6. hints of Renji/Byakuya; mostly humor-ish; one-shot
Kuchiki Byakuya looked at his sister, hardly believing he was in such a situation. Beside her, that foul Kurosaki boy was smirking gleefully, relishing the squad six captain's embarrassment far more than he should.
"What?"
Rukia sighed. "It's okay, nii-sama. I'm... fine with this." She looked at him sternly. "But if you don't mind, I'd like to go over a few things first."
Once again, Byakuya was struck with disbelief. He was supposed to be lecturing Rukia about her poor relationship choices, not the other way around. He was supposed to be giving Ichigo glares, warning him without words what would happen if the little brat hurt Rukia. He never expected to have the situation switched - to be hearing the lecture instead of giving it.
"I know it seems like he's tough, but Renji's actually very sensitive. He's a bit dense when it comes to emotions - "
"When it comes to everything," Ichigo interrupted quietly.
Rukia glared at him. "Like you can talk," she said shortly. "Anyway. I'm sure that you've gotten to know him a little better after working with him, but you haven't been working together quite long enough to acquaint you with all his quirks. Like I said, he's much more sensitive than he seems, so please don't hurt him."
There were several things there that Byakuya was having difficulty comprehending. First off - Abarai-fukutaichou sensitive? That was absolutely ridiculous. And secondly... "Rukia. Why are you informing me of all this?"
She looked as though his question surprised her. "Well, because you and Renji are... Well, you know, you're..."
An eyebrow raised dangerously. "We are... what?"
Her resolve seemed to weaken. "W-well, I mean..."
Luckily, Ichigo possessed little tact in such situations and could always be counted on to voice what another might be scared to say. "Lovers. You and Renji are lovers." He crossed his arms impatiently and began to scowl. "Me and Rukia already know, so don't try to deny it."
Byakuya tensed considerably. "I believe I misheard you. You seem to have said that Abarai-fukutaichou and I are - "
"Lovers, yeah." Ichigo nodded. "He's your bitch - we know."
"Ichigo!" Rukia turned towards him and glared.
"What? It's true, isn't it? I thought you said that you accidentally caught them -"
Before he could continue, Rukia shot over and clamped her hand over his mouth, inadvertently pinning him to the floor when she climbed on top of his chest for a better reach. "Ignore him, nii-sama!" she said quickly. "I know you and Renji aren't lovers - you're just very close. And that's okay." Her eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly, putting stress on her last point. "It's fine! Lots of captains and their lieutenants are... close. It's perfectly natural."
Once again, Byakuya mused on Rukia's absolutely marvelous lack of real subtlety. At that point, she was too involved in trying to reassure him to pay much attention to keeping Ichigo subdued, so it was really no surprise when the orange-haired young man managed to escape from her.
"Bah," Ichigo said disgustedly, pulling himself into a sitting position. He shot Rukia a glare, laced with residual irritation for being sat on. "Rukia, would you just shut up?" She swatted him, looking indignant. He ignored her and instead turned his attention to Byakuya. "We know that you and Renji are..." He glanced over at Rukia, who cleared her throat and gave him a significant look. He rolled his eyes. "Close. We know you and Renji are close. And Rukia wanted you to know that she doesn't care, and she doesn't want you screwing with the idiot's poor, sentimental heart."
"Ichigo, that wasn't exactly what I - "
"Does it matter? I'm ready to get the hell out of here."
Rukia rolled her eyes at Ichigo, then smiled at Byakuya brilliantly. "Well, I guess we better be going then, nii-sama. It was nice talking to you. And remember, whatever you and your friends might want to do in- "
"Rukia."
"All right, Ichigo - shut up and give me a second. Anyway. I hope you two are very... happy together. Friends or fellow division members or whatever you choose to be." She stood up and bowed, before going over and kissing his forehead affectionately. "See you later, nii-sama!"
The two left, and Byakuya finally had his blissful solitude back. The accusations were ridiculous; and it was almost as though Rukia had been giving her permission. As if Byakuya ever needed permission. He shook his head, vaguely thinking that it was time to return to his duties. He and his lieutenant... Lovers. It was ridiculous! He scoffed at such wildly inaccurate accusations, heading towards his office to delegate a new task. The lock on one of the spare offices needed to be repaired - after all, if Rukia had walked in on that new training he and Renji were doing, there was no telling who else might have seen.
Ha ha. Training. Please, interpret that however you'd like to. If you review, something really good'll happen to you - just like in those great chain e-mails!