anything was happening, or was she telling the honest truth? If she really did mean that nothing was going on, then I had no purpose on talking to her. But if she was hiding what she really felt, then I was going to say something. It was little things like that, those simple things, that made me feel an even deeper connection with her.
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
I woke her up later that night. She looked bewildered, and her hair was only the slightest bit messy from sleep. Still, she was radiant, a jewel of a girl. When I asked her if she wanted to go out into the night sky she didn't need much of a reason. We could hold on our own. We could do what we wanted, and I knew what I wanted from her.
I watched her fly next to me, and though no words were said, I could feel her mind traveling to unknown places. She wanted to believe that there was nothing between us. She wanted to believe that we were only friends, nothing more, nothing less. I couldn't read her thoughts, but that's what I imagined what she could have been thinking. I didn't focus on the denial that must have been ringing in her ears. Instead, I focused on the graceful beat of her heavenly wings. Up and down. Up and down.
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Ours wings overlapped as we sat down on the pier. I felt her heat radiating from her wing to mine, and I treasured her warmth and her closeness. I had to make sure that she and I were back on track from where we left off. She instantly seemed to become nervous, but I pressed on. She needed to know what I was talking about. She needed to know what I was feeling, and I needed to know that she felt the same.
When I kissed her, she froze, like she usually did, but I soon found my arms wrapped around her. She was pressed up against me as close as I could hold her. After her initial shock, she almost seemed to relax. She almost started to kiss me back with an equal passion, but she pulled back too soon, taking to the skies, leaving me alone on the dock. This had been the second time she flew away from me, yet I didn't mind it as much as I had before. In the end, her fleeing made me desire her even more.
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to
I love her. I love Maximum Ride, and I will win her over someday. She's worth it. She is worth me winning and losing over and over again.
Well...I haven't posted in forever...sorry 'bout that.
Anyway...This is an amazing song by Three Days Grace, which is my favorite band...for now! If you didn't catch on, it's basically about Fang thinking about...guess who? If you guess Max, you're right! If you guessed anyone else...you're wrong! O.O Read the title, peeps...FAX. Thank you.
And oh.my.gosh...my songfics are so freakin' long. Dx Ah well. They're good and a heck of a lot of fun to write. :)
Read and review!
- Saz